Realizing you have a crush can be intense. I’ve been there and I completely understand.
Of course, we’re giddy about it, but underneath, there might be some anxiety over what they think about us. Do they like us back? Who knows!
For you, it can get mixed with sexual fantasies as well. You might even wonder why such a thing happens.
Let’s dive into some of the reasons below!
1) You haven’t realized you’re attracted to them
Actually, this happened to me more than once. Sometimes we’re so into our heads that we can’t understand what we’re feeling.
So, cue the sexual fantasies: you can be attracted to someone physically or “mentally”, and the fantasies are a big sign of this.
Why does this happen? There are three main reasons:
- The person you fantasize about is appealing to you on one or more levels;
- You’re interested and motivated to know more about someone, and thus, you start fantasizing;
- You feel super comfortable and in tune with someone, and your fantasies reflect that.
All these things– feeling attracted, comfortable, or at ease with someone– are great triggers for sexual fantasies to start.
The result is that you start developing romantic or sexual feelings toward this person.
2) You’ve had a wet dream
Wet dreams start in puberty and never really go away, even if you don’t remember them over the years.
However, having a sex dream about someone you know can help you remember and develop new fantasies.
I want to highlight that there’s nothing shameful about sex dreams, and they can be the start of a very interesting conversation with your crush if you’re brave enough for that.
If you’re unsure of their feelings or how comfortable they feel speaking about spicy topics, you don’t have to tell them about it.
Dreams don’t reflect your values or make you a bad person in any way, shape, or form.
Most of the time, it’s a way for the brain to process stuff that happens when we’re awake.
If you’ve been feeling differently about your crush and you start having sex dreams about them, it might be time to stop and “feel your feelings.”
3) You’ve been worrying about your crush
Sometimes women daydream about their crush saving them from a fire, to put an example.
On the other hand, men also wonder what their crush would do if something went wrong with their lives.
What I mean is that it’s normal to worry about how our crush could potentially react to the significant events in our lives.
If we think they’d be worried, we might wonder to what extent, and so on.
But how come this can trigger a sexual fantasy, you may ask?
Let me give you an example: if you tell your crush that someone you dated has been bothering you, their worry might cause them to get closer to you and become a bit possessive.
And we all know how high-stakes situations can sparkle other kinds of feelings…
It can happen the same vice-versa.
If you’re fantasizing about a hot makeout session after a jealousy scene, you’re not deranged or crazy. You’re normal!
It’s just your mind going over fictional scenarios.
4) Loneliness is getting to you
I get it. I was in the same boat. You feel lonely and slightly depressed, and you start fantasizing about someone you like.
Loneliness can get even heavier if you’ve been single for a while. This is why we sometimes develop crushes on friends with who we had a purely platonic relationship.
It’s tempting to seek out comfort from someone we already know and love, especially if we feel seen and understood by them.
Consider this when you have sexual fantasies about someone you know and didn’t expect to fantasize about: sometimes, all we want is a connection that makes us feel better and chases away the loneliness.
As simple as that.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that the person you fantasize about is the one or will effectively make you feel better.
But the idea of not being lonely anymore might be more appealing than the reality of this connection.
You know, I want to tell you something.
Loneliness can lead to severe health conditions, so you’d better look for a way to connect with others.
I’m not telling you to go to your crush and express your feelings.
It’s not the best thing to do if you’re not prepared.
Instead, I recommend you listen to what relationship expert Bobby Rio says.
In his video, he shares a few simple but highly powerful techniques on how to reach out to women and make them interested in you on a deeper level.
Check out his excellent free video here to see if it can help you gain more confidence in your love life, as it helped me.
5) You’ve had more physical contact
The “problem” with having sexual fantasies is that keeping our hands off our crush in real life gets increasingly difficult.
Trust me, I know how it feels when you just want to grab them and…well…you know.
So, if you had more physical contact with your crush lately, it can be the reason why your sexual fantasies exist in the first place.
Of course, I mean the kind of physical contact that is accepted or welcomed in a platonic relationship, such as a hug, or even cuddling if that’s your thing.
But over time, you might find yourself using every excuse in the book to touch them.
- Tapping their thigh for whatever reason;
- Touching their arm when saying hello or goodbye;
- Touching their hair to keep it away from their eyes or because it’s bothering them;
- Removing imaginary lint from their clothing.
Touching your crush, even as a friend, may provoke sexual fantasies. So, if you don’t have a touch barrier, you can expect some wild dreams…
6) You’ve been playfully flirting
Yeah, I know, it’s one of the first things you thought about.
Nobody wants to risk it all and outright confess their feelings. At least, not at first. So, the way we might start hinting at our intentions can be through light flirting.
If your crush has been making playful suggestions or jokes with sexy undertones, you might’ve started fantasizing about them.
After all, it’s normal for our minds to make up fake scenarios that we want to happen in real life.
Something as little as a joke can provoke sexual fantasies.
However, you can’t always shy away from expressing your feelings. I know there should be time and place for that. But it’s crucial for you to find the courage and tell your crush how you feel at some point.
Because you just never know how they’ll react back.
In my personal experience, I felt confused whenever I had sexual thoughts about my crush. I knew my feelings got stronger and it wasn’t just the “I kinda like you” phase anymore.
But I still found it hard to admit it even to myself.
I’d shy away from expressing my feelings even more, and think that there was something wrong with me. Little did I know it was completely normal to feel this way.
You see, to be confident about ourselves, we have to develop a strong connection with our core: discover who we truly are and realize our potential.
I’m not saying that once you do that you’ll never feel confused or perplexed again.
However, once you tap into your personal power you’ll feel more confident in your own thoughts, actions, and desires.
You won’t overthink minor things but rather trust your instincts.
You see, when you learn to trust yourself and tap into the incredible pool of personal power within you, you’ll find the courage you need.
It’ll allow you to act from this position of confidence and make a positive change in your life.
You see, we all have an amazing amount of potential. We’re all capable of achieving more than we realize. Happiness is within reach; we just look for it in all the wrong places.
And this has a knock-on effect on everything else in our lives, including our relationships.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. Somehow, I’ve stumbled upon his teachings, and they resonated with me.
Rudá helped thousands of people restore balance to their lives, discover their personal power, and live life with passion at the heart of everything they do.
He uses a unique approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with an effective modern-day twist.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can discover and bring in your potential, gain access to your personal power, and become a much better version of yourself.
After watching it, I realized I didn’t believe in myself and didn’t realize how much potential is actually within me.
Now, I can confidently say I’m on a new level of self-realization. It helped me to convey my feelings to my crush in a very assured yet nice manner.
7) You’re attracted to them more than you thought
Whether this is consciously or unconsciously, if they’re your type, fantasies can start at any point.
To add to this, sexual fantasies can make you start behaving differently around them.
Imagine if you have a conversation with your friends about your type.
You might not even realize it, but you’ll be describing your crush as someone who is your perfect type.
Another example would be if you always mention your crush whenever you speak about something funny or enjoyable in your life.
Without realizing it, you might dedicate a lot of your attention to them and it may eventually lead to having strong sexual fantasies about them.
Don’t worry; it’s perfectly fine! We’ve all been there.
8) You’ve been noticing their appearance
I’m not saying that science says it: the amygdala, which is the area of the brain in control of emotions, is more active in men than in women when they’re stimulated visually.
In short, sexy pictures cause more of a reaction in men than in women. If your crush is attractive to you, you usually check them out from head to toe, and thus fantasies are born.
Beware! If you do it too much, they might notice your actions and your wandering glances and start asking questions about your feelings.
Try to keep it to sideway glances or like you’re looking at something else if you don’t want to get caught.
Be discreet, unless you have no problem telling your crush about your feelings.
Checking out their assets can trigger more sexual fantasies if you catch my drift.
9) You are jealous and don’t know how to deal with it
Ugh, jealousy is an ugly, ugly feeling. It’s hard to deal with it.
Unfortunately, this can also be the starting point for sexual fantasies. If your crush endlessly talks about their love life, you might imagine yourself in the place of those people.
You can even think that you’d be better than all of them!
It’s also normal to think about what they’d do if you suddenly started dating or flirting with someone else.
Would they talk to you and declare their feelings? Would they take action?
For some of us, jealousy can be a way to show deeper emotions, although it’s not the best way by far.
10) You’ve just watched a sexy scene in a tv show or movie
Lots of stories have sexy or downright erotic scenes. It’s easy to project yourself in those scenarios along with your crush.
It gets more difficult if you’re watching with them, though.
If sexy fantasies start in your mind, you don’t have to be ashamed or worried about them.
Always remember that crushes are super normal and there’s nothing wrong with sexual fantasies.
You can even see these scenes as a great form of daydreaming, inspiring courage to talk about your feelings.
I know I’ve done it in the past!
5 most common sexual fantasies for men
Now that you’ve understood why you have sexual dreams about your crush, let me tell you what are the 5 most common sexual fantasies for men.
You know, feeling that you’re not the only one out there going through the exact same thing is empowering!
1) Group sex or threesomes
If you ask folks around you’ll find out most of them have a sexual fantasy about it.
The dream can involve different people and different genders. It could be you, your crush, and someone else, or a full-on orgy.
If you’re currently dating someone, you can share these fantasies with your partner and see if they feel the same. Remember that you don’t need to act on a fantasy, but it can be a way to spice up your sex life.
You can explore this by asking for their consent to talk about it while you’re… well, doing what you do. You can even use toys to make the experience more intense!
2) Rough or intense sex
This is a fantasy that a lot of men and a lot of women have as well. Rough sex can be described as aggressive, or violent by some people. It’s all about control and loss of control.
Some folks associate it with passion, but unfortunately for others, it can be a sign of an abusive person.
Let me clarify: rough sex isn’t inherently abusive or dangerous for the people that are consenting to it.
BDSM is an umbrella term that covers what I mean by rough sex, and it stands for the following:
- sadism, and masochism.
There are a lot of kinks to be explored in BDSM, such as spanking, punishing, etc. Kinks are simply sexual practices that not everyone is into.
BDSM has a strong focus on consent and having fun, which makes it the perfect starting point if you want to explore having rough sex.
Why is it intense?
Simply because you discuss what you like in terms of rough sex, and then you enact those fantasies. It can be a bit of acting, and there are limits to be respected, but it can also be lots of fun with the right partner.
For dominant men, rough sex can be the best way to express their strength with their partner.
It’s like having the “green light” to dominate someone else for a little while.
3) Mutual masturbation
This is another very typical fantasy to have. It can be you watching your partner pleasuring themselves, or them pleasuring you, or both doing it at the same time.
Always remember that before you act on a sexy fantasy, you have to talk to your partner. You can start the chat in many different ways.
For example: “Would you like it if I touched you until you finished?”
Another way to do so, but not the best, would be to move their hand downwards when you’re getting hot and heavy. With any luck, they’ll understand and be into it as well.
4) Sex in risky places
This is a very common fantasy, especially because a new place will influence the way you’re having sex. It can be an adrenaline-fueled experience to have sex in restricted areas or even outside.
What do I mean by outside? Places like:
- A luxurious hotel room in a big city;
- A quaint bedroom in the countryside;
- The car, if you’re feeling particularly risky.
It’s thrilling to think about doing it outside, but there can be consequences to consider first. If you are outside, for example, you run the risk of people seeing you.
As long as you weigh the pros and cons beforehand, I say go for it!
5) Roleplay and cosplay: acting
These are two fantasies in one item. They might sound similar, but there are a few key differences.
- Roleplay is playing with something like a situation. For example, you can pretend to be strangers meeting for the first time. Or you can explore the dynamics between two people with different levels of power, a dominant and a submissive person.
- Cosplay, on the other hand, involves one or two partners dressing up and acting as characters in a movie or video game. It doesn’t have to be sexual, although some folks are into that.
There isn’t a lot of research about these two sexual practices, unfortunately. Some researchers consider it insignificant in the grand scheme of all things sexy, so they often don’t ask about it.
Sexual fantasies: what can you do about them?
Some people’s imagination is more active than others, and this is why sexual fantasies can change over time. It doesn’t mean anything bad or that will necessarily change your life.
In our fantasies, we’re different, more idolized in some ways.
You don’t have to consider ending a long relationship just because you dreamed about being with someone else for one night; it doesn’t even mean you’re bored of your partner.
These are some of the purposes of sexual fantasies:
- We can feel more confident in ourselves or our bodies when we are fantasizing;
- We can safely explore fake scenarios, and it doesn’t mean we’d be into those things in real life;
- We can need something different, but it doesn’t have to be exactly like our sexual fantasies. If you dream about abandoning all your projects and friends and living in the mountains alone for the rest of your life, it doesn’t mean you should do it. Perhaps all you need is a weekend in the countryside!
If you want to act on some fantasies with your partner or partners, you can talk about it and see how they feel first. Then, feel free to explore new things in the bedroom!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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