There are many signs — verbal and non-verbal — that a man gives off when he’s deeply in love with a woman.
Some are obvious and others are harder to decipher, but one, in particular, stands out — the way he looks at you.
Whether it’s butterflies from seductive eye-contact from across the room or gazing into the eyes of a loved one, there’s more to locking eyes than many of us realize.
So regardless of how long you’ve been together, or if there’s a guy you think is in love with you but hasn’t confessed it yet, we’re going to cover everything on how a man looks at a woman he loves.
But before we get into the juicy details, let’s get a bit of background information.
What happens when we make eye contact and how does it lead to love?
What’s the science behind eye contact and love?
I recently read an article in the New York Times, about a woman and a man who fell in love after re-enacting a study formed by Dr. Aron, a psychologist who essentially formed love between two people in his lab.
If you’re thinking, “What, how is that even possible?”, don’t worry, I thought the same.
But stick with me here…
Dr. Aron wanted to find out whether two people could fall in love and form interpersonal relationships within a short space of time. He had strangers ask each other a series of questions (36 to be precise), and with each question, the conversation became more intimate and intense.
Finally, each “couple” in the experiment ended by staring into each other’s eyes for exactly four minutes.
Two participants were married six months later. Others, like the couple I mention from the New York Times, carried out a similar version of the experiment, and have fallen in love too.
And if that wasn’t impressive enough?
Other similar studies have shown that feelings of passion and love became prevalent after just two minutes of mutual gaze.
So what’s the link between eye contact and love?
Psychologist Linda Jackson explains that
“Maintaining eye contact creates a calming, connected state of being that, after 30 to 60 seconds, triggers oxytocin”.
This explains a lot — oxytocin, alongside dopamine are named the “love hormones” because they occur during physical intimacy such as hugging or having sex, and they help us form trusting relationships.
Another fascinating study found that when these “love hormones” are released, it causes our pupils to dilate — this makes us appear more approachable, trustworthy and increases our attractiveness to our partner.
So what does this tell us?
Well, every time your partner stares deeply into your eyes, he’s not simply admiring the color of them. A lot more is happening under the surface and it’s these natural chemical reactions that can make us fall in love, or indeed strengthen the love we already have.
Zick Rubin, a Harvard psychologist, found that couples who remained passionately in love, even after years together, maintained eye contact 75% of the time when they spoke (a considerable amount more than the average 30-60% of the time).
Now we’ve covered the facts — there’s no question that eye-contact and the way we look at our loved ones are linked with the love and affection we feel.
So how does a man look at a woman he loves?
Let’s get straight into these telling signs:
You know he’s in love if he….
1) He locks eyes with you
When a man is in love, he won’t be able to help but look you directly in the eye when he speaks.
Long gone are the nerves that might have made him look away before, now he’s comfortable with you and you’ll see this through his eye-contact. Regardless of what he’s doing, even if the most thrilling match of his life is on TV, if you ask him a question, he’ll tear his eyes away enough to look at you when he replies.
This shows that he not only loves you but respects you too.
We often associate the two — someone who fails to meet our eyes or even look up when we speak is considered rude and it gives the impression that they’re not interested in us or what we have to say.
So if he consistently looks you in the eye, even when he’s busy or distracted, count yourself lucky to have a man who so obviously respects and cares for you.
2) He smiles when he looks at you
If your man smiles at you when he looks over it means one thing — you make him happy!
That feeling of being on cloud nine never leaves when he’s with you, and for that reason, he can’t stop smiling.
You might be busying yourself in the kitchen or tucked up in bed reading a book and he’d still find reasons to smile when he sees you. This type of love is beautiful and it’s clear that he takes a lot of comfort and happiness from being around you. And, it’s natural to smile more when we’re in love.
Remember those “love hormones” we mentioned earlier?
When you smile, dopamine is released, alongside serotonin. Now, serotonin acts as a mild antidepressant, whilst the rest of the endorphins released to fight off stress and make you feel good.
So, there’s no mystery behind why he smiles when he looks at you — he’s in love and it makes him feel good (not to mention the positive effect it has on you, too).
3) He maintains prolonged eye contact
As we’ve covered, maintaining eye contact for a while has the power to make people fall in love and to keep that love going.
Here’s the thing:
When a guy looks deep into your eyes, there’s a whole range of thoughts crossing his mind but he’s not always aware that he’s doing so.
Humans are naturally drawn to look at things we find visually appealing and to people that we love and hold affection for, which explains why he can’t take his eyes off of you.
Instincts are a powerful driver of human behavior, especially for men when it comes to relationships.
One of the most powerful instincts men have is the hero instinct.
If you haven’t heard of the hero instinct before, it’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
Prolonged eye contact is a surefire sign that you’ve triggered this instinct in him.
To learn more about the hero instinct, watch this excellent free video.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, gives a terrific introduction to his game-changing concept. He reveals the simple things you can do starting today to trigger this very natural male instinct.
4) He stares at you when you’re not looking
When a man looks at a woman he loves, he’ll do it whether you realize it or not.
We often think this only happens in the beginning, in the courtship stages. You’re on your first date and his eyes follow you as you walk to the ladies’ room. We assume this is out of attraction, and in the beginning, it is.
But what happens when you’ve been together for a while and he still finds any reason to look at you?
Quite simply, he’s appreciating what he has.
His feelings are strong, he knows he’s got a good thing going on, and just the sight of you makes him stop to remember how fortunate he is, how fortunate you both are, to have each other.
5) He notices the details of your face and body
Many women joke about the fact that men aren’t very observant when it comes to detail.
I’ve spent a lifetime surrounded by family members and friends (male) who never noticed that new haircut, piercing, item of clothing, new phone, you name it.
It’s not that they didn’t care, they just simply weren’t paying attention. Those changes didn’t catch their eye and that’s okay.
But a man in love will take notice of these things.
Because he’s not just looking at you, he’s studying you. He’s taking in everything about you, from the tiny mole on your back to the way your eyes crease when you smile.
So, when you make even the smallest change, he’ll see it straight away.
6) He looks at you compassionately when you’re hurt
Sometimes a look can convey more than words can.
Have you ever had a rough day, and I mean the type of rough day where all you want to do is curl up under the duvet and cry? Unfortunately, we all have them from time to time.
But have you ever had someone take one look at you, understand the pain you’re in, and their body language, touch, caring facial expressions, are all directed at comforting you?
Now, this happens early on in our lives with our parents. A mother sees her child fall over and within a minute she’s wrapped them up and cuddled them back to happiness. There’s lots of eye contact and physical touch.
A father comforting his daughter after her first heartbreak, even without words, can make her feel safe and calm. If he doesn’t look her in the eye when he’s telling her everything will be okay, she probably wouldn’t believe him.
The same happens when you’re in love.
You might notice him look at you with concern when you’re sad or ill, his eyes reflecting the care and sympathy he feels for you. He’ll look over at you often to check that you’re okay.
Recently, my grandmother (in-law) spent a few weeks in hospital — it was very touch-and-go for a while and naturally we were all worried.
Thankfully, she recovered, and once back home, grandpa was in full swing. Caring for her every need, by her side day and night. And the one thing he never did was take his eyes off her.
You might say it’s out of fear, worry, or preoccupation because of her health scare, and part of it is, but there’s also an intense look of deep, unconditional love that he has reserved just for her.
7) He looks at you as if you’ve known each other for ages
Familiarity – That strange feeling of having known someone for a long time when you actually just met.
It’s not something we can easily pinpoint, but researchers think they’ve found the answer to this abiding mystery of our lives.
Are you ready for a surprising truth? If this guy looks at you as if you’ve known each other for ages, he could be your soulmate.
How so? Well, soulmates often experience a strange feeling of familiarity when they meet.
But how can you know for sure he is your soulmate??
The truth is:
We can waste a lot of time and emotions with people who ultimately we’re not compatible with. Finding your soulmate is no easy task.
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8) He looks at you differently from other people
Between loving couples, there are certain “looks” reserved for each other, which convey hidden messages.
You know the type when the annoying neighbor pops around and your partner gives you that look from across the room. You instantly know what he’s thinking and he’s read your response just from your eyes.
Or when your whacky aunt is sharing her latest conspiracy theory and you both exchange a look whilst holding back your laughter.
Where would we be without these silent forms of communication? They certainly make it easier to get by in certain situations.
The truth is:
Over time, you will have developed non-verbal cues of communication. It’s bound to happen, especially when you live with someone and get to know them inside out.
Not only does it allow you to say the things you’re both thinking without anyone else noticing but it evokes feel-good feelings. You have this secret method of communication that shows how well you know and understand each other.
9) He can’t help but admire you even when you look your worst
Another sign of love is when he can’t keep his eyes off you even when you look terrible. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been up puking with morning sickness for hours or you’ve had an adult acne breakout.
A man in love sees through all those layers right down to the person standing in front of him, who he loves regardless of her appearance.
After all, isn’t that what love is about?
If it was based solely on attraction, not many people would stay in love for long.
By now, you’ll know for sure how much he loves you if he looks at you in these ways. The signs above are all ones which you can look out for.
But, it’s also important to note other non-verbal cues which also give away his love and affection…
He’ll also show love with his body language
Having strong eye contact is just one of the many ways a man will show his feelings. And when it comes to love, there are a few other signs to look out for:
1) He can’t keep his hands off you
If a man is in love, he’ll struggle to keep his hands to himself. But I don’t just mean sexually.
He’ll want to touch you all the time, whether it’s holding your hand, putting his arm around you, or even just resting his body against yours as you sit side by side.
The truth is:
Touch is important in many ways — it makes people feel safe, comforted, and it’s a great way to express love without having to find the right words.
2) He mirrors your body language
You rest your elbow on the table, he does the same. You fold your arms, a few minutes later he’s folded his. You can test this one by consciously performing an action, and seeing whether he imitates it.
Or use a word frequently that he doesn’t normally use and see if he starts adopting it into his conversations.
So why do people mirror those they love?
Well, it’s believed that mirroring makes us more likable. It makes us appear more empathetic to the person we’re talking to and builds trust. It’s basically like saying, “Hey, I’m similar to you. We can get along”.
This forms trust and puts people at ease. It’s another body-language sign that gives away our true feelings about someone without us being aware of it.
3) He always positions himself facing you
Facing you achieves two things:
He can look at you properly, and as we’ve covered, how a man looks at a woman he loves shows a lot.
And secondly, he can be open to you. He’s showing that he trusts you and that you have his full, undivided attention.
If he was sitting to the side of you, or slightly behind or in front, there wouldn’t be the same level of interaction and intimacy that’s felt when someone sits directly opposite.
But, if he does find himself sitting alongside you, he’ll show his love by putting his arm around you or resting his hand on your leg.
4) He’s always close by
Staying nearby is another subtle sign that a man is in love — he never wants there to be too much distance between you.
You might find he sits right next to you, legs touching or he puts his things in your personal space, like his phone or his drink — this way he naturally gets to stay close to you.
And, what do you know, when he’s close by, he can also maintain that important eye contact and connection, so it works both ways.
When we put together the facts, the psychology, and the science behind eye contact and love, it’s obvious that there’s a connection.
And as if that wasn’t interesting enough?
When we add in all the stuff that can’t be explained, the subtle signals we give with just a glance, butterflies in our stomach, how a look can stay with us replaying in our minds, it all shows that so much love and emotion can be conveyed.
All of which is great news for you if your partner ticked some of the boxes above.
So, regardless of whether he’s a romantic who professes his love daily or more reserved with his affection, the way he looks at you will give it away, every time. Just don’t forget to look out for those subtle signs.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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