Breakups are hard.
They’re difficult, they tear apart our emotional well-being and they can make us wonder if we’ll ever be happy again.
And it’s not always easy to get back into the dating world even despite all that, especially if you broke up recently.
But as long as you do some work and put yourself first, then going out on a date with your ex can be just as good, if not better than your first time out on the market again.
Here are 10 ways to make sure your first date with your ex after a breakup goes well.
1) Avoid cheesy pick-up lines.
One of the reasons your relationship fell apart in the first place was because you let cheesy pick-up lines ruin your ability to have meaningful conversations with each other.
When you see them again, don’t fall into that trap.
So, don’t look for a way to start up a conversation with a cheesy pick-up line; just ask them how their day was when they come over.
It will be a little more boring, but it’s also bound to make things more real again.
2) Don’t try to talk it out.
Breakups are always hard, especially ones where you didn’t see them coming.
Try not to make things worse by trying to talk about what happened. If they hadn’t already thought about it, they probably didn’t want to talk about it.
It’s not good to go on a first date with your ex by arguing over what went wrong.
The best way to make things awkward is by bringing up that they’re not perfect or that they need work.
It just puts them down and makes them feel bad about themselves which of course isn’t going to help you get back together again. So don’t do this.
Sometimes wallowing in your misery can be therapeutic, but it’s not going to help you start dating again any time soon.
Leave it in the past, and start fresh.
It’s hard enough to get back into the dating game again, so leave it in the past, and don’t try to make things worse.
3) Be honest.
You should also be honest with your ex about how you feel.
Letting your feelings show is a good way to stay true to yourself and not hurt each other any more than necessary in the process of getting back together after a breakup.
You may have a hard time, but honesty is always best in a situation like this, especially when it’s so hard for you to put on a happy face for your ex after a breakup so soon after things ended.
If you’ve been thinking about them a lot since the breakup, let them know. If you’re hesitant to ask them out, tell them that.
You don’t want to be fake or try to hide anything from them, but you also don’t want to just blurt out the whole blow-by-blow of what happened when you broke up.
Don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel about them, but try not to be too emotionally vulnerable.
Be honest with them and be truthful with yourself so that you can move forward and work on getting over your breakup a little bit better.
Just tell them things as they come up and let them draw their conclusions from that.
Remember that honesty is the best policy even if it means having a hard time while trying to get used to the idea of your ex coming back into your life again after things ended so abruptly.
4) Don’t try to make things better quickly.
It may be awkward at first, but you don’t want to make things better with your ex too quickly or too soon after the breakup either.
You want to let things be a little bit awkward and uncomfortable at first so that it makes you slow down and think a little bit more about how things ended between the two of you in the first place.
Just start slowly getting together again with them, not rushing anything and not trying too hard while they’re getting used to having their ex back in their lives again.
Just give them time to think, heal, and get used to having you back in their life again too.
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5) Look good.
This is the most important tip – wear what you want to wear and look great.
The goal of a first date is to make yourself look good and be more desirable.
Make sure you look well put together.
Don’t wear any clothes that are too old or too new, anything in between will make you look like you don’t know what’s in style or whether you’re too old for this kind of thing anymore.
Maybe one of the reasons you broke up in the first place is that your ex didn’t find you physically attractive anymore.
So don’t make things even worse by showing up on the date looking like a mess.
Take care of yourself and look your best.
It will feel good, plus you never know what might happen between you two again!
Of course, you don’t need to look like you did when you were dating, but don’t go overboard either.
Just try to have a different style and be confident with it.
6) Be gentle when you’re with them.
Try not to be so touchy-feely from the get-go again with your ex after a breakup like you were at the beginning of your relationship when everything was new.
Give them some space and some time to get used to having you back in their life again and let them come to you for affection if they want it.
And remember that when you’re with them, try not to dive back into playing your old roles with each other.
Let things be a little bit different this time around if you can.
It will help the transition go a lot smoother.
7) Don’t overdo the PDA.
Don’t try to make up for the lost time by making out with them again right away.
If you want to get back together then take it slow and just cuddle with them and kiss them if they want that, but don’t push for more until they’re ready for it.
Don’t think for a second that you need to start being more romantic or intimate right away.
You don’t want to act like “the old you” who was always up in your ex’s face and trying to make a move on them so soon after the breakup.
There’s nothing wrong with a little bit of flirtation here and there, but don’t go too crazy or obsessive over every little thing they do or say after breakups either.
You’ll know whether or not your ex is still interested in dating you again when they start showing their feelings for you.
Having fun together alone is fine, but if you do end up dating again and then start getting more serious, then you’ll want to keep things casual until things are more secure.
Just give them time to figure out what they want without pressuring them into anything and try not to put any pressure on yourself to get back together so soon either.
While you shouldn’t be trying to move too fast or do anything super romantic on that first date, you also don’t want to be too shy or too reserved, so be careful.
Just have a good time and try not to overdo it.
It’s not your first date with them after all, so make sure that you’re still trying to let them come to you for affection and attention again if they want
8) Keep it casual.
Don’t be overbearing and controlling with your ex.
The last thing you want to do is make them feel like they’re under some kind of microscope because you’re holding yourself back.
Just let things be casual and let things develop naturally on their own.
You don’t want to push too hard and make them uncomfortable around you, so just do your best to keep a good attitude during the date or even during the entire date if possible.
Just be yourself instead of trying to pretend like everything was fine after the breakup with your ex and that you never got hurt before in relationships.
Just be fun and casual as you get back out there in the dating world again.
You don’t want to go all out with fancy dinners or dates that cost a lot of money or anything like that on your first date with your ex after a breakup.
That’s not to say that you can’t go to fancier places than you did on your first date, but just wait until the second or third date before you start making things too fancy again.
A little bit of romance is fine and a nice dinner is nice, but there’s no need to go all out on the first date with your ex after a breakup.
9) Buy her a gift if you want to keep things lighthearted.
You don’t have to go overboard with this one and it can serve as a nice reminder of old times.
You could even bring along some flowers or something, but just make sure you’re not going overboard with anything big.
Maybe, try to just stick to generic things that make her happy regardless of whether you’re trying to put feelings of nostalgia on the table for her or not.
You’re going to buy her a gift anyway, so why not choose something that you know she’ll like?
Maybe it’s a nice pair of earrings or a pretty dress. If this didn’t work out in the past and you don’t want to make things awkward, then just let her know that you were thinking about her.
This can be an easy way to remove any tension or awkwardness during your date and show that you’re still thinking of her even if you’re not going through with it again.
10) Ask her what she wants to do next time you see each other.
This can be a good way to get a lot of information out of her and decide on the commonalities that you can talk about on future dates.
This way, she doesn’t have to volunteer anything and you’re just asking her what she wants to do.
That’s a lot more subtle than saying ‘So, what do you have planned for us next time we go out?’ when it’s your turn to say something.
This should be confirming that you’re okay with seeing her again and not doing it all in one visit.
I’m sure that she’s probably already going to want to see you again, but just asking her makes it seem more like you’re on the same page about what’s next for you.
And, that’s it.
Hopefully, you have a better idea of how to get back with your ex after a breakup.
Also, remember not to be too pushy or too desperate in trying to get them back again, and be yourself as you try to win them over again.
If they’re the one that ends up wanting things with them again, then don’t worry about it too much.
The best thing that you can do is go out and try again and see how this time turns out.
You’ve still got some work ahead of yourself if things go wrong, so make sure that you’re doing everything in your power not to end up in the same situation again.
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If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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