“He is dating someone else and me.” – 15 tips if this is you

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Dating has become pretty confusing lately.

It is like people are simply too eager to try everything that is out there, just like there is a stopwatch over our heads, and we are in a race who will date more people.

If you have found yourself in this pretty challenging situation, here are 15 tips so you can keep your cool and see if this is truly the right way for you!

1) Be honest with yourself

So, you’ve found out that the guy you like is dating another girl and now you feel more than confused.

It is a pretty tricky situation.

You should be honest with yourself about how you feel.

Just because he wants to date two girls at once doesn’t mean you should go along and fulfill his wishes.

On the other hand, if you are up for it, give yourself the chance to experiment and see if this is something that you would enjoy.

It all boils down to this – either you will feel hurt, jealous, and out of your mind, or you will start noticing the benefits of this kind of lifestyle.

2) Talk openly about your feelings

This is a true necessity, especially if you’re not comfortable with dating more than one person.

Tell him straightly about your expectations.

Explain that you don’t want to be a part of this situation but that you are up for trying something new for once.

If he likes the idea, give it a shot and see how lucky you are in the end!

Maybe he will understand your point of view and stop seeing other girls.

The other possibility is that he will simply turn to other girls instead of you.

Either way, you won’t lose much from it because a clear situation is always better than being in a vague one that will end up hurting everyone involved.

3) Date other people too

If you have decided to try polyamory and dating multiple people at the same time, it’s important that you open your mind so you can get to know yourself better.

You might find yourself noticing that your feelings for the other person are stronger than you first thought.

Sometimes we confuse lust with love, and that’s why it’s better to wait until you know for sure.

Going through a period when you will just experiment is normal, so you can get to know your boundaries more and see what kind of things you like and don’t like.

4) Ask your friends for help

If you don’t feel up to this or if you’re confused about your feelings, talk to your friends and see what they think the best way through is.

Do they think you should go for it and see where it will lead you?

An honest opinion can help enormously sometimes.

The odds are that they will give you the best advice because they know you the most.

They can assess the situation objectively and protect you if they notice that you are getting too caught up in all of it.

5) Look out for the signs

If your partner has only just told you that he’s seeing someone else but doesn’t really want to talk about his feelings, be careful.

This is a sign that he may not be ready yet to share that with you.

If you are afraid to talk about this situation because he wants to keep the feelings for the other person a secret, then it’s better if you break up now and stay single for some time.

You will be able to find someone else who is more honest and less manipulative with his words and actions.

Getting back into dating after being emotionally hurt isn’t easy, but at least it’s doable.

6) Try to share the love

If you’re dating multiple people and still love one at the same time, it’s very important that you try to open your heart and see where this is going.

Relationships are like gardens, they need all their ingredients to work perfectly.

See what will come of it, and you will be surprised just how interesting it can be.

On the other hand, if you simply feel too possessive and unable to function on this level, then be honest about it and simply find what is best for you.

It is better to move on than to be in a situation that doesn’t feel right in any way.

7) Be upfront about your feelings

Being with two people at once can be exciting, rewarding, and fun, but it can also be extremely painful, especially for the parties who are not so open to this kind of interaction.

If you know that your partner is dating someone else and you love him too, it’s important, to be honest with him.

This way, it’ll be easier for him to move on knowing that he is loved if you want to break up, and he will definitely appreciate the honesty.

Try to protect yourself from getting hurt and do what you can to decrease the possible damage.

8) Try an open relationship if this is not working out

Sometimes if you think polyamory isn’t working out at all, it may be better to try an open relationship.

This type of relationship refers to the situation when the people involved decide together how many people they want to date.

You can still be with someone while dating someone else, and that’s pretty exciting, so you may want to try it out!

The difference between the open relationship and polyamory is that in the first one, you will have a clear understanding that you and your partner will have the opportunity to date other people, but your relationship will be something like a base for both.

On the other hand, polyamory is the kind of relationship where the people involved make mutual agreements about who they will date and in what circumstances.

9) Practice what you preach

If your partner is dating someone else and you are also seeing another person without being open about it, don’t pretend that this does not affect your feelings for your partner.

It will just make things worse, and nobody really wants that.

Figure out what you want and what you’re willing to do. If you really love more than one person, then being honest about it is the way to go.

Try to find the right balance between commitment and freedom because the key to a successful polyamorous relationship is the ability to find a balance between being committed and free.

It may be hard for you to do that by having only one relationship, but if you want multiple partners in your life, you will have to learn how to do this as early as possible.

10) Let him go if you are not ready for this situation

If your partner is dating someone else, you need to realize that this is not just your life anymore, and it’s not going to be that way.

Stop trying to control the situation and just let him go if the situation is too painful for you.

You will both be happier in the long run if he finds someone who can make him happy and improve his life in general.

If you have to let your partner go, then do so and stop trying to dictate his choices.

At least you will be able to breathe easier.

If polyamory isn’t working out for some reason, it’s better, to be honest with your feelings and come to the conclusion that instead of polyamory, you may want something else.

Monogamy is not dead, no matter what anyone says.

If you are romantic and still dream about spending your life with your soulmate, do it!

Create the life you would like to live, and don’t be afraid to look for the things you want.

11) Accept that it might get really complicated

People are not robots but very complicated beings with complex emotions.

You should know that it is never black and white and even though it is possible to make everything work, you should be very cautious about this.

Be careful about the way you behave, because you never know just how the other girl might react.

It can be sweet and exciting in the beginning, but it can get really messy after.

Here’s the thing – if you are a quiet person who likes predictability and security, then being in this kind of situation can be very challenging.

Don’t do something that you don’t feel is right just because you feel pressured to do so.

If there is any kind of pressure, it is simply not worth it.

12) Give him a chance to explain

If you are dating multiple people and one of them tells you that he’s seeing someone too, it’s best to give him a chance to explain why he is seeing two people at once.

It may be that he still hasn’t made up his mind about who he wants to date or that there is a really good reason for it.

If you are sure about your feelings, then there is nothing wrong with hearing his side of the story, so you can decide if this situation is acceptable for you or something that you need to get away from fast.

13) Let him know what you want

If your partner is dating someone else and it is not clear that you’re ok with this, let him know what you are comfortable with.

If you go on with this situation, make sure to set the tone and the rules.

Try to keep it open, but remember that you can’t control his feelings, and there is always a chance for another person in his heart.

Be careful with your words and be open about wanting to avoid possible misunderstandings and conflict.

If you choose an open relationship, both will have the right to date other people, even if you are not the one who started dating someone else first.

The same goes for your partner because if he can date someone else, you also have that right!

14) Think about why you get jealous

It is always very useful to explore the reasons why you get jealous so much because jealousy doesn’t actually mean anything on its own.

Go over your reasons and see what it is that bothers you so much.

Sometimes, it can be that you’re afraid of facing your fear of abandonment.  

If you think about it, jealousy is kind of irrational, so there probably is something else behind it.

It’s worth investigating the reasons for your jealousy.

It can be a perfect opportunity for going deep into your feelings and discovering what’s going on.

15) Use your time to better yourself

If you are dating multiple people and feeling jealous, use your time wisely to make yourself better.

Read a self-help book, go for a run, or work on a hobby to make you feel happier about yourself and then even more confident in who you are.

Use this time to assess your weaknesses objectively and work on overcoming all the difficulties the best way you can.

Learn from all the possible sources, go deeper into your subconsciousness, recognize the problems and work on them.

This is the best way for you to improve your character.

Everything you do now will surely pay off in the future.

Final thoughts

We have all been in this situation at least once in a lifetime, and we can certainly relate.

In essence, it all comes down to what you think is the best for you.

If you believe polyamory is for you, then give it a try and see what happens.

Remember that one mistake is enough to ruin your life, so if you are a polyamory newbie or a polyamory veteran looking for new info, take the advice with a grain of salt and make sure that the relationship can last before you decide to be polyamory your entire life.

It all comes down to your sensibility and what you feel is right for you.

I hope that these tips will help you get a better idea of your next step and you will feel inspired to improve your life in the best way possible!

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

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