Have you started dating a guy who hasn’t dated in a long time? Wondering how to go about it?
I’m sure you have a lot of questions, like:
Is there anything wrong with him?
Is he ready to commit to you and start a relationship?
Do you need to take it slowly?
It’s not an easy situation, but don’t worry. I’ve been there before. My husband didn’t date anyone for 3 years before I met him.
While I was a little uneasy about it at first, it actually didn’t affect our ability to connect. In fact, in some ways, it made it more fun.
In this article, I’m going to use my personal experience to help you out.
Here are 10 tips that I wish I knew when I started dating my man.
1. Know that it takes time to learn about each other
The first time my husband and I went out on a date was in March of 2013. It was just a regular date. Nothing special.
We had coffee, walked around a few blocks of the neighborhood, and headed back home.
We didn’t talk much though. I didn’t know what to say, so I just listened to him as he talked about his life over the last 3 years.
At the time, I had many questions. I wanted to know why he fell into a dating plateau.
I wanted to know what he was thinking and feeling during his last 3 years of life.
I knew that it would take some time to learn all these things, so I tried my best not to act impatient or frustrated.
That’s because I understand that every man is different, and it takes time for each one of them to open up and show who they really are. It took him time to decide to date again. It took me time to realize that I liked him.
The main point here is, don’t rush him and expect him to give you a clear answer about why he hasn’t dated anyone for 3 years.
Usually, there are logical reasons, but it takes time for men to open up and let themselves be vulnerable.
This is especially the case for a man who hasn’t dated in a long time. They’re not used to sharing their feelings with a significant other.
It’s going to take you time to learn all the things that he has been through.
You’re probably wondering if he’s ready for a relationship. Is there something wrong with him?
While this may be true, there will be plenty of time to figure it out. And, you are here because you want to meet someone new and form a relationship.
The only person who can answer these questions is your man, so don’t pressure him.
While I was feeling impatient, I’m glad that I didn’t show my impatience. We took the time to get to know each other.
Now, we are married and happy. I know it’s because of the time we spent putting ourselves out there, working on our relationship, and getting to know each other.
It takes time for people to actually start getting to know each other, but if you’re patient, your chances of a successful relationship are greatly increased.
2. Know that he’s not reading and watching the same books
I know that sounds silly, but at the time, it was a big issue for me. I just couldn’t believe that he wasn’t reading and watching the same things as me.
He didn’t like any of the mainstream shows that most people watch, and he wasn’t even interested in Sports like I am!
But this can often happen to someone that hasn’t been dating for a while.
They’ve been living their own lives and have been focusing on their own business, hobbies, or work.
They are not accustomed to time-consuming entertainment like soap operas, movies, sports, and reality shows.
You see, most of us watch these shows so we can talk about it with other people, especially the people we date!
I can remember how I had many questions about why he wasn’t like other guys.
After 3 years of being in the same place, it’s easy to get lost and lose touch with the world around you. When that happens, it’s hard to keep up with what’s new in the world and what people are saying about what they’re watching on TV.
But if your guy is like this, realize that it is not that important. It actually shows that he is a unique person that is following his own path. That makes him interesting!
3. Know that he’s not going to be automatically attracted to you
This is also a very common concern among women who have started dating a guy who hasn’t dated in a while. They are afraid that they won’t be attractive enough for him.
The reason behind it is simple.
If this guy hasn’t dated for a while, maybe it’s because he has high standards? He must have said “no” to other girls before, especially if he is good-looking.
Perhaps he’s only dated supermodels that are insanely hot.
Are you even as pretty as them? Is there something wrong with you?
But you don’t need to think about these thoughts! If he has started dating you after being so long out of the game, it means that he sees something special in you!
Just take your time, get to know him, and let him get comfortable with you, and the relationship will blossom quicker than you expect.
4. Don’t expect to go out on extravagant dates
Now I know what girls are like. They usually want big, extravagant dates at a fancy restaurant or on a boat!
But with a guy that hasn’t dated in a long time, you can’t expect him to make such a big effort. It will make him scared! There is probably a reason he hasn’t dated in such a long time.
I made sure to keep it casual early on. I didn’t make any big plans or set a date for the first time we went out together.
I said that I’d love to take him for coffee, and he said ok, as long as you don’t want to do anything too fancy.
This put us both at ease to meet each other without worrying about over-thinking all that stuff. He was probably still new to dating and didn’t want to do anything flashy or extravagant.
The second time we met, I learned that he didn’t like noisy environments, so I didn’t suggest going to a bar or restaurant. We stayed in and talked all night!
Since this was the first time he had been on an actual date in 3 years, we decided to keep it simple and see how things went.
The next time we met, he was less nervous, and I also wasn’t nervous anymore. We could talk freely and have a good time.
5. Treat him like a hero
This tip may seem a bit odd when you’re dating a guy early on, but trust me it works.
If a guy hasn’t dated in a long time, then he is probably lacking self-confidence and he is unsure of what to do in a relationship.
Let him be your hero!
You see, there’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct.
Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships.
And it’s something most women have never even heard of.
According to James Bauer, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. In fact, what they need has nothing to do with sex.
Men have certain innate drivers. And when a woman comes along and triggers them, it causes a powerful response. The result is a man who loves harder, commits wholeheartedly, and truly dedicates himself to the relationship.
So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct?
The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.
So if you want to give your man what he truly wants from you, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away.
6. Keep things casual and stress-free! Don’t talk about commitment
This is where the most mistakes are made in dating.
Most women go for guys like this because they want a long-term relationship or marriage eventually.
What they don’t understand is that their guy is not ready for that, and it can have a negative impact on the relationship.
This is what most of my female friends did, and found out they were wrong. Men who haven’t dated in a while can be afraid to commit because of many reasons.
There is a reason they have been single for so long.
It could have been bad prior relationships or it could be because of their careers. It takes time to learn all these things about someone if you’re dating them for the first time.
Stop expecting your guy to be ready for marriage after just one date. He is not ready, and has no idea what he wants or doesn’t want.
If you really like him, be patient and think about the long-term. There is a lot of time to make it work, but you might get frustrated when he doesn’t say anything about marriage, even after weeks or months.
Let it go, and just enjoy getting to know this guy. When I was dating this guy, we kept it casual for one year then made it official. After 2 years, we got engaged.
There is a big lesson to be learned here, don’t push the guy or he might run away.
Don’t get frustrated, and just keep your cool.
7. Take it easy on the physical contact
I speak from personal experience and I had to learn the hard way. When I first started dating this guy, I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to hold my hand in public.
He wasn’t afraid of public affection, but he said that it was because he wasn’t comfortable with a lot of attention and thought that people could read too much into it.
Although this was a little strange for me, I understood why he felt that way and respected his wishes. I didn’t press him into anything.
Later on, I figured out that he hadn’t dated for a long time because he was a bit shy about showing his affection in public. I had to be patient and see how things went with him.
After a while, we started holding hands in public and slowly progressed from there.
8. Don’t make him jealous
This should be obvious, but I just want to mention it because I’ve seen this happen so many times!
As much as you have started to like the guy and want a commitment, don’t go out of your way to flirt with other guys in front of him.
He is not used to this after a long time of being single, so he probably won’t like it. He is learning how to date again and might get jealous easily.
I know it’s hard, but if you’re a girl, you need to make it easy for him to like you. I mean, this guy has spent the last 3 years not dating.
He is probably not used to being around women anymore. Just be nice and let him get used to things again. I’m sure soon he will enjoy the attention from you more than anyone else!
I mentioned this fascinating concept earlier: the hero instinct. When a man’s inner hero is triggered, he’s more likely to feel comfortable with you and commit to you.
Just by knowing the right things to say to him, you’ll open a part of him that no woman has ever reached before.
And the best way to do so is by watching this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to make your man truly yours.
9. Show him that you’re not like his ex-girlfriend
This should be obvious, but he might have had some bad relationships that could leave a lasting bad impression. Now he probably doesn’t want to go through that again.
He has probably been hurt very badly before, so you need to reassure him that you are different and not like his ex-girlfriend.
On my first date with my guy at the coffee shop, he was a little nervous and was trying to figure out if I was different than his ex.
It took a while for him to trust me and be comfortable with me. He wanted to take it slow and see how things went before committing himself to the relationship.
He actually told me that he was happy that I didn’t act like his ex-girlfriend, who was controlling and jealous. He said that he hated it because it made her seem insecure.
He didn’t want to go there again and was glad I was different. I told him that I wasn’t controlling or jealous and that I will be as gentle with him as possible.
I indeed gave him time and comforted his bruised ego, which helped a lot!
10. Be a nice person! Don’t be rude
This is one of those things that most people don’t think about. He has been hurt by the world before, and the last thing he wants to see is another ungrateful, rude person.
We are all different and everyone comes from somewhere in their life. This guy has been alone for a long time now and probably doesn’t want to be bothered by needy people again. Ask him what he needs and help him in his time of need. I’m sure he will appreciate that, especially when you’re dating someone for the first time and he has no idea what he needs.
I thought it was weird at first, but after a while, I understood why he did it. This was the kind of person he needed around in those times to motivate him to go on.
11. Have fun together!
I know it’s been a long, long post, but I hope you guys will be able to find some use out of it.
All the mistakes that I made were simple things that were easy to fix or for me to learn from.
If you are dating someone new, these are just some of the things to keep in mind before committing to them.
And if you take one thing from the post, it’s this:
Have fun! Don’t be afraid to be who you are and show your true self! A lot of times, the person that you are with will appreciate that.
Just be yourself and let him be himself! Get comfortable with each other and you’ll gradually get to know each other as time goes by.
When I was dating this guy, I was actually quite shy at first (that’s how I usually am with guys, anyway!)
But as I began getting more comfortable around him, I opened up more with him. I even let him see a softer, more vulnerable side of me because he felt safe around me.
Don’t be afraid to open up to him and let him get to know you. Don’t give up!
I hope this helps, and I hope that you find love!
It is truly possible, I promise.
And if you want to quicken up the process of getting this guy to date you seriously, then remember what I said above about the hero instinct– it’s the perfect remedy for the situation you’re facing.
Because once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll only have eyes for you. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.
And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.
So if you’re ready to take that plunge and reach new heights in your relationship, make sure to check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.