10 ways to trigger a guy’s hero instinct in the long-distance relationship

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Ladies, are you finding it challenging to be in a long-distance relationship?

We all do. You want to stay close with your partner but have a difficult time trying to stay close and feeling ways to keep the connection strong between the two of you.

Distance is never easy. 

One main way to strengthen your relationship is to tune into your man’s hero instinct. 

The hero instinct is the motivation to protect, support, and defend a person you love. It’s also about bringing the best in him so that he thrives and can give the best parts of himself to you. 

Does this sound like a good exchange? 

Here are 10 ways to appeal to his hero instinct in the long-distance relationship.

First of all: What is the hero’s instinct? 

James Bauer explains the new concept of the Hero Instinct in popular psychology in a very particular way. 

He thinks it’s what instinctively and primally drives men in relationships

He emphasizes that men have an innate, biological need to step up to the plate for the woman in their life. They want to be their best and take care of others around them, especially the women that they love.

So what are some easy ways to trigger this instinct when you are in a long-distance relationship?

1) Help him achieve his goals

Be as supportive as you can. Let your partner feel free to pursue his dreams. 

This is the number one thing you can do to appeal to his hero instinct in a long-distance relationship.

If your man is striving for something, and you know exactly what it is, then show him how you can help him while he makes efforts to achieve it. This will make him feel better, and when he feels his best, he will treat you even better. 

You could even go beyond this and help him aim for more things than what he has in mind. Try to find out his purpose, his motivation, his innate desires and help him be the best version of himself. 

This will make him feel like a rock star because of all the help he gets from you.

2) Show appreciation for his all of his efforts

“In true love, the smallest distance is too great and the greatest distance can be bridged.”

– Hans Nouwens

If your guy is trying hard to improve himself as a man, then show your appreciation.

Try to make this easier for him. It can be with simple ways like making sure he is well-fed, taking care of himself, sleeping well, having time to rest, and having fun with him when he needs it. 

This will make it easier for him to feel appreciated and feel valued because of all the things you are doing for him. 

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a one-way street. But part of the hero’s instinct is to treat someone so well and encourage them so that they can give their best talents and services to the world. 

We all want to be heard, seen, and understood. 

Let your partner talk. Be someone who listens and cares. Try to be someone he can enjoy his time with and allow himself to open up to you when he needs to. If this isn’t the case, perhaps this isn’t the relationship for you.

But if it is, let your partner know how much he means to you. 

Get to know your man’s heart wants and needs

The more you understand his driving purpose and meaning in life, the more you can help him achieve his goals and feel successful. 

3) Show your love for him in practical ways

“Love will travel as far as you let it. It has no limits.”

– Dee King

If you are trying hard to keep the connection strong between the two of you, then show your love for him in practical ways. For some of us, this is done with verbal cues, with how we touch one another, with how we care and serve one another. We all have different ways of showing love. 

This might be more challenging when you are apart, but finding ways to share time on phone calls, video calls, sending notes, deliveries, and arranging meetings in person will mean a great deal to him.

If he is planning something important with you, then make sure to do it with him.

If he is trying hard to make new friends in a new part of the world or country, then find a way that doesn’t cost much time or energy on his part so that he can continue being social with his friends.

It’s great to take space apart from your partner, as hard as it can feel. 

When you have time to enjoy life separately, then absence can allow the heart to grow fonder. Also, when you reunite and are together, you have new stories and levels of excitement to share.

4) Give him a hero’s welcome when he comes back home or when you see him again

Celebrate your man. This is one of the things that you can do to appeal to his hero instinct in a long-distance relationship.

This is one way that will make your guy feel like a king when he returns home after having gone out on a mission or after finishing something important at work.

Enjoy the fact that you get to spend time with one another when you can. It’s easy to take this for granted. 

Let him feel appreciated for the time and effort that he shares with you. 

  • How do you tell your partner that you value your time with him? 
  • What makes him feel most at ease? 
  • Do you tell him how you admire and respect him? Or do you fall into the habit of taking him for granted? 
  • How do you show your love? 

5) Show your love for him in ways that are not physical

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely.”

– Charles M. Schulz

If your guy is struggling with something, then show him the love he needs by doing things like actively listening to him, giving him thoughtful encouragement, sending notes and words of love. Build him up.

This will make it easier for him to feel appreciated because of all the things you are doing for him. 

The better you make someone else feel, the more that will come back to your relationship so that you feel like you can both achieve more.

Sometimes a man just wants to have great company while he eats, or to have a stroll in the park without having to talk about the stress of his day. How do you spend time together?

6) Show appreciation for his efforts at work 

Men work hard. Many take on high-risk jobs that are physically and psychologically demanding. Few have people who fully support them. 

If your partner is trying hard at work, then show your appreciation for that by doing things like making sure he gets a chance to unwind and relax from the stress at work that he might experience. 

He might not want to talk about it. 

No problem. Give him space. But be there for him when he is ready to talk. 

He might have to take extra business calls, research, take meetings and work on his mindset to achieve his desired level of success. Let him have the time to work on the things that are important to him.

This will make it easier for him to feel appreciated because of all the things you are doing for him, even if it’s from a distance. 

7) Show appreciation for his efforts in your relationship

“I exist in two places, here and where you are.”

– Margaret Atwood

I once dated a man who lived in another country.

But he went out of his way to make sure to book a flight to come and see me at least every eight weeks. He wanted to put effort into making the relationship work and committing fully to it even though there was a distance between us. 

If he is trying hard, then make sure that you show him your love and appreciation. Long-distance relationships are not easy to maintain. 

For example, if he is trying hard to improve the relationship, tell him that you notice. This will make it easier for him to feel appreciated because of all the things you are doing for him. 

Get to know your man’s heart wants and needs.

The more you understand his driving purpose and meaning in life, the more you can help him achieve his goals and feel successful. 

8) Show him your love for him in the bedroom

Ladies, we are going to get a little spicy here. One of the best parts about long-distance relationships is when you get to see each other again after a long period. Desire builds. 

Jumping into bed is one way that will make your guy feel amazing when he returns home after having gone for some time. 

If you are in a long-distance relationship, then make sure that you make the most of it by doing things like learning how to give him the sense of pleasure he has ever had. 

Get to know what he likes and what turns him on. Be clear on what you’ve been missing. 

Your communication in the bedroom will be more clear and satisfying as a result.

9) Show your appreciation for his efforts in being a good partner

If you love your partner and want to show your appreciation for his efforts, then try to do things like giving him space when he needs it, not asking too many questions about his day, respecting his privacy, and not intruding on his work. 

Even though there is a distance between you, he is still an independent man who will share what he wants to share. 

You don’t need to know his daily happenings or every thought that crosses his mind. Make sure to let him have his world and reveal what he is comfortable sharing with you. 

10) Show appreciation for things that he does daily at home

When you man is home again, he might go out of his way to help tend to the place. 

If he is trying hard at home, then show your appreciation for that by doing things like keeping the house clean and orderly, making sure the grass is cut, there are enough flowers around (even if they are dead), cooking healthy food, and taking care of the pets.

These things will make it easier for him to feel appreciated because of all the things you are doing for him. 

“Absence is to love what wind is to fire; It extinguishes the small, it inflames the great.”

– Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

So ladies here’s the thing:

There are many ways to show your man that you love him.

But the most important thing is to make sure that you show him your appreciation practically and lovingly that he can understand. 

In the words of Meghan Daum:

“Distance is not for the fearful, it’s for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those who know a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough.” 

The more we can learn about someone and show our care, the more love and care will come back to us. 

Love is an unending currency.

In other words, if you want to make your man feel loved, then make sure that you show him love in every way you can think of. 

Listen to him. Understand him. Love him more. It’s one of the few things that grows the more you give it away. 

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

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