There is no better feeling in the world than meeting a guy with who you really connect with.
He makes you smile. He makes you laugh. He makes you feel amazing. Plus, he’s fun to be around, is attractive, and easy to talk to.
It’s safe to say, he’s everything you ever envisioned for yourself in a relationship. But, there’s a catch.
He doesn’t want you.
Is there any worse feeling out there?
Of course, it doesn’t make sense. From your end, everything seemed perfect. So, you find yourself asking, why doesn’t he want me?
Before you dive down the path of analyzing everything about yourself and questioning whether you’re good enough (hint: you are!), check out these 7 reasons he may not want you.
7 reasons he doesn’t want you
1) He’s doesn’t want anyone
It’s not that he doesn’t want you — he doesn’t want anyone. Full stop.
He may simply just not be the commitment type.
While this still hurts for you, at least you can be thankful he’s not choosing to drag you along for the ride before revealing this about himself. Knowing up front means you can make a clean break before you get too involved.
There might be a reason he doesn’t want anyone. And it likely has nothing to do with you.
He could be in the wrong headspace right now. Whether he’s just come out of a long-term relationship that he’s still processing, or has other things going on in his life that are taking his time and attention.
It’s up to you whether you wait around to give things a shot. The truth is, he may never be ready.
It’s important to keep that in mind.
Just remember, you’re looking for a partner, not for a fix-up project. It’s not your job to help him heal or to take on the worries he has in life.
Doesn’t matter how much you like him, you need to think of yourself first. What are you getting out of sticking around?
If he’s not after a relationship with anyone, because of his own issues, it’s probably best to move on.
2) He wants to keep things casual
You’ve think you’ve found the love of your life and are ready to commit and see where the relationship takes you.
He likes you but not enough for a serious relationship. He just wants to keep things casual.
Ouch. That can sting a little.
But think about it from his side. He can keep you around, possibly even enjoy the sex (depending on what type of relationship you have), but avoid all the drama that comes from dating someone.
How do you know if that’s what’s happening for you? Here are some signs to look out for:
- Sometimes he acts like you’re his girlfriend, other times you don’t hear from him for days.
- He’s nice, but he doesn’t try very hard to impress you.
- He never asks you to come out and meet his friends or family.
- He avoids the topic of relationships like the plague.
Instead of giving him a flat-out ultimatum (which will only scare him off), pull back and start seeing other people — or at least flirt with other men when he’s around.
If he really likes you, his jealousy will be enough to get him over any relationship fears he has and bite the bullet.
If not, at least you have your answer and don’t waste any more time.
3) You’re not suited
You like him, you get on well together, you see a future…
It’s as simple as that.
It might feel personal, but at the end of the day, if you’re not a match for each other, you’ll only be wasting each other’s time.
There are so many reasons for this.
- One of you is too high-strung and the other too relaxed.
- One of you is messy and the other a neat freak.
- You don’t share the same sense of humor.
- You have different ideas about money and how to spend and save it.
- One of you is always fashionably late and the other early.
- One of you feels more insecure than the other.
While you might think these are all things you can work on, sometimes it’s just better to walk away.
I know, I know, they often say opposites attract. This can be true! But opposites can also get on each other’s nerves and cause tension in a relationship.
The truth is, certain personalities just don’t mesh well together. And it’s better to work that out a soon as possible.
4) You have different values
Everything about this guy is perfect but you want different things out of life.
You want to settle down and have three kids together. He wants to travel the world and possibly never have kids of his own.
You think that you can work this out and bring him around to your values. But is that really fair on him?
He knows it’s not — and realizes that stringing you along isn’t fair on you either.
Be thankful he has the foresight to cut it off before it even begins.
When your values are so vastly different, no amount of compromise will work. In the end, someone is giving up what they want out of life, which makes it hard for them to ever be happy.
He might be Mr. Perfect, but sadly, he’s just not perfect for you.
5) He’s been burned in the past
He might be that guy that has been burned one too many times in the past.
He likes you, but he’s not willing to put himself on the line again.
The pain is too raw.
He simply can’t trust another woman again. At least not in the immediate future.
You might be screaming inside now, wanting to show him that you’re different. You won’t hurt him as those other women did. But is this something you can guarantee? Of course not!
Life happens and mistakes get made along the way. This is most definitely one of those cases where, “It’s not you, it’s me”.
As much as you want to bring him around and convince him this time it’ll be different — don’t waste your breath.
You can’t change his past or convince him to get over his trust issues. That’s something he has to work on himself.
It’s time to walk away and distance yourself from the relationship.
6) He’s still in love with his ex
It’s not what you want to hear, but it’s a common reason a guy isn’t ready to move on with another relationship.
He’s still holding a torch for his ex.
He might have dated her for a long time and be struggling to get over her. Or she might have been the one to call off the relationship, even though he still had strong feelings for her.
Getting together with you could have been the spark that reminded him of how much he loved his ex, which has made him pull back.
You can look for evidence of his feelings:
- He still has the cuddling photos up on socials.
- He has some of her belongings in his place and hasn’t given them back.
- He constantly checks on her social media accounts to see how she’s going.
- He keeps pictures of her up around his house.
This is a relationship you don’t want to be involved in. No-one ever wants to be the other woman. If he’s already faced the truth and realizes his feelings, then all you can do is back away and give him the space to sort through everything.
You can’t change the way someone feels about another person, no matter how hard you try.
If he manages to get over her one day in the future, there might be a knock at the door when he realizes what he’s missed out on.
Of course, that doesn’t mean you should sit around waiting for it.
7) You’re not the only woman
Welcome to the world of digital dating, where it’s even easier to have a couple of relationship interests on the go.
As time went on and he got to know you all, he’s found where his interests lie. And as much as it hurts, it’s not with you.
If you haven’t had the being exclusive conversation, then don’t be surprised to find out you aren’t the only one.
Once again, you can be thankful that he doesn’t agree to a relationship with you and then continue to see the other woman/women on the side.
Trust us — that happens too.
Cut your losses and walk away from what you have together, knowing that you’re actually better off without him.
He doesn’t like me, but he keeps me around
So, now you’ve worked out that he isn’t in a relationship with you.
Of course, it still hurts no matter what his reason is and it can be hard to move on from. But there’s another obstacle in the way.
Even though he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, he’s staying close. He still wants to be around you. He still wants to be part of your life.
Doesn’t seem fair, does it?
Well, it’s up to you whether or not you let him stick around.
To help with that decision, here are 6 reasons he wants to keep you around even though he doesn’t want a relationship.
6 reasons he wants to keep you around
1) He’s in it for the sex
If you’re having sex with him but he refuses to commit to a relationship with you — there’s a good reason for that.
He’s enjoying the physical parts of the relationship without having to take on the emotional side of things as well.
Let’s face it, there’s nothing wrong with being intimate early in the relationship. However, it can blur the lines between a casual and an intimate relationship.
In his mind, he’s enjoying himself and doesn’t want to rock the boat.
It’s up to you to determine what you want from this relationship and whether or not you’re going to stick around for it.
If you’re looking for a little clarity from him and to see whether or not he might be interested in a future relationship, then take sex off the table.
It’ll force him to work out whether or not he has feelings for you beyond the sexual variety and to decide whether or not he wants to hang on.
2) He’s lonely
He may not be ready for a relationship — or want one full stop — for any number of the reasons we mentioned above.
But, he’s lonely.
Even though he’s not after a relationship with you, he enjoys your company and wants to keep you around.
So, how do you know if that’s what he’s feeling?
There are some signs to look out for:
- He turns up on your doorstep unannounced. It’s likely that he’s found himself bored and sought you out for some entertainment.
- He always asks if your free and wants to hang out, but doesn’t show much interest in you when you’re together.
- He never introduces you to his friends. He always seems to be alone and seeking out your company.
If he let you go, then he would have no-one to hang out with and would feel even more lonely. Yet, he isn’t looking to commit to a relationship.
If you’re up for it, you could always give being friends a go and see where that leads. But you will have to be honest with yourself and work out whether you can get rid of your romantic feelings first. It’s not always that easy to separate them.
3) He’s not willing to share
Even though he might not want to be with you romantically, it doesn’t mean he wants someone else to take his place.
Men can be very territorial when it comes to matters of the heart.
If this is your guy, then it’s time to cut those strings and let him know he can’t have you if he isn’t willing to commit. And if he doesn’t want to commit, then you don’t belong to him and are free to go and find love elsewhere.
At the moment he’s enjoying your attention and the time he gets to spend with you — without the strings of a relationship attached.
Once you show him you have other options out there and aren’t going to sit around and wait for him, it might be the kick he needs to admit his feelings for you and take things further.
4) He values you as a friend
While he might not be interested in you romantically, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you as a friend. He values your friendship and doesn’t want to let go of it, just because a relationship isn’t on the cards.
There’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, there’s no reason why men and women shouldn’t be friends.
You need to consider where your feelings lie. Can you ever see him as just a friend or will there always be romantic feelings there?
You could have yourself a lifelong friendship on your hands — and you don’t want to lose that if you don’t have it. Consider whether you can make it work and go from there.
Take it one step at a time and know that you can end things whenever you like. Just because men and women can be friends, doesn’t mean it’s going to work for you both.
5) He’s enjoying the free ride
This isn’t what you want to hear, but if you’ve been paying for things in the relationship, there’s a chance he’s enjoying the perks and doesn’t want to leave.
It’s time to tighten that purse string and make it clear the free ride is over.
If he was only in it for the money, then you can guarantee he will bolt for the hills after it’s gone.
You’ll know if this is your guy.
- He’s the one that conveniently can’t find his wallet when it’s time to pay.
- He’s more than happy for you to shout more than your fair share of meals.
- He more often than not chooses to come around to your place rather than inviting you to his.
This is the classic definition of a sponge and one that you need to wring out and leave for dry.
6) He’s keeping his options open
Just because he has said no to a relationship now, doesn’t mean he won’t want one in the future.
By staying close to you, he’s keeping his options open and allowing that to happen.
By casually seeing you, it means his limiting you from seeing other people without committing to being with you. It’s a win-win for him.
But is it working for you?
If you’re happy to wait, then go for it! Just make sure you realize he may never be ready to take on a relationship with you.
Nothing wrong with keeping your eyes open in the meantime…
Is he worth it?
Only you can answer that question. And the answer will be different for everyone, depending on the circumstances surrounding their relationship.
So, what next?
You should always go with your gut when it comes to matters of the heart.
What are your gut instincts telling you?
Listen to them and follow them when it comes time to make a decision about this guy.
Remember, he may feel like Mr. Perfect right now, but there are plenty more fish in the sea. And you’re one fine catch!
Sometimes it takes a man to mess up to realize that he loves you.
The real reason why men pull away
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