10 reasons why he went back to his ex (and what you can do now)

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Are you confused and frustrated after your ex broke up with you? Even worse – he dumped you and now he’s gone back to his ex.

If that’s what happened, you should know that you’re not the only one. And you know what?

Your ex probably went back to his ex for some valid reasons you need to know about.

That’s why it’s probably a good idea to understand why he went back to his ex and what you can do now.

Here are 10 reasons why your ex went back to his ex and some tips to understand what you can do now.

10 reasons why he went back to his ex

1) He wasn’t ready to commit

Was your ex ready for a relationship? Was he ready to commit?

If you answer no to both questions, then it’s likely that your ex went back to his ex because he wasn’t ready to commit.

Maybe your ex didn’t feel ready to be in a committed relationship until now, or maybe he just wasn’t ready for your expectations.

Whatever the reason is, he isn’t sure if he wants to be committed yet. But you do want him to commit, right?

Well, that’s why he decided to leave you and go back to his ex.

If this is what happened, just ask yourself these questions:

Does his ex make him commit? Or maybe she gives him freedom instead of asking him to commit?

Just think about it.

In other words, he wasn’t ready to give up his freedom. And he was afraid that if he committed, he might lose his freedom.

So he decided to go back to the woman who gave him freedom instead of giving up his freedom.

Does this sound familiar?

If so, you should know that asking a man who loves the freedom to commit might be the biggest mistake you can make with him.

Because if he isn’t ready to commit, then he might just dump you and go back to his ex instead of committing to you.

You can’t force a man to commit. And if a man isn’t ready to commit, he might just dump you and go back to his ex instead of committing.

So, here’s the truth: your ex liked you but he wasn’t ready to commit to a relationship with you.

This may have nothing to do with you per se but rather the fact that your ex just isn’t ready to be in a relationship right now.

You may not have broken up with him, but he probably ended the relationship by going back to his ex.

So, if you’re wondering why your ex dumped you and then went back to his ex, this is probably one of the reasons.

2) You didn’t have the same value or expectations

Let me ask you a question before we continue discussing some of the reasons why your ex went back to his ex.

Did you have the same values? Were you on the same page about some general things?

Or maybe he had different expectations about life and that’s why he decided to return to his ex, who had the same values as him?

You might be thinking, “Well, I don’t know what he expects.”

But you should ask yourself this question: do you know what his expectations are?

Maybe he wants to get married in the future and he wants to have kids someday. Perhaps he wants a job that pays well, or maybe he just wants to travel a lot.

Or maybe his expectations are different from yours, and that’s why he decided to go back to his ex instead of committing to you.

For instance, you might value having a relationship with him that lasts forever.

On the other hand, he might value having a relationship with you that lasts only a few months.

Maybe he doesn’t enjoy a conservative life and prefers to be more active in his life. Or he might like to go out and party every weekend.

And if you value family and traditions instead, chances are that that’s the main reason why he decided to go back to his ex instead of committing to you.

And the same happens and vice versa.

Just think about your goals and desires. Were they the same? Or maybe you were never on the same page, right?

Whatever your values, one thing is for sure:

Your ex went back to his ex because you didn’t have the same values or expectations.

Maybe you valued your career more than he did while his ex is more level-headed and can make better financial plans for the future.

Or maybe you’re not ready to settle down and have kids while his ex wants a family

Your expectations for the relationship may not have been the same as your ex’s expectations or vice versa.

Or your expectations for the future may be very different from what your ex wants for his future.

That’s exactly why he gave up on your relationship and went back to his ex instead.

3) You didn’t find fulfillment in this relationship

Have you ever felt like you were “stuck” in a relationship?

Maybe you tried to change, but nothing worked out.

It’s like you never felt fulfilled, and as a result, your ex realized it was time to leave you.

But you know what?

There’s a reason why you don’t find fulfillment in relationships – you’re reliant on your partner for happiness and not yourself.

But when you learn to trust yourself and tap into the incredible pool of personal power within you, you’ll find what you’ve been searching for all along. 

You see, we all have an amazing amount of potential. We’re all capable of achieving more than we realize. Happiness is within our reach, we just look for it in all the wrong places.

And this has a knock-on effect on everything else in our lives, including our relationships. 

I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people restore balance to their lives, discover their personal power, and live life with passion at the heart of everything they do.

He uses a unique approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with an effective modern-day twist. 

In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can build the relationship you’ve always wanted without worrying about your partner’s previous relationships, simply by following a few of his techniques.

So if you’re ready to take the plunge and live the life you know you deserve, check out his genuine advice below. 

Click here to watch the free video.

4) He needed to get his ego boosted

Ever noticed that people spend a lot of time trying to impress each other? Did your ex always try to get his ego boosted?

Did he want to be the center of attention? Or did he want you to treat him like a superior being?

Just think about his actions and intentions.

Whenever someone wants to get their ego boosted in a relationship, it’s a red flag.


Because when you’re in a relationship, you’re supposed to be focused on your partner, not yourself.

And if you’re constantly trying to boost your ex’s ego, it shows that you still have a lot of work to do in order to get back with him/her.

Because when you get your ego boosted, what you’re really doing is telling yourself that you’re not good enough.

And when you believe that, it sets the tone for everything else in your life. You start to feel insecure, and this starts affecting every area of your life – including your relationships.

And guess what?

He realized that you weren’t going to help him increase his self-esteem and he tried to return to his ex so that he could get his ego boosted.

But why do you need a partner at all when he always tries to use you just in order to help himself feel better?

You don’t. You need someone who will help you feel good about yourself.

So let him know that you’re not interested in boosting his ego.

That way, you’ll make him think about his priorities and realize that he doesn’t need you in order to feel good about himself.

5) He needed more time to heal

One of the most common reasons why our partners dump us for their exes is that they need more time to heal.

They get hurt and they feel like they can’t move on until they’ve had a little time to process everything that happened.

So, here’s the thing:

He had been hurt before, so he thought that you would be able to heal him. But in reality, he needed more time to heal and fully recover from the last relationship.

He was still feeling the effects of his ex’s behavior, and he had a lot of healing to do before he could fully trust you again.

But when you give them more time, you make it look like you don’t want them back.

And that’s exactly what he wants: for you to give him more time because he thinks that this will help him feel better about himself. And then he’ll get back with his ex so that he can feel better about himself again.

He didn’t realize that it would be the exact opposite of what he wanted, though.

He wants to move on, but all he did was give himself more time to think about what happened and make himself feel worse about what had happened in the first place.

But you know what?

You don’t want someone who is going through a negative emotional cycle in your life – especially if it’s caused by him!

If you’re not interested in giving him more time, then tell him so!

This will show him how you really feel, and if his feelings are similar to yours, then the chances of getting back together are pretty good!

Why should you do this?

Because if he started dating you just in order to heal from his past relationship, it means that he wanted a quick fix instead of a long-term solution.

And he used you for this!

So, if you wake up one morning and suddenly realize your partner is no longer with you, not being healed can be the reason why he decided to leave you for his ex.

6) You didn’t make him feel safe enough to open up to you

Okay, most of the reasons why your ex left you are about blaming his actions, thoughts, or decisions, right?

But have you ever thought that you could be the reason why he left you?

Maybe you were the reason he didn’t trust you enough to open up to you. Or perhaps, it was because he wasn’t feeling safe enough with you.

This is something that many people don’t think about, but it’s actually one of the biggest reasons why they’re not able to get back together.

Many people make the mistake of thinking that they can just “fix” someone by making them feel better about themselves. But if we take a closer look at this situation, there’s a lot more than that going on too!

The simple truth is that your ex went back to his ex because you didn’t make him feel safe enough to open up to you.

He may have been dating you because he wanted to be with you. But he wasn’t ready to open up and share the real him with you.

He wasn’t able to show you his vulnerable side with you because he didn’t feel safe enough to open up to you.


Because you didn’t allow him to feel safe. You weren’t ready to listen to him and show him that you were willing to stick around with him.

This is why he went back to his ex early in the relationship.

He wanted you to see that he was vulnerable and ready for a real relationship, but instead of doing this, you shut down and stopped listening to him!

A lot of people are actually this way when they’re trying to get back together with their ex. They want their ex back because they love them so much and want them back in their lives. But they don’t realize they are making the same mistake as before.

They’re just not ready! They don’t feel safe enough yet because they haven’t completely healed from what happened in the first place!

And that’s why your ex went back to his ex! He wasn’t ready for a new relationship because he wasn’t feeling safe enough with you yet!

When he broke up with you, he probably needed a lot of time and space to figure out what was going on inside of him.

So, try to explain that you’re ready to give him that time and space to heal. Give him the chance to open up and share his vulnerable side with you.

And let him know that he’s not alone and that there’s someone who will support him through this.

7) He didn’t feel loved and appreciated

Let me ask you a question.

Was your ex afraid that the relationship would turn into a boring one where there were no surprises? Was it the fear of being trapped in a relationship with someone who wouldn’t appreciate him?

Or maybe it was something more straightforward and he just didn’t feel loved and appreciated.

Your ex probably felt that there wasn’t enough appreciation and love in the relationship to make him feel safe to open up to you and share his vulnerable side.

If he was feeling this way, he probably couldn’t feel safe with you either. And that’s why he went back to his ex!

So what can you do in this situation? Is there any way to rewrite the relationship and make him feel like you actually love and appreciate him?

Yes, there is! And I’m about to let you know how you can show him that you’ll appreciate him and love him.

To do this, you only need to change the emotions he associates with you and make him picture what a brand new relationship with you would look like. 

In his excellent short video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method for women who want to change the way their ex feels about them. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say that will trigger deep feelings inside him. 

Because once you paint a new picture of what your life together could be like, you could end up creating the relationship you’ve always dreamt of.

Watch his excellent free video here.

8) His ex offered him something important that you can’t give now

Want to know another sure reason why your ex left you?

Well, it could be because his ex offered him something he couldn’t have with you.

And if this is the case, it’s time to find out what it is and make him understand why he needs to stay with her. This will be a challenge since you’re going to have to make him believe that she’s better than you.

What could this be?

It could be his child. It could be his job or even his home!

But it’s more likely that his ex can offer him more support, more attention, or a better lifestyle than you could.

Your ex went back to his ex because he offered him something important to him that you can’t give him now.

For example, maybe his ex is more experienced in the sex department than you are, and he needed a more experienced lover.

Or maybe his ex knew how to please him in a certain way that you didn’t know how to do.

Maybe his ex offered him financial security that you can’t offer him. Or maybe the ex had a better education than you did and could help him get a better job.

But whatever it is, try to tell him that he’ll never find it in your arms. That’s because the only person who can give him what he needs is his ex. And if he doesn’t leave her, she’ll always offer this thing!

The thing is that he compared his ex’s offer to your offer, and he realized that she’s better than you.

So to change the way he feels about you, it’s important to find out what this thing is that his ex can’t give him. And then make him understand why he needs her in his life.

Or you know what?

You could do the same thing!


Because you don’t need someone who perceives you in terms of offers! And by the way, it might be better for you that your ex has returned to his ex and now you’re free from this toxic relationship!

9) He was afraid of being abandoned again by the woman he truly loved

Have you ever noticed that your boyfriend felt vulnerable whenever you talked about your plans that didn’t include him?

The truth is that he was afraid of being abandoned by you.

If that’s the case, then it’s because he still felt attached to you. He still wanted to be with you, and he didn’t want to lose you again.

Most couples don’t like the idea of being alone, but some will actually prefer it. They don’t want to feel abandoned by their partner again, especially if they were in a relationship before.

And if your boyfriend is one of those people, then chances are that he gave up on you because he felt vulnerable and insecure about losing you again.

Perhaps he really loves you, but in the end, the relationship didn’t work out.

Maybe it was his fault that you broke up. Maybe he was the one who didn’t know what to do or say to make things better. Or maybe you had different expectations about the future of your relationship, and he couldn’t make it work with your expectations.

Whatever the reason is, he decided to go back to his ex because he was afraid of being abandoned again by the woman that he truly loved.

And you’re this woman, not his ex.

Still, he prefers to return to his ex because he was afraid that you would abandon him and he didn’t want to be alone again.

That’s why you should try to explain to him that you’re not going to abandon him and that you will always be there for him no matter what.

You should try to convince him that he can’t go back to his ex because he can be happy with you. And then it’ll be up to him to decide if he wants to give up on the relationship or not.

10) He actually never cared about you and it was all an act

And the final reason why he gave up on you is that he never really cared about you.

He was just using you for pleasure, and he thought that it was more important to make himself happy than to make you happy.

Your ex went back to his ex because he actually never cared about you and it was all an act. He may have been trying to win you over and make you think he likes you.

But deep down inside, he wasn’t interested in you at all.

And sadly, when your ex broke up with you, he probably didn’t feel anything for you and simply went back to his ex.

If this sounds like something he would do, then you should understand that having this kind of relationship with him is probably not the right thing for you.

Actually, it’s not right for anyone, so just enjoy the fact that he left you or someone else and try to move on with your life.

What can you do now?

After discussing the reasons why your ex broke up with you, you should know what’s the next step to take.

You can decide if you want to move on with your life or not.

If you really want to move on, then there are several things that you can do now:

1) Focus on yourself and your own happiness

Don’t get too obsessed with his mistake and think about how he made a bad decision when breaking up with you. Instead,  focus on yourself and your own happiness.

Be sure to take time for yourself and do things that make you happy. You might find that you meet someone new or have an even stronger bond with your current friends and family members.

With time, you will be able to look back at your breakup and see it as a blessing in disguise.

So, try to focus on yourself and value your own happiness.

2) Get over the breakup as fast as you can

The first and the most important thing you should do after a breakup is to get over it as fast as you can.

This is one of the most important things that you should do because it will help you move on with your life and get over the breakup faster.

Once he broke up with you, he may have already moved on, so there’s no point in feeling sad and depressed.

And if he doesn’t want to go back to his ex, then it might be better for both of you if he just moves on with his life and leaves your relationship behind.

But if he really wants to try again, then let him know that you are ready to give him another chance. But make sure that both of you have the same expectations this time around.

3) Try to start a new relationship with someone else

Sometimes the best strategy to get over a past relationship is to start a new relationship with someone else.

It’s really up to you if you want to try this or not. But here’s what you can do:

If you want him back, then take your time and do everything that it takes for him to come back into your life again.

If he doesn’t want that, then just let him go and be happy in the future because there is nothing worse than being unhappy in your own life anyway.

If you feel that you can move on, then try to start a new relationship with someone else.

You might want to focus on someone who is not your ex and also not in a relationship.

And if you do this, then don’t let him know that you’re looking for another partner.

Just be sure to find someone who is capable of making you happy and won’t make the same mistake as your ex did by breaking up with you without giving reasons or without even telling you why he did it.

4) Find the lesson in this situation

Believe it or not, the best thing you can do after your ex has broken up with you is to find the lesson in this situation.

It’s not easy to do because it may be hard for you to see the positive side of this breakup.

But, if you think about it, there are a lot of things that you can learn from this situation.

For example:

  • You can learn how to cope with a breakup and move on with your life and live your life again.
  • You can learn how much your ex loves you and how much he cares about you.
  • You can also learn why your ex broke up with you in the first place and what he thinks about your relationship now.

Maybe, there’s something that he didn’t tell you before that might be the real reason why he broke up with you.

Sometimes, we tend to focus too much on our past relationships and on the mistakes that we made in them.

But it’s better to focus on the good things that you did in your past relationships, rather than focusing on the bad things.

For example: If you try to think of all the good things that your ex did for you so that you can feel happy about it and then forget about his bad behaviors and mistakes, then this will help you get over him faster.

He may have done some good things for you in your past relationship but he might have also done some bad things as well. So what should you do?

You should focus on all the good things he did for you, not just those that he did for your future happiness and not even those that he did for your life today, but also those that he did for your soul or spirit.

So, consider this breakup a lesson from your life and learn how to move on with your life.

5) Don’t blame yourself for the breakup

And the last tip about your breakup is that you shouldn’t blame yourself for the breakup.


Because there is no reason to blame yourself because you can’t change the past and it’s not your fault that he broke up with you.

You should just accept this breakup as a lesson in your life and move on with your life.

So, instead of blaming yourself, try to accept the fact that your relationship didn’t work. out and it’s not your fault that he broke up with you.

Accepting this breakup as a lesson in your life will help you move on, faster and easier.

You can also think of this breakup as an opportunity for you to learn something from it so that you can be happier in future relationships.

Final thoughts

As you can see, there are always reasons why someone breaks up and goes back to his or her ex.

If your relationship is over, don’t wait around or hope that it’ll somehow get better.

Instead, focus on yourself and get ready to meet someone new. Find out what you did wrong and what you can do to get your ex back.

So, remember these reasons and tips and try to apply them to your situation.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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