“He’s married but we have a connection” – 15 tips if this is you

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

 

Falling in love with someone who already has a wife can be challenging.

Not only are you up against the traditional challenges of being in a new relationship, but you also have to worry about how you’re going to handle the stress of having two households.

You must now decide whether or not to become “the other woman.”

Here are 15 tips to help manage the burden of being in love with someone who already has a wife.

1) Decide what you want and state it clearly

If you’re in love with someone married, you need to be aware of his intentions upfront so that you aren’t the one who gets messed over.

If he leaves his wife, which he may or may not do, he is free to pursue you, but set some limits to avoid heartbreak until then.

If you have feelings for this guy, but he is still with his wife, you must decide whether to continue flirting or wait till he has broken up with his present wife.

The latter is the ideal option for you because you don’t want to worry about another person in the relationship, and you also don’t want to feel bad about wanting to be with someone who isn’t available.

2) Figure out why you’re attracted to him.

Think about what made you fall for him in the first place.

It could be his looks, personality, or a combination of the two.

It could be that you’re not even attracted to him, and there are other reasons why you’re pursuing him—like a vulnerable point in life.

If you are aware of why you want to be with him, it will help you determine whether continuing the relationship is worth it.

Are you attracted to him because he’s exciting, or are you looking for your soul mate?

Do you just want someone to hang out with, as friends or more, or do you want a definitive relationship with a future and kids?

You need to know exactly what your true intentions are. If your intentions are clear, then you will be able to pursue him confidently and avoid being “the other woman.”

3) Make sure you don’t interrupt the relationship

If you truly love the guy, you may be tempted to seize him from his partner and end their relationship.

However, this might establish a very negative tone for the new partnership. It’s preferable to let their relationship develop naturally.

If you are genuinely interested in pursuing this guy, don’t interrupt his relationship.

If he’s going through a rough time and needs some support, the last thing you want to do is make him feel bad about his current relationship and spend his energy on you.

One of the world’s foremost experts on male psychology, Michael Fiore, taught me this. He explains what men want in a relationship and how to get it.

In his free video, Michael explains why most men find it difficult to commit to a relationship with a single woman and offers practical solutions for overcoming this obstacle.

His advice is so good that it can make even the coldest, most apprehensive men into loving, long-term partners.

In order to help him realize that you’re the one, check out Michael’s useful advice here

If they’re indeed on the verge of breaking up, it’ll only be a matter of time before they do. If they aren’t, he’s probably not interested in you as anything more than a sidekick.

4) Do not rush in the relationship

Wait for them to break up, and then swoop in and get the guy for yourself. For the best results, wait until the man you’re interested in is naturally single.

While you may not choose to wait that long, it is the only way to ensure that your new relationship begins without being overwhelmed by the drama of the previous one.

Even so, you might want to wait a while before attempting to start a relationship with him.

Allow him to handle his former relationship on his own time. If you don’t hurry into a relationship the day he ends his last one, trust me, things will get off to a far better start between the two of you.

5) Make sure he’s seriously interested in you

Make sure that if he actually does break up with his wife, you find out why and ensure that his previous relationships don’t repeat themselves.

In order to know whether he’s really interested in you, you need to know why he’s into you.

It’s actually quite simple:

A man would be most interested in the woman he’s having an affair with if he sees her as a substitute for his wife.

If you really like this guy, you need to ask yourself whether your behavior makes him feel more connected to his wife than to you.

Make sure he’s sincere about you and not simply a fleeting affair. It’s important that he doesn’t sway you away from your values or principles.

Clayton Max, a dating and relationship coach, has come up with a set of phrases that are sure to make any man fall in love with you.

Women don’t know about these phrases, which is why they have a hard time keeping a man’s attention.

If you want to find out what they are, Clayton will explain to you everything in this free video.

But ‘s the bottom line:

Don’t give in to his charms; let him do the convincing.

You’re looking for someone who genuinely likes you, someone who respects you, and who is able to separate his emotions from reality.

 If he doesn’t take your relationship seriously, then perhaps it has little hope in the long run.

He has to have reasons for pursuing a new relationship with someone else. If his heart isn’t really there, then what are the chances that you’ll be with him forever?

6) Make sure you’re both ready for a long-term relationship

Your relationship should be based on love.

If you want to get through to your man and build a relationship that serves both of you, I recommend you watch this free video by Amy North. Her brilliant techniques will persuade even the most emotionally distant man.

If you really do plan to go into a long-term relationship with this guy, make sure you’re ready for it and know that the two of you are a good fit.

Ask yourself if he is someone you can see yourself spending the long run with. If the answer is yes, then you’re good to go.

You can be certain that he’s someone who shares the same values as you and has a steady personality.

You can’t help but wonder if he’s going to leave you for his wife or for another woman.

But here’s the kicker:

Do not allow your emotions to interfere with decision-making. Set boundaries with him and make sure that you’re not making the same mistake as his wife.

7) Cheats will continue to cheat

Let me ask you one question:

Did your married boyfriend inform you of his marital status when he began dating you?

If he did not, that is a rather strong indicator that if you were solely dating him, he would eventually do the same thing to you. He would cheat on you.

While it might be appealing at first to be a mistress, this is not the kind of relationship you want in the long run—and that includes marriage.

Being “the other woman” can have serious repercussions, both emotionally and legally.

How can you fully believe in him?

I don’t necessarily believe that “once a cheater, always a cheater,” but you’d be foolish to disregard the fact that he cheated on his wife while also lying to you about being single.

Therefore, even if he does abandon his wife for you, would you ever trust him?

Trust has been mentioned numerous times in this article, but that is because it is critical to a relationship.

And if you intend to have a future relationship with him, you must be able to trust one another.

8) Don’t compromise yourself for him

If this guy can’t make it without women, then don’t allow yourself to sacrifice yourself for a relationship with him.

If you love yourself more than you love him, then make sure to convey this to him.

He may not respect you as much if he views you as someone of little value who is willing to give up everything for him. Don’t allow yourself to be an object of pity.

If you’re enough for yourself, then you’re enough for him. If he loves you, then surely he’ll let you be happy for yourself and with yourself.

9) Don’t allow him to change you into someone you’re not

If he’s someone who still loves his wife, then in all likelihood, he still wants to be with her. If he’s not willing to leave her alone, then there is no point in allowing yourself to be the other woman.

You will end up losing the relationship and your self-respect at the same time.

Girls and women, there is so much we can do. We can all do more than we think we can. It is possible to be happy; we just look in the wrong places.

When you learn to trust yourself and tap into the incredible pool of personal power within you, you’ll find what you’ve been searching for all along.

It’s essential that you don’t allow yourself to become a doormat for your own frustrations and anxieties.

If you truly love yourself and are open with yourself, then there’s no way he’ll be able to change that.

10) Recognize and accept the truth of the situation

Recognize and accept the truth of the situation. You could still be captivated by his presence.

Admit that you must let him go.

There is someone else in his life, and it is not you.

You may find it difficult to accept this at times, but until you do, you will not be able to move on from him. You must respect whatever he decides for himself and his relationships.

Frequently, people just want a hug and someone to listen to.

Don’t be afraid of being supportive if that’s what he needs from you. However, don’t allow him to rely on you when it comes to his relationship problems. It’s important that you help him on his own time, not yours.

Consider the possibility that he will be single in the future.

However, this does not necessarily mean that you will not be able to see him again in the future. In spite of this, move forward in order to improve your life.

11) Talk to your friends or someone who trust

Consider talking to a close friend or a relationship expert.

You may not want to talk about him, but the more you do, the more you will be able to realize that your feelings are far from unique.

You’re not alone, and you don’t have to suffer in silence. You must remember that you’re not wrong.

You made a choice between him and another. Don’t allow yourself to feel like you were just used by the guy.

Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to get them out before your emotions get the better of you.

12) Pay attention to how he talks about his wife

This is a critical point to consider. How does he discuss his wife?

While you may think it’s wonderful if he constantly disparages his wife with sarcastic remarks, keep in mind that he may treat you similarly in a few years.

He may not even be able to see you clearly because of his own insecurities. His wife may have hurt him deeply, but that doesn’t give him the right to say negative things about her.

Remember:

Don’t allow yourself to get sucked into this.

It’s really a better indicator if he remains courteous of his wife but discusses their growing distance.

However, if he is disrespectful and complains about his wife, this is a red flag that he may be a little toxic.

Additionally, it demonstrates his lack of guts. He is unwilling to change, yet he continues to whine about his wife.

Wouldn’t you want to be around a doer rather than a complainer?

On the other side, if he refuses to speak about his wife, this may indicate that he feels guilty, and the two of you may have little future together.

13) You do not wish to be kept waiting endlessly

How has your connection been thus far with him?

I’m ready to guess that you’ve been waiting for him for an extended period of time. You can only see him when it is convenient for him. You cannot be seen together in public.

Unless this is just sexual, I am aware that the majority of women desire more. You are not an exception to this rule.

You cannot remain stationary indefinitely. You must continue living your life. Someone better may be right around the corner, and with each passing second, you are denying yourself the chance to meet him.

You must be wary that you’re not making a mistake. You do not want to be on the waitlist for him all of your life. 

You want to meet someone who is lucrative, exciting, and romantic. You can’t do this if you’re avoiding the possibility of meeting such a man.

This guy may not last forever, and there is always someone else coming around the corner.

So make it clear to him that you are not willing to wait indefinitely and that he must make a permanent decision sooner rather than later. If he does not, you must show self-respect and quit.

14) It becomes more complicated if he has children

If you fall in love with a married man who has children, you are taking a risk.

As previously stated, if they are only staying together for the sake of the children and are willing to seeing other people, the situation becomes a little different and more feasible.

You are aware that once the children reach a certain age, you and your spouse can begin a life together. And his wife is thinking the same thing.

However, if his wife is unaware of his affair and would not suspect it at all, you are threatening to cause serious harm to a family. You must consider this carefully.

While you can still have a healthy relationship with him, it may be more difficult to do so.

And remain optimistic that this man is a good guy and would not hurt you for no reason.

However, always realize that things may not work out in your favor and make sure you are in control of the situation.

But always know that unless something changes drastically, it’s best that you end things now so you don’t waste continued time in his company.

Additionally, it’s critical to keep in mind that the children are unlikely to warm to you if they learn that you’re the reason for their parent’s divorce.

15) Moving on

Moving on from a relationship with a married man may feel like the most difficult thing you’ll ever have to do at the moment.

The heart truly desires what it desires, and your emotions can sometimes be unreasonable.

The twists and turns of life are not always fair, and you may find yourself shaking your fist at the skies because this sort of event has happened to you.

You will overcome it, however. You possess the inner fortitude necessary to accomplish this.

Someone may appear to be the ideal match for you, but if they are already married, the plain reality is that they are not, and you should forget about them unless they miraculously become single again.

By doing so, you will become a better person as a result of your refusal to succumb to temptation, and it is just this type of behavior that develops character.

You may emerge from this experience with a more balanced and pragmatic view of the world.

So, what to do now?

1) Stop flirting.

Although your interest is unrequited, if he flirts with you, bring an end to it.

You might just cease flirting in response, or you can inform him that you are no longer comfortable with this conduct.

It’s acceptable if it’s difficult to end the flirtation. Simply recognize that the flirtation will ultimately harm you, him, and his partner.

Avoid emulating the other woman or mistress. You may obtain his company, but it is unjust to everyone involved. Even if he promises to leave his partner for you, ask yourself whether this is a step worth taking.

Consider this: if he is willing to abandon his partner for you, what will he do with you if he discovers “the newest thing”?

2) Don’t compare yourself to his wife

You may at some time ask why he is with his wife and not with you. This is not a productive mindset. He is with her for a reason, and you should just accept it.

Don’t allow yourself to get bitter towards her. Even if you dislike her, it doesn’t mean that she deserves your hatred. Do not look at her photos and make comparisons to her. On your own, you are a great and unique individual. It is that you and the guy are simply not meant to be together.

3) Go out and meet other men

The core of the issue is as follows:

He is married and dating you. Therefore, why don’t you date other men?

Avoid becoming trapped as you wait for him. Meet other men, experiment with internet dating, and strike up a conversation with the cute guy at the bar.

The advantage of meeting other men is that you’ll discover there are lots of men available to start a relationship with. You are not required to wait for a married man.

And if your married man is unable to accept the fact that you are seeing other people, he strikes me as a hypocrite.

But when it comes to relationships, you might be surprised to hear that there’s one very important connection you’ve probably been overlooking:

The relationship you have with yourself.

I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his incredible, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.

And once you start doing that, there’s no telling how much happiness and fulfillment you can find within yourself and with your relationships.

4) Exercise and find a new hobby

By now, you should:

Go out with your friends

Try a new exercise hobby,

Meet new people, and enjoy life.

Exercise produces endorphins, which improve your mood. Choose a workout approach that you enjoy the best.

When you focus on yourself, you grow.

Recognize that destiny is everything.

This is a reality:

If you’re meant to be together, then fate will ensure that the two of you eventually reunite, but if it’s not in the cards, you’ll never be able to convince him otherwise.

Final thought

If you find yourself attracted to a married man, don’t fall in love with him. You deserve better than that. If you do fall for him, it’s best that you back off.

Once you understand that the guy isn’t worth your attention and that guys like him are not good boyfriends, you’re less likely to date them. So while there is no way to turn your attraction off, take steps to make sure you never act on it.

In the long run, it’s in your best interest to end things with a married man once and for all. Your love may be genuine, and he may give you butterflies right now, but unfortunately, this will end badly in the future.

However, if you choose to remain involved, remember to prioritize yourself and keep your expectations low in order to cushion the impact that will inevitably come.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.