14 reasons why he led you on and now wants to be friends (and what to do next)

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Let’s face it: 

It’s hard to deal with a guy who led you on and now wants to be friends. 

He showered you with attention, sweet words, and fun times, only to let you down by saying he wants something completely different from you.

Between his excuses and flattery, it’s hard to know what he really means and how to proceed. 

That’s why you should take a look at this list of 14 reasons why he led you on and now wants to be friends, and how to proceed from there:

1) He is just not that into you

Look, the brutal truth could be that this guy is simply not that into you. Maybe he thought he liked you a lot, but then he didn’t feel the same way anymore.

If he seemed super into you, but then said he only wants to be friends with you, you can take it as a sign that he didn’t get what he thought he would.

Who knows, maybe he was expecting to fall in love with you immediately and that didn’t happen. 

This could be the reason why he led you on, but there’s a chance he still likes you. Maybe he’s a good actor and he wants to test you out, or maybe he has no interest in getting into a relationship at all. 

What to do about it?

Do you think you gave him the wrong impression with something that you said or did? 

If you were genuine when you first met him and then you acted less naturally, just go back to your awesome self. 

Or, if you acted out of character when you met him, and then behaved like yourself, it could mean that he liked the fake version of you better.

If so, try to find out exactly what pushed him away.

2) He just wants to have fun

A guy might lead you on because he wants to have fun instead of a serious relationship. 

Maybe he just got out of a long relationship, or maybe he’s not ready to settle down. He may have even thought that you wanted to just have fun with him, too. 

But why does he want to be friends now

It could be that he just wants to have fun with you, but if you ask him about it, he might say that he just wants to be friends. 

What to do about it?

If you’re not interested in just having fun with him, try to be clear in your communication that you’re looking for something more serious. You don’t have to be mean, but you do have to be firm. 

However, if you’re interested in just having fun as well, then you have to be honest with yourself and him. Let him know that you don’t want a serious relationship and that you’re just into having fun. 

3) His feelings for you weren’t strong enough

Maybe he was a little into you at first, but then he fell out of love.

That’s it: his feelings for you were too weak to make him want to be in a serious relationship. 

Maybe he got bored with you quickly, or maybe he just wasn’t ready for a relationship yet. 

He may have meant it at the time, but his feelings changed and he realized that he wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship. 

Unfortunately, this can happen and it’s hard to predict. 

What to do about it?

There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct

Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships. 

And it’s something most women have never even heard of. 

According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex. 

Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship. 

So, how can you trigger this guy’s hero instinct? 

The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer

The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach. 

So if you want to give him what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) He didn’t know what he wanted

If a guy led you on but now wants to be friends, it could be because he didn’t know what he wanted in the first place. 

It’s common for men to lead women on, but it’s just as common for women to be led on by men. 

Men are usually less sure about what they want and less bold or direct with their feelings. They have a tendency to keep things casual and not too serious. 

So when he led you on, it could be that he was not sure about what he wanted – and that could be why he now wants to be friends.

What to do about it?

If the reason why he led you on was that he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, then just give him space and don’t try to force anything. 

Maybe he’ll come back when he’s ready for a relationship. 

In case he wasn’t that interested in you, to begin with, then there’s not much that you can do. Unless you want to chase him and seduce him, you might succeed. However, his indecisiveness might have nothing to do with you.

5) He is still in love with his ex-girlfriend

This one is a pretty sad reason why men will lead you on, and it’s something that happens more often than you’d think. 

Maybe he was still in love with his ex, or maybe he couldn’t see himself moving on yet. He might have thought that you were the one he wanted, and that led him to lead you on. 

But if he’s still in love with his ex, there’s a good chance that he’s not over her yet. This could be why he wants to be friends now – because he knows it will be hard for him to move on from her and still keep you around. He might try to keep things as casual as possible.

What to do about it?

Rebound relationships never work out well. 

So, if he’s still in love with his ex, don’t get involved with him. It will likely end badly, and you will just be the rebound girl. 

If you still want to give him a chance and see if he can move on from his ex, be careful about getting too involved with him. 

If he doesn’t show signs that he’s moving on from his ex, then move on yourself.

6) He wants to keep you as a backup plan

If a guy leads you on, but suddenly wants to be friends, he may want to keep you as a backup plan in case nothing better comes along. 

He may be back with his ex; he might be dating someone else, or he may be trying to find someone better. 

And if he’s keeping you as an option, just in case, he may want to be friends with you to try and see if there’s something there or not.

What to do about it?

This is a pretty selfish reason why men will lead women on, but you can’t do anything about it. You have to accept the fact that some guys are just like that and they only care about themselves. 

If you’re unhappy with it, just tell him your feelings and try to work around it. But don’t expect too much from him, because he may not be able to change.

7) He’s trying to make his ex jealous

As mentioned before, if a guy leads you on, but then says he wants to be friends, it could be a sign that he’s not over his ex

He might be hoping to make his ex jealous, so she’ll come back to him. He may even be dating you and other girls at the same time because he wants to make his ex jealous. 

He might like you, but he’s just not willing to admit it to himself.

What to do about it?

If this is the reason why he led you on, then you should just cut your losses and back off. He’s not ready to be in a serious relationship with anyone yet. 

He may come around later, so don’t try to force him at this point. Just wait it out. 

If you still want to be friends, however, then you have to be careful about getting involved with him. If he’s still in love with his ex and wants to make her jealous by dating other girls, then he might not treat you right. 

8) This guy is a classic player

Another reason why men will lead you on is that they are players or are willing to do anything to get what they want. 

They lead you on and then say they want to be your friends because they are the kind of guys who don’t commit to one girl. 

They have lots of girls on the go and a lot going on in their lives, so they’re not ready to settle down with one woman.

What to do about it?

If you don’t want to be a part of his ‘player lifestyle,’ then you might want to look for someone who will commit. 

If you just want to have some casual fun and you understand that he’s not ready for anything serious, then you can try to work around it. But don’t expect too much from him. 

Or, here’s something else that could help:

Dating and relationship coach Clayton Max has developed sets of phrases that are guaranteed to make any man infatuated with you.

These phrases reach men on a deep primal level – most women don’t know about this, which is why they struggle to keep a man’s infatuation.

To find out what they are, watch his video here where he explains everything.

9) Something big happened in his life

If a guy led you on, but now he wants to be friends again, it could be because something big happened in his life. 

Like what?

Maybe his parents got divorced, or he just had some big life changes. He may have just been trying to fill up the void in his life by leading you on. 

While this is no excuse for leading you on, it could be a reason why he did it.

What to do about it?

Again, don’t expect too much from him. Just be patient and give him time to get his life back together. You can offer help if you want, but don’t force anything.

Also, it’s important to note that sometimes guys who lead you on because something happened in their lives are just not ready to commit.

10) He wants to hook up with you, but he doesn’t want more

Want to know another harsh truth?

A guy could lead you on because he just wants to hook up with you. Although he may like you and be attracted to you, he just wants the no-strings-attached sexual experience. 

He knows that relationships aren’t for him, so leading you on is his way of getting what he wants. However, maybe you turned him down and now he wants to be friends.

Or maybe he just wants to keep things casual and not get into a serious relationship right now.

What to do about it?

If this is the reason why he led you on, then try and keep things casual. He’s not someone you can rely on for anything serious. 

Don’t get upset or offended. Just be realistic, and cut your losses. It’s better to just not get involved than to end up feeling like you were used.

11) He likes the thrill of the chase

Let me ask you something about this guy who led you on and now wants to be friends:

Is he an overachiever? Is he popular? Does he have lots of friends and admirers and a great job?

If so, then there’s a good chance he wants to lead you on because it gives him the thrill of the chase

It makes him feel manly and powerful to know that you’re attracted to him, but that he can choose whether or not to get involved with you. 

Most guys don’t get this much attention from women, so they enjoy the feeling of being in control.

What to do about it?

This guy is just not up to your standards, and he probably never will be. It’s better that you cut your losses now and move on. 

If you really want him, then you need to accept him for who he is. He’s not up for a relationship, but he can still be your friend. 

However, if you want someone who will treat you well and can commit to a relationship, then it’s better that you find someone else.

12) He isn’t sure you like, like him

Sometimes, guys just want to be friends because they’re not sure their feelings are fully returned

Instead of risking getting hurt, they’d rather keep things casual and just be friends. 

What to do about it?

If you want him to like you, then talk to him and let him know how you feel. If you want something more than friendship, then let him know that too. 

Don’t wait for him to make the first move because sometimes guys will test women and see whether or not their feelings are reciprocated. 

Ask if he wants to go on a date or hang out sometime.

13) This guy is still quite immature

Listen, regardless of this man’s age, he might not be mature enough to be more than friends with you. Maybe he led you on, but he didn’t even realize it.

He could be in an emotional stage where he can’t see past just being around you and having fun. So he’s ready to just be your friend. Or maybe he’s still not fully grown up, and his ego still needs to get a little deflated. This might be another reason why he led you on. 

Whatever the reason is, he just doesn’t want to get hurt or be tied down at this point in his life. 

What to do about it?

This is pretty hard because you feel like you made a connection with this guy, but he really isn’t interested in more than just friendship. 

You can try to be patient and give him time to experience life without you, but if he doesn’t take the hint, then there’s probably no point in holding on to him.

Or, I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to overcome his immaturity and commit to you.

Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.

And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours. 

Here’s a link to the excellent video again.

14) He was going through a difficult time

Have you considered the fact that this guy used you? I know this doesn’t sound pretty, but ask yourself this: 

Was he going through something difficult when he led you on? 

Maybe he had a family or job problem, or maybe he just felt lonely and wanted someone to talk to. Maybe he didn’t realize that it would turn into more than just talking.

Whatever the reason is, don’t take his intentions for you at face value. He was probably going through a difficult time, and he used you as comfort.

What to do about it?

You see, life doesn’t always come with a happy ending. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way you plan them. 

Some guys only open up when they feel weak, but as soon as they recover, they’ll forget about you. So what can you do? 

Well, you can be the strong one, and let him go. It’s better to be friends than to be attached to someone who isn’t fully committed to you. 

Why does he keep flirting with me if he says he just wants to be friends?

Here are a few possible reasons why he won’t stop flirting with you:

He enjoys flirting with you

He likes to play the field and he might not want anything serious, but just flirting with you still makes him feel good. It’s a game, but it doesn’t really mean that he wants to get involved with you.

He’s actually undecided about you

Maybe he’s not sure about his feelings for you, but he’s waiting to see if you win him over. He wants to keep his options open and look around until he figures out what he wants or who he wants.

He wants to show off in front of other people

If this guy flirts with you when other people are around, it might just be to show everyone how desirable he is. He wants to prove that he can flirt with a pretty girl and get her to fall for him.

That’s immature, isn’t it?

He is practicing his skill on you

He wants to polish up his flirting skills and make sure he can get someone else to fall for him. 

He’s practicing so he can do it flawlessly when he wants to have a serious girlfriend.

Although quite selfish, this could be his real reason.

He doesn’t think he’s flirting

He might not realize that he’s flirting with you. Maybe this guy doesn’t even think about it. He’s just doing it naturally. 

Maybe he’s just trying to be friendly and doesn’t realize he’s coming across as flirty.

How do you stop having feelings for someone but still be friends?

Staying friends with someone you have feelings for is definitely a struggle. Let’s be honest: your feelings won’t disappear overnight. 

They won’t go away just because you want them to. But here are a few points to get you started:

Have compassion for yourself

Look, it’s hard to admit that someone you like doesn’t feel the same way. It can be even harder to admit that he’s leading you on. 

So be patient with yourself, take a deep breath, and just relax.

Remember that you’re a catch 

Most men want to date you, but not all of them are right for you. All of us have our own baggage we’re carrying around

So remember that you deserve someone who will love you for who you are, not for what he thinks you can be.

Identify the reasons why you can’t be with him

Sometimes, when a man wants to be friends with a woman, it’s because he knows deep down that being together is just a bad idea. 

Think about your relationship with him and ask yourself if it’s something good for the long haul. 

Keep your life busy

If you’re feeling sad, upset, and discouraged, then try to take your mind off of things. 

Go and do something that will make you happy. Focus on other things. Keep yourself busy and go out with friends. 

Get involved in activities that will make you feel better about yourself, because if you’re feeling good, then it won’t be that hard to get over him.

Stay away from romantic movies & co.

Right now is not the best time for you to watch romantic movies, read love stories or listen to love songs. They’re going to make you feel sad and depressed. So just avoid them.

The time will come when you will be ready again to be surrounded by symbols of love, but right now, you’re not.

He led you on and now wants to be friends – Now what?

Being led on is not a pleasant experience. It can mess with your head and cause you to question everything. 

But there are some situations where you don’t have to take it that way, and sometimes you can even turn the tables in your favor. 

Until then, remember not to blame yourself for his intentions and not to keep longing for him. Life is hard enough as it is. 

So don’t take things too personally and don’t use your energy on things you can’t control. Do what you can to make yourself happy and keep moving forward.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.