Are you in a position where you want a woman to choose you over another woman?
This can be tricky, and you might feel tempted to give her the ultimatum: “Me or her?”
But maybe an ultimatum isn’t the best way to go about it.
Keep reading to find out how you can make a bisexual woman choose you!
What is an ultimatum?
An ultimatum is a demand that is made with the expectation that it will be accepted or rejected.
Essentially, an ultimatum is a threat; for example, “If you don’t do A then I’ll have no choice but to do B.”
In this case, if you don’t choose me, I will leave.
Ultimatums can be effective, no doubt about it, but they can also be detrimental to a relationship.
But let’s learn a little bit more about this, so that you can understand what your best option is in your situation.
Is an ultimatum different from a boundary?
An ultimatum is a statement that gives someone a choice between two or more options.
Most importantly, an ultimatum is usually a demand, not a request.
Boundaries, on the other hand, are markers that tell your partner what you will and won’t tolerate.
Boundaries are about your feelings, while an ultimatum is about your partner’s behavior.
When you set a boundary with your partner, it’s a very different tone and message from giving them an ultimatum.
For example, a boundary would be:
“I need exclusivity in a relationship and I really like you. When you date other women, it hurts me. In order for me to feel good in this relationship, I need to know that you are exclusive.”
An ultimatum is more like “If you don’t stop seeing her, I will leave.”
If you think about it, they are essentially conveying the same message, just that the tone is very different.
That’s why sometimes, it might be better to just set a firm boundary instead of an ultimatum.
Think about it: an ultimatum already sounds restrictive. It immediately makes the alarm bells go off and sounds controlling.
It’s not at all the same as setting a boundary, which is more about letting your partner know what you need.
What is it about ultimatums that make them sound so threatening?
One of the reasons an ultimatum can be so threatening is that it sounds like a demand.
This is why ultimatums are often perceived as controlling by those who hear them. They don’t realize that they’re just being asked to do something.
How can you get her to choose you?
Now, you might be asking yourself how you can get her to choose you over that other woman.
There are ways to be more admired, of course, like treating her nicely, being nice to her friends and family, doing things for her, etc.
You can also be more admired in terms of what you’re willing to do for her, or by getting her gifts.
Let’s face it: Getting a woman to like you can be tough.
However, you can turn a potentially awkward moment into a moment of connection simply by finding common ground with them.
I learned this technique from Kate Spring. She’s a best-selling author and is considered to be one of the best dating coaches in the world.
Kate’s created a free online video where she gives you several techniques like this guaranteed to help you better attract women.
It’s 100% free and there are no strings attached.
But the one question persists: if you have to convince a woman to choose you over another woman, is that a healthy start to a relationship?
You see, I want you to be realistic here: try to see your own situation through the eyes of a friend.
If one of your friends told you the woman he wants to date can’t choose between him and another guy, wouldn’t you tell him to find a woman who wants to be with him only?
The same goes for you. You deserve someone who chooses you without hesitating for a heartbeat.
You have so much you can bring to the table, you don’t need to settle for someone who can’t choose between you and someone else.
Should you ask your partner to choose you?
The question of whether or not you should ask your partner to choose you is debatable.
Some people may say that it’s a sign of insecurity to make them choose you.
Others may say that it’s a sign of self-respect and confidence.
To many, making someone pick between two things is offensive and inconsiderate of their feelings.
However, others see asking someone to make a choice as admirable, especially if they know what the answer will be – they would rather know where they stand with someone so they can move on if necessary instead of just waiting around in limbo.
Now: the real question is this one: do you want to be with someone who you have to convince to choose you?
A relationship is about trust and love, if you have to do things in order to make this woman choose you over someone else, can you trust her further down the line?
Are you sure you want to be with someone you have to convince?
In this case, I think that asking your partner to choose between you and a woman is a sign that you obviously like her a lot!
However, make sure that you still respect yourself enough to say “If I’m not the only choice, then I don’t really want to be a choice at all.
Is asking her to choose manipulative?
We all know that love is a choice.
We also know that love is not always easy.
But when we are in an exclusive relationship with someone, we have all the time in the world to get to know them, and as such should be able to make a decision on whether or not we want to commit to them.
Asking someone if they would rather be with you or another woman and giving her an ultimatum is manipulative.
Why you may ask?
Well, you are not really giving her a choice here: it’s all or nothing, and that can manipulate her into getting in a relationship with you.
Of course, you can set an ultimatum and I know that this situation is very complicated because technically, you are in the right, but do you want to start your relationship like that?
On that note:
Can a healthy relationship begin with an ultimatum?
The first time a man asks a woman to choose him is not the time for an ultimatum.
A healthy relationship will grow over time, with each person giving up some of what they want for the other person.
It’s important to respect the boundaries and needs of both parties.
If a man has to use an ultimatum early on in the relationship to be with a woman, that is not the foundation of a healthy partnership.
This relates back to what I said a few times already: If you need to force a woman to choose you over another woman, then it’s probably not meant to be.
The woman you are meant to be with will not have to be forced to make a decision or convinced to choose you.
Think about it: if the relationship starts off like this, it is only a matter of time before trust issues arise and throw obstacles into your relationship.
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, and if you don’t have it, then the relationship will fall apart.
Trust is built over time and with patience.
You can’t force someone to trust you or have faith in your ability to be a good partner for them and you can’t force someone to be faithful to you.
So, if you feel the need to use an ultimatum in order for this relationship to work, it might be better to move on.
Before you give a bisexual woman an ultimatum, make sure that you take the time and really respect yourself.
Don’t chase someone and force them to choose you, the right woman will come to you without needing an ultimatum.
And when she arrives, you will realize how effortless a good relationship can feel.
So, don’t settle for less, and don’t waste your time trying to convince someone to like you.
But if you want to take things to the next level with a girl who is truly meant for you, you don’t need to play games or act like someone you aren’t.
In fact, there are a few simple techniques you can use that’ll change the way you approach women for good.
You can check them out in this free video by Kate Spring.
I mentioned her earlier – she’s a relationship expert who shares the most basic but effective, biology-driven techniques for getting through to women on a deep level.
Since learning about her, my dating game is stronger than ever. And the best part?
I actually understand how women work in love and relationships now. No more second-guessing, no more ultimatums.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.