There are many reasons why you date someone immediately after a painful breakup.
While you could be dating to spite your ex or make them come back, others enter rebound relationships to heal and move on.
The problem with rebounding, however, is that while you are with a new partner, you may find yourself still longing for your ex!
Now, what can you do about it?
In this blog, we’ll share some instances when rebounding makes you miss your ex more.
If you’re currently in a rebound relationship, or your ex is, this article is for you!
1) When you feel lonely and isolated after the breakup
The fallout of a romantic relationship has many consequences. It could lead to the following:
- Breakup with some mutual friends
- Financial instability
There is no easy solution to dealing with the aftermath of a difficult breakup, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing.
There’s always this lingering question:
Who would have thought that the special connection the two of you shared would end?
Here’s another one:
Who would have guessed that the eyes you wake up to in the morning, the hands you hold while walking, and the lips that smile at you when you crack a joke, would no longer be there?
Prachi Goswami shared, “Imagine you’ve been with someone you truly love and thought that they felt the same; someone you’ve never felt in your wildest dreams would want to be without you; wasn’t it supposed to last forever?”
For all these reasons, you are more eager to forget your ex. That’s when you decide that a new relationship will help ease the pain and the longing.
Here’s the scenario: You go to the nearest bar, drink for all you care, and meet someone.
Unfortunately, rebounding can provide temporary companionship and distraction—an easy fix, a band-aid solution.
In your mind, “What’s the worst thing that could happen”, right?
If not someone you met in the bar, you divert your attention to someone who really likes you.
Like a friend, perhaps, and even your best friend who secretly adores you!
But you’ll realize in the morning that those weren’t the same eyes you woke up with.
Those weren’t the soft hands you loved to hold or the lips that smiled when you cracked a joke.
Eventually, the initial excitement of meeting and connecting with someone will fade. Once it fades, you’ll feel the absence of your ex more.
That’s one case where rebounding makes you miss your ex more.
And because you can’t handle the loss:
2) You constantly compare your current partner to your ex
When you break up with someone (or the other way around), you look for someone who will fill the hole left by your partner.
That’s where the toxicity starts.
You’ll realize that the spot can’t be filled and should be occupied by that person alone.
Then comes another toxicity.
You find yourself constantly comparing your new partner to your ex.
It may look cute at first, but then as time goes by, you ask them:
“Why can’t you be like this?” or “Why didn’t you do this?”
Comparing your current and past relationships is unfair, let alone harmful. It can damage everyone in it, leading to feelings of resentment, tension, and distance.
Loving someone or being in a relationship with someone requires you to accept everything about them—not compare them to your past!
If this happens to you, this is a classic case of not fully getting over your ex.
The regret is in order.
Want to know the best part?
As much as you didn’t expect it, rebounding makes you miss your ex more!
3) When you are not fully committed to the new relationship
Commitment is an essential component of a healthy and successful relationship.
The willingness to put in the effort, time, and emotion is a vital aspect of the relationship for both partners.
Being committed to a relationship allows you and your partner to work through challenges together, get to know each other better, and find common ground. It also allows you to share interests and values, which can help you determine your compatibility.
Overall, being committed allows you to build a deeper connection and strengthen your relationship.
So how do you do that?
Give the relationship time to grow. Start with dates, movie nights, and late-night talks—sharing vital information about yourself.
WHICH IS CRAZY!
You’ve been used to having a go-to person for everything, and now you’ll need to open up your fears, doubts, and secrets to someone else ONCE AGAIN.
Yes, that is exactly what being committed is. Even so, that could be something someone who has not fully healed yet isn’t ready for!
You’ll find yourself thinking:
You need someone who already knows everything about you.
Who knows what your favorite food is, what you love ordering at your favorite restaurant, and what music makes you happy if you’re in a bad mood.
For someone who just got out of a relationship, it can be tiring to have to share every aspect of yourself, both physically and emotionally.
Moving on could be more difficult for you, and you may find that rebounding makes you miss your ex more.
Ultimately, you may come to the conclusion that your relationship is not bringing you happiness and fulfillment.
4) When the rebound relationship is not fulfilling
Suppose the rebound relationship is not meeting your emotional needs or providing the same happiness and fulfillment as your previous relationship. In that case, you might miss your ex even more.
There may be a lack of:
- Communication – You could always be swamped at work or busy with anything, avoiding your partner at all costs
- Affection – You fail to show your partner love and care, or you don’t show them the love language they want
- Emotional intimacy – You’re not open to your partner, leaving them feeling disconnected from you
- Trust – If you can’t trust them or otherwise, you’ll make either party anxious and uncertain in the relationship
- Support – Your partner might feel discouraged if you don’t support them in their feelings, decisions, and ambitions
Failing in any of these factors is one of the signs that the relationship is failing.
Because if the relationship doesn’t make you smile for no reason or make you excited to see them again, then it just means you’re not over your ex.
You’re just using your partner to avoid dealing with your feelings.
5) When you are using the rebound relationship to avoid dealing with your feelings
If you’ve been in a long-term, codependent relationship, you may eventually find that you’ve lost some of your sense of self after a breakup.
What happens when you lose it?
Forming or maintaining healthy relationships will be much more difficult!
Here’s the deal:
The reality that you’re incapable of handling a relationship means that your rebound partner acts as a stand-in for your past partner. You’re using your new partner as a punching bag for your emotional distress.
Unfair, isn’t it?
Without processing the loss, you avoid dealing with your breakup’s pain and emotional fallout.
If you use the relationship to avoid dealing with your feelings, you may find that rebounding makes you miss your ex more. That’s because you couldn’t give yourself the time and space to process your emotions.
How do you deal with it?
Instead of being the cure and entirely dealing with the loss, rebounding makes you miss your ex more.
For this reason, there’s no other way to deal with a relationship that’s wrong from the start than by ending it.
While being dragged into the mud of a rebound is unfair to the other party, it can also be unhealthy and draining for you if you don’t.
You will find saying “No, I’m okay” to be the century’s dialogue because you keep putting off your feelings, hiding them in your deeper core.
You will be constantly reminded of all the memories you’ve shared.
The meals and movies you enjoyed together.
The fights ended with the warmest embrace you could ever remember.
Since you don’t have time to process your emotions, remind yourself that they’re all over; it will be detrimental to your emotional well-being in the long term.
It gets worse: You’ll end up hurting a long chain of relationships after this painful, unhealed breakup.
What’s the bottom line?
Of course, not all rebound relationships are doomed.
Others end up liking their partners for real. Some even got married.
How do I know all this?
I was able to redeem myself after my ex dumped me for another girl. Seeing me in pain, my guy best friend consoled me. I was dumb enough to tell him that it should’ve been him.
He didn’t say no.
True enough, I compared him to my ex. He was hurt. When I was with him, I missed my ex more. That hurt him again. And repeat.
So I ended it.
Contrary to popular belief, there are advantages to rebound relationships. I realized I shouldn’t hurt everyone around me.
So I found time to have more friends, to be independent, and to reestablish previous relationships.
If I learned to move forward, so should you!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.