When couples meet for the first time, it almost feels magical. It is like there is some fairy dust around, and all the flaws seem so small, but as the years go by, those flaws only become bigger and bigger.
If you feel guilty because you feel this way, you are not alone. Many women feel like this, and most of us would never admit it to our friends for fear of being judged.
Nonetheless, it is common for most couples to feel this way after some point in their marriage.
Here are 17 reasons why you feel this way!
1) He is very selfish
You might have moved heaven and earth to make your husband happy, but he doesn’t want to do that for you. That can cause some serious wounds.
If you can’t get any time for yourself and he keeps doing the things he likes and keeps on saying that he is busy, you are going to start feeling frustrated. You feel bitter and angry at him because he doesn’t do what makes you happy.
When this kind of behavior repeats endlessly, it is not difficult to understand that you might start having bad feelings. An honest conversation is always needed between husband and wife, so you can clear the air and work on your marriage.
2) He likes to be alone
No woman likes it when she feels like she is being ignored by her husband and this can make you feel angry at him and can cause jealousy as well.
If your husband wants to spend time with women while you are trying to get plans done around the house, it can make you insecure and very, very mad! To be in love is one thing, but to be taken for granted is completely unacceptable!
Of course, the foreplay doesn’t start in the bedroom but in all the other rooms of the world. We need to feel appreciated to be able to feel the passion and feel the desire to be touched.
If you have noticed lately that you simply cannot stand him touching you, the problem may be where you least expect it.
This kind of behavior will certainly raise many red flags, and if he wants to be alone often, that leads to losing intimacy and, in the end, physical contact, which is essential for a good marriage.
3) He is always coming late after work
Even if he says something like “I had a long day” or “I am so tired,” by the time he gets home, you might be super tired. Those words don’t comfort you because they sound so fake and convenient.
It is what men use to hide from their obligations and protect themselves from any trouble in family life. It is very convenient for him and very unfair to you.
This may be the reason why you simply have no desire to have any close contact with your husband. Even talking about being intimate may make you feel like a hissing cat.
If your husband comes home late, it means that he is prioritizing other things in his life over you and the family. The one who is responsible for the household has to be the one who cares about it and not just the way around.
4) He has lost interest in you
When your feelings change, trust gets broken, and it is normal to feel a bit cheated. That can cause some serious tension in the relationship.
You are probably thinking about the beginning of your relationship when you were so in love. What most people don’t realize at the beginning of the marriage is that it takes a lot of work to build a strong relationship.
You need to work things out, make compromises, talk it through, be willing to do anything for him, and he needs to do the same; otherwise, it simply doesn’t make any sense. If at some point those steps stop making sense for both of you and if things are not moving in the same direction with your relationship, something is wrong.
It means that there is probably some problem underneath the surface that you didn’t manage to solve, and it is creating tension now between you.
5) You do all the work, and he gets what he wants
If you find yourself doing everything for him, then you might start getting tired of his selfishness and lack of commitment to the relationship. When this happens, it is very easy to feel resentment towards your partner.
Try to be honest about these things, and it will be easier for you to get to a solution later on. If the relationship is based on the fact that the wife does everything for her husband and he does nothing, it is going to be very hard for him to improve.
Try to be more proactive and take the initiative instead of waiting for him to do something. It is important that you learn how to set boundaries and set a reasonable expectation of how things will work in your relationship.
Ask for help, let him know that you cannot and will not take all the weight that the marriage certainly carries with it. It is impossible for a marriage to work if only one person should do everything.
A good marriage needs both partners to take care of each other.
6) You are spending more time with your friends than with him
You have been working very hard lately, and seeing your husband doesn’t even cross your mind in your daily schedule. You are tired of bringing up the issue and trying to make things better, so it is easier to simply ignore it.
It is normal to feel like this if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you feel that you enjoy other people’s company, you will surely be very reserved when it comes to physical contact with your husband.
The bond should be nurtured constantly. It is important to be comfortable with each other and try to make things work.
It is normal to turn to friends when you have hard time at work, so for many women, what is going on in the marital bed simply fades away in the background.
In any case, you should never neglect the importance of being with your husband.
7) You are not happy in the relationship
It is normal to want to be in a relationship. When you decide to become a wife and mom, there is no going back. It is your life path, and unfortunately, this doesn’t mark a farewell to your independence.
If you do not feel happy with your husband, it is important to try to understand why that happens. You need to talk about all the flaws that you have found in the relationship and try to get over them together.
Marriage is not only about feeling the butterflies and having breakfast in bed. That can occur in the beginning, and then, later on, it should be more about the support, feeling that your spouse has your back.
If you don’t have that, refusing to be intimate with your husband may be a form of rebellion and passive aggression that you don’t know how to handle. It is important that you have an open and honest conversation with him versus being passive and waiting for him to put up with your insecurities.
You are not on a date, so why not just talk it out? In a minor way, it is unfair that you feel forced to spend more time with your husband when there are a lot of things that go on in the outside world that we can’t control.
8) You have intimacy issues
There are important aspects of a relationship that we cannot control, but there is a lot that we can do ourselves. If you have intimacy issues, you can easily take the situation in hand and discuss what is going on.
You need to talk about your feelings, trust issues, and any kind of abuse or trauma that you may have suffered. You cannot do all the work in marriage by yourself.
Communication is key, so try to open up by having a conversation with him if the relationship has been bad lately. Try not to bottle things up, spill them out and let him know that you are not happy about certain things that are going on.
If you cannot deal with this by yourself, it is always good to talk to a therapist because sometimes issues are too deep and complex to be dealt with by yourself. Talk about past experiences and try to apply what you have learned from them.
You need to take the chance and open up your husband’s eyes as to why you feel the way you do. Otherwise, things may keep going on in the same direction.
Talk it out, tell him everything that bothers you in this relationship, try not to leave any stone unturned.
9) You are not satisfied with your body
If you gave birth, it is normal that your body changed. If you have issues with accepting your body, it can be a huge problem if you are married.
That can even lead to being disgusted when your husband initiates contact. There are a lot of things that can influence your feelings, and you need to talk about them.
It is ok to have concerns about your body, but you should not be ashamed of it or cover it up with clothes that hide what is underneath. Be honest about it with yourself and with your husband.
Avoiding physical contact and not telling anything about it can only make it worse. It is never ok to put yourself down or compare yourself with others.
There are a lot of ways that you can help yourself and make sure that you feel better about your body. Talk about it, ask for help if you need it, tell your husband about it and spend more time exercising so that you feel confident.
You can also talk to your doctor, and he will be able to recommend the right products to help you out.
10) You don’t feel you love him anymore
It is hard to tell if you love your husband sometimes, but if you don’t love him anymore, it is important to talk about it and move forward. If you don’t feel that way anymore, it is normal to have insecurities of not being enough for the man you married.
You will feel more at ease when the right time comes. It can be difficult because you invested so much time into taking care of him, and now he doesn’t even seem to care anymore.
On the other hand, the feeling of love can just be dormant because of everything that is going on in your life. The feeling of love in a marriage is a very tricky thing. It is not something that can be felt every minute of every day because it is not natural.
The feeling of love is not the same every day, and it might not be strong either, but you should feel something. It doesn’t mean that you are always happy with him or that everything is perfect, but if you are feeling anxiety or depression, there is something wrong.
If it is not enough to have a discussion about it, at least try to think in which direction your relationship has been going for a while. There is always something you can do if he is also willing to make an effort on his side.
11) He doesn’t please you in the bedroom
If there are no surprises in the bedroom and your husband is not willing to satisfy you the way you would like to, there is a huge chance that you will feel repulsed by being close to your husband. You may feel intense anxiety when he even comes close to you.
Even though sex is not the only thing in a marriage, it is certainly a very important part of it and should be nurtured. The willingness to make an effort is a major factor in a marriage and every kind of relationship, for that matter.
It is certainly something that should be discussed between partners because often, the decision to do so is made without realizing that it needs to be discussed. If your husband does not want to make an effort, he should be told so.
If he is ignored or pushed away, it can lead to other problems in the relationship and should be resolved first before anything else. It is important that you find out what his reasons are and if they are valid or simply excuses.
12) You have money problems, and he is not willing to step up to help you
If you keep telling your husband that you cannot manage your finances and don’t know where the money is going, it can lead to him not accepting responsibility for helping you. He will stop being available because he feels like he cannot afford it, or he won’t be comfortable about opening up his resources.
You are not the only responsible party in a marriage, but it sure does feel like it sometimes. That can certainly lead to numerous other problems, one of which could also be an issue with intimacy.
If you feel repulsed by being close to him, then there is a high chance that you are not accepting his help in whatever way he can provide. It is not always about money, and it is certainly not something that makes a marriage.
There are other ways of helping each other financially, too, and opening up your resources can never be a problem if both partners want to make an effort.
13) He doesn’t want to make an effort in the marriage
If he is ignoring you and not willing to make an effort, it can certainly be a huge problem. And if you are forcing yourself to make the first step, it will be more difficult for both of you.
You can try asking him what could be wrong and why he is not making an effort in this marriage. Listen carefully to his reasons because they might help you move on with this relationship or help you understand why there is no other way than a separation.
Maybe he has some underlying issues he is dealing with he is afraid to share with you. In any case, it is important that you find out what is happening and talk about it because not making an effort in a marriage can lead to numerous other things that are far worse.
It can certainly be very frustrating to be married to a person who simply doesn’t show any effort.
14) He is unable to express himself
If he does not want to share his feelings, it can be hard for both of you. You will feel alone in the relationship and isolated from him.
It can certainly be difficult if you feel that way, but in some cases, it can be a good thing. When one of the partners suffers from depression and is unable to speak about it, the other partner might provide that comfort without even knowing it.
Expressing love verbally and through doing the things you both enjoy is necessary if spouses want to do everything they can to make the marriage work. Communication is essential in every marriage, and if your husband is not willing to tell you more about his thoughts and fears, that could create lots of misunderstandings and suffocate your desire to experiment in the bedroom or cuddle on the sofa.
15) You think his needs are more important than yours
If you feel that your needs come second, it will be difficult to accept your husband or understand him at all. How can you love someone and not want them to love you back?
You might want some tenderness and attention, but your husband is not willing to give it to you. It is healthy for both partners to take care of each other’s needs, so don’t forget that.
It is about giving and taking, and there should be a balance. That is what makes marriage such a wonderful thing if you are lucky enough to have such a partner.
If your husband is not willing to provide it for you, then you should ask yourself what is wrong and try to figure it out together.
16) You are not making an effort in the marriage
It is easy to think that the other person needs to take the first step in fixing a relationship when you know something about yourself, which makes you unable to make an effort. Being too consumed by your feelings can lead to overthinking and making the wrong conclusions.
If you keep thinking about every single mistake that your husband made, you will only get more frustrated. Making an effort is the only way to move on in your marriage, and if you are not able to do that, it could certainly lead to lots of other problems.
Sometimes you may feel so repulsed by your husband’s actions or words that you will start overthinking things instead of trying to think logically and sensibly. That can lead to feeling resistance towards getting closer and being intimate with your spouse, and every day the situation prolongs, it can get more and more painful.
17) He is emotionally unavailable
If he is not willing to share his most intimate thoughts, he will also be incapable of telling you what he feels. He might find it uncomfortable to express himself, especially if things are not going well in the relationship or if there are other problems that need to be resolved first.
When you don’t share your emotions with each other, it can make it difficult for both parties to truly understand each other. There is a high chance that he will find it difficult to share his emotions because he is afraid to show any weakness, and you might feel ashamed of expressing your emotions.
Talking about your feelings can help to make things easier for both of you, and if he doesn’t want to do that, then perhaps it is a sign of something more serious. Maybe he has some sort of issues from his past.
He may have trust issues as well. Trust is vital in any relationship, whether it’s a friendship or marriage.
What can you do to change things for the better?
If you feel that your husband is not doing enough to love you, then you should either stop complaining or do something about it. It is easy to blame someone else for your unhappiness, but in this case, as in every other situation, the problem lies within our approach to it.
In order to make your marriage work, it is important that both of you make an effort to solve problems and respect each other’s feelings and opinions. It is not always about money or other material things.
Here are a few things you can do!
1) Talk to him
You can start by telling him that you are the one who is unhappy and that you just want to communicate with him. Perhaps he will share his thoughts and feelings, and afterward, he will be able to understand why you feel so angry.
Explain what you feel and what you would like him to do about it. Avoid accusing him of anything because that can only turn into a huge fight, which is something you probably don’t want.
Try to listen to his side of the story and understand what you could be doing to upset him. Marriage is never about one person.
There are two people who once loved each other madly and now are in a situation you cannot understand.
2) Go to counseling
If you cannot stand when your husband touches you, it may be a good idea to start marriage counseling. There are many types of counseling that may be able to help you solve your problems, so do your research and find what is best for you.
Before getting married, it is important that both of you are ready to share everything with each other. There are many couples who never talk about money or other things that will bring tension to the relationship.
Shoving problems under the rug can never bring anything good and is mostly leading to a fight that you don’t need. Find a therapist who is experienced in helping couples and who will be able to provide you with the best advice on how to make your marriage work.
3) Take some time off from each other
Sometimes, all you need for a marriage to work is a little bit of distance and time on your own. It doesn’t need to be a permanent thing.
You can take some time off from each other and spend more time with your closest friends or relatives. You don’t even have to go anywhere.
Create some small habits that make you happy and do the things you enjoy. That can increase your overall satisfaction and help you bond again with your husband.
4) Do something nice for your husband
Bringing some romance into your lives again can give you the feeling that you both are in the same place emotionally and physically. Try to do things that are both fun and exciting and maybe bring some spark of passion back into your marriage.
Buy the lingerie that makes you feel like a goddess, and you can be sure that this energy will spark things up in the bedroom. The will to change things for the better will make a difference.
Give him a present he always wanted or prepare a meal that he likes. Sometimes even making coffee for the two of you in the morning can help you start talking again and enjoying each other’s company.
5) Go on vacation together
Try to remember when it all began, when you were crazy in love with each other, and how you wanted to spend every possible moment together. Book a room in a town that you always wanted to go to or plan a getaway near your home.
Any change of routine will help you feel desired, loved, and light again. Sometimes we don’t even notice just how heavy every day is and how we would just like to go somewhere new and pretend we are someone else.
Perhaps that could help you get out of the rut you are in. Seeing your life from a different perspective can help you to see your marriage problems more clearly.
Think of this time as an opportunity to grow as a couple. By overcoming the issues that are bothering you, you will become stronger than you ever were.
All the efforts will pay off for sure, and they will not be in vain. And you can change things for the better!
When it comes to matters of the heart, we tend to overreact and complicate things more than necessary. The solution to our problems is usually much simpler.
Making an effort to improve your marriage and work on it won’t be a burden but rather a very pleasant experience. If you are not in the mood to be close to your husband, do something else, there is no use in forcing things.
However, making a small effort every day to bond again can certainly give you the feeling that you are moving in the right direction. Communication is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship, and we cannot overstate how important it is.
To talk about everything that’s bothering you is much easier than to do nothing about it and keep your feelings bottled up inside. Try to listen to what your husband has to say and express your feelings as well.
As soon as you manage to vocalize your issues, you will be able to deal with the negative feelings that are confusing you right now.
Hopefully, these tips will inspire you to make some changes in your life and marriage, so you can enjoy physical contact with your husband again!
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