If you want to get a man, you need to know what he wants.
That’s what His Secret Obsession helps you do: penetrate the complex, primal desires of men in order to get a long-lasting commitment.
But how good is this book? Does it work? And should you buy it?
To help you make that decision, I bought the book and read the whole thing. And in this review I’ll give you my honest thoughts on whether or not you should read it too.
Spoiler alert: His Secret Obsession is fantastic, but it’s probably not suitable for every woman.
Read my epic His Secret Obsession review to find out whether this book will work for you.
This review contains affiliate links which means we earn a commission if you end up buying the book. However, this didn’t stop me from sharing the good and the bad about it.
What is His Secret Obsession?
His Secret Obsession is a relationship guide by James Bauer — a well known dating and relationship expert.
It’s a guide for women to become their man’s “secret obsession”. It utilizes specific psychological tactics to increase men’s emotional satisfaction and sexual desire, reinforcing their attraction for their woman.
James’s book takes a good look at issues that have likely plagued your relationship:
- Why men lose interest in women after such intense initial attraction.
- Why men have trouble committing to long term relationships, especially when things seem so perfect at the start!
- Why men pull away. Ever had a partner go radio silent? James explains why and what to do about it!
James Bauer tackles all these and more through a series of 14 attraction secrets that help women communicate effectively with men while dating.
His Secret Obsession plays into the reality that men and women have different communication styles, and empowers women to use this knowledge to communicate in a manner that is more receptive to their dating partners. He calls them “secrets,” but there’s nothing nefarious about it.
It’s just smart psychology.
These secrets take the form of specific words, phrases, and communication tactics that help you build long-lasting relationships, break down barriers, and heighten attraction in a relationship (good stuff!).
When you purchase His Secret Obsession, you get access to both the eBook (as a PDF) and the audiobook. This is a nice touch, as you can read it on the go, or give it a listen while driving, taking the train, or on a flight.
Of course, given that we’re all pretty much stuck in the house these days, you can just choose to read or listen depending upon your preferences.
To compile my His Secret Obsession review, I read the PDF version.
Who is James Bauer?
James is the author of His Secret Obsession. He’s well known for his earlier book, What Men Secretly Want, which helps women navigate the dating playing field.
He’s a psychologist at heart, who has used his client experience to build up his knowledge base of biological and cultural differences in men’s and women’s brains.
From there, he moved into relationship coaching, where he’s been for the last 12 years — working with thousands of men and women who wish to spark or strengthen their relationships.
Through working with thousands of couples, James has uncovered many secrets to cultivating long-lasting relationships. Each relationship is unique, but he has been able to identify common threads in each relationship that have allowed him to put together a guide which can help women gain confidence in their love life.
For women who need help understanding some of the key roadblocks and speedbumps of dating, he developed His Secret Obsession.
While I’d seen the book making the rounds all over the internet, it was difficult for me to find any professional reviews or solid recommendations as to its quality.
This was frustrating.
So frustrating that I wanted to ensure no one else would have the same trouble.
So, I took it upon myself to read the book, and answer for you whether or not His Secret Obsession would be worth your time.
Keep reading for my verdict.
‘The Hero Instinct’: Every man has it
James Bauer’s central assertion is that men are driven by the “hero instinct.”
What is the hero instinct?
All men and women are driven, by a large part, by instincts that we are not always conscious of.
For men, these instincts all combine together into an overall “hero instinct” which drives them to:
- Live meaningful lives
- Be appreciated for their efforts
- Be a provider for their loved ones
- Be respected by friends, family, and peers.
Not too crazy, right? If you’ve spent any time with men, you’ll know these are all pretty spot on.
But what does this have to do with His Secret Obsession? How can knowing this help a woman secure a long-term partner?
A woman who can activate a man’s “hero instinct” can and will draw a man closer to her.
Basically, a woman can tap into the innate instincts that are present in men in order to build a deep and passionate relationship.
Men want to be heroes. And women can tap into this by helping men feel like one.
What can you do to make your man a hero?
Okay, your man wants to be a hero. How do you activate this hero instinct? Do you have to get yourself stuck up a tree and hope he has a ladder?”
No, it’s much easier than that.
In His Secret Obsession, James Bauer shows you, step-by-step, how you can use the psychology of the hero instinct to awaken this primordial desire.
No ladders needed.
I won’t give these tips and strategies away, as that wouldn’t be fair to the author of the book, but what I can say is that they are practical and easy to action.
James will help you to:
- Win a commitment from the man of your dreams
- Build love into a long-term relationship
- Rekindle dying interest through the art of the chase.
Okay. So I hear your inevitable question: “isn’t this just a bunch of manipulation?”
No. It’s not a series of mind games or creepy manipulative tactics. It’s not about putting on a persona or playing hard to get.
His Secret Obsession is about presenting yourself as a person who has needs — needs that your man has the ability to fill. Then, you encourage him to tap into his hero instinct by fulfilling your needs.
Relationships are about give and take. His Secret Obsession shows you how you can give and show your man how he can give back.
When done right, you’ll be able to gain passion and commitment through your relationship.
Who is His Secret Obsession For?
His Secret Obsession is for women who are:
- Frustrated by not being able to secure commitment in their dating lives.
- Looking to rekindle a faded romance.
- Looking to not be passive in their relationships and are excited to use psychology to help show their men what matters to them.
- Want to learn how to communicate with men whom they are romantically involved with.
After reading this book to compile my His Secret Obsession review, I’m convinced it can help a lot of women.
Who is His Secret Obsession Not For?
Like every product, His Secret Obsession is not for everyone. This book is targeted exclusively for women in heterosexual relationships.
There is not a companion guide for men, nor does James have any dating guides for same-sex couples. Maybe he has additional books coming down the pike for other types of relationships. Who knows.
Regardless, same-sex couples will not benefit from the advice in this book.
It’s also not for people who aren’t looking to make an improvement in their love lives. If you feel that you have nothing to gain or improve, then you probably should skip this book.
His Secret Obsession review: My experience
I picked up this book just to review it — not for dating help.
Again, I’m not the intended audience for His Secret Obsession, so I can’t honestly say that it helped out my love life.
But I can say that, as a man, it was refreshing to see a dating guide that stripped away a lot of the excesses of psychology to cut to the point: humans are biologically wired.
And it really is essential to tap into these instincts.
It’s perhaps a little counter-cultural to be so blunt with dating advice. I haven’t seen many books that directly encourage tapping into biological instincts to help relationship problems.
That’s what I loved about His Secret Obsession. Maybe this book is the bold, honest take on dating that we need.
I’ll be honest: I really connected with James’s theme: men have a hero instinct. Men want to provide and protect.
I like to provide. I like to feel needed. I like to feel wanted.
Any man that says otherwise is either lying or not the type of guy you want to be entering a relationship with anyway.
Men also want women to desire us – and this goes beyond sexual desire. One of the biggest attractors of both women and men is having someone desire us. The book champions this.
His Secret Obsession is a comprehensive book at over 200 pages. But it’s not dense. It’s an easy read that offers practical, easily implementable tips, secrets, and lessons to help the would-be dater.
It’s all grounded in psychology and human biology.
What are the pros?
As with any book (or anything for that matter), there were things I really liked and a few things that could have been better.
What was good?
It’s super comprehensive
His Secret Obsession is over 200 pages long. It contains dozens of secrets, tips, advice, and case studies that show you how the hero instinct can be activated through no-nonsense, no-headgames, psychology.
Plus, there is a bunch of bonus material and a workbook, so it never feels like there’s not enough information to go around.
It felt like an “ultimate guide” to long lasting relationship success and it didn’t leave me wanting for another. For that, I was grateful.
It’s practical advice
His Secret Obsession never gets lost in the clouds. It doesn’t veer so far into abstract thought that you’re left scratching your head.
Thankfully, James keeps it grounded with specific, concrete actions that women can implement to tap into the “hero instinct.” There are real-world examples where James uses deep-dives into their dating lives to show how using his methods has led to a “happy ever after.”
Again, James has 12 years of being a relationship coach under his belt. He brings a wealth of experience and knowledge to the table.
He shows his work
James Bauer explains the biology and psychology behind each of his claims. He explains how and why these instincts are hard-wired into our brains, which definitely made the whole book feel a lot more legitimate.
I like seeing the proof!
His Secret Obsession is available as an eBook and an audiobook. This is great, as you don’t have to wait for a physical copy to ship to your address (which is especially trying these days), and you have two, convenient ways to enjoy the info.
You can get your money back
I love a good money back guarantee. Look: sometimes a guide doesn’t quite work out for you. Not everyone will love every book, so James includes a 60-day money back guarantee if you’re not satisfied.
It’s a no-risk investment in your dating future.
Here are the cons
In the spirit of writing the most comprehensive His Secret Obsession review possible, there were a few (but not a lot) of cons that I feel compelled to point out.
Where’s the hardback?
I get that we’re in the 21st century, but it’d be nice to have a physical copy of a book when I want one. Unfortunately, it’s only available on PDF or audiobook, though both are high quality.
It paints all men and women the same
This was a bit of a bummer, but not unexpected. Dating guides tend to lump their readers into one category, and lump the love interests into another.
His Secret Obsession is certainly guilty of this. It decides to use “biology” to mean that men are, more or less, all the same.
While biology and instinct certainly play a big role, it felt like he was excluding a bit of personality and individuality from the equation.
It’s only for straight women
I get that a book should have a target audience, but it would’ve been nice if the book offered some advice to same-sex couples too.
How much does His Secret Obsession cost?
Let’s cut to the chase: this is a $47 dating program. That’s not chump change.
For some, $47 may raise eyebrows.
However, I haven’t come across a dating book as comprehensive as His Secret Obsession. It comes with 200 + pages of information, a workbook, and some free bonus materials, so you won’t feel slighted in the least.
Plus, you have a 60-day money back guarantee. So, if the book doesn’t work out for you, then you can simply get your money back.
I think the price is pretty fair and offers exceptional value to woman wanting to increase their relationship IQ.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs) about His Secret Obsession
Who is James Bauer?
James Bauer is the author of His Secret Obsession. He is also a renowned dating and relationship expert and qualified psychologist. He used his 12-year client experience to build up his knowledge base of the biological differences in men’s and women’s brains.
What is the hero instinct?
The hero instinct is the central assertion in His Secret Obsession. Men have a biological urge to step up to the plate for women. We’re not talking about being an action hero here, but rather to be a provider for the woman he loves and be respected for his efforts.
How do you trigger the hero instinct?
James Bauer discusses in detail the everyday actions women can take to elicit the hero instinct in their guy. None of these strategies involve manipulation or mind games. They are just common sense approaches to satisfying a biological need in men.
Is His Secret Obsession legit?
His Secret Obsession is definitely not a scam. It’s probably the most insightful and practical dating guides for women I’ve read. James Bauer is a psychologist and introduces several novel concepts about male psychology you won’t find anywhere else.
Is His Secret Obsession worth it?
Yes. I think a lot of women can benefit from reading His Secret Obsession. It helps unlock the male mind and will be a valuable resource for any women wanting to pursue a better, more satisfying relationship.
How do I buy the book?
You can buy His Secret Obsession from the official website here.
My His Secret Obsession review verdict
If you’re looking for a guide that offers bold, frank advice on men, look no further.
His Secret Obsession provides women with practical, tested advice to tap into men’s instincts to help build romance, love, and long-term commitment.
For $47, you get access to a 200+ page eBook, an audiobook alternative, a workbook, bonus materials, and a 60-day money back guarantee. It’s a sweet deal that offers helpful advice to simplify today’s confusing dating landscape.
For me, it’s a must read for women who really want to understand the male mind.