Do guys really care if you have a belly? Short answer: yes and no. Long answer: it depends on the quality of the men you’re considering.
Like a majority of things that have to do with attraction, it comes down to personal preference.
In this article, we’ll talk about the signs that Your Guy cares or not and why you shouldn’t let that bother you either way. (Because honestly, it shouldn’t.)
The guys who matter don’t mind and the guys who mind shouldn’t matter
The brutal truth is: some men do care if you have a belly and some men just don’t. I’m not going to sit here and lie to your face and pretend that weight (and overall physical appearance) isn’t a dealbreaker for some people, because it definitely is.
For the most part though, it’s a preference and not a standard. Or at least it shouldn’t be.
I get that as a society, we’re bombarded by media and content that cater to the male gaze and it somehow led us to believe that only a particular body type is beautiful. But trust me, that’s not the case at all.
And as cliche as this is now, beauty runs in all shapes and sizes (color, gender, race, age, etc.; it’s 2023, we shouldn’t be talking about this anymore like it’s new.) But I also know that it’s still quite radical to love ourselves in a world that shows us cookie-cutters of what we need to fit into.
Like, you can be thin and people will say why are you so thin? Why are your boobs so small? Why don’t you have a butt? Or, you’re so thin I can see your ribs.
On the flip side, you can be curvy but not too curvy because then that’s fat as if fat is a bad word. (FYI: It’s not.) If you’re tall, don’t wear heels. Makeup looks fake, but no-makeup makeup is okay.
Curl your hair. Straighten it. Get a tan. Fairer skin is better. Honestly, I could go on. There seems to be so much tax to pay to exist as a woman that we develop way too many insecurities quite early on.
My point is, it’s hard enough to have a healthy relationship with our bodies without adding our desirability into the mix, so my hot take is this: The guys who matter don’t mind and the guys who mind shouldn’t matter. Let’s marinate in this a little.
You have so much to bring to the table more than just your physical appearance. And if a guy won’t see beyond your looks, are they really worth the time it takes to even look up the title of this article?
“Okay, I hear you. But I still want to know if this one specific guy cares.”
Okay, girlfriend, let’s talk signs (not astrological this time, although those are fun).
I’m all for finding out things for ourselves because there is no amount of advice (especially advice from the internet, haha!) that can stop you if you don’t want to be stopped.
It’s not like I can physically bring frozen margaritas or ice cream to where you are and hold your hand to stop you from liking a potential walking red flag, but I will give you a list to look out for. (Lists are efficient. We love lists in this house.)
Signs that your guy cares about your belly (or just how you look in general)
Just so we’re on the same page, Your Guy could be a potential partner or a current one, and belly could literally be just your belly, your weight, or your overall appearance.
1) When he passive-aggressively comments on your weight
You know, I just–in wholesale–reject the energy of commenting on people’s weight. Most of the time, people already know if they’ve gained or lost weight, or if they can’t gain or lose weight and it just seems unhelpful to comment.
So if he comments on your weight or activities that relate to it, determine the intention.
If your guy passive-aggressively comments on your eating habits: if he says to not order or eat this or that because it’s too fatty or high in calories. Or if he constantly reminds you to diet or cut down this or that in your meals, think hard if it comes from a place of genuine concern and not malice.
Tone is important here, but if they just do this unprovoked, you better think long and hard if this energy is something you wish for in your life.
I also just need to add that weight gain and weight loss are more than just eating habits and exercise; genetics and hormonal imbalances could be big factors here, too. So, be kind to yourself and surround yourself with those who would be kind to you, too.
2) When he negatively comments on how you dress
First of all, wear what you want. Second of all, let’s put our thinking caps back on again, are their comments coming from a place of educated fashion knowledge? No? Then where is it coming from?
If they press you to wear looser clothes or not to wear cropped tops, why?
If their compliments are backhanded insults like, “If only you lose a few pounds, you’d look better in that outfit,” reject that energy. You are allowed to wear whatever you want.
3) If he treats people differently based on their looks
How we treat strangers is very telling of our personalities. Is he nicer to attractive people? Does he objectify people? Does he mock other people for how they look?
Is he only nice to people he considers good-looking? People like this exist, strangely enough, so look out for them.
Inversely, here are some green flags:
1) When he hypes you up
He doesn’t even need to be loud about it either. He could be hyping you quietly when you’re together, giving you compliments for your look that day (especially if you’re dressed up). Or calling you beautiful even when it’s just the two of you.
Sure, he could definitely be hyping you on social media as well, but I personally find it less performative when it’s said when no one is watching.
2) When he doesn’t pressure you to look or dress a certain way
It’s so attractive when people appreciate us for who we are as we are. Acceptance is attractive, plain and simple.
3) When he likes you for things other than your looks
I came across this quote years back that stayed with me, “Pretty is not the rent you pay to exist in the world as a woman.” It’s one of those profound truths that suddenly hit you while you’re mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr, of all places.
You are more than what you look, regardless if you consider yourself pretty or not. Are you kind? Are you compassionate? Do you have empathy in buckets? Do you see the gentleness of everyone around you?
Are you a good lover? Are you a thoughtful friend? Are you a good daughter? A wonderful mom? A wonderful partner?
Do you have a zest for life? Are you smart? Are you witty? Do you have more wisdom in your pinky finger compared to everyone you know?
None of these require your looks. These are beyond what you look like. And this makes up more of who you are as a person than what your face and body happen to be.
I know I tend to get preachy when it comes to self-love but it’s important for me that you know, that you are aware, that you are so much bigger than your insecurities. And I hope you will find someone who will see that, too.
“Okay, I get it, but what if I like this guy and I confirm that he cares about my belly?”
At this point, I really wish I can bring frozen margaritas to where you are so we can sit down and talk about this. As per usual, I’m not going to cast judgment (much) because we like who we like.
But this is where I stand on this: I’m a firm believer that we shouldn’t change ourselves to please other people because where will that end? It’s going to be exhausting constantly changing ourselves to suit other people’s tastes.
Liking someone who is unkind to our body image and self-esteem will take a toll. It’s like you’re going to be constantly seeking their approval.
Think long and hard if this is something you can and are willing to tolerate. Otherwise, protect your peace and go where you are wanted and will thrive.
- There will be men who will care about your belly (or lack thereof, which is a whole other conversation) and men who won’t.
- Constantly seeking approval and acceptance from a partner or potential partner is exhausting.
- Your desirability does not equate to your self-worth. You are not obligated to be desirable.
- The right guy will love you for you, as cliche as that seems. The right guy will support and help you thrive in your most authentic self.
- Your body is wonderful the way it is. Should you wish to change things about yourself, I hope that it will come from a place of self-betterment and not because you seek other people’s approval. Or worse, societal acceptance.
Our relationship with our body, our self-image, our self-esteem, and our self-worth is tough enough as it stands; I hope that you will treat yourself kindly and not allow other people to look down on you for how you look.
I hope you will share your space with people who will appreciate you for the totality of who you are and won’t judge you for the numbers on a weighing scale. Because at the end of the day, you have one body, and you deserve to exist as you are.
And if you happen to have a belly? Then so be it.
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