When I was uncertain whether my boyfriend wanted to break up with me and asked for advice, everybody was giving me the same answer:
“If you have a feeling he wants to break up with you, then you must be right.”
But, I still couldn’t help but wonder: Was my intuition really the best judge? Or, maybe I was being paranoid and misinterpreting his signals?
To find out, I decided to talk to a relationship coach about my situation, and also looked for behavioral clues to get some answers.
Here’s what I learned:
1) He might want to break up if he becomes inconsistent
Acamea Deadwiler, the author of “Single that”, taught me this:
“Consistency is important because it separates the opportunists from the committed. When there is authentic interest in who someone is as a person and a desire to get to know them in hopes of building a meaningful relationship, consistency will come naturally.”
In other words, if your boyfriend suddenly switches from nice to mean or from sweet to cold, that’s a problem. At the same time, if he is behaving erratically, you have the right to be concerned.
However, before you jump to a conclusion, ask yourself this:
Has anything happened in his life that could determine his behavior?
Has he been working long hours lately or maybe had some disagreements with his friends?
Unfortunately, these factors can change your man’s mood, so don’t jump to the conclusion that it has something to do with your relationship.
In my case, his inconsistency was caused by his doubts about our relationship. But, your situation could be different.
2) He might want to break up if he stops spending time with you
If your boyfriend is not spending enough time with you, that could be a red flag. Why?
Because being together and spending quality time together is one of the most important things in any relationship.
So, in case he is not willing to do that anymore, he may be thinking about breaking up with you.
But, before you panic, ask yourself this:
Does he have a good reason to spend less time with you? If he has, then you might be paranoid.
Let me explain:
It’s common for paranoid people to notice the smallest detail, especially when it comes to their relationships.
Mental Health America confirms it:
“Some beliefs and behaviors of individuals with symptoms of paranoia include mistrust, hypervigilance (constantly looking for threats), difficulty with forgiveness, defensive attitude in response to imagined criticism, preoccupation with hidden motives, fear of being tricked or taken advantage of, trouble relaxing, or being argumentative.”
Are you guilty of some of these behaviors? If you are, then you might be the problem, not your partner.
3) A relationship coach can give you a definite answer
As I mentioned before, I was really struggling to find out whether I was being paranoid or if he indeed wanted to break up with me.
That’s when a relationship coach from Relationship Hero came to the rescue.
I knew that I wasn’t seeing my situation objectively and needed someone to tell me what was really going on.
The advisor I spoke to is a professional relationship coach, so I asked her to help me understand what my boyfriend’s behavior really meant.
She helped me realize that he was struggling with commitment and simply wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Also, she pointed out a few signs of paranoia in my own thinking pattern.
But, despite this being the truth, I still couldn’t let him go.
Luckily, she told me about a simple trick she uses to help her clients create a deeper connection in their relationships and avoid unnecessary conflicts.
If you’re curious to find out what it is and learn about new ways to consolidate your relationship, then click here to check them out.
4) He might want to break up if he is avoiding conflict
Another way to tell that your boyfriend doesn’t want to be with you is if he is avoiding conflict.
I didn’t think this would be a big deal. After all, who likes to argue?
But, he was avoiding any conversation that involved any kind of negativity. That’s when my paranoia kicked in and I started to wonder if he was thinking about breaking up with me.
You know what they say:
If you argue, it means you care.
And, if you stop arguing, it means you care less.
So, if your boyfriend suddenly stops discussing the tough issues in your relationship, then he might be considering breaking up with you.
But, there’s an exception to this rule and it is something that we don’t usually consider: his behavior could be caused by a problem he might not share with you.
Maybe, he is going through some problems at work or with his family.
This can make him avoid conflicts and even change his personality.
5) He might want to break up if he starts calling you names
Here’s a definite way to tell that you are not paranoid and he does want to break up:
He starts calling you names.
In my case, it started with little comments about how I talk too much or how I always interfere in the things he does.
And, then, it progressed to really hurtful words. He was constantly saying mean things to me.
After a while, I couldn’t handle this sudden change and found myself in tears each time he said these horrible things.
So, if your boyfriend calls you names, then it’s time to face the truth and ask yourself this:
Is his behavior justified?
In any case, your relationship needs some serious repair. You need to talk about what happened and make sure you both want the same things in life.
Or, you could try to trigger an innate instinct in him and completely change his attitude toward you. But, more about that later.
6) He might want to break up if he stops offering his help
Does he want to break up or am I paranoid?
In my case, I was definitely not paranoid to think his attitude changed. He was calling me names, and on top of that, he stopped offering his help.
These behavioral clues were obvious to me, but still, I didn’t want to let him go. That’s when I discovered something that completely changed my relationship.
It’s called the Hero Instinct and can help you ignite a hero mentality inside of your man.
If you want to know what it is and learn how to use it to improve your relationship, then click here to get instant access.
I did, and I can tell you that this is the most powerful relationship hack I know. Basically, it allows you to trigger an instinct in your man that can transform him into a hero. And, I’m not talking about the fictional kind of hero.
The real kind:
A man who commits to you takes care of you and puts your needs first.
A man who is willing to sacrifice almost everything for your sake.
A man who is willing to risk everything for love.
So, if you want to trigger this instinct in your man and learn how to approach him right away, then saddle up and click here to get instant access.
7) He might want to break up if he ignores your feelings
Listen. If your boyfriend starts ignoring your feelings, you might not be paranoid at all. He might want to break up.
I didn’t learn this the hard way, but numerous relationship experts seem to agree that when your boyfriend becomes emotionally unavailable, he might be trying to pull the plug on the relationship.
He might not want to be with you anymore.
Depending on the type of relationship you have with your man, you might see it coming. Like, for example, if you had a fight or some disagreement.
But there are other situations in which it doesn’t happen so clearly. And because of that, you might not realize how bad it is.
And that’s when your paranoia might kick in.
So, you need to ask yourself if this is really happening, because there could be another reason behind it all.
8) He definitely wants to break up if he flirts with other girls
… or he might want to get revenge.
So, before you start thinking that he wants to leave you, think again:
Have you done something to upset him? Like flirting with other guys?
If you have, this can be a way for the boyfriend to get even and make you jealous.
But if you haven’t, then maybe you’re not paranoid at all. Maybe he is just flirting with other girls.
And there’s only one way to find out:
Ask him straight up why he’s doing it, and if he says he’s sorry, then you can let it go.
But if he doesn’t seem to care and stops paying attention to you, then it might be a sign that he is testing the waters. And that can lead him to break up with you eventually.
9) He wants to break up if he avoids intimacy
Does your boyfriend want to break up with you? Or is it just a paranoia attack?
Well, if you think that he might want to break up with you, then there’s another clue that can help you tell:
He might start avoiding intimacy.
Intimacy can be hard to define. It’s a feeling of oneness with someone else. You feel like the world stops when you are with them. You forget about all the issues in your life and lose yourself in the moment.
And, that feeling of intimacy is not something one can artificially create.
So, if your man starts avoiding that feeling, then it could definitely mean he wants to break up with you.
10) He might want to break up if he gives you the cold shoulder
If your boyfriend is giving you the cold shoulder, then he might want to break up with you.
No, it’s not just paranoia.
This is a sign of disrespect and a clear indication that something is wrong. Trust me on this one: no matter how much you try to please your man, if he doesn’t respond positively to them, things will definitely not work out.
This is another one of those behavioral clues that are so obvious that it’s hard to misinterpret them. He might just stop talking to you and walk away.
… Or maybe ignore you even though you tried everything.
At any rate, if your man is giving you the cold shoulder, then it’s very likely that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
How do you know if you’re being paranoid in a relationship?
Since every relationship is different, you might not find yourself in all the points above. Not all of them applied to me, so I know what you’re going through.
That’s why it’s important to find out whether you’re having paranoid tendencies or not.
You think that something bad that happened to you during a past relationship will also happen to your current relationship
This is a paranoid tendency because it means you have an irrational fear that every man you get into a relationship with will hurt you.
If you relate, then it’s not rare that you have this fear. And many people do have it.
But, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are paranoid about the relationship.
It’s a normal feeling to think that your past will repeat itself, but if your thoughts and feelings go beyond the point of imagining something bad happening…then you might want to talk to someone about it.
If they don’t, then at least write down your thoughts on paper so they don’t consume your mind anymore.
You have low self-esteem
Another way to determine whether you are paranoid in a relationship or not is by looking at the way you perceive yourself in general.
If you have low self-esteem, then you will tend to think that your partner will leave you for a better person than you. Or that he might just not love you anymore and doesn’t want to be with you.
And, if this happens, it can trigger a feeling of paranoia for sure. You might start fearing that your boyfriend is going to break up with you.
But this isn’t something that you need to be paranoid about.
Your low self-esteem is the root of it all, and it’s something that you need to fix because when you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s impossible for the man in your life to love and care for you.
You have an anxious attachment style
According to the Attachment Project, you might be paranoid in a relationship if you have the anxious attachment style:
“Low self-esteem, a strong fear of rejection or abandonment, and clinginess in relationships are common signs of this attachment style. Although it does require effort, individuals with such attachment issues can develop a secure attachment style over time.”
In other words, if you have an anxious attachment style, you might be afraid that your boyfriend will leave you.
And that can give rise to feelings of paranoia so that you feel like you should keep everything a secret in the relationship to prevent him from leaving.
Does he want to break up? Take action to get what you want
Instead of looking for signs and letting him decide the fate of your relationship, you could take matters into your own hands and lead him in the right direction.
You can start by reaching out to him and letting him know that you feel like things are a little off.
Don’t be afraid to show him your vulnerable side. And don’t let your insecurities get the best of you. Instead, use this opportunity to open up to your boyfriend and let him know how you really feel…not just about him but also about the relationship.
But, if he’s not the best at communicating or opening up to you, you can always get outside advice. From triggering his Hero Instinct to getting him to express his feelings, you can use whatever tools are at your disposal.
But, if your man is actually looking to break up with you, then you might need the professional advice of a certified relationship coach.
Because you need someone who knows exactly what to say to make him see you in a new light so that he stays with you.
For this, I always end up recommending Relationship Hero, because this service will truly help you get what it is that you want.
And I know for a fact that you’ll be able to stand out from the rest of the crowd when it comes to your ability to break through his walls and lead him in the direction you want him to go.
Does he want to break up or am I being paranoid?
By now you should know how to tell if your man wants to break up with you or not.
But, if you still find yourself wondering the same thing over and over again, then it’s time to do something about it.
Don’t let your paranoia take over the relationship. Instead, find out what’s really going on and make sure that you are able to communicate your feelings and desires clearly.
When you do this, you’ll know for sure whether he wants to break up with you or not and then you can figure out what to do about it.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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