I met an amazing guy last week with who I felt a strong connection.
Here’s the problem:
I haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks. What should I do?
15 action steps if you haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks
If you haven’t heard from a guy in two weeks then something is going on.
Even the most uncommunicative man knows that you don’t ghost someone for weeks at a time. Unless he has a got a medical emergency or some other crisis it can be a very upsetting situation.
You thought things were going well and now this fellow seems to have deleted you from his contacts. I understand and I’m currently in the same boat as you.
Here’s what to do (and what not to do).
1) Do not chase him
The biggest mistake you can make when a guy is avoiding you is to chase him.
Even if he’s not contacted you for two weeks for an unrelated reason, hounding or contacting him repeatedly could cause him to rethink going out with you.
If you’re in the beginning stages of a relationship then it can be devastating to find a new guy that means a lot to you only to have him duck out on you.
But if you pursue him strongly then he’s not going to respond well.
As Christine Keller observes:
“If a guy hasn’t texted you back for days, you will probably freak out and want to know what is happening with him.
I know you will think about calling or texting him, but trust me, that is the worst thing you can do.”
2) Find out if he’s OK
It sounds like just an excuse at first, for sure. But in some situations, the guy who’s ghosting you really is hurt or going through a crisis of some kind.
It is perfectly fine to at least ask him if he’s OK or ask a mutual friend if they know if he is alright.
However, once you ask the ball is in his court.
Do not follow up with repeated “?” followed by, emojis, GIFS, memes, and so on.
If he doesn’t answer he’s either too thick into his emergency to respond, lost his phone, or doesn’t want to see you.
Flooding him with texts is only going to drown whatever last bit of attraction he still has for you.
3) Start focussing on yourself
It’s natural to feel like you’ve done something wrong and that’s why he’s stopped messaging. But more often than not, the issue is with HIM and not with you.
That’s why the best thing to do is start focusing your attention back on yourself. Build yourself up, increase your self-esteem and live your best life. If he comes back, great. If he doesn’t, you won’t care as much as you’ll be too busy investing in yourself!
Not to mention, he’ll probably start becoming curious as to why you’re not sat at home moping around and waiting for his call.
4) Don’t blame yourself
Sensitive and creative people tend to blame themselves when things don’t work out.
They sit in front of the blank canvas of reality and begin painting all sorts of illusions and monsters on it.
The truth is that any number of things may have happened:
The guy could have met someone else;
He might not be that into you;
He may be dealing with personal issues.
But you may be inclined to blame yourself. Honestly, don’t. There’s no “secret formula” you can try or “trick,” and there’s no crazy weird specific thing you did that suddenly turned him off and so on.
5) Pace yourself
It’s OK to hope that a guy you like texts you back or calls you.
What’s unhealthy is when you begin staking your happiness on it or go into super highs and lows based on him contacting you or not.
If you haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks you’re likely at a point where you wonder whether to fully walk away or still stay invested.
The answer, of course, is that it’s up to you.
But one thing I can advise is that if you’re still interested to hear from him you should pace yourself. Don’t give in to your temporary emotions or your desire to fixate on this guy, but keep a part of you that’s still open to something with him in the future.
As it says on Harappa:
“Patience enables us to analyze things and situations beyond their face value. The resourcefulness, calm, and empathetic behavior and self-control of patient people can make them very popular.
It also gives them inner peace and the ability to keep smiling despite challenges.”
6) Stay busy
The biggest problem when you’ve just had a big setback or disappointment like not hearing from a guy you’re into is to sink into your couch or bed and let the world pass by.
Maybe listen to a few really sad remixes and YouTube playlists…
A movie or two about the horrible nihilism of this life and how love is a trap…
But this is not going to do anything for you but temporarily indulge your sadness. And even if you do succumb to some sad activities and lethargy, do your best to stay busy as much as possible.
When you lose momentum in one area there’s no reason you need to lose it overall.
Keep working, keep grinding and keep reaching for the stars.
7) Just breathe
Sometimes the best choice of action is to just breathe.
I know what you’re thinking: we’re always breathing, so why would you need to consciously choose to just breathe?
What I’m talking about here is shamanic breathwork. It’s all about finding that bridge between the autonomous and somatic nervous systems.
Our breath forms a special link between our conscious and unconscious, after all, you can’t consciously choose to digest, but you can consciously choose to breathe or just leave it to your automatic reflexes.
By consciously doing various breathwork exercises you can clear enormous emotional trauma, blockages, and false stories about the self.
You will begin to see more clearly that you are not dependent on anyone else.
8) Cut out self-doubt
Self-doubt is a lot different than realistic self-assessment.
Admitting you’re not a great dancer and could improve or that your cooking skills are lacking is a lot different than fundamentally doubting your worth, desirability, or potential.
Self-doubt saps our confidence and wellbeing, often at the exact moment, we need it the most. When you feel self-doubt creeping up you should laugh in its face.
If it starts to gain a foothold it can sabotage everything and make situations like with this guy 100 times worse.
“When we have a fear or belief within us, our psyche will try to find proof to back up how we feel, no matter how destructive that thought is. We all navigate through the world with filter systems that take in the information we deem relevant and discard everything else.
For instance, if you think no one likes you, you will hone in on people not being nice to you and will ignore all the proofs that people do like you.”
9) Work on a new project
My advice to stay busy can be easier said than done. That’s why I highly recommend taking up a specific new project.
This could be remodeling your kitchen, learning to computer code, or planning for a trip next summer.
The only requirement is that it’s something you’re passionate about and something that will take up all your attention at least for a few days or weeks.
This isn’t about just “distracting” yourself or trying to repress feelings. You should be accepting of the painful feelings you’ll be experiencing.
But by committing to a new project you’re dedicating yourself to one of the most important things anyone will ever learn in life (and which many people never learn).
As the poet William Ernest Henley wrote in his iconic poem Invictus:
“I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.”
10) Don’t let it get to you
As I said, you’re naturally going to be feeling down and upset at times if you’ve had a guy you are interested in stop talking to you.
When I say here not to let it get to you what I mean is to not let it become part of your “story.”
Yes, you are going through a painful experience and you’ve been treated in a way that’s unfair and hurtful. But this isn’t like a permanent record or a jail sentence.
You still have all those happy memories and successes of your life and this doesn’t define you.
“Remain chill and keep living your life, when and if he does eventually get back to you, you shouldn’t be fazed. And if he doesn’t, well you’ve already completed the first steps towards moving on with your life, player free,” notes relationship expert Drea Rose.
11) Minimize your time on social media
The temptation when you’re hung up about a guy and haven’t heard from him in 2 weeks is to figure out the problem and come up with a solution.
You want to make a final choice, a bold stand, or at least find some kind of insight into why this is happening.
This can lead to all sorts of scouring of his social media to find out what he’s up to, whether he’s been out with other girls, what he’s been sharing lately, and so on.
The truth is that when you go down this road it can be very hard to come back from.
Even if he does call you back and you end up going out more you’re going to be sunk into a pattern of extreme possessiveness and codependency, depending on him to make you happy and being suspicious that he could be straying from you or losing interest.
This is not the way to find true love and intimacy.
12) Become a leader and inspiration
One of the best things you can do if a guy isn’t giving you the time of day is becoming the kind of woman who’s out of his league.
Become a leader and inspiration.
To him and anyone else who comes across your path.
As Mat Boggs writes:
“Re-ignite your hobbies. Not just keeping yourself busy, but doing things that you enjoy and that make you happy. Occupy your time with joy and you’ll forget all about waiting for an outcome!
….Instead of waiting on him to make a move or to make you happy, focus on becoming a positive influence in his life, regardless of the outcome!”
13) Know your own worth
It’s important to truly know your own worth. Not just intellectually but deep in your bones.
Work out, create, innovate, relax and work on yourself. Make it so that your own self-worth is no longer a matter of conjecture.
It’s fully known to you and not affected by poor treatment from others. It’s a shame that a man is treating you like this, but it doesn’t actually lower your worth in any way.
If anything it means this guy is a piece of crap who doesn’t appreciate your value.
14) Meet other guys
If it’s been two weeks there’s more than enough justification for going out to meet other guys.
You can take it slow for sure, if you want. But there’s no guy who has any right on your time or attention who ignores you for 2 weeks.
You’re not a disposable party favor who just comes out when a guy decides he wants you. You’re a woman deserving of respect, clear communication, and a solid time commitment.
If he won’t do that then it’s time to meet a guy who will.
15) Have a block party
This is the final and most drastic step and option you can take.
If this guy has clearly ghosted you and there’s doubt in your mind or heart then it could be time to block his ass.
If you’ve reached that point then commit to it fully and don’t look back.
Block his number, his Whatsapp, his social media, and get fully out of anything to do with him.
At this point, unless he shows up at your door in person like the scene from Notting Hill then you’re free and clear of this player and ready to start meeting and dating guys who are worth your time.
Final decision: should you give up on this guy?
It all comes down to your final decision:
Should you give up on this guy?
Honestly, probably yes.
However – and I want to stress this – sometimes it’s possible to give up too easily.
If you follow the above steps then you are well-positioned to be ready for this guy if he comes back, and move on if he doesn’t.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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