Do you find yourself in a situation where a guy keeps you close even if he doesn’t want a relationship?
If so, you might be confused right now and feeling hurt. But, don’t worry!
Although understanding why he does that can prove to be quite challenging, it’s important to mention that his reasons may have nothing to do with you.
To find out more, let’s look at the things that might be at play here.
1) He likes you a lot, but he doesn’t want to commit to you
Committing to someone is a big deal. Even if this guy likes you a lot, it’s also possible that he doesn’t want to commit to you.
Why? He may not be ready for a relationship, may have consistency issues or commitment issues, or it might be because the two of you just aren’t a good fit.
There are virtually endless reasons that your guy might not want to commit to you at this time.
Look: In case you blame his decision on yourself, stop! You might not even be a factor here.
He might like you a lot, but committing to someone is a whole different story.
2) He wants a relationship but feels pressured into keeping things platonic
Have you ever considered that maybe he wants a relationship with you, but he feels pressured not to?
Maybe his friends think that he will be “settling” or being “unmanly” if he were to commit to you.
Or maybe he feels pressured to keep things platonic because of the society we live in now.
Or, it could be because his parents don’t agree with him dating you – or being in a relationship with anyone.
Listen: It could be a number of things. Yes, you may be perfect for him, but don’t blame yourself if he doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you.
Not everyone has the needed strength to go after what they want or stand up for themselves. It’s possible he’s this kind of person and there might be nothing that you can do about it.
3) He has some issues that he’s dealing with, and he doesn’t want to drag you into it
Sometimes, people have issues that they’re dealing with. And they don’t want to bring those issues into a relationship.
Maybe his best friend just died in a car crash. Or maybe he has a financial situation that is stressing him out beyond belief.
The truth is, sometimes people want a relationship, but they feel like they’re not ready due to their problems. Or that bringing the other person into their problems will only put them in an unfavorable situation.
It could be anything. But if this is what’s happening, do not take it personally. Instead, try to focus on the positive things about yourself.
4) His hero instinct hasn’t been triggered and it’s keeping him from committing to you
You might be able to relate to this.
There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct.
Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships.
And it’s something most women have never even heard of.
According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex.
Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.
So, how can you trigger the hero instinct in him?
The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.
So if you want to change his mind, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.
5) He’s thinking about his future and he doesn’t want to get into a relationship right now
This might be another reason why he keeps you close even though he doesn’t want a relationship at the moment.
If this is true, you might need to try and put yourself in his shoes.
Try to figure out what exactly is on his mind or what he wants from life at this time (i.e., future goals).
If you can get to the bottom of that, it might make things clearer for you.
Look at it this way: He might have really ambitious plans for himself – and he doesn’t want to be distracted from them.
Again, you’re not to blame if he doesn’t want to get into a relationship.
He may just not be ready to be in a relationship with anyone. And that doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough.
6) He doesn’t want to hurt you, nor does he want to lose you
You may think (and with good reason) that he’s just using you and that his behavior is totally one-sided.
But the truth could be different.
He might not want to start a relationship with you because he likes you and doesn’t want to hurt you in the process of flirting around. And he also might be afraid of losing you.
In short, his fears could keep him from committing to you and starting a relationship.
But again, this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. He might really like you, but this doesn’t mean that he can overcome his fears just to be with you.
7) He just wants to be a player and not commit to anyone
This is another popular reason why guys keep women around even if they don’t want a relationship – they’re looking for fun, and they just don’t want to commit.
They have no plans at all of getting into a relationship and don’t want to waste any time getting serious with someone.
Having fun is the most important thing to these guys and they don’t want to get into something serious if they don’t plan on sticking around.
Even though they’re not going to get into a relationship with you, they might still want to keep you close because it’s easier to maintain a meaningless relationship without the pressure of needing someone emotionally.
8) It’s possible that he truly doesn’t know what he wants
Relationships are a big deal. And not everyone knows what they want and how to go about them. That’s completely normal.
While you’re able to make decisions and be proactive, he might not be at the same level.
That’s why he might not want to commit to you. But don’t let this discourage you if you’re looking for a relationship.
Maybe that’s just not what he wants in his life at the moment.
He may only need a little time and some good advice before he can make up his mind about what he really wants in life and from you.
9) He has trouble keeping the same level of infatuation for you
Another thing to consider is that guys are fickle creatures.
They can be very attracted to a woman, but sometimes that attraction can wane.
Maybe this happened because he became more confident in himself and you weren’t as attractive to him anymore. Or maybe he just realized that there could be someone else out there who was better for him than you.
Whatever the case, you must know that dating and relationship coach Clayton Max has developed sets of phrases that are guaranteed to make any man infatuated with you.
These phrases reach men on a deep primal level – most women don’t know about this, which is why they struggle to keep a man’s infatuation.
To find out what they are, watch his video here where he explains everything.
10) He doesn’t want a relationship but doesn’t want anyone else to have you either
Want the brutal truth? This guy could be so selfish that he’s keeping you close because he doesn’t want anyone else to have you.
This might be a good tactic for him to keep you close so he can make sure that no one else gets to you.
But why would he do that?
Well, it could be because he wants to take advantage of you. Or maybe he feels like you’re too good for him and keeping you close will make him feel better about himself.
It’s tough to say what goes on in his head, but it’s still a possibility.
11) He just got out of a relationship and needs to heal first
This could be another reason why he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
You see, when a guy breaks up with a girl, all kinds of things can happen to him, and some of those things can include getting depressed, feeling humiliated, and being rejected.
Even though he’s broken up with the girl, he might still be hung up on her and just not be able to move on yet.
So, he keeps you close because he’s still hurting and it makes him feel better to know that you’re there for him.
Is this reason also selfish? Absolutely.
12) He just wants to keep you as his booty call
Do you enjoy being intimate with him?
I don’t know about you, but my guess is that he definitely enjoys being intimate with you!
In fact, this could be one of the reasons he keeps you close, but doesn’t want a relationship with you. He might be keeping you close so that he can call you up whenever he wants to have sex.
While this could somehow feel flattering to you, it’s not really healthy.
This is because a relationship should be based on love and mutual respect. But if he keeps you close as his booty call, that isn’t really fair to you – unless that’s what you want as well!
13) He likes the way things are between you two and doesn’t want to change them
I think I know what this guy is thinking:
Why would you change something that works perfectly fine?
Let me explain:
He might genuinely like the way things are between you two and doesn’t want to change them.
He feels like you’re treating him well and he’s spending a lot of time with you already, so why mess things up?
Also, he might be afraid of getting hurt if you don’t want a relationship with him, so he’s not trying to change things.
In addition, he might want to keep things the way they are because he’s confident and doesn’t need you to reassure him in any way.
14) He doesn’t think that you’re relationship material, but still likes you
Has he told you that you’re not the right one for him?
If yes, then there’s your answer right there!
He doesn’t see you as girlfriend material for whatever reason but he still wants to keep you close because he likes your personality.
There’s definitely something about you that keeps him hooked, but not enough.
Maybe he doesn’t think that you’re serious enough, or that you’re not fun enough for him, or something else.
Maybe he just heard a fake rumor about you and he doesn’t want to take a chance.
Whatever the case is, it’s clear that he doesn’t feel like you’re relationship material. Luckily, you could change his mind if you find out what he really thinks.
15) He’s not comfortable with being emotionally vulnerable and doesn’t want to hurt you
Could this be the case? If so, then it’s hard for him to tell you how he feels about you and what he wants from you.
He might think that if he did that, it would make him feel vulnerable. Being vulnerable could be something he’s not comfortable with at the moment.
On top of that, he definitely doesn’t want to see you get hurt because of this. This could be why he’s keeping you close and not committing to you.
I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to show his vulnerable side to you.
Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.
And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make him truly yours.
16) He’s trying to test you and see if you’re the right girl for him
A lot of times, guys do this because they want to see if you’re worth being in a relationship with them. They want to see how far they can push things before you pull away from them or lose interest in them.
If your guy is like this, then he wants to see how you react. He wants to see how you’re going to respond when he doesn’t commit to you.
Personally, I think that if he’s keeping you close, but then pulls away, it’s because he wants to see how much distance he can put between the two of you before you change your mind about him and his relationship with you.
While his method isn’t the best, it points to him actually wanting a relationship with you.
17) He just wants to keep you close as an option
This point is not the most encouraging one, I know!
But hear me out.
I think your guy is the type of person who likes to have options.
He likes having you close as an option in case things don’t work out with anyone else. This way, if another person doesn’t work out for him, then he can still have you as a backup.
If this is the situation, then he’ll just keep you close to see how things progress with someone else or what happens when the two of them are together.
Depending on how that works out for him, he’ll take it from there with you.
18) He thinks that he’ll have to pay for everything if you’re in a relationship
There’s this misconception that when you’re in a relationship, the guy has to pay for everything.
While it’s nice to take you out on a romantic dinner, he is not forced to pay for anything, right?
That’s right, but some guys think that they have to pay for everything.
My guess is that your guy is one of these guys.
He might think that if you’re dating, then he’ll have to pay for all your dates.
Your guy might also be concerned that if you start dating and he wants to take things further, then he’ll have to give you all kinds of gifts and money.
In addition, your guy might not want to pay for everything because he thinks that’s a sign of weakness or something.
19) He is bored out of his mind and he wants you to entertain him
Look, this guy has no real intentions with you if he keeps you close for when he’s bored.
He’s not really looking to build a future with you and he just wants to have fun.
If he’s keeping you around, but clearly not interested in a serious relationship with you, then his reasons are obvious: he’s bored out of his mind and he wants entertainment!
If this is the case, then your guy thinks that you are someone who can help entertain him. He thinks you’re fun to be around.
However, this is not in your best interest if you want to be in a relationship with him.
20) He is afraid of being alone, but a relationship doesn’t appeal to him
Speaking of selfish reasons, here’s another one:
This guy doesn’t like being alone. So, he keeps you around as an option in case he gets lonely.
What does this mean?
Loneliness occurs when you don’t have a good support system to lean on, when there’s no one to help lift you up or keep your spirits up during hard times, or when things are not going well in your life.
If your guy is afraid of being alone, then he might see you as his support system.
But the truth is, if he’s thinking this, then he has no interest in being in a relationship with you.
21) He doesn’t trust you enough to want a relationship with you
Trust is an extremely important part of a relationship.
In addition, it could also be the reason he keeps you close but he doesn’t want a relationship. To be more precise, he is giving you another chance to earn his trust.
Let me ask you this:
Have you done anything to make him doubt you? Have you ever been dishonest with him?
If you have, then it’s possible that he thinks he can’t trust you.
Maybe he wants to keep you around to see if he can get back that sense of trust he had with you in the beginning.
22) He already gets the needed emotional support from you
Among the many perks of being in a romantic relationship is that you have someone there who can support you and make you feel better when you feel down.
But what if you already offered him emotional support?
With this in mind, it’s possible that he doesn’t want a relationship because he is already enjoying its benefits without giving anything back.
While this is good for him, it’s not good for you.
You’ll end up in a situation where you’re supporting him when he’s not supporting you.
23) He doesn’t want to ruin the beautiful friendship you two have
Another reason why he might keep you close is that he thinks that the two of you can’t turn your friendship into a romantic relationship.
In addition, he may think that if you do this, then your friendship will suffer, and there’s a strong possibility that it will eventually go south.
As friends, you guys can still hang out and do things together without any drama or awkwardness.
As a romantic couple, it’s different. If you both get close, then there will be potential for problems.
So, clearly, this guy is keeping you close because he thinks it’s better for you if you stay friends.
24) He has a very different view about relationships compared to yours
Surprisingly enough, this reason why he keeps you close is not selfish at all.
This is the truth, though!
He may keep you close because he has a different view of relationships than you.
For example, he thinks that as a couple, you don’t have to talk daily, but you do. Or, he thinks that talking to other girls is okay, but you don’t.
These differences make it hard for the two of you to connect and get serious.
As you can imagine, if this is the case, then he keeps you close because he thinks it’s best for you to stay friends.
25) He wants to protect you from meeting the wrong guy
This is a sweet one, but there is still no relationship involved!
This guy could be trying to protect you from meeting another guy who isn’t good for you at all.
He might be thinking that protecting a woman is a good thing if you care about her.
But at the same time, if he just wants to protect you from another man and then never be with you, then that’s not a good reason to keep you around.
If he doesn’t have any romantic desires for you, then he shouldn’t be keeping you around. Or, at least, he should share his feelings with you, instead of keeping things carefully hidden.
How do you get a guy to commit that doesn’t want a relationship?
By now you should have a good idea of the reasons this guy may have for not wanting to be in a relationship with you, but still keeping you close.
Good news: depending on his reasons, you can get him to commit to you if that’s what you really want.
What I mean is that you can get him to change his mind and want a relationship with you too.
Start pulling away from him.
If you want to get him to commit, then you need to start pulling away from him.
As mentioned earlier, if he likes having you close, then he’ll definitely notice if you pull away from him.
If you do this, then you might leave him wondering what’s going on.
Stop giving him what he wants.
If something he wants has a cost – like your attention, for example – then you need to stop giving it to him.
In case you continue to give him what he wants, there is a good chance that he won’t commit to you. But if you stop giving it to him and make it more difficult for him to get what he wants, then this will make things interesting and could lead to more serious feelings.
Change the way you look.
How about a makeover?
I know you probably don’t have the time to work on your looks, but it can be worth a try if that’s what it takes.
You can also do something new with your hair, or try a new hairstyle. Overall, try to be more attractive.
Befriend his friends and make them like you.
This is a tricky one, but it can be effective.
One of the main reasons why he might not want to be with you is because he feels like his friends don’t approve of you (see #2).
If that’s the case, then try befriending his friends and making them like you. Once you do this, there will be no barrier around him and his friends.
And if that happens, then there will no longer be anything holding him back from becoming more invested in you.
Don’t make plans and don’t mention the future
Don’t give this guy a sense of security by making plans with him or talking about the future. Try to appear as mysterious as possible.
Men seem to love that, so if you’re able to do this, then you’ll be able to attract him a little bit more.
How long do guys wait to make it official?
The answer to this question depends on a number of factors.
For starters, it depends on the duration of your current relationship, as well as how serious you are in your current relationship.
More serious relationships tend to get made official sooner; while less serious relationships often don’t get made official until after some time has passed.
Studies show that men are more likely to get serious with a woman if the woman doesn’t push for it.
In addition, it appears that older men want to commit sooner than younger men do.
So, depending on all these factors (and more) it may take quite a while until a guy is ready to commit to you and then make your relationship official.
He keeps you close, but he doesn’t want a relationship. What next?
I touched on the hero instinct earlier – it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing.
Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.
And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.
So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.