Breaking up is hard to do, but staying friends with your ex can be even harder.
If you’re thinking about being friends with benefits with your ex, there are a few things you need to know to make it work. For starters, you need to be able to handle the emotional roller coaster that comes with this type of relationship.
You also need to set some ground rules and agree on how the relationship will work.
If you can do that, then chances are you’ll be able to have a successful friends-with-benefits arrangement with your ex! Here are ten things you need to know to make it work.
1) Your ex is still your ex
One of the most important things to remember is that being friends with benefits with your ex is not the same as being in a relationship with them.
You’re not committed to each other, so don’t expect them to act like your boyfriend or girlfriend.
This means any form of feelings of jealousy and intimacy could cause serious complications in your sexual relationship.
Moreover, you also can’t expect them to always be available when you want to hang out.
It’s important to keep this in mind so that you don’t get hurt emotionally in the process.
Remember, this friends-with-benefits situation is just for fun and doesn’t have to be serious.
The good thing about this is that the casual sex you’ll have satisfies your sexual needs without any emotional strings attached.
2) Discuss your FWB relationship expectations
Before you start being friends with benefits, it’s important to talk about your expectations of each other. That’s important if you want to make things work.
You need to be on the same page about what you’re looking for from this kind of relationship.
For example, how often will you see each other? What kind of activities will you do together? What are off-limits before, during, and after you hook up?
If you’re on the same page, it’s likely that things won’t end up getting complicated and messy.
Here’s your chance to be honest with each other about what you want. This way, there are no surprises down the road.
3) You can rewrite your relationship
When you want your ex-partner to feel different about your current relationship setup, know that you can make a conscious effort to rewrite your relationship.
In fact, in this free video, relationship expert, James Bauer, can reveal a set of text messages that can trigger your ex’s emotional memories of you.
What these texts do is to re-establish the rapport, trust, and attraction that your ex felt for you when you were together in a relationship.
You can use this to your advantage by being friends with benefits while also secretly getting your ex back at the same time.
This may sound complicated, but it’s actually not. It can be as simple as changing how you respond to your ex’s texts and actions.
You can learn more about how to do this by clicking here.
4) Set ground rules
One of the things you need to agree on is how this friend-with-benefits relationship will work.
Both of you have to be comfortable with the terms laid out in your FWB situation. And you have to make sure that there is no hidden agenda from either party.
Be clear about what you want and don’t want from this relationship.
You see, a lot of people get entangled with the idea of having another romantic relationship with their ex. But that’s not what being friends with benefits is all about.
It’s simply about having fun and enjoying each other’s company without a committed relationship.
So spend a lot of time laying the ground rules before diving in. When you set boundaries, you avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings later on.
5) Keep things light and fun – no drama allowed!
Obviously, being friends with benefits with your ex can be complicated.
But it doesn’t have to be!
Remember, the whole point of this kind of relationship is to have a fun time without any drama.
So keep things light and don’t take things too seriously. Avoid entertaining the idea of emotional investment or a future commitment in your love life.
Let’s face it: if you start developing feelings for your ex again, things can get complicated very quickly.
That’s why it’s important to keep things light and fun.
The bottom line is to enjoy each other’s company through a random hookup without getting attached emotionally. And as long as you can do that, being friends with benefits with your ex can be a great experience.
6) Avoid getting caught up in fights or arguments
While it’s important to keep things light, that doesn’t mean you should avoid all conflict.
If something bothers you, it’s okay to speak up. But try to avoid getting caught up in arguments or fights.
You see, when you’re in a romantic relationship, it’s normal to have disagreements and argue with each other from time to time.
But when you’re just friends with benefits, there’s no need to sweat the small stuff.
If you find yourself getting into a fight with your ex, take a step back and ask yourself if it’s really worth arguing about, even for just a little bit.
Chances are, it’s not.
So to be on good terms with your ex-partner, focus more on your pleasurable sex life than on any conflict or disagreement you may have.
This way, you can keep things fun and enjoyable for both of you.
7) Respect each other’s boundaries because of your breakup
Make no mistake: boundaries are good when it comes to being friends with benefits.
Why is that?
Well, because you’re not in a relationship, it’s important to respect each other’s boundaries.
For example, sharing your opinions about a career move or a new relationship should be off-limits.
The same goes for talking about your ex’s new partner or reliving old memories of your past relationship.
These things can only lead to drama and conflict. And that’s the last thing you want in a friends-with-benefits situation.
So if you want to keep things light and simple, focus on the present moment and enjoy each other’s company without getting caught up in the past.
8) Keep communication lines open
Any kind of relationship requires communication. In fact, even in bed, talking and being open with each other can make the experience more enjoyable.
The same goes for being friends with benefits. If you want things to work out, you need to keep the communication lines open.
This means being honest about what you expect from this relationship and being upfront about any concerns or issues you may have.
And have your ex work on opening up to you as well.
It also means being able to communicate openly and honestly with each other about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not, especially under the sheets.
This way, there are no surprises or misunderstandings down the road.
9) Be honest if you have a new love interest in your dating life
Let’s face it: we’re all human and it’s perfectly normal to develop feelings for someone else, even when you’re still hooking up with your ex.
But if you start seeing someone else, be honest about it.
Here’s the thing: if you’re not being honest with your ex, it can lead to all sorts of drama and conflict.
Dating someone new may not be a big deal to you. But if your ex finds out that you’ve been seeing someone else, it can hurt their feelings and make them feel betrayed.
After all, they are still your ex. Somehow, there’s still some underlying emotional attachment there.
So if you start seeing someone else, muster up the courage to tell your ex about it.
You’ll be glad to know that being honest and upfront with each other is one of the key foundations of a strong friendship…even with its added benefits.
10) Getting too attached might bring trouble
Yes, it’s true: you can’t help but develop some feelings for your ex when you’re still friends with benefits.
But here’s the thing: getting too attached will only bring trouble.
Why is that?
Well, because being friends with benefits means you’re not in a committed relationship. That means your relationship is only limited to casual hookups and nothing more.
If you start getting too attached, it will only lead to heartache and pain in the end.
So how do you prevent this from happening?
The best way is to keep things in perspective and remember that being friends with benefits is not the same as being in a committed relationship.
If you need help in keeping your emotions in check, why not speak with a relationship coach?
I connected with one from Relationship Hero a few months ago, and they’ve helped me immensely in keeping my emotions in check when it comes to dating.
If you want to learn more about how to be friends with benefits with your ex without getting too attached, I suggest you do the same.
11) Don’t compare your current setup to your romantic relationship
One more important point to keep in mind is to never compare your friends-with-benefits relationship to your romantic relationship.
Say it with me: it’s not the same thing.
Exes who hook up come from a purely physical place. There shouldn’t be any emotional attachment or connection.
You’re not in a committed relationship, so you don’t have to deal with the same issues that come with being in one.
So how do you keep this perspective?
It’s simple: just don’t compare the two situations.
You see, making a distinction between the two will help you stay level-headed and clear-minded about your expectations.
It’ll also remind you that being friends with benefits with your ex is only temporary…and there’s nothing wrong with that.
The key is to just enjoy the physical aspect of your relationship and not overthink things.
12) Make sure you’re both sexually on the same page
Sexual chemistry is important if you want to make things work. It’s a basic need, after all in any relationship that gets intimate.
But if you’re not already sexually compatible with your ex, then being friends with benefits is probably not a good idea.
It’s important to make sure that you’re both on the same page when it comes to sex.
Of course, hooking up with your ex can be complicated.
For one, your preferences may have changed over time, especially during the course of your breakup.
So, it’s important to communicate with each other and figure out what you both want and need sexually.
This way, there won’t be any surprises or disappointments down the road.
There will only be good times…and lots of great sex.
13) Keep your options open
Hooking up with an ex can be fun. But it’s not the only option out there.
Just because you’re still spending time with your ex doesn’t mean you should close yourself off to other potential hookups, or even find a new romantic partner.
Remember, you’re not in a committed relationship…which means you’re free to date other people if you want to.
Physical intimacy is important, but don’t forget that there’s more to life than sex. You don’t want to end up getting too attached to your ex because you might just end up getting hurt in the end.
Plus, it’ll also remind you that there are other people out there who would love to connect with you.
So go ahead and keep your options open. If you meet someone interesting Who knows, you might find someone better suited for you in the long run.
14) Don’t get jealous if your ex starts seeing someone else
Jealousy is a natural emotion. But it’s one that you need to keep in check if you want to be friends with benefits with your ex.
In the first place, getting jealous will only make things complicated and messy.
It’ll also sabotage your chances of maintaining a healthy and fun relationship with your ex.
So how do you deal with jealousy?
The key is to remember that your friends-with-benefits relationship is not a lifelong commitment
Monogamy isn’t expected or even required. But in the foreseeable future, it’s important to stay focused on your own life and not worry about what your ex is up to.
Now, if you can’t handle the thought of even seeing your ex with someone else, then maybe being friends with benefits is a bad idea.
Let’s face it, it’s not going to work out if you can’t even deal with the basic fact that your ex is eventually going to see other people.
15) Be prepared for things to end…eventually
If this is the first time for you to be friends with benefits with your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, then you might be wondering how long it’ll last.
The truth is, there’s no definite answer.
Here’s more: the fling you have with this FWB situation could last for a few weeks, months, or even a year.
But eventually, things will come to an end. And that’s okay.
Just remember to enjoy the time you have with your ex while it lasts and doesn’t take things too seriously.
Remember, being friends with benefits is all about having fun and enjoying each other’s company…nothing more, nothing less.
How do you ask your ex if they want to be friends with benefits?
There’s no one definitive way to ask, but here are a few pointers to see if there’s a possibility that your former partner will want to engage in a friends-with-benefits relationship with you.
Casually bring up the idea of being FWB
Getting into the FWB situation might not be as easy as just asking your ex outright if they want to do it.
In some cases, it might be best to broach the topic casually.
You can start by mentioning it during one of your casual hangouts like watching a film on Netflix. Tell your ex how you’ve heard of other friends who are in similar situations and see how they react.
If they seem interested or receptive, then you can take it from there.
Be honest about your intentions
It’s also crucial that you’re honest with each other about your intentions for being friends with benefits.
As ex partners, you more or less already know each other pretty well, so there’s no need to play games or beat around the bush.
If you’re only interested in a physical relationship, say so. And if your ex is looking for something more, then it might be best to move on.
Talk about your mutual sexual attraction
When you talk with your ex about how you’re attracted to each other sexually, it benefits both of you to be frank and upfront about it.
You don’t want there to be any misunderstandings or surprises down the road, so it’s important that you’re both on the same page from the beginning.
Ask where their heads are at in romance and sex
First of all, it’s important to ask your ex how they feel about being friends with benefits. Do they want to keep things casual or are they looking for something more?
It’s also a good idea to ask how they feel about sex and romance in general. This will help give you a better sense of whether or not being FWB is right for them.
Is it wise to start an FWB relationship with an ex you still love?
Frankly, it depends.
On one hand, being friends with benefits with an ex you still have feelings for can be a great way to stay close to them and keep the sexual spark alive.
The physical act, essentially, is a way to express how you still feel about each other.
On the other hand, there’s always the chance that things could get complicated and one person might end up getting hurt.
And the last thing you need is more drama in your life, so proceed with caution.
If you do decide to give it a try, just be sure that you’re both on the same page and that you’re being honest with each other about your feelings.
Otherwise, it can be a recipe for disaster if you’re not careful.
Believe me, I know from experience.
What to do if you want cut ties hooking up
If you’re the one who wants to end things, then be honest and tell your ex how you feel.
Have you been feeling more emotionally attached to them and you’re worried that things seem very similar to your romantic relationship?
Did you meet someone recently and you’re not sure if you want to pursue things with them?
Do you want to focus on your career or personal life and don’t have time for any form of relationship right now?
Whatever the reason may be, just tell them straight up.
But be prepared for things to get a little awkward afterwards, but hopefully, you can remain friends…the regular way.
It might not be easy, but it’ll be better in the long run if you’re honest with each other from the beginning.
Whatever you do, don’t ghost them or just disappear without any explanation. That’ll only leave them feeling confused, frustrated, and possibly even hurt.
So there you have it: 15 things you need to know about being friends with benefits with your ex.
Just remember to take things slow, be honest with each other, and enjoy the time you have together, all with being on the same page about what you want and expect from the relationship.
Doing so will make your experience a fun and sexually rewarding experience for both of you.
If you need more help in figuring out how to approach your situation, I suggest to talk with a professional coach from Relationship Hero.
As I mentioned, reaching out to them was all it took for me to get more clarity on my own situation and how to approach it in a way that would work best for me.
It’s helped me a lot, and I’m sure it can do the same for you.
So if you’re feeling confused, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. It might just be the best thing you ever do.
Trust me on that.
To connect with a relationship coach, click here.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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