So your ex finally agreed to meet you for a cup of coffee – that’s great news, right? Well, depends on what your intentions are!
This can be a bit of an awkward situation, so it’s best to be prepared.
The good news is, whether you want her back or simply want some closure, I have 5 tips that will help you either way!
Tip 1: Don’t go into the date with the intention of getting her back
First and foremost, don’t go into the date with the intention of getting her back.
Let me say that again – do not go into the date with the intention of getting her back.
I know, you might still be in love with her and you might want nothing more than to get her back, but if that is your number one intention, she will notice immediately.
This is a recipe for failure, and if you do this, the entire meeting will be tainted by your desperate intentions.
You’ll likely come across as needy and desperate, and she’ll pick up on this.
If you go into this meeting with the intention of just seeing where you both stand, you’ll be in a much more relaxed and confident mindset, and she’ll sense this.
If she does want to get back together with you, she’ll be much more open and receptive to your advances.
The thing is, if you come on too strong right away, she might close herself off and try to get out of that situation as quickly as possible.
Instead, understand that even if you end up back together, it likely won’t happen during that first meeting!
Now, if that sounds like a lot, let’s look at a more calming tip:
Tip 2: Practice self-care before and after the date
Before the date, make sure you’re practicing self-care.
What this means is you’ll be in a much more relaxed, happy, and confident frame of mind.
You’ll also be more present and mindful during the date, which will (hopefully) leave a good impression on your ex.
Take a hot bath, meditate, do yoga, go for a walk, or do whatever else brings you joy before the date.
After the date, make sure you take some time to reflect and process the meeting.
What went well? What didn’t go so well? What can you do better next time? How do you feel about the meeting in general?
Self-care is important because it will give you that sense of being okay, with or without your ex-girlfriend.
This, in turn, will make you feel a lot more confident and powerful, which will come across to your ex.
Plus, these meetings are simply stressful sometimes! So, I’m sure your mental health could use a little break before and after you meet.
Now: to make things easier on your mental health:
Tip 3: Keep your expectations realistic
Expectations can often lead to disappointment, so keep your expectations for the meeting realistic.
If you go into the meeting with the expectation that she’ll be super open to getting back together with you and you’ll end the coffee date making out in the rain, and that doesn’t happen, you’ll be massively let down.
If you go into this meeting with the expectation that it’s about closure or seeing where you’re both at and nothing else, you’ll be much less likely to be let down.
As I’ve said, if you go in with a clean slate, no expectations, and an open mind, you’re much more likely to walk away with the closure you’re looking for.
And the best part?
She’ll be more likely to respect you and like you, too!
If you have high expectations then your disappointment will probably be very visible, which isn’t the best look!
Now, how can you keep your expectations low? Well, that brings me to my next tip.
Tip 4: Approach the meeting from a place of curiosity, not desperation
Approach the meeting from a place of curiosity, not desperation.
If you go into this meeting desperate to know what went wrong and even more desperate to get her back, she’ll likely pick up on this and be put off by your desperation.
Instead, go into the meeting curious about what went wrong, and why she ended the relationship in the first place.
You’ll come across as more confident and relaxed, and she’ll be more open to talking about the relationship with you.
If you’re truly curious about what went wrong, you’ll also learn from the experience and be able to move on more quickly.
And the best part?
Being truly curious about her life, where she’s at, and what went wrong in the relationship will show her that you truly care about her, and not just your own happiness.
She might even notice that you are willing to work on things that bothered her in the past!
Now we come to the last point, which you shouldn’t forget:
Tip 5: Prepare yourself mentally for any outcome
Finally, prepare yourself mentally for any outcome.
You may walk away from this meeting with her wishing you could turn back time and never meet up with her, or you may walk away feeling grateful for the closure.
The important thing is to not let your eagerness to get closure cloud your judgment.
If she’s still interested in rekindling things with you, and you’re not interested in her, politely decline her advances and wish her luck.
Likewise, if she’s not interested in rekindling things with you, don’t take it personally.
She may have moved on to someone else, or she may have just not found you interesting enough to continue dating.
Whatever the case, don’t take it personally. Move on, and wish her luck. This may be a long process, but it’ll be worth it in the end.
The thing is, this meeting can end in many different ways.
Sure, you might run off into the sunset together, but there is also the option of it all being incredibly awkward and you feeling like a fool.
Prepare yourself for any outcome and you will be okay.
Final thoughts – don’t force anything
Lastly, I just want you to remember that it’s never good to force anything, especially love.
If things are over and she doesn’t want to give you another chance, then don’t despair over that.
Instead, see it as an opportunity to find someone who will love you effortlessly, without needing to be convinced!
No matter what you want out of this meeting, be open, don’t force anything, and you’ll be perfectly fine!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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