“He told me he loved me then pulled away” – 15 tips if this is you

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You’re in love, and you know it.

But then, things get weird and you can’t figure out why he seems distant.

He tells you he loves you, but then suddenly won’t respond to your texts or calls.

What are some ways to deal with this kind of problem? Here are some tips that might help when you’re in the dark with a loved one.

1) Reassure yourself

In case you didn’t realize it, you are worth it.

When love is not reciprocated, it can be difficult to understand why things are happening the way that they are. 

Why does this person not want to be with me?

Why can’t he or she see how much I care about them? It’s important to take time for yourself when you’re in this kind of situation.

Spend some time alone and give yourself a break from trying to please your partner.

Sometimes, people need time to really get into a relationship before they feel comfortable opening up or sharing their feelings with someone else.

You should also remind yourself that you aren’t being needy by wanting to talk more often or spend more time with your partner when they aren’t responding to you. 

You’re just being caring and offering support as well as asking for what you need without being pushy.

2) Reassure him

If he is struggling with his emotions, it could be because of something that happened in the past.

It might also be a sign of depression or anxiety.

 If your partner is not willing to talk about what’s going on and you feel like they’re shutting down emotionally, try asking them questions without judgment.

If your partner isn’t telling you what’s wrong but seems distant and has withdrawn from the conversation- say:

“Is there anything I can do?” “Do you want to talk?”.

It can feel like they don’t want to talk about the issue and that they are embarrassed or ashamed. This can cause them to shut down completely.

This can make it difficult for you to get the information you need from them.

It is important that they know how much you care about him and are willing to listen without judgment or criticism at times when he may feel vulnerable, scared, or embarrassed. 

If your guy shuts down completely during this time then don’t push too hard; just let him take his time with whatever thoughts come into his head before continuing on with the conversation.

You might need to reassure your loved ones that the problem will get better and that you care about them a lot. It’s important for your partner to know that you’re there for them.

Also, the best thing sometimes is just to sit together in silence. Just having you near might be what he needs and perhaps he just doesn’t want to talk about it?

3) Tell him that you love him too

When you’re in the dark, it can be easy to think that someone doesn’t want to hear what you have to say or that they don’t care.

It can be difficult to hear that someone you love doesn’t want to talk about what’s going on in their life, especially if you’re close with them. 

It can be a very painful and upsetting experience for you. 

However, knowing that they are there for you when you need them is comforting and reassuring.

You can tell your loved one that you love them and why it’s important for them to talk about what is going on with them. If your partner is feeling stressed or overwhelmed by their emotions then this could also be a sign that they need someone to talk to.

When your partner isn’t talking

Expressing your love is a great way not only of making sure they know how much you care but also because it’s an important part of being there for them and staying connected.

When they are feeling sad or upset, you could show them that they are not alone by telling them how much you love them. You could say “I love you” or “You’re so important to me” or “I’m here for you”.

If your partner is feeling down and out, it can be a good idea to tell them that you love them. 

It’s important to keep the lines of communication open between both of you as this will help prevent any problems in the future.

It’s easy when things seem bad at first but if this person knows deep down that their partner still loves them, then everything will work out just fine.

4) Give him space

It’s possible that they’re just busy, or maybe they’ve moved on from you. 

It could be that something has happened in their life and it made them feel uncomfortable talking to you anymore.

The most important thing is to not take what your loved one says at face value because sometimes people say things out of context without meaning any harm by doing so.

Sometimes people are in the dark when it comes to their emotions.

They might not know how to express those feelings, and they might be afraid of rejection or judgment from you if they try.

So instead of trying to force a conversation with someone who doesn’t want one, give them space so that they can figure out whether or not this is something that’s important for them and worth pursuing.

If the person does decide he wants contact with you again after some time has passed, then go ahead! 

If you want to of course.

Sometimes there are things in life that aren’t simple. There could be a very plausible reason why he needs space. 

He might have just come out of a toxic relationship and needs time to think. Maybe things are moving too quickly for him and he’s scared.

If he truly loves you and you are meant to be, the two of you will eventually end up together.

5) Listen to him

When someone is telling you that they love you, trust them. If there’s something wrong, ask them about it.

They want to be honest and open with you, and if they try to hide something from you, it might be because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or feel guilty.

They might also not want to worry you. By listening carefully to what they say, you can get a better idea of their feelings about the situation.

You can also start conversations about topics that might make your partner feel more comfortable or less stressed.

When he opens up to you, it’s a huge deal to him. Men don’t let just anyone in so don’t be tempted to talk over him and give him your opinion on everything.

Sometimes, people just want someone to listen. They want to vent and get things off their chests.

He loves you right, so give him that platform.

6) Avoid doing something that might lead to fighting

It’s tempting to want to fly off the handle and tell him exactly what you think about him.

After all, he’s just told you that he loves you and now he’s acting like you’ve got the black plague.

You might want to insult him, tell him the ugliest things, and hurt him because you’re hurting and you’re confused about the situation.

It’s human nature and I don’t blame you.

However, the best thing you can do is to remain calm and don’t come across as being a scorned bitter woman.

It’s off-putting and you’ll scare him away even more.

Be the bigger person and be mature about it. 

There’s a reason why he’s pulling away from you. There has to be and the only reason you are going to figure it out is by remaining composed and working alongside him to get to the bottom of it.

7) Keep the lines of communication open

If your loved one is ignoring you, continue to send them a text or phone call each day. 

If they don’t answer, leave a message. 

Keep doing this until they acknowledge your presence again.

This can be done by simply sending out texts that ask “how are things?” and asking the person how their day has been going without actually expecting an answer in return (this will help make it seem less like you’re begging for attention).

If he starts responding once more but continues to ignore all of your messages and calls for some time afterward – it may be that their mind has been changed by what’s happening in their life at the moment. In these cases, it’s best to give him an ultimatum.

You can’t sit around in the dark forever guessing and wondering what the hell is going on. It’s not fair and you don’t deserve it.

Let him know that you’re not going to wait forever and if that doesn’t work, I think you’ll be better off moving on.

8) Don’t assume the worst

Chances are the reason he’s pulling away has absolutely nothing to do with you. You’re just being paranoid and are overthinking things.

If your loved one seems particularly upset or angry, it might be because of something that has happened in their lives recently.

For example, if you’ve been fighting a lot lately, and then your partner says they don’t want to talk to you anymore, it’s possible that this might be related.

Keep an open mind about what might be going on for them, rather than assuming the worst.

9) Don’t get angry

Sometimes things just happen and there is no way of telling why they do. 

It’s best not to get angry at your partner if you can help it because this will only make things worse for them if they’re already stressed out about something else in their life. 

Sometimes people are so caught up with what happened that they forget the bigger picture: how stressful these events were or how much pain was caused by one event happening rather than another.

10) Don’t worry about what other people think

If you’re worried about how others will react, it’s best not to worry about it. 

As long as your relationship with your partner doesn’t suffer from the extra stress of worrying about what other people might think, then don’t worry too much. 

If there are things that would make them uncomfortable or anxious and they want to talk about them before anything else happens, then by all means do so!

11) Don’t blame yourself

Sometimes things go wrong and there isn’t anything that you can do to change them.

If this is the case, then don’t blame yourself for what has happened.

This will only make things worse for you both if you’re already stressed out by something else in your life.

If it’s been a while since whatever went wrong happened, try to learn from it so that next time nothing like this happens again.

The best way not to be depressed when bad events happen is always to have some form of self-care or self-improvement going on at all times whether it’s meditation, yoga or just simply being present with one’s thoughts.

12) He might be afraid of commitment

If your man pulls away suddenly, he might be afraid of his feelings for you and more specifically afraid of commitment.

It’s best to talk through these things calmly with him and let him know that it will be okay.

If he can’t see how much you mean to him at first then he might feel crushed or confused and this will definitely reinforce his fear of committing.

There is a way around this by appealing to his values and sticking around long enough for him to figure out what these are.

Whether it takes six days, six weeks, or more… If a guy truly values a woman, he will figure out what it is about her that holds the power over him and if it’s meant to be, it will be.

13) He might be dealing with things he doesn’t want to involve you in

Your man might be dealing with some hectic life problems. 

They might also be embarrassing and he doesn’t want you to find out what’s happening. So instead, he pulls away.

It’s important to reassure him that you love him and will always be there for him.

The best way to do this is to express that you care about what he’s going through, but you don’t want to get involved in his personal life.

By doing this, it will let him feel safe and reassured that you’re not going to pry into things he doesn’t want you to know about.

He might also be dealing with some unresolved issues from his past and he’s trying not to drag them into the present with him.

The best way around this is being patient with him and letting him know that whatever is going on in his life, won’t change how much you love him.

14) He’s not sure what to do next

So, you’ve dropped the l bomb and he feels the same way, but, he’s scared and is not sure what to do next.

He might not know what to do next because he’s not sure if you’re ready to be with him. It’s also possible that he’s really afraid of being hurt again. 

He might have low self-esteem and thinks that you’re out of his league and are just playing games with him.

If he’s not sure what to do next, it’s best to try talking things through with him. 

You can also ask him if he wants you to leave him alone or if he wants you to be there for him.

He might also want you to be patient and wait for him to come around.

It’s a tricky situation and sometimes all you can do is wait it out.

15) He might be in love with someone else

Sometimes, the guy you are dating is in love with someone else and doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. 

He might also be confused because he loves you too. It’s very possible for men to be in love with two women at the same time. If this is the case, then what you do next is up to you.

It’s not fair of him to put you through this so, if I were you, my next move would be to leave him be.


So, I hope this article helped you understand how to deal with a man who leaves you in the dark.

It’s worth noting that if he is not in love with another woman, then it’s best to just let things lie. 

He might change his mind and want you back at some point in the future. But, if he doesn’t and continues to pull back from you, then it’s time to move on. No one should put up with being used.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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