Do guys notice when you stop texting them? The brutal truth

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Do guys notice when you stop texting them?

I have some very bad news for you that you’re not going to like.

But the truth is more important than just giving people what they want to hear, so here goes.

1) Usually not

In most cases, a guy is not going to notice you stop texting him. At least not for quite some time.

If you’ve been texting with a dude for say two weeks and then you stop, it’s going to take him at least five or six days until he registers the change unless he’s very into you.

The issue is that the kind of guy who immediately notices a slow-down or lag in texting from you is generally the kind of guy you want to avoid:

Namely a guy who is needy, dependent and hungry for attention and validation.

It can seem nice if you’ve met a guy who loves texting you and responds within milliseconds: it gets that dopamine level cranked up for the first few weeks.

But eventually you’re going to wonder if this guy has a life other than responding immediately to your texts.

So let’s be frank:

Most guys who are worth your time are not going to be overly observant if you stop texting them unless they were already very interested in you.

2) If he notices he’ll text you

The second piece of no-nonsense news is that if a guy does notice you stop texting him then he’s going to text you.

If you’re sitting there by your phone waiting for that comforting ding (or whatever your text notification sounds is…I’m not judging) then you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

Unless he’s already fallen for you, he’s likely going to respond to your lack of texts by … not texting.

Now here’s the kicker: if you text too much you’re needy and unattractive, but if you don’t text at all he might forget about you.

So what’s a girl to do?

The answer lies in a happy medium: text him a reasonable amount and let him respond.

If you’ve reached an impasse where he’s no longer reaching out to you, the maximum advisable text is one in order to ask how he is or what he’s up to: but try to make it more specific than that.

The main point here is that if a guy cares that you stopped texting him then he’s likely to be the first one to reach out, and no amount of prodding on your end will make the difference.

Like Peyton White writes:

“The best-case scenario is that the guy felt comfortable talking to you and loved receiving texts from you. His heart started beating faster whenever he saw your name on his phone and he couldn’t wait to text you back.

“If this sounds like your guy, then he might have already caught some serious feelings for you. He got so used to communicating with you every day that it’s strange for him to suddenly not hear from you again.”

3) Do you make him feel like a hero?

One of the most frustrating things about texting is that it’s so hard to read the signals of what’s going on.

Is he really just busy at work and feeling sick or is he ghosting you?

Does he care at all if you stop texting him or is he truly just oblivious?

One of the best ways to understand what’s happening on the other end of the phone is to understand what drives a man at the deepest level.

There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct.

Created by relationship expert James Bauer, this revolutionary concept finally explains how men think and feel in relationships.

This is something most women have never even heard of.

According to Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. And to most people’s surprise, it has nothing to do with sex.

You see, according to Bauer, men have three innate drivers. These are natural responses that they’re not even aware of. But when a woman comes along and triggers these drivers, it causes a powerful response.

The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.

So how can you trigger your man’s inner hero?

Well, you certainly don’t need to act like a damsel in distress. There’s no need to play dress-up superheroes. It’s quite simple, actually.

All you have to do is give your man certain signals that make him feel needed in the relationship. These allow him to step to the plate and feel fulfilled in his role as your partner.

And these signals are revealed in this genuine, free video by James Bauer.

The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works and the little ways in which you can trigger it, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.

So if you want to know how to do this and more, make sure to check out Bauer’s excellent advice. In his video, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away to make your man feel like a hero.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

This will show you how to approach him in a way that makes him feel like a hero. It’s often the case that over-texting completely dissolves this guy’s ability to feel real attraction for you.

As White says:

“Sometimes we get carried away and don’t think how much we text someone. It could be that your constant messaging was annoying and he couldn’t find a way to tell you that.

“Perhaps he was being nice to you and didn’t want to hurt your feelings, so that’s why he played along and waited for you to notice the cues.”

4) What reason do you have to think he’ll care?

Do guys notice when you stop texting them? The brutal truth is that you have to ask yourself what reason you have to think he will care.

Even if he notices, so what? Unless he’s interested in you or wants to see you again, he’s most likely to shrug and keep scrolling down his contact list.

Be honest with yourself here if you don’t want to go through unnecessary suffering and time wasting.

Is there a connection you have with this guy that makes you think he’ll notice when you stop texting him?

Is there a subject you were talking about or depth of your interaction that makes you surprised or shocked by him being less responsive?

What is the reason that you are considering or thinking about stopping texting him in the first place?

Really think about the answers to these questions if you want to know the truth about whether he’ll notice when you stop texting him.

If the connection you had was real and out of the ordinary then he’ll certainly notice.

If not, he either won’t notice or will shrug it off when he does notice. It’s really the same either way.

“There will be times when you’re dealing with a man who claims to like you and the two of you are pursuing something but he just doesn’t value your time or effort.

“He won’t make an effort and all your pleas fall on deaf ears. If constant communication with him is one-sided and achieves nothing, it might be time to stop texting him,” notes Zak.

5) How long had you been texting for?

Another factor to consider is the length of your text-lationship (cringe) with this guy.

Were you texting for three days or three months? Had you been out with him before or were you only talking digitally so far?

Did a hookup lead into texting? Who initiated the texting, you or him?

Another important thing to pay attention to is who generally starts texting when you talk, is it you or him?

If you scroll back through your messages you may notice a pattern or interest or disinterest on his end that will clue you in a lot to what’s been going on.

If you only started texting recently, then the odds are lower that he will notice when you stop texting him.

If you have been texting for a long time and talking in depth then it’s far more likely he will notice when you stop texting him, but it still depends on whether he had feelings for you in terms of whether he’ll care or not.

If you had been texting for quite awhile, then it’s quite possible that stopping texting him will make a difference.

“I have to be honest and admit that when you stop texting guys, it has great potential to make them miss you,” acknowledges Zak.

“This is something I would recommend to anyone who has a habit of chasing after guys or texting too much.

“Stop texting him for a short while and make a note of his behavior. If he reaches out or tries to get you to text him again, then it’s quite obvious that not texting him had a positive effect.”

But if he doesn’t contact you for a month, then something might be up.

6) Was your text-lationship getting serious?

Another big question to ask yourself is whether your “text-lationship” was getting serious.

Of course, this depends on whether you knew him offline, but also on how serious you were getting in terms of opening up about your personal lives, feelings and potential interest in each other.

I had a one-year online relationship with someone who I used to talk to for hours a night and texted throughout the day. We connected on a deep level.

Ultimately we didn’t meet due to life complications and different plans, which was sad. But she definitely noticed when I stopped texting her.

It was because I met another girl and was less available. Although she was happy for me, it still was a sad event overall.

The point is that a guy or girl is going to notice you stop texting if they’re into you, especially if you’ve been talking for a long time and had many voice or video conversations.

The truth is that a real connection is going to matter whether or not you’ve met in person yet.

Personal chemistry matters a lot, but having deep conversations is so crucial to real romantic interest that our image-obsessed society often forgets about how key it is to really connect with someone conversationally, in terms of sense of humor and beliefs and so on…

7) How’s your most important relationship doing?

No matter how much you like the guy in question, I can guarantee you there’s a more important relationship that needs to come first.

Having your texts ignored and feeling lost in your love life is awful.

When you feel like you make no difference and people don’t care whether you text them or not it’s deeply disempowering.

It feels like going fishing for the day and getting no bites and not even a whisper of interest from a little fish: at least not the glittery gold one you were hoping to catch!

Nobody could blame you for wanting to give up.

But maybe you need to take a different approach to fixing your relationship.

Maybe you need to work on the most important one you’ll ever have, before you can fix the others:

The one you have with yourself.

I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his excellent, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, Rudá reveals where most of us go wrong in our relationships.

So why should you listen to Rudá’s life-changing advice?

Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but he’s made the same mistakes in love that you and I have.

And now he’s found the solution, he wants to share it with you.

So if you’re done with feeling less than worthy, if you’re tired of toxic relationships, and you want to cultivate real, genuine love, check out his simple yet effective advice.

Click here to watch the free video.

8) Waiting on the world to change

The harsh truth is that if you’re waiting on the world to change you’re going to end up as an archeology exhibit.

Guys sometimes notice if a woman they like stops texting them, but that’s the exception, not the rule.

What you may regard as an exceptional and fascinating text exchange could be nothing but shooting the breeze or sexting to him.

It’s best never to assume what somebody else is feeling when you’re texting with them.

Like I mentioned at the beginning, the problem with texting is that it’s inherently long-distance.

There’s no real way to know for sure what somebody else is thinking behind a screen somewhere unless you’re there watching them and seeing their reaction.

The fact of the matter is that getting your heart invested in a text interaction too heavily is a losing bet.

Sooner or later you may be tempted to take the position that stopping texting is a way to get this guy’s attention…

And in rare cases, it is.

But more often than not it’s just you deleting yourself from his life.

Plus, keep in mind that even when he notices it’s not always a sign that he’s actually into you beyond a superficial level.

Crazy Jackz has this exactly right:

“Another scenario is when the guy may not be interested in you, but just likes the attention you give him.

“So if that’s the case, you are simply his ego-booster and attention-giver. So if you stopped texting such a guy, he might not miss you as a person, but will likely miss all the attention he used to get all these days.”

9) What do you want him to do?

When thinking about what’s going on with this guy you are hoping will give you more attention or notice your texting more, think about your goal.

What is the main reason you’re stopping texting him or thinking about doing so?

Common motivations include:

  • You want to gauge his interest in you
  • He’s been disrespectful or dismissive of you
  • He broke up with you but still wants to talk, so you want to see what he does if you stop
  • He’s cheating and expects you to still be normal, but you decide to freeze him out and see what he does
  • You want to make him want you more or chase you more, so you blank him out

Think about your personal reasons for considering stopping texting him.

Then think about the outcome you’d like to see from him.

Perhaps it’s:

  • An apology
  • Increased interest
  • Teasing or poking fun at him
  • Making him want you more sexually
  • Showing him that you’re more powerful in your relationship than he thought

10) Put the shoe on the other foot

This is an exercise I advise for those who are in a situation of wondering what someone else will be doing when they text or don’t text them.

This guessing game will be more likely to be accurate if you think about what you would do in a similar situation.

Imagine you are this guy and that you feel in an ambivalent or more or less somewhat attracted way.

This person you are somewhat interested in suddenly stops texting, either for a particular reason or seemingly without reason.

What do you do?

What do you feel?

What is your immediate and long term reaction?

Now to be fair, this guy may be a lot different than you and you may be off base about his feelings for you.

But putting the shoe on the other foot is a good way to get a handle on what it might be like from his end.

So if you’re wondering whether he’s noticed, then ask yourself whether you would notice or care in his position…

As Selma June says:

“The thing is, if he wants to talk to you – he will talk to you. No matter how busy he is or what he is doing, at least he will let you know that he will get in touch with you later.

“And even if he is forgetful and super busy, that’s not an excuse for ignoring your texts. Which is why you need to stop texting him if you already sent two or three messages in a row with no answer.”

11) Is he ghosting you?

 One of the reasons why some guys stop texting is that they want to ghost you and see what you’ll do.

If you start chasing him he will feel he has a lot of leverage and

If he’s just become passive or tried ghosting you to see what you’ll do then doing, then it can be very effective to tap the brakes and stop texting them.

There are no guarantees, but if he’s just testing you out then he’ll notice that you’re not taking the bait.

Dating coach Ronnie Ryan puts it well:

“A man who is interested, but not setting-up dates will often become very interested when he stops hearing from you. If you always text first, stop. 

“Go silent. Observe what he does and what steps he takes to reconnect. You want to get a man’s attention – disappear on him. That will make him very curious.”

5 things to do when he won’t text you back

When a guy won’t text you back it makes you feel like shit.

Unneeded, unwanted, unappreciated…forgotten.

But as I’ve discussed, if you push too hard or not at all it can be the end of the interaction.

That’s why you need to go about this the right way.

Don’t wait around forever, but also don’t barrage him with a text wall.

Here are five tips.

1) Text him once

If you’re in an upsetting situation with a guy and want him to notice you, don’t jump to the no-texting strategy.

Text him one last time to give him a shot and make it clear that you’re interested.

Then let sleeping dogs lie.

Stop texting for at least a few days. Extend this to a few weeks if you’re getting no response.

At this point of no return you need to decide whether you want to keep chasing or turn and let it go.

If he still hasn’t answered he’s moved on or decided not to contact you anymore.

Either that or he’s been seriously injured or having a deep crisis of some kind.

Aside from him having had an emergency, you need to accept after a few weeks if he still hasn’t contacted you that it’s over.

2) Take a phone break   

If you’re debating about texting a guy and have decided to stop texting him, take a break from your phone.

It’s not so much about the length of time as it is about creating space in your mind.

If that means just one day fully “clean” of staring at your phone and checking it then go for it.

Leave the ring on for emergencies and then check it only once in the morning and in the evening.

Taking a phone break will give you a chance to reassess your priorities and think about what you really want in this situation.

Give time to think about the worst-case scenario that the guy doesn’t notice or care that you stop texting him.

This will hurt a lot, but you need to think about the chance that this is what will happen.

3) Meditate

Meditation isn’t something that appeals to everyone, but I highly recommend giving it a try if you’re in a rough situation of playing text tag.

There’s not a lot you can do to control the outcome of this situation and there is no one “right” way to handle it.

Not texting might end up being only the desperate last actions of someone who’s already been dismissed in his affections…

But texting too much could also be the ineffective flailing of not wanting to accept that a relationship isn’t going to happen or is already over.

Meditation is a way to get out of the ups and downs of the external pressure you’re facing.

You won’t necessarily get solutions, but you’ll get a bit of the inner peace you’ve been searching for.

And that can make all the difference.

4) Breathe

During this stressful time, you need to focus on what’s still in your control.

And it’s as simple as taking a breath.

When I was struggling the most in life, I was introduced to an incredible free breathwork video created by the shaman Rudá Iandê.

With a focus on dissolving stress and boosting inner peace, it was hard to resist giving it a go.

But with the turbulence of emotions I was facing and the pain of not knowing about a relationship I was in, I didn’t have high hopes. I had little self-esteem and confidence? Out of the window.

So what made this free breathwork video so effective?

Well, it comes down to the man behind it all. Rudá created these unique flows using a combination of ancient shamanic techniques and healing breathwork sequences.

He’s spent years developing them to help people find their inner peace. 

So, if you feel a disconnect with yourself due to relationship problems, I’d recommend checking out Rudá’s free breathwork video.

He’ll give you the tools to start injecting peace and confidence back into your life, from the very first breathwork exercise.

Here’s a link to the free video again.

5) Go to the gym

There’s nothing as effective as physical exercise when it comes to getting out of your head and into your body.

Far too often we end up lost in our thoughts and emotions in a way that can delude us to the simple truth of life.

The primary truth is that life is change and movement.

Getting into your body helps you to feel the blood pumping through your veins and more energized and spontaneous.

There’s a very limited amount you can do about whether a guy is going to notice you stop texting him.

But what you can do is go for a run or lift weights.

This will get you feeling more alive and use up some of the energy and calories you’d otherwise be burning on worrying about what a guy is doing with his cellphone.

Bringing out his inner text hero…

I mentioned this revolutionary concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to text you back and take an active interest in you.

Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.

And the easiest way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours.

Rejection is always a possibility, but when a man won’t even text back or respond to you in any meaningful way you can be in the dark about what’s going on.

That’s why it’s so important to learn how to bring out his inner hero.

How to get him to notice you

The best way to get a guy to notice you is to stop trying to get him to notice you.

I truly mean that.

I don’t mean pursuing a strategy to show him you don’t care if he notices you.

I mean to truly stop caring if he does and getting on with your life.

Center your locus of power within yourself and begin blazing your own trail.

Stop seeking, wanting or valuing the validation and attention of others.

You’ll begin to notice it start to come flooding in…

Of course the irony will be that by this point it’s really mostly irrelevant to you.

The upside is you can now decide to be with him free of the neediness and feeling of dependency which was formerly tying you down.

Now you’re free.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.