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Falling in love has got to be one of the greatest things you can experience in life. However, it is not always easy. Most of the time, falling in love can be complicated – especially if the person you fall in love with is an emotionally unavailable man!
If you know what I’m talking about, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. But every person who has had the pleasure of dealing with this type has suffered a different kind of hell.
I know I have! Having to deal with someone who doesn’t know or has a hard time engaging in deep conversations, or doesn’t seem to have the capacity to listen, is the worst!
Or maybe, you might have experienced the one who has emotionally held back and shut a part of himself so that you don’t get too close because he’s afraid to be vulnerable…
Whatever the kind you’ve dealt with, it can be more confusing when he tells you he loves you!
So from a firsthand point of view, let me tell you 10 reasons why they do it!
But first, why do men become emotionally unavailable?
There are plenty of reasons why a man becomes emotionally unavailable. It could be due to attachment issues, trust issues, commitment issues, a difficult childhood, fear of rejection or perhaps trauma from past relationships.
Let me tell you right now that just because they have their issues doesn’t mean I condone their actions! But, contrary to what other people believe, an emotionally unavailable man can still fall in love. They may avoid confrontations and prefer not to put a label on relationships, but just like other men, they can still fall head over heels. And when they tell you about it, it might be because:
1) He really loves you
Am I in love with you? Am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?
Trying to find the truth, trying to find the truth
Sometimes the heart is deceiving
Can’t get out of my head, I need you to save me
If I am delusional then maybe I’m crazy
In love with you, am I in love with you?
Or am I in love with the feeling?
– Justin Bieber, The Feeling
Maybe you might not need to overthink the reasons why he told you what you’ve wanted to hear – he just loves you, plain and simple!
Emotionally unavailable men are generally not expressive – at least when it comes to their true feelings. That’s why girls are quick to feel hopeless when they deal with this type of man.
A man like this will usually be distant and cold and will not commit to a relationship and even avoid the discussion of one!
So, if an emotionally unavailable man tells you he loves you, then he might really have those feelings and might be sick of not saying anything! Maybe you cracked the code or broke the mold!
Just make sure to have him repeat what he said to check if you’re not simply mishearing things or hallucinating! Better to be safe than sorry!
2) You make him feel safe
Okay, if he’s not that brave yet to own up to his feelings, then saying those words might mean you give him a sense of security.
There are numerous reasons why men become detached from what they truly feel, and one of these reasons is his fear of being vulnerable. This might be because they’ve been badly hurt in the past, or maybe they’ve seen someone close to them get bruised and down from trusting someone too much.
Some men are notoriously known to put up a strong face even when they are breaking apart. I blame it on society why most men I’ve dealt with are not comfortable with showing any sign of weakness or fragility.
And it’s kind of a big deal when they start to open up. One of the guys I dated told him he loved me, and then he followed it with, “I feel safe to be myself when I’m with you.”
So, if a man you’re seeing told that to you too, then you’ve been successful in creating a safe space for him to be himself.
3) He sees you as a “safety net”
Now, you’re probably thinking, “How do I know if he’s sincere?” You can’t really know unless your relationship is tested with time.
Because sometimes, the worse happens… He tells you he loves you because he might be seeing you as his safety net!
Sometimes, this type only tells you what you want to hear in case he needs you for something. How can they be so cruel, you ask?
It probably didn’t start with cruel intentions…
Perhaps they’re still grieving from a past relationship, and you happen to give them the attention and affection that they need. But they’re probably too indecisive about figuring out what they want, so they keep you around.
Unfortunately, sometimes, they tell you this because of how you make them feel, not because it’s how they feel about you, so be careful!
4) He gets something from you
Another horrible reason an emotionally unavailable man tells you he loves you is because he gets something from you.
You know how some men in movies pretend to love a woman and manipulate her? Sad to say, it happens in real life too! And my advice to women who deal with this? He’s only trouble, so walk away!
Maybe you were quick to give them physical intimacy without the benefit of a relationship or a commitment, that’s why they serve you those three words, so you don’t leave.
While this article will shed light on the main reasons why an emotionally unavailable man says he loves you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your concerns.
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5) He wants to know how you feel so he can make a move
The good thing is, it’s not all bad intentions… Maybe, this man started to realize what you mean to him and has always wondered why he misses you when you’re not around!
Maybe he’s trying to figure out if you share the same feelings.
This might be his way of testing out the waters, perhaps he wants to know if you are feeling the same way that he does, but he’s just too scared to ask you directly.
Emotionally unavailable men can be scared of rejection, so telling you he loves you may be his way of finding out how you feel based on your reaction.
And who knows, your answer might be what he has been waiting for to make a solid move!
6) Your feelings are valid to him
Aside from wanting to let you know how he feels, he probably told you he loves you as a sign of reassurance.
It’s no secret that men who are emotionally unavailable experience difficulty in accepting the emotions of other people. This is because they have yet to embrace their own responsibility and accountability.
So, if an emotionally unavailable man tells you he loves you, it could be because he cares about how you feel and wants you to feel heard and appreciated.
Perhaps he noticed how his actions affect you, and he wanted to assure you that he does have feelings for you! About time!
7) He is becoming more open
Let’s say you start to notice that he’s giving you more and more signs of reassurance… Then that could only mean that he is ready to become more open!
This kind of guy is not one to easily express how he feels. So if he does tell you he loves you, it means that somewhere deep down, he feels he could be honest with you.
It’s also a sign that he trusts you more now and could be hinting at exploring and building a strong, healthy relationship.
As he tries to become more comfortable with you, he’ll be more encouraged to share his innermost thoughts and feelings. Hopefully, this would mean you’ll get a front-row seat to everything in his life!
It’s kind of exciting, isn’t it? Just be sure to reciprocate this, so he doesn’t feel discouraged and go back to his shell!
8) He sees you as a potential partner
For someone who has difficulty in trying to deal with his emotions and express his true feelings, telling someone they love them is a big deal. That is, of course, if he is not one of those who just say it because he gets something out of it.
Now, let’s say he’s one of the good ones. An emotionally unavailable man could tell you he loves you because he could see you as a potential partner in the future – when he finally becomes ready.
9) He may be confusing love with infatuation or lust
If he didn’t say it because he’s ready, then maybe it’s for a different reason that’s much more complicated.
One of the reasons why a man becomes emotionally unavailable is because of a lack of maturity or awareness.
In short, they might have jumped the gun and told you he loved you because there were intense feelings there, but he doesn’t quite know what they are!
Maybe he may not have a clear understanding of what love truly means. After all, infatuation and lust can be mistaken for love, especially if the person is inexperienced.
Perhaps he has been feeling a strong physical attraction, or he might have this fantasy in his head, and he had those emotions confused with love. So, how can you know for sure if it’s the real thing or not?
Try to talk to him openly and honestly about each other’s expectations. Hopefully, both of you can clarify the trajectory of your relationship!
10) He may be trying to save the relationship or make up for past mistakes
Aside from emotional immaturity or confusion, telling you he loves you might be a last-ditch effort to save a broken relationship. That’s hard to hear, I know.
He may be afraid of losing you or the benefits the relationship provides him.
Ask yourself, “Have things been going well despite our issues? Am I truly happy? What would he lose if I decided to move on with my life?”
He may not genuinely feel love for you, but rather feel a sense of attachment or familiarity. And by telling you those three words that you’ve been dying to hear, he’s hoping that he could keep what you have and avoid conflict or difficult conversations.
This is a very difficult position to be in and can lead to further issues down the line.
So, is it worth it?
Dealing with an emotionally unavailable person can be really hard, sometimes, it leaves you questioning your own self-worth. But I know what it’s like, so I understand what you’re going through. So, here are ways that may help you cope with complicated emotions:
- Try to be aware of the causes
- Seek social support
- Discuss the issue
- Focus on your needs
- Reflect on how his emotional unavailability affects you
- Know when it’s time to leave!
Bottom line
It could be really confusing when someone tells you they love you but can’t be in a relationship with you. But sometimes, although most people may not realize it at first, it’s for the better.
Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes emotionally unavailable men become available for the women they love. But unfortunately, that’s not the case for everyone.
So if you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re trying to figure out if an emotionally unavailable person has true feelings for you, be ready for a rollercoaster ride because getting the answers you want or need will not be easy!
If things get too complicated and the situation is already damaging your mental health, keep in mind that YOU get to decide since you have the power!
At the end of the day, you get to choose whether you stay and patiently wait – or accept that things won’t change for the better and leave. Good luck!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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