If you’ve found yourself worrying that your ex-boyfriend is trying to tell you something but is just not clear enough in his communication, then this post is for you!
We’re going to explore some of the reasons he might be confused and talk about some things you can do to help him.
We’ll also be covering what it means if he’s still not sure about whether or not he wants a relationship with you.
Here are 10 tips for when your ex-boyfriend’s mixed messages get the better of him and confuse what he really wants from the relationship.
1) Be patient and take them on their word
It can be very frustrating and confusing to know what you want and have your ex-boyfriend confuse the issue more with his mixed messages.
We’re talking about communication: and the way he expresses himself is often the way he will ultimately feel.
He may not know it all, but the more care you show in building up your relationship, the more likely it is that he will ultimately be able to trust you.
And when that happens, you may find yourself improving in his eyes too.
It is during the trying times when you have to show a little more patience.
Be willing to give him time to sort himself out and make the decisions he needs to make.
This is a situation that is about your relationship and about his feelings for you.
It’s not always going to be an easy one, but it is one that you need to try and control.
2) Be clear about what you want
Sometimes when we are being kept in the dark, we want to think that our partner is being honest with us and quick to take our feelings into account.
But don’t overlook this fact.
In a complex and confusing situation, sometimes your ex-boyfriend just doesn’t know what he wants at all and will say anything to avoid having to make the tough decisions.
It could be that he’s just not ready to make a decision and is desperate not to hurt your feelings.
Or it could be that he is trying to figure out what he really wants.
Sounds confusing, right?
You will have a clearer understanding of the situation if you communicate your own feelings and expectations clearly.
In most cases, this will help him realize that he can’t just rush ahead carelessly.
Remember, he is the one confused.
There is no reason for you to be.
It is vital that your ex-boyfriend knows what you expect from the relationship.
And it is important for him to know the consequences of continuing his mixed messages.
Try not to let things get too confusing.
Explain to your ex-boyfriend your feelings and expectations in detail.
Be clear: don’t get emotional or be harsh.
You should be able to clearly convey your expectations and emotions.
If he gets distracted because of his own doubts, you can help him focus by taking the lead.
Lastly, make sure he understands that if he continues to mess around with different options, he may be losing you!
3) Be prepared for him to want something different from you and relax
In this case, your ex-boyfriend’s mixed messages are probably driving you crazy because you don’t know exactly what he wants from the relationship.
When you are the confused one, it can be difficult to move on and make sense of what’s going on.
But try to relax when you are feeling like this.
A little anxiety is normal, especially if you have invested a lot in your relationship with your ex-boyfriend.
If he is not certain about what he wants or is still trying to figure it out, then you are going to have to ask some tough questions.
And it’s important that you do.
Since your relationship was once strong, there must be a reason why your ex-boyfriend isn’t sure of what he wants at this point in time.
It could be something very simple and straightforward, like not being over the previous relationship yet.
The best way to deal with this is to be honest and make it clear how you feel about him.
If your ex-boyfriend is still uncertain in his mind but wants it to work out, this might be the best possible situation for you.
But remember, he’s not sure, so sometimes what feels like a good idea might not be.
Be willing to receive his messages with a calm and understanding heart.
Let it flow that way open, and see where things grow from there.
It might be a bit hard, but you are not alone.
I’ve talked to lots of confused people who have said that they wish their ex-boyfriend had just been open and honest with them.
And if he’s intent on eventually coming around to the idea, then you might as well enjoy the journey together.
As long as you’re both in it for the long haul, you can make this relationship work!
4) Ask for more communication
The thing about relationships is that sometimes we tend to assume a lot of things, and we’re not always good at communicating.
When the two of you were together initially, you had conversations about your goals and ambitions for the relationship.
If he’s still struggling to figure out what he wants, then the chances are that he may be feeling isolated or alone.
This is why communication is key.
That can be a problem because asking for it often means you’re not getting what you want.
If your ex-boyfriend is confused about what he wants, ask him straight out — sometimes you need to be more direct.
If the answer is “I don’t know”, then you need to take it that he really doesn’t want a relationship with you.
Don’t push him or make him feel awkward. He’s already feeling bad enough as it is.
If it’s not clear what you’re trying to get across, it’s likely your ex-boyfriend will end up being confused.
And if you’re getting mixed messages, don’t assume he knows what he’s doing and just try to work with it.
If your ex-boyfriend can’t figure his feelings out, then you need to be patient and wait it out.
It may take him a while to come around, but when he does, you can both start over with a clean slate.
You should always consider that he might be keeping something from you, so instead of just assuming the best, ask him directly.
You never know what he might say.
You could be pleasantly surprised and end up getting the answers that you need.
5) Try to see his point of view
Sometimes when you’ve been dumped by a boyfriend/girlfriend, you think you’re the only one who’s confused.
But he might be confused too and just not understand what’s going on.
So what should you do?
If your ex-boyfriend is mixed up about his feelings, it’s always helpful to try and see things from his perspective.
This is probably the most important suggestion you can make to yourself.
Put your own feelings aside for a moment and think about what he may be going through.
Try and see things from his point of view, even if it’s difficult for you to get your brain wrapped around things.
It may take you a little while to wrap your mind around the situation, but when you understand how he feels, you can use that knowledge to move forward.
You have to respect his right to think differently and know that what he’s doing might be working for him.
We all come from different places with our views, and we all have things that make us happy or allow us to feel good about ourselves.
Your ex-boyfriend coming from a different place can help you realize that your feelings are not unusual or misplaced.
He’s just doing what he knows and wants is the best for him.
As for you, evaluate the situation and try not to react mindlessly.
Understand where he’s coming from and work around it.
This way, you’ll have a clearer mindset on what to do next.
It can teach you some new things about yourself and how flexible you really are.
6) Be honest about your feelings and be unafraid
If you need to talk to him about your frustrations, do it!
Sometimes we tend to avoid things that make us uncomfortable, especially when we are trying to be as gentle as possible with our ex.
But wait- hear me out.
While you should never hurt him, remember that the healthiest relationships are ones in which both partners are willing to listen and be honest about what they want from one another.
It might not feel right at first to narrow down your feelings, but it’ll make you a lot less confused.
You’ll get the respect you deserve, and you can be sure that he will be able to handle them.
If you want him back, then let him know what that means to you.
This is especially true if your ex-boyfriend has been giving mixed signals.
He might not realize what he’s doing and how hurtful it can be.
He will understand and be more willing to take you back.
Every relationship has its ups and downs.
But if you want to keep it going, you have to support yourself through the difficult times.
Be real and upfront with what you are feeling.
You owe it to yourself.
7) If he says no, listen to what he has to say but don’t overreact
When you’re listening to the reasons behind his decision, don’t go into attack mode.
Don’t start about how badly it’s going for him or that nothing is changing for the better with the relationship.
Remember, it might be hard for him to say no.
The most important thing you can do is to understand the reason why he’s saying no.
The key to a successful relationship is always communication.
Listening and understanding are important, but so is being honest about what you want and how you feel about the answers he gives you.
Try to at least acknowledge his reasons and accept that he has been honest with you.
But don’t take it so personally that you are stuck in a negative place.
Let things move forward in a natural way that makes both of you feel good about the relationship.
Be as understanding and reasonable as possible when you’re ready to work things out with him again.
8) Start working on yourself first because communication will be more effective when you’re ready for real engagement
Most of the time, a relationship never worked out because the couple never took the time to get in touch with themselves first.
The best relationship is one in which the couple can communicate together and stand by each other’s side.
So if you want a relationship to work out, it won’t be possible until you know what you really want.
You have to be honest about it with yourself and with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
If you are not comfortable with yourself, it can be hard to be vulnerable and share your feelings.
But sharing your feelings is an important part of any healthy relationship.
You’re not going to feel good about yourself if you don’t talk about what’s on your mind.
And by talking about your feelings, you’ll be more comfortable.
You’ll be able to understand yourself better, and you’ll know what to do when you want to talk to him again.
So it is important that before you try to reconnect with him, you should make sure that you feel ready and willing.
Make sure you’re giving life a chance before taking it back up again. It’s not that he’s a bad guy, it’s just that you can’t recover from the hurt you’ve been feeling.
Once you are ready to commit and make him part of your life again, then you can talk to him and ask him when you two can finally be together again.
He might surprise you with his willingness to consider it.
9) Accept the fact that he might want to be alone for now
Sometimes, you will feel like he’s rejecting you, and it hurts because it makes you feel like your ex-boyfriend has moved on or doesn’t love you anymore.
But this is not true!
He might just be trying to give himself a well-deserved break from the relationship.
Give him this time, but don’t take it as rejection. He is not rejecting you.
He just wants to make sure that the relationship is going to be good for him.
When he’s ready, he’ll come back.
You have nothing to worry about unless you are too needy and won’t let go of the situation.
Allow him his own space, and don’t be clingy. It can be a turn-off for him!
Don’t be afraid to move on with your life and try to keep yourself busy.
Sometimes, the most important thing is to get away from everything that’s been bothering you.
You can come back when you’re ready, and he will still be there if you want him.
So try not to force yourself on him or make him feel bad about his decision.
The best thing you can do is to understand him and move on with your life.
10) Take all the time you need to heal
Lastly, be sure to take time to heal.
Sometimes you will feel like you’ve lost everything.
You’ll feel like things are falling apart, and you’re losing your connection with him.
But everything that you want will not just come to you, especially if he does not want it anymore.
You have to make a fresh start by telling yourself that this is an important period in your life when you will grow and learn from past mistakes.
This is not a quick fix. This is something you have to work through.
It’s going to take all the time you need, but time will help you heal and will allow you to move on with your life.
Don’t rush it, and don’t push it. Take things slowly, but be as active as possible.
The more you stay busy, the better off you’ll be when it comes to recovering from this ordeal.
This definitely won’t happen overnight, but it’ll happen. It will happen when you least expect it and when you’re ready for it.
And when it does, you’ll be able to look back on the bad times and say, “I made it.”
This is why it’s important to take your time in order to heal and so that you won’t have any regrets if this plan doesn’t work out as much as you hope it will.
And there you have it.
Now that you know what you’re up against, it’ll be easier for you to go through with the plan and make it work out.
There are no guarantees when it comes to love, but at least now you can feel a sense of control over the situation, and you’ll be able to get him back in your life when he’s ready.
This will give you time to think about what exactly it is that you want from this relationship and whether or not he’s worth it.
In the last few paragraphs, we’ve gone over how to deal with mixed messages in relationships.
The key factor is communication and trying not to panic or be too emotional about the situation.
If you have to back off from the situation for a little while, then do it.
Sometimes we make decisions whether our emotions are high or low, and we’re not always good at getting our point across when this happens.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.