10 reasons your ex is delaying giving your stuff back (no bullsh*t)

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

 

Sometimes relationships don’t end on a good note. 

So, after it is all done, you want your stuff back, but your ex doesn’t want to give them to you. 

Well, here are 10 reasons your ex might be delaying giving your stuff back.

1) He is probably still hoping you’ll come back

People fight. It is completely normal.

If you have been through a pretty bad breakup, you are probably going through all these awful things you have said and heard from him.

Now you probably feel bad and don’t want to see him again because there is simply nothing left to be said.

On the other hand, he probably thinks if he gives you enough time, you’ll change your mind and come back to him. 

This is the most common reason why people don’t give their stuff back in a timely manner. They think it will be better in a while.

They think they made a mistake by breaking up with that person and their ex will regret it later on when they are ready to make things work again.

2) He wants to see you again

The last thing you want to do when a relationship is over is run into your ex again because it’ll make you feel worse.

But there are times when your ex wants to see you again for closure or just to say “goodbye”.

Whether it is for closure or another chance, he’s going to hide your stuff from you because he wants you to come over, ask him to talk, and have him give all your stuff back in the process.

He might have changed his mind about breaking up with you. He is probably not a bad person, he just made a mistake.

He wants to make it up to you by giving you your stuff back eventually, but just not yet because he is probably still hoping that you will come back to him.

3) He is waiting for the perfect time to give them back

A lot of people make the mistake of giving their stuff back when an argument starts.

They think that their ex will return at the first sign of trouble.

If they are still trying to make things work, they will want to give you your stuff back at a time when everything is going well.

They don’t want to give you something like that when everything is falling apart.

They want to do it in the best way possible, if that is even an option in these kinds of situations.

If they can, they will probably wait until long time passes and things are going well again.

If you feel bad about meeting with your ex again, there is something you can do to feel better. 

And it’s as simple as taking a breath. 

When I was struggling the most in life, I was introduced to an incredible free breathwork video created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê. 

With a focus on dissolving stress and boosting inner peace, it was hard to resist giving it a go.

But with the turbulence of emotions I was facing and the pain of a bad breakup, I didn’t have high hopes. I had little self-esteem and confidence? Out of the window. 

So what made this breathwork video so effective?

Well, it comes down to the man behind it all. Rudá created these unique flows using a combination of ancient shamanic techniques and healing breathwork sequences. 

He’s spent years developing them to help people find their inner peace.  

So, if you feel a disconnect with yourself due to your inability to connect with your ex, I’d recommend checking out Rudá’s free breathwork video. 

He’ll give you the tools to start injecting peace and confidence back into your life from the very first breathwork exercise. 

Here’s a link to the free video again.

4) He wants to show you he’s over you

Sometimes people break up with their ex because they are still so bitter about the past.

They want to make them feel as bad as they feel.

They might still have feelings for their ex, but they don’t want to be with them because they have no idea how to get over it.

Of course, this doesn’t have to be the case at all, he will probably just pretend and put his brave face while you are close by.

People often think they’re not supposed to have feelings for their ex, especially when they initiate the breakup.

There is certainly a need to get over them, but when a breakup happens, it is fine to still keep some feelings for a while.

Sometimes people have strong feelings towards their ex even long after breaking up with them, it is perfectly normal.

If you just can’t get over your ex, and you feel something for him that you don’t want him to see, there will probably be friction between you.

5) He is angry at you

Needless to say that every breakup carries a fair share of anger with it.

If your ex seemed like there is a lot of negative emotions bottled up inside, you probably did something that made him so mad that he doesn’t want you to have your stuff anymore.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that this kind of behavior is good, but it will help you to explain why he is suddenly acting this way.

If you think about it, this one is pretty logical because if he is angry at you he will try to do everything he can to make you feel the way he feels.

This kind of behavior can seem pretty childish, but if you check the reasons above and your ex is very bitter, this might actually be how he wants to make you feel because he is angry at you.

To make matters worse, you probably don’t even understand what he’s angry at you for, and that makes him feel so bad.

6) He wants to make sure you’re as miserable as him

Sometimes people are just doing it for the attention, or they are trying to make their ex feel bad as they do.

If your ex wants you to suffer, he may be refusing to give you your stuff back so the cycle of misery can start again.

The simple truth is that if you don’t choose to be the bigger person here, you will end up drained and unhappy.

Think about it – do these things truly mean so much to you that you would sacrifice your own peace for it?

Essentially, no matter how valuable this stuff is to you, fighting with your ex even more can only lead to bigger issues.

You can ask your friend to help you out and talk to him if you believe that could do the trick.

Maybe a mediator could resolve these issues quickly.

However, be careful, because your ex might tell you that you are not brave enough to face him.

Think about it and then make a decision accordingly.

7) He is scared to see you

Depending on the way you broke up, your ex may actually be dreaded to talk to you.

If you broke up on a really bad note, he probably doesn’t want to see you because he doesn’t want to deal with all the anxiety that goes with it.

This is especially true if it was one of those breakups where you cried your eyes out afterward because of how bad it was.

If he is still hoping things will turn around and you two can be together again, he doesn’t want to see you again because it might mess up his plans to heal and move on with his life.

8) He knows your stuff means a lot to you and wants to keep it away from you

When someone breaks up with us, we usually start thinking about what they did that made us break up with them.

We start remembering all the good times we had with them.

If your ex sees this happening, he is going to want to take your stuff away from you because he doesn’t want you thinking about him and comparing him with other guys or just for spite.

People can get really weird when there are lots of emotions involved, especially if there is a lot of anger.

9) He doesn’t feel like giving it back

Here’s the deal – when people get into a fight, they often end up doing unthinkable things just out of spite to make their ex-partner mad and cause any reaction.

Keep in mind that just because you want to end things, it doesn’t mean that he has the same opinion as you.

Perhaps your ex didn’t see it coming, so now he wants you to feel bad.

He probably doesn’t have any other way to use to get to you, so your stuff is the last opportunity for him to upset you.

He doesn’t feel like giving it back because he believes he is in control this way, or he feels that you don’t deserve anything after all that has happened.

But if you bring this up when you see him, he will probably give you your stuff back without much issues.

10) He doesn’t want you to have a chance to get back together

This kind of goes with the ninth point.

Sometimes people don’t want their ex to have a chance at getting back together with them.

They don’t want them to have anything of his or hers because they are over them and don’t want their ex trying to get back together with them again.

Sometimes people have meltdowns when they break up with someone.

They don’t want to break up, but they are overwhelmed by how bad things are, and they need to express that.

These kinds of reactions usually happen when there is a lot of negativity built up, and they can’t keep it contained anymore.

When we put it this way, it becomes even logical why your ex behaves the way he does.

It may not be the best thing or the kindest thing to do, but at least you will try to understand your ex better and don’t hold a grudge.

The worst thing you can do is continue feeling bad for your ex because he is having a hard time or fueling the fights. 

Final thoughts 

There are a lot of reasons why somebody won’t give back your stuff after a breakup.

Almost all of the points here are logical, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to make you feel any better about the situation. 

It’s important to remember that you are the most important person in your life, and if you don’t take care of yourself, nobody else is going to do it for you.

There’s a reason why you don’t find fulfillment in relationships – you’re reliant on your partner for happiness and not yourself.

But when you learn to trust yourself and tap into the incredible pool of personal power within you, you’ll find what you’ve been searching for all along. 

You see, we all have an amazing amount of potential. We’re all capable of achieving more than we realize. Happiness is in reach, we just look for it in all the wrong places.

And this has a knock-on effect on everything else in our lives, including our relationships. 

I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people restore balance to their lives, discover their personal power, and live life with passion at the heart of everything they do.

He uses a unique approach that combines ancient shamanic techniques with an effective modern-day twist. 

In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can build the life and relationships you’ve always wanted simply by following a few of his techniques. 

So if you’re ready to take the plunge and live the life you know you deserve, check out his genuine advice below. 

Click here to watch the free video.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.