17 signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you (and what to do about it)

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Do you ever get the feeling that your boyfriend, partner, or crush doesn’t want a relationship with you?

Read through 17 signs below to know if this is happening with you.

And to help you, this article will then explain exactly what you need to do. 

1) He hasn’t mentioned anything about wanting to be in a relationship

If you’re dating someone who has said they want to be in a relationship, but they haven’t talked about it at all, it’s likely that they don’t want to be in a relationship. 

Or when you’re trying to define a relationship, but your partner isn’t talking about it, it’s a sign that they don’t want to get into a relationship.

Furthermore, it could be that they’re waiting for you to take the lead. If they do want to be in a relationship, they may feel that they need to say something first.

Because if they don’t want to be in a relationship with you, their behavior is a big red flag. And you probably don’t want someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

2) He dodges or brushes off any conversations about defining the relationship

If you’re dating someone who has said they want to be in a relationship, but they haven’t talked about it at all, it’s likely that they don’t want to be in a relationship. Just like you may not want a relationship, but you want to be in one.

If you’re trying to define a relationship, but your partner isn’t talking about it, it’s a sign that they don’t want to get into a relationship.

Or, it could be that they’re waiting for you to take the lead. If they do want to be in a relationship, they may feel that they need to say something first.

When it comes to relationships, most guys are all about action. They want to know what’s in them and if there’s a future for the two of you together, so you can count on it. If your guy is running hot and cold, however, he’s probably not that interested in you. 

For example:

Instead of opening up and clarifying what you want, he avoids the question by changing the subject (“What do you want to do tonight?” becomes “Can we go to Starbucks? I have a meeting tomorrow”). 

When you bring it back around to your feelings, he acts like it’s no big deal and says that it’s not important (he has his own job and doesn’t want anything else). If he does address it, he’ll say it’s not important — that he doesn’t want to be too serious or get into the “shoulds” of a relationship (which is code for: He doesn’t want to get into any relationship).

3) He’s pretty vague about what he’s looking for

When you try to talk about what is going on between the two of them, your partner avoids offering any specifics about what he wants. He might make excuses such as saying he “likes taking things slow” or “has a lot going on right now,” or say that all they want is to see where things go with the two of you.

That’s true for him, but the problem occurs when these are said without giving any indication whether an exclusive relationship could ever be possible with him in it. 

When your partner is saying that they’re not looking for anything “in a relationship” or that they’re not sure what they want, then this is a red flag too. Because it means that they may not be ready for a relationship.

If he’s not willing to clearly define what he’s looking for, it’s a good bet that he isn’t really that into you. This is why so many couples end up too soon. 

Why not spend some time getting to know each other instead of trying to figure out if you’re compatible at the same time?It’s a mutual process that will help you both decide if you want to see each other again. 

It’s a much better way to meet people and helps ensure you both have a mutually positive experience. You can get to know each other better by asking open-ended questions and actively listening to each other’s responses. 

4) He says he “doesn’t do labels.”

This is a really common sign of someone who doesn’t want a relationship. It’s also a really common thing to hear. It’s that no one wants to be labeled, right? Wrong. This is actually a really strong signal that someone doesn’t want a relationship.

The problem with labels like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” is that they come with expectations. When some guys bring up the issue of labels, what they really mean is that they don’t want to date you or be seen in public with you in case their friends call them a “fag.”

If your partner is saying that they don’t want to put themselves in certain categories, like “in a relationship” or “single” or “married,” then this is a red flag too. Because it means that they may not be ready for a relationship.

Or it could mean that they’re not sure what kind of relationship they want. It’s important to be clear about what you want from a relationship, but it’s also important to respect your partner’s needs and boundaries.

What you might consider to be a red flag, may not be so for your partner. It’s important to talk about your expectations, boundaries, and how you want your relationship to unfold.

5) Most of his previous relationships have been short term or undefined

If you’ve already figured out that he’s not ready for a relationship, you need to move on and treat these other girls accordingly. You can’t fix a man who is interested in nothing more than the short term.

 If he’s not interested in you, move on and get over him. His life will become a lot simpler if he does this himself as opposed to being forced into it through social manipulation as well.

A person’s past relationships are not always a good indication of what they want now or going forward.

But if all of his previous “relationships” have also been undefined or short term and he is being vague about his intentions with you, those factors together suggest that he probably is not interested in changing on this front anytime soon 

It might be best for you to look elsewhere for a partner who is more interested in something serious.

Remember that no one person can meet all of your needs. However, a healthy, mutually fulfilling relationship — whether casual or long term — can help you feel more fulfilled as a person.

6) He’s still talking to other people

This is a sign that your partner still has feelings for his exes, and he’s unable to get over them. 

If he has no desire to move forward with you, he may still talk to his exes. This could be because he’s still in love with them or he’s still seeing them.

On the other hand

When a guy likes you, he probably has strong feelings for you. 

But he may be confused about what he wants, which could make him act like you don’t exist. You may have noticed that he texts a lot — sending at least one text message per hour. 

This is a sign that he’s interested in you, but also a sign that he’s trying to figure things out. He may be trying to figure out what he wants, so he can get closer to you more easily. He may also be trying to figure out where he stands with you, which could make him act distant.

If you notice that he’s pulling away, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask what’s going on.

7) He won’t make long-term plans

Long-term plans are a huge sign that a guy is interested in a relationship with you. He might agree to go to a concert or a party with you, but he won’t agree to plan a trip with you. 

This is a big clue that he isn’t interested in a relationship. He might be interested in you, but he doesn’t want to put in the effort to make it a relationship. 

Or he may have other things he wants to do and other people he wants to be with. He might have other commitments or things he wants to do first.

Simply because some of these things might be more important to him than spending time with you. 

He might need some time to himself, or he might have things he wants to do with his friends. He might have plans that he can’t break. 

Furthermore, he may have other things he wants to do with you too, but they might not be a high enough priority to interrupt whatever he has planned.

However

In any case, you don’t need to be confrontational. Stay positive, and keep things light. Smile and make eye contact, and if he doesn’t respond, try something else. He might be busy, but he’ll also be aware of your efforts to connect with him, and that might make him more likely to respond.

8) He’s not interested in meeting your friends or family

If you’ve met your partner’s friends and family, but he’s not interested in meeting yours — or if he’s made excuses for not meeting your family — then you should be concerned. Your partner may be isolating you from your family and friends, which is a dangerous sign.

Since he may not be interested in dating you because he thinks you aren’t ready for a relationship. He may also think your friends would put him off, which is why he doesn’t want to meet them. 

By the way, you have to decide if his reasons for not meeting your friends and family are acceptable to you. 

If you would be comfortable with him meeting your friends and family, but he isn’t, there are other guys out there who are interested in dating you and wouldn’t mind meeting your friends and family.

Otherwise, you have options, and you’re allowed to change your mind. 

Just because you once thought he was a good fit doesn’t mean that he will always be a good fit. If you no longer feel comfortable with the thought of him meeting your friends and family, then you need to stop dating him. It’s that simple.

9) He texts a lot but never actually meets up with you.

When a guy likes you, he probably has strong feelings for you. 

But he may be confused about what he wants, which could make him act like you don’t exist. You may have noticed that he texts a lot — sending at least one text message per hour. 

This is a sign that he’s interested in you, but also a sign that he’s trying to figure things out. He may be trying to figure out what he wants, so he can get closer to you more easily. He may also be trying to figure out where he stands with you, which could make him act distant.

However, if you’ve never met him in person, he’s probably not interested in meeting you. This can be a huge clue that he isn’t interested in a relationship. He doesn’t want to meet you in person because he isn’t ready for a relationship yet.

Or maybe he wants to keep his distance so he can focus on himself and healing by some reasons:

He might be in a new relationship, but it’s an open one. 

He might have a partner, but it’s a non-exclusive one. 

He might just be getting over a break-up and not be ready to jump into anything.

Those reasons for this aren’t important. What matters is that he is taking the time he needs to heal, and you shouldn’t try to rush him. He’ll be ready when he’s ready.

10) He’s really into you when you’re physically together, but otherwise, he’s pretty distant

He’s not interested in talking to you or spending time with you. He might text you every once in a while, but don’t expect lots of communication from him. He may also avoid making plans with you, which can make you feel like you’re not important to him.

If you’re with him, he’s really engaged and interested in your activities. He may be attentive and helpful or just really engaged in what you’re talking about. He might even ignore his phone when you’re together, which is a big deal for him.

If your guy is really into you when you’re together, he might just be distracted by you. 

While he’s with you, his mind might be on other things like how gorgeous you are or how much he loves spending time with you, but then after he’s with you, he goes right back to his normal self. He’s not really taking in what you’re saying or how you make him feel.

Otherwise, being attracted to a woman is one thing, but being able to feel close to her emotionally can be very challenging. You might get along well in person, but when it comes down to it, he has trouble opening up. 

He’ll tell you that he wants to be more emotionally close with you, and that he’d like your opinion on things, but he’ll also avoid the difficult stuff and not ask what you think.

Maybe, he is pretending that everything is okay and going about his day.

But he’ll feel even more isolated because he doesn’t have the support he needs. 

He’ll keep his feelings to himself and pretend like everything is okay even though it’s not. 

He’ll build up a wall and put up a barrier between the two of you, and he might even start doing things that annoy you. He’ll push you away because he’s scared that you’ll leave him if he admits that he needs you.

11) His texting is pretty lazy

If your man is always “lazy” about texting back, he might not be that into you. 

Maybe it could mean that he’s lazy in general, or it could be that he’s just lazy about you. He might just feel like he doesn’t have to respond to you because he knows you’re busy or don’t have time for him.

On the other hand

You might have a common interest, but if he knows you’re really into something else at the moment and can’t really give him the attention he needs, he might just leave you alone. It’s not necessarily a bad thing; he might just feel that it’s not worth interrupting you.

He might be testing you to see if you will chase him. If you’re dating someone, they might just be testing you to see if you’re interested in being pursued.

He might just be respecting your boundaries. He might know you’re busy, and he might know you’ve got something on your mind, and he might just be respecting your need for space. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

12) He doesn’t put effort into getting to know you more personally

He might be hanging out with you for one reason, and that is to sleep with you. If he is not interested in getting to know you better as a person, then he probably has no interest in keeping you around.

Otherwise, if your guy is only interested in getting to know you as a friend, he may not be that into you.

Since some guys do want to date you but they’re not really trying to get to know you or make you a priority in their life. You can tell a lot about a guy’s interest in you by how he treats you. If he’s really interested in you, he’ll try to get to know you better and make you a priority.

Or if you feel like he is not trying to get to know you, then you should probably cut ties. It’s not healthy to be in a relationship with someone who is not interested in getting to know you better.

You might have been friends with him before you started dating, and now he doesn’t even try to hang out with you as a friend.

If he has no interest in getting to know you, then he probably doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

From this issue, you may have to try a few dates before you find one that works for both of you. 

If you’re trying to find a date activity that suits both of your interests, it may take some time before you find one that works for both of you. 

Or you may have to go on a few unsuccessful dates before you find one that works for both of you. If a guy isn’t interested in getting to know you, he probably doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

13) He’s not really letting you get to know him on a deeper level

He might be talking to a lot of other girls, and he might be leading you on because he knows that you like him and he wants to keep you interested, but he’s not trying to be your boyfriend. He might be stringing you along for a few casual dates, but he probably isn’t interested in anything serious with you.

Or he knows that you like him and he wants to keep you interested, but he’s not trying to be your boyfriend.

If you’re constantly wondering what he’s like on a deeper level, but your man isn’t opening up more, he might not be that into you. Some people are just private and don’t like to open up about themselves or their past. You can’t open up someone who is closed off. If you want to know more about him, you’ll have to start asking.

14) He’s not that affectionate

He doesn’t really mention how he feels to you and he also doesn’t do anything romantic or nice for you. You are also nowhere to be seen on his social media, which is a little odd considering how much time they spend together and your importance in their life. 

If they’re in a group, perhaps they will even avoid holding hands with you or kissing if people are around them – all the things that usually happen when it’s just the two of us! 

However, this is actually really common and happens to lots of couples when they’re around other people. 

It’s not necessarily something to worry about, it’s just that your partner might feel more self-conscious when there are other people around, which can make them act differently.

What you can do: It’s really easy to hold hands with your partner when there are other people around – just make sure they don’t want to keep their hands free so they can shake hands with people!

On the other hand

Maybe, he’s not cold or distant, but it’s likely that he has spent most of his life focusing on goals and tasks that require concentration and mental energy. 

Touch is a sensory input like any other, and if he’s not used to receiving it or making an active effort to seek it out, he’ll probably prefer to have his hands free to do something else.

15) He doesn’t make you a priority

He only calls you when he needs something. He doesn’t make an effort to stay in touch, and you feel like you’re only ever a last-resort option for him. He doesn’t put any effort into maintaining the relationship, and you feel like you’re not important enough for him to do that.

He doesn’t seem to care about your feelings and only wants to get his own needs met.

He is disrespectful towards you and doesn’t seem to appreciate the things that you do for him.

He seems to have no regard for your needs and puts his needs above everything else.

He doesn’t seem to care about the fact that you have feelings and only wants to get his own needs met.

He is constantly putting you down and telling you that you’re not good enough.

He doesn’t respect your boundaries and violates your rights as a person.

He puts you in a position where you don’t feel comfortable and are constantly anxious about what he might do next.

He seems to be actively trying to push you away and make you feel as if you don’t deserve to be with him.

When you notice that he’s done something to push you away, don’t confront him. Instead, give him some space and try to work through your feelings on your own. 

Even if you know he did something to push you away, you need time to process it and work through your feelings. If you rush into a confrontation, you risk not being honest about your feelings. 

Furthermore, give yourself time and space to process your feelings and examine why you felt pushed away. Once you’ve done that, you can start the healing process and try to repair the relationship.

16) He isn’t pushing the relationship forward

First and foremost, if your man isn’t pushing the relationship forward, he might not be that into you. 

While it’s normal for a guy to want to get intimate right away, most guys will want to take things slowly. This is especially true if he’s been in the dating game for a while and believes that he may be “settled.”

It’s important to show your guy that you’re willing to move forward with the relationship. You can do this by suggesting activities that will get your relationship moving forward and by letting him know that you’re interested in taking things slow. 

Another way to show him that you’re ready for a relationship is to make yourself a little more attractive. If you’ve been eating poorly and haven’t taken care of yourself, you may want to make an effort to do so. 

Remember:

Guys love confidence and if you can show a little swagger, your man will be more likely to realize that you’re ready for a relationship.

17) You’ve been talking for a long time without any changes

You’ve been listening to the same story over and over again without any changes. He’s still ranting about the same things, and you’re still trying to change the subject.

He’s still ranting about the same things, and you’re still trying to change the subject. He’s not interested in what you are saying.

He’s not interested in what you are saying. He’s not asking you any questions. In fact, he’s shutting down any attempt to start a conversation. 

What should you do? Stop talking and start acting! Talking for too long will not bring you any benefits. You must take action and make changes in your life.

All in all, some simple ways that you can refer to when this happens. Maybe, you can read somes of this above. However, these things below will sum up all things you need to do.

  • Stop contacting him: Get rid of anything he gave you. This includes his stuff, e-mails, messages and anything else. It is best to learn to stop thinking about him.
  • Be proud of yourself! You did the difficult thing and ended this unhealthy relationship. Now it’s time to focus on healing and moving forward.
  •  Get the support you need: If the relationship was abusive or not healthy then seek support from a therapist or a group of friends that understands abusive relationships.

It can be hard to tell if a guy is really into you or if he’s just going through the motions. If your red flags are consistent with his, you could have a real issue. If you think your guy is one of the people on this list, try talking to him. You never know, he could just be going through the motions and not even realize it.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.