10 reasons why an emotionally unavailable man keeps coming back

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Do you have a guy in your life who’s into you one minute, but you don’t hear from him the next? Days, weeks, even months go by before he comes back into your life like he’s never been away.

You know what I’m talking about—an emotionally unavailable man who keeps coming back.

I feel you. You’re spinning your wheels in frustration, wondering why this man keeps coming back to you but doesn’t want to commit.

In this article, I’ll help shed some light on this with 10 reasons why an emotionally unavailable man keeps coming back.

1) He only wants to get physical

Does your man only call you when it’s late at night? Is he virtually unreachable if you try to contact him during the day?

Is he one of those guys you can’t plan anything with because he always has so much on his plate?

When he does get in touch, though, it’s at a moment’s notice. He’s either available now or not at all.

And when you do meet up, there’s no time for talking. It’s straight down to business.

If that’s the case, it sounds like he’s in it for the sex.

You might have mind-blowing chemistry, and that’s why he keeps coming back around, but it’s only a physical thing in his eyes.

2) He wants to date other people

Here, you have a man who doesn’t want anything serious. At least, not right now.

He wants to date other people rather than be tied down.

Why have his cake when he can eat it too?

He could be one of those guys with several girls he sees on rotation. So when he’s away, he’s with one of his other girls. And if one of those women isn’t free, you’re the next in line for him to hit up.

Maybe he gets a thrill out of having multiple women on the go.

Otherwise, he may be dating multiple people to stop himself from getting emotionally attached to one of you.

3) He doesn’t know if he wants you or not

He’s not sure about you.

Sometimes, he thinks he wants you, and that’s when he comes back around.

Then those doubts surface somewhere along the line, and off he goes again.

He wants a relationship with you one minute, and he’s changed his mind the next.

He may think you’re the bee’s knees and sees some great qualities in you, but he doesn’t know if you’re the one.

4) He likes you but he doesn’t want to be with you

He thinks you’re attractive, and he enjoys spending time with you. You have a laugh together and perhaps even off-the-charts chemistry, but that’s where it ends.

He’s attracted to you but doesn’t feel anything more than that.

For whatever reason, he doesn’t see himself with you in the cards long-term.

5) He wants to be with you but he’s scared

In this scenario, this guy knows what he wants. He wants you.

However, he’s scared of taking things to the next level. Something’s holding him back.

Since he’s emotionally unavailable, I’d guess that he’s either had his heart broken or gone through an experience that has scarred him.

When he gets close to you, those experiences play in the back of his mind, so he backs away.

It could also be his way of self-sabotaging your relationship because he thinks things will end up as they did in his previous ones.

In his eyes, it’s better to play it safe by keeping to a friends-with-benefits scenario so his heart doesn’t have to get involved. That way, he can avoid getting hurt again.

6) He doesn’t want you to move on to anyone else

Your man doesn’t know if he wants you, but he knows he doesn’t want you to find anyone else.

He can’t have you when he wants, then.

He likes that he can step back into your life whenever he sees fit and be with you.

This man won’t stay away for too long because he doesn’t want you to give another man your attention.

If you have feelings for him, he could even use that to advantage by dipping in and out of your life, knowing you won’t have moved on.

7) He likes having control over you

Unfortunately, if you like him a lot and he knows, he might use that to control you.

He likes having control over you, and it’s pure toxic behavior.

He knows he can come back when he wants, and you’ll take him back, all because of your undeniable feelings for him.

And when he texts or calls you, he expects you to be available.

Having control over you might also boost his ego.

8) You feed his ego

His enormous ego.

You give this guy attention he likely doesn’t deserve, and it makes him feel validated.

If you like this guy, you want to make him feel special.

Perhaps you always compliment him, tell him how hot you think he is and put in 100% effort with him when he’s around.

Shower him with kisses and gifts and admiration.

I can bet he’s putting in half the effort you are, but he still gets your attention.

Having you wrapped around his finger probably makes him feel all god-like. He can’t help but keep coming back so he doesn’t lose that feeling.

9) He can’t find anyone else

You’re his only option. The man has no one else. At least, that’s the situation when he comes back.

When other options pop into the picture, he’ll disappear until he finds himself in the same predicament.


He might also consider you his backup plan if he can’t find anyone else, which is unfair to you.

The man may think you’re great company and the two of you get along, but you’re not his first option.

10) You allow him to keep coming back

An emotionally unavailable man can only keep coming back if you let him.

If he knows you’ll take him back with open arms every time or can win you over, this man will keep coming and going as he sees fit.

Maybe you’ve tried to reject him or ignore his texts, but he persisted until you gave in.

But if you’re tired of him messing you around and wasting your time, only you can stop giving him the means to come back.

What to do with an emotionally unavailable man?

You’re in a predicament right now. What do you do about this man who keeps popping in and out of your life?

It’s hard when you have feelings for someone who plays hot and cold on you.

If you want to be with him, sit him down and tell him how you feel. You have the right to know once and for all what he wants. Does he like you but is too scared to get into a relationship? Does he want some fun and nothing else?

Whatever it is, get your answers so you can have some closure.

A guy that doesn’t want you and is playing with your feelings isn’t worth the time.

Even if he wants you, it’s unfair for you to be put through the wringer while he figures out his feelings.

The best thing you can do for your peace of mind is to…

Cut off contact

Whether he wants you or not, cutting off all contact is the best option if you have feelings for this man and he doesn’t or isn’t sure if he feels the same way.

No contact is also good for him because it gives him time to think about what he wants.

You can’t fix this guy from his issues. Only he can do that. So let him figure things out and give your heart a chance to heal.

It might be tempting to check up on him on Facebook and react to his posts, but this doesn’t help the healing process. Neither does scrolling through endless pics of him on Instagram.

He might try to text or call you, but the best way to get over your feelings

is not to engage with him.

Ultimately, if he decides he doesn’t want a relationship, and you do, then he’s just wasting your time.

Final thoughts

When an emotionally unavailable man keeps coming back, it can leave you with many questions. Why does he keep coming back, but he won’t commit to me?

He might only want a physical thing, or he likes controlling you. Perhaps he wants to be with you but is scared of getting hurt again.

Whatever his reason, you owe it to yourself to know what he wants from you. That might be the closure you need to move on and be happy.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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