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Boys are notoriously difficult to read, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
The relationship could become something more, or it might stay purely physical. How can you know the difference? Does he want more than sex?
As a guy who’s been in these scenarios, I’ll show you 12 signs he does want more than sex, and 5 signs that he doesn’t.
12 signs he wants more than sex
1) He’s available
Generally speaking, a boy who’s just interested in having sex isn’t going to be extraordinarily available to you (unless he wants a hookup).
In that way, then, if he’s constantly available to you—whether it’s to answer a phone call, text you to ask about your day, or even willing to give you a ride/help you out in some way—it could be a sign he wants more.
What exactly is it he wants? That’s a different story. He could be looking for something serious, or at least something more committed. On the other hand, he might just be craving a deeper intimacy.
In any case, if he’s there for you when you need him/ask him to be, it’s probably because he wants more from you than just sex.
If you’re looking for something more, too, that’s great. However, it’s not always easy keeping a guy interested in you for the long term.
Here are some must-do tips to keep a guy interested in you for the long haul.
2) Looks for excuses to spend time with you
Does he look for excuses to spend time with you that don’t really involve sex?
If he does, it could be that he wants more than sex. So keep an eye out for those silly excuses.
Maybe he left something of his at yours and wants to meet up for coffee to grab it. Or maybe he’s “in the neighborhood” and wants to grab a bite to eat.
Or he just needs a plus one to a wedding for his friend and doesn’t have anyone else to ask.
These are all great excuses for him to spend time with you, time not spent just having sex.
If your guy is coming up with these kinds of excuses to see you outside of the bedroom, it could be because he wants more than sex. He might just want a relationship with you.
On the other hand, he could be catching feelings for you but isn’t ready for something more serious. This could also be why he’s so difficult to read.
Here’s a look at 11 signs he has feelings for you but isn’t ready for a relationship.
3) Dates with no sex after
How often do the two of you go on dates that don’t involve sex? If it happens to be frequently, there’s a big chance he’s interested in something more with you.
To put it another way, his attraction to you is hardly just physical. He wants more than sex, in all likelihood.
Has he taken you out to lunch or brunch more than once, or have you been on a movie date, only to watch the movie, and then go home separately? It’s a big sign that he enjoys being around you. He enjoys spending time with you.
And not just sexy time, either.
If you’re used to a friends-with-benefits scenario with him and you sense something is changing, it can be a bit worrisome to think about the idea that maybe he’s catching feelings for you.
The sooner you can identify whether or not he wants more than sex from you, the sooner you’ll be able to do something about it.
Here are some signs he’s confused about his feelings for you.
4) He calls you cute
Of course, you know that you’re cute, there’s no denying that fact.
But here’s the thing: when a guy calls you cute, it usually denotes more than just a physical thing.
In other words, if he’s calling you cute, he’s likely talking about more than just your looks. There’s something in your mannerisms, the way you talk, the things you talk about, how excited you get when you talk about what matters to you.
Any of these things could be what’s on his mind when he calls you cute.
When a boy is only sexually interested in you, there are a lot of words he might be using to talk about how attractive you are to him, but cute is going to be pretty low on the list.
Here’s a look at 12 big reasons why he’s calling you cute.
5) He keeps making hints
Perhaps one of the biggest ways that you can tell if he’s wanting more than sex is the fact that he’s been hinting at it.
Any of these signs could prove to be a hint, or it could be something completely different.
He could make off-hand comments about “dating” you, or taking you out on dates, or the fact that you’re “a couple.” These little jokes are his way of hinting at the fact that he wants more than just sex.
Remember, it’s important to know what it is that you want in these scenarios. If he’s starting to catch feelings and you aren’t ready, it’s best to be clear about it from the start.
Or, the opposite could be true. It could be that you’re the one catching feelings, and you’re really unsure about whether or not he is, too.
In that case, it’s important to keep an eye out for signs that it’s just sex. Especially if you’re thinking about bringing it up—you wouldn’t want to embarrass yourself for no reason.
6) He introduces you to his friends
Usually, a friends-with-benefits or strictly sexual relationship doesn’t involve more than the two people benefiting from it.
An occasional breach of this arrangement is nothing to bat an eye at—you’re out getting drinks and his friends stop by, you run into his roommates as they’re heading out and you’re heading in.
However, if he makes it a point to introduce you to his friends, it’s a big flag that he might be looking for something more than just sex.
It could be that he’s really interested in getting to know you better, and incorporating you into more facets of his life—more than just the sexual.
If that’s the case, it’s important to know what you want, too. If you’re down for more than something physical, take this sign as a green light to follow those desires.
It’s likely that he’ll be more than happy about it.
Related: Here are some great ways to figure out if a guy likes you after a one-night stand.
7) You’re getting mixed signals
One of the tell-tale signs that a guy is catching feelings for you is when you start getting mixed signals.
It doesn’t necessarily make any sense, but that’s just the way men work sometimes.
When they start to catch feelings for a girl, they often get afraid, perhaps find themselves in denial, unsure of how to feel, how to express how they feel, and so on.
The way that manifests itself could be that they waffle between hot and cold. One minute really flirty, close, and interested in you, and then the next minute distant, aloof, and disconnected.
You might be wondering if he’s testing you by being suddenly distant. Here’s some things to look out for.
In any case, it’s a sign that things are starting to get a bit more involved than just sex. It could be that he wants more, but doesn’t want to ruin a good thing.
Or it could be that he’s unsure if you want more, and doesn’t want to get rejected. In any case, once he’s showing mixed signals, it’s a sign that he’s thinking about more than just sex.
8) Eye contact, hand-holding, kissing during sex
Sex, by nature, is a very intimate thing. However, when it comes to a purely physical relationship that only involves sex, the displays of intimacy might be less present than in a fully committed relationship.
For instance, things like hand-holding and eye contact might not be present or even kissing.
Each relationship is, of course, different, as is each person’s sexual preferences.
The big point here is noticing a change in the expressions of intimacy. If you’ve noticed that the way he expresses himself while your having sex changes, it could point to the fact that he’s starting to catch feelings for you.
In other words, he might want more than sex.
If he can’t express his affection for you with words, he might do so by making eye contact with you while you’re having sex, holding your hands, kissing you, and so on. These are expressions of intimacy some guys aren’t comfortable showing unless they’ve developed feelings for a girl.
Here’s a look at some more no-bullshit signs that he loves you during sex.
9) He’s very supportive of you
Oftentimes there’s not much talking that goes on in a purely sexual relationship. At least, not about things that are of great importance.
However, if he’s been showing more interest in you than usual, it could be a sign that he wants more than sex from you.
In other words, he’s catching feelings.
For instance, you find him showing support for you in ways that you wouldn’t expect from someone you’re just having sex with. He’s happy that you’ve had successes at work or in your personal life.
Or, on the flip side, he expresses frustration along with you when you’re venting about friendships, things that have gone wrong, and so on.
In any case, you find him being supportive of you. These kinds of things go beyond just the physical, and it’s a big hint that he wants more than just sex.
10) He texts you first
This point only applies if he’s texting you first about something besides hooking up with you.
That being said, someone who always texts you first has you on their mind a lot.
He’s thinking about you throughout the day, looking for an excuse to text you.
He might ask you how you are, what you’ve been up to, and so on. He’ll ask you about your interests, share his own, and make conversation about, well, anything.
This is a big sign that he wants more than sex. He might want a relationship with you, he might want to make things exclusive. Or, he might just want to get to know you better and then make a decision.
In any case, it’s becoming something more than physical. If that’s a problem for you, keeping an eye out for this sign—and these others—will help you figure out what to do about it, before feelings get hurt.
5 signs it’s just sex
1) He only calls or texts to hook up
It’s important to be mindful of the nature of your communication with him. What does he text you about, and when?
If the only times he reaches out to talk to you is to hook up or to invite you over to his place, there’s a good chance that he really only wants sex.
Does he respond to your texts about anything else? Maybe you’ve asked him how his day was, or to see if he was interested in going out with you for drinks. If he hasn’t responded, there’s a good chance that he’s not really interested in you for more than just sex.
Does that make him shallow? Not necessarily, especially if the relationship was based on a purely physical connection to begin with.
The question is more about if it’s what you want. If you want more from the relationship and he doesn’t, it’s important to deduce this, so neither of you is wasting your time.
2) You’re nowhere on his social media
Sometimes boys can be deceptively vague about the nature of your relationship. It can be frustrating, even demoralizing.
I know I’ve been in a few relationships where the nature of it wasn’t exactly set in stone, and it was painful and difficult when feelings started developing. I was the one who ended up getting hurt in the end.
Clarity about the nature of a relationship is vital for its health.
So if the boy you’ve been seeing is being unclear about it, that’s already a warning sign. It could point to the fact that he just wants you for sex.
Additionally, if you’re nowhere on his social media, it’s a big sign that he just wants you for sex. One of my exes never had me anywhere on her social media, and it became clear later that it was because she didn’t want our relationship to be anything more than just physical.
Sometimes it’s what they’re not doing that speaks louder than what they are doing.
3) He doesn’t like cuddling
Cuddling is one of those things that some people like, and some people don’t like. However, it could also point to the fact that he’s not interested in something more with you.
However, most people in committed relationships enjoy a certain amount of cuddling or snuggling.
Whether it’s just holding hands, leaning on a shoulder, or full-on embracing, there’s a certain amount of physicality involved: physicality that isn’t just the act of sex.
So if he makes it a habit of denying any kind of advances for cuddling, hand-holding, or physicality beyond making love, it’s a big sign that he isn’t really interested in anything more than just sex.
If that’s what you want, that’s great. However, if you’re looking for more, it might be time to consider moving on to find someone who’s interested in something more serious.
4) He doesn’t like staying over
Someone who doesn’t like staying over after having sex is someone who really is only interested in having sex with you.
It’s hard to spin this point any other way. They aren’t interested in sleeping over, sharing a bed, or sharing any kind of intimacy.
They like sleeping alone but have a sexual need they want filled.
You are that fulfillment. And maybe you want more, maybe they could be interested in more.
But here’s the bottom line: if they don’t want to stay over, or if they kick you out after the deed is done, there’s little chance that they want anything more than just sex.
5) Your satisfaction isn’t as important
Making love is something that involves effort and connection on the part of both people. It takes mutual understanding, concern, and shared intimacy.
However, if a boy is really only interested in you for the sex, he’s likely to show little or no care for your satisfaction, for your fulfillment.
In other words, he’ll only be looking out for his own sexual satisfaction, or at least primarily so. He may care about your satisfaction, but only at a shallow or surface level.
This could show itself in actions — never going down on you but requesting you do for him, and so on.
In any case, showing concern for your sexual partner is something that is always important to a healthy and pleasurable sexual experience. However, oftentimes if a man doesn’t want anything but sex from you, he won’t show that much concern.
The bottom line
All of these signs will help you deduce whether or not the boy you’ve been sleeping with wants more than just sex.
There are some pretty clear signs that he does, as well as some pretty clear signs that he doesn’t.
In either case, remember that it’s up to you to figure out what you want first, and then you can make the best decision moving forward from there.
