“Does she like me?”
You’re not the first person to ask this question. And you certainly won’t be the last. It’s 2020, and you’d think we’d be better at dating and relationships by now.
But some things never change. Some of us are still scared of rejection. And not all of us are confident enough to ask a girl about her feelings outright.
Fortunately for you, there are some signs you can watch out for that may give you a clue. In this article, we’ll talk about 16 signs—all according to science—that tell if she likes you.
Let’s get started.
16 science-backed signs a girl likes you
1. Just ask
Hear me out:
Yes, it’s scary to put yourself in a situation where you might get rejected. But sometimes, facing the firing squad is the best option.
Asking a girl if she likes you may be nervewracking and intimidating. But it saves you a lot of time, effort, and wasted feelings. The sooner you know, the better for you in the long run.
If you ask, either one of two things can happen:
- She’ll say she has feelings for you and you can go from there. You’ll be able to start building intimacy that could progress to a great relationship.
- She says she doesn’t like you and that’s that. It hurts for a bit, and then you’ll move on and hopefully find someone who likes you. You don’t end up spending months pining for someone who just doesn’t feel the same way.
Either way, it works out for the best. If you can, just be honest and learn how to ask for it.
As licensed psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith aptly puts it:
“When you open your mouth, you are also opening your heart, and knowing that someone truly hears what you are feeling and understands you is soothing to your soul.”
Cultivating honesty in your life is the best thing you can do to achieve the love you deserve. It may not work out for you now, but it will pave the way for healthier, more genuine relationships in the future.
If you are still feeling shy about asking her, know that it’s completely okay too. For some of us, it’s just extra hard to be vulnerable. Here are some signs to tell if she likes you or not:
2. She tries to spend as much time with you as she can
When a girl likes you, she’ll make no qualms about spending time with you. She says yes to your date propositions. She may even initiate to hang out with you herself.
That’s because according to science, we are more likely to form emotional bonds with people we regularly spend close contact with. That’s why we end up forming strong relationships in school, work, our communities. The more “exposed” we are to someone, the higher the chance they will like us.
Nothing says “I like you more” than “I want to spend as much time with you as I can.” If she’s voluntarily hanging out with you, that’s because she truly wants to.
4. She mirrors you
It may be easier to lie with our mouths, but body language is almost fool-proof—unless you’re a highly-trained spy. Many experts believe that non-verbal cues make up a big percentage of communication, even more so than verbal cues.
So if you really wanna know how a girl feels about you, simply watch out for her body language.
One particularly telling thing to look out for is something called “mirroring.”
Mirroring is the subconscious replication of someone’s body language. When you feel connected with someone, you tend to mimic their body posture, positioning, attitude, and maybe even their speech pattern.
The next time you hang out, try to notice how she acts around you. Does she position her upper body or feet towards you? Does she cross her legs in the same direction? Mirroring is a sign she likes you. Or at the very least, it’s a sign of attraction.
4. She tries to maintain intense eye contact
Does she try to hold your gaze? Do you catch her staring at you when she thinks you’re not looking?
Biologically, using eye contact to establish connection has been a huge part of our mating ritual.
Why? Mutual eye contact steers arousal. But here’s the catch: it only works if someone is actually attracted to you, too.
According to organizational psychologist Ronald Riggio:
“How that arousal is interpreted, however, depends on the parties involved and the circumstances. Being stared at by a stranger who appears large or ominous can be seen as a threat and elicit a fear response.
“However, the gaze of a potential sexual partner causes arousal that can be interpreted positively — as a sexual invitation.”
5. She gives you a “sequence” of seductive actions
Like I mentioned earlier, body language can help you determine if a girl likes you or not.
But the tricky thing is: you can’t tell for sure by just one non-verbal cue.
Mirroring is great and it helps establish a connection. But it can also simply portray friendliness or platonic familiarity.
If a girl really likes you, though, her body language will be more assertive. She’ll give off a sequence of non-verbal cues—not just one.
Neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas gives one particular tip:
“A good one to watch for: After making eye contact, she looks down a bit, gathers or otherwise preens her hair, and then looks up at you while her chin is tipped.”
6. She flirts with you
When a girl flirts with you, it’s definitely a big deal.
A 2015 study conducted by the University of Kansas studied behaviors that reveal romantic attraction. They found that flirting is definitely a big sign that a girl is attracted to you.
According to the study’s lead author, communication studies professor Jeffrey Hall:
“One of the important things to keep in mind is that flirting is an outgrowth of your feeling toward another person — something you can’t easily hinder. When you’re expressing yourself with someone you might like, nonverbal and verbal behaviors begin to reflect attraction, with a coy smile here and a laugh and a tease there, to clarify how you feel about a person.”
“A polite flirt tends to be very hands-off and respectful, but as you can imagine, this type of flirting isn’t obvious to the people they’re attracted toThey lean back, create even more space and are more even in verbal tone. For most people, it signals a lack of closeness, but polite flirts do it more the more attracted they become.”
Culturally, girls tend to be more subtle when they’re flirting. Guys, however, like to flirt more openly because they’ve always been labeled as the “pursuers.” So if a girl flirts with you, it definitely means something.
7. She closes the physical distance between you
There’s this thing called “proxemics.” Proxemics basically tells how comfortable or connected two people are with each other based on the degree of physical distance between them.
When we like someone, we tend to sit or stand closer to them. It communicates familiarity and security. It also a measure of how attracted someone is to you.
According to dating coach Johnny Cassel:
“Think about it: if you’re standing and chatting to two people, one of whom you like more, you’re subconsciously (or perhaps even consciously) going to stand near the one you prefer, or lean in more proactively.”
He adds another valuable tip, saying:
“Likewise, if a girl doesn’t like you, she will aim to position herself as far away from you as possible. Don’t follow her around. Talk to other girls, and if the sense of competition doesn’t attract her back to you, then it won’t matter anyway.”
8. She’s “available” to you
Does she go out of here way to make herself available to you?
Webster University psychologist Dr. Monica Moore observed the flirting techniques single people use in places where they usually meet potential partners. What she found was interesting. When it came to women, those who were more “successful” at attracting attention weren’t necessarily physically beautiful or even charming.
No. The women who were approached more were the ones who signaled availability.
When a girl likes you, there’s nothing that can stop her from spending time with you. She’ll answer your calls, your texts, and she’ll hang out with you. She’ll willingly invest time, effort, and energy on you because she obviously sees herself with you.
9. She notices every little thing about you.
Did you suddenly change your hair? Or have you worn a new shirt? Did she notice?
A girl who likes you will take notice of these things. Why? Because she deliberately pays attention to you.
The human brain is great at sorting information. It processes about 4 million bits of information per second, but only consciously retains information that counts. That’s why we don’t remember the faces of strangers we pass by across the street but remember each birthday of a family member.
And that’s why a girl remembers what you said to her that particular day and what kind of shirt you were wearing when you had your first kiss—if she likes you, she’ll notice everything.
10. She’s not afraid to be vulnerable with you
It’s particularly difficult to be vulnerable in this modern age of dating. We’re told that we shouldn’t “catch feelings” too early. Or we should wait a while to call because it makes us look “needy.”
That’s why when a girl is not afraid to be vulnerable with you, it’s more than just “like” or attraction. It means she trusts you. She trusts you enough to let you in her life.
In her book, Daring Greatly, Brené Brown defines vulnerability as, “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” That’s exactly what a person feels like when they allow themselves to be vulnerable to someone.
So if a girl is not afraid to open up to you emotionally, you need to notice and appreciate it. Because it matters. And it probably cost her a lot of courage.
11. She laughs with you
A lot of us have the trait “funny” in our mental list of potential partners.
Humor is particularly important in the early stages of a relationship because it serves as a “social lubricator.” It helps work out the kinks and make two people more at ease with each other.
So if a girl is cracking jokes and laughing at yours, it’s because she wants to create an ideal situation where you can be comfortable and get to know each other without the awkwardness.
12. She’s awkward around you
It’s no breaking news that the first few romantic interactions always go awkwardly.
That’s due to a couple of reasons: you’re both in unchartered territory, trust has yet to be established, and you’re just trying to read each other as subtly as possible.
For girls, the first stage of dating can cause a lot of anxiety and uncertainty. And their brains are literally multitasking between reading you and evaluating what they feel. That’s why they can sometimes be awkward around you. Especially if they like you.
According to relationship therapist Natalie Finegood Goldberg:
“Relationships can be awkward in the beginning because both partners are still feeling things out and trying to read one another. When we are trying to balance the task of reading our partner and being ourselves, our brain is multitasking.
“It’s not combining two tasks we’re familiar with, like eating and walking. The task of reading a new partner is like walking on a new hiking path — a person will pay close attention to their steps, which makes it difficult to relax and be yourself in a way that isn’t awkward.”
So don’t be worried if she seems awkward and uncertain. It’s definitely a good sign.
13. She’s not afraid to touch you.
Touch is the universal language of love. We hug, kiss, and touch the people we feel a strong connection with.
That’s because chemically, our bodies establish emotional bonds using touch.
Here’s the scientific explanation.
Touch, coming from people we like, triggers the part of our brains that produce happy chemicals like dopamine and serotonin—neurotransmitters that regulate mood and relieve stress, and anxiety. On the other hand, we are repulsed, threatened, or disgusted if we’re touched by people we dislike.
If a girl doesn’t recoil at your physical affection, it’s safe to say she likes you.
14. She asks you deep questions
You can tell a lot about the level of interest a girl has by the kind of questions she asks you.
If she’s talking about superficial things, like the way you look, how much money you make, and what kind of parties you go to, chances are, she’s not interested in you for genuine reasons.
But if a girl asks about your dreams, goals, mistakes, and is not afraid to be curious about who you really are—she’s definitely not playing around.
As clinical psychologist Randi Gunther puts it:
“If you both are interested in knowing what you can expect from each other in an intimate, long-term relationship, you should be readily willing to be just as open in return. Being willing to be as honest as you are able will give you the best chance of creating a heads-up as to what your chances of success are down the line.”
You shouldn’t be the only one willing to ask the deep questions. If she likes you, she’ll want to know everything there is to know about you—even the unglamorous parts.
15. She makes an effort to look beautiful for you
Of course, you know how beautiful she already is. She doesn’t need to change how she looks for you.
But when a girl likes you, she can’t stop herself. She wants to look her best for you.
Biologically, women tend to attract a potential mate when they appear most fertile. As a result, men look for certain characteristics that showcase this the best—youthfulness, for example. Naturally, women are compelled to heighten their chances of conceiving. So they paint their cheeks and lips red and let down their flowing hair.
If she makes a clear effort to look appealing to you, it’s a sign she likes you. Otherwise, she won’t be wasting her time preparing for an hour in her bathroom.
16. Look at her purse
You might be thinking, “what does that have to do with how much she likes me?”
It says a lot, apparently. The way a woman positions her purse around you can say a lot about her feelings for you.
Why? It’s something to do about creating or getting rid of “barriers.”
Ex-FBI behavioral analyst Jack Schafer explains:
“People who like each remove any obstacles between them. People who don’t like the person they are with often place barriers between themselves and the person they don’t like. Barriers include personal items such as purses, newspapers, magazines, cups, cushions, and similar items.”
A girl never goes out without her purse. So the next time you see her, observe. If she puts her purse in front of her, clutches it tightly to herself, or tries to cover her body with it, it’s probably not a good sign. But if she puts it aside and makes sure there’s no “barrier” between you two, it’s a sign she definitely wants to be there.
There are more than a dozen signs that can tell you how a girl feels about you. But again, nothing is as certain as just asking her yourself.
Still, if a couple of the signs above ticked some boxes, it’s a good sign to continue pursuing her until you’re more confident enough to openly talk about your feelings.
No matter what happens, let me give you one last piece of advice:
It’s okay to be scared. It’s not easy to put yourself in a position where you might get rejected. But life—and love—is no good without risks. Open up. Embrace the possibility of making mistakes, and just be vulnerable.
But really, trust your instincts. Listen to what your gut tells you. Does she like you? Or are you wasting your time? You could probably tell the answer right now.