Is your girlfriend a serial overthinker?
Overthinkers can lead to negative thoughts and feelings, which can make dating difficult
But don’t throw in the towel just yet because we’re here to help.
This article contains everything you need to know about dating an overthinker.
What is an overthinker?
If you’ve ever been overwhelmed by thoughts in your mind, then chances are you’ve encountered overthinking.
While it happens to everyone from time to time, some people’s brains are wired to overthink all the time.
Serial overthinkers get stressed out by the smallest things and then spend the rest of their time worrying about it.
They’re constantly thinking about how much they worry about things, and how much it stresses them out.
If this describes your girlfriend, you will notice that she often has a lot of anxiety and finds relationships hard to handle because she can’t relax around other people.
She tends to be very critical of herself, and can easily feel overwhelmed by situations where there are a lot of people involved.
So what can you do?
1) Get rid of any negative self-talk
It’s important to have a positive outlook on life, but it’s also important not to overthink things. Overthinkers can lead to negative thoughts and feelings, which can make dating difficult.
2) Allow yourself time for calm and relaxation after dates
Often times the women who are over-thinking everything find it hard to get out and have fun, so allow yourself some time for that after dates as well (perhaps go for walks or do some light reading).
It can be stressful and tiring so make sure you give yourself some time to decompress!
3) Talk about problems
An overthinker will sometimes have problems that she doesn’t know how to deal with.
You must talk about these problems openly so that she knows that she can trust you and talk to you about them.
You need to take care of her by being there for her and not being afraid to talk about her problems.
4) Pay her lots of compliments!
But sincerity is the key here!
Appreciate her and compliment her, but don’t be too over the top or she will think that you are being fake.
This helps build a better relationship between you and her by teaching her that she is valuable and worth your respect.
In turn, this will make her feel more appreciated, leading to a deeper connection with you both as individuals.
5) Make her feel validated and understood
The key here is not to speak over her, but to validate what she says and understand her. She might be saying something you already know.
For example, if she tells you that she has been feeling down recently, it might be because of a specific situation and not the overall state of her life.
If she mentions this, then accept it and let her know that you are there for her.
6) Follow up on your conversation with text messages or phone calls
Overthinkers can become negative when they are left waiting for a response from their partner without any feedback from them.
So, after your dinner date and once you’ve parted for the evening, pop her a text message to make her feel secure and cared about.
7) Focus on the positives of your relationship
Overthinkers tend to dwell on negative things so it can be beneficial to focus on the positive things in your relationship, such as her beauty or how much you love her.
Be sure to let her know how special she is and make an effort to show her how much you care.
8) Don’t take it personally when she goes off-topic during a conversation
Overthinkers tend to go off-topic because their minds tend to wander.
Someone prone to overthinking has a brain that can go a mile a minute and she is trying to choose her word wisely, sometimes getting lost along the way!
Don’t take offense. Simply try to steer the conversation back to the original topic in a tactful manner.
9) Don’t overthink it or assume the worst
Sometimes overthinkers will say they are fine, but in reality, they are not.
They might be having a bad day and by just asking them if they are OK, you can make them feel better and show them that you care about their well-being.
10) Leave no room for interpretation
Dating an overthinker requires that you communicate clearly and that you don’t mince your words.
To avoid misunderstandings, clarify your thoughts and speak plainly.
Don’t be afraid to ask them questions and don’t move on to the next topic until you’re sure that you understand what they are saying.
Be honest about your feelings. Don’t say something that you don’t mean or lie to them just to spare their feelings.
And when it comes to problems, do not put on a brave face for the sake of appearances.
11) Don’t compare her to other women
Big no-no alert!
Dating someone who is overthinking everything can make her feel insecure if you compare her to other women to you!
For example, if she thinks that all other women are smarter than her and have better personalities, it will make her feel bad about herself because she’s comparing herself to others and not liking what she sees.
Her self-esteem will plummet and she will always think she’s not good enough.
12) Be prepared to be compassionate
If you’re dating someone who is overthinking everything, and if you’re not prepared to be patient, compassionate, and understanding with her, then this isn’t the relationship for you.
You should be prepared to be there for your partner when she needs it, whether that is by listening to her and being compassionate or just being understanding of how she feels.
13) Don’t be indecisive
If you’re dating someone who is overthinking everything, and you’re indecisive, know that it’s making her anxious.
She may feel like you can’t make a decision because there’s something wrong with her. It makes the development of a healthy relationship more difficult because she feels like you’re not sure what you want.
14) Be readily available for her
Don’t make her feel like you don’t care about her and that she is a burden on you.
You should be available to her 24/7, no matter what.
You don’t have to take care of everything for her–she can take care of herself.
But, make sure you are there for her when she needs you, and that your availability is top-notch so that she knows you truly care about her well-being.
15) Don’t send her one-word texts!
This is the worst thing you can do!
In her mind, she’s immediately on the defensive, thinking that she’s done something wrong or that you are angry with her.
Just as you would want to know that someone loves you, she also wants to know that someone loves her.
If you send her a one-word text, it’s like she is saying, “You don’t care about me, I’m not worth your time.” It’s the worst thing that you can do to someone who is overthinking everything!
You should send her a text that says “I miss you” or “I care about you.” She will appreciate the fact that you are thinking of her and being there for her.
She will be down-to-earth if she sees that your texts are filled with love and care. She will feel confident knowing that when she needs something or has a problem.
16) Understand that she’s not crazy!
Being an overthinker is not a mental illness, and it’s not a bad thing.
If you’re dating someone who is overthinking everything, and you think she is crazy or that she needs to go to the doctor and get her head examined, then this isn’t the relationship for you.
If she’s overthinking everything, then this means that she is thinking of things in a different way than most people do.
She may have different thoughts on things than other people do because of her unique perspective on life.
This is not a bad thing. She just has her own way of looking at things and being in the world!
17) Don’t leave out details
You need to tell her everything! Yes, it can be exhausting, but if you leave anything out and she finds out about it, regardless of how insignificant or menial it might appear to you, she’s going to go into overdrive.
If you don’t tell her about a small detail, she will find out and she will think that you are hiding something. This is something that you want to avoid at all costs.
18) Don’t leave her hanging!
You must let her know what’s going on in your life.
She needs to know every little detail of your life if she is going to be able to help you with your problems and worries.
If you don’t tell her things, then it gives the impression that there is something wrong with the relationship. You want to avoid this at all costs!
19) Be understanding and patient with her if she’s not always positive
Being an overthinker can be exhausting and frustrating at times, but you must understand that there are moments when she will feel like she’s losing it.
Regardless, she needs to know that you will still love her no matter what!
Overthinking doesn’t mean that she isn’t worth loving.
20) Do what you say and say what you do
Don’t say one thing and then do another. This is a big no-no and it can cause a lot of problems in the future, especially when you’re dating an overthinker.
If you say that you’re going to do something, then follow through.
Don’t let her down! You need to make sure that you are completely honest with her and don’t deceive her so that she knows you can be trusted.
21) Be mindful of what she’s thinking about
Your overthinking girlfriend may not always tell you what she’s thinking, but you must pay attention to what she is saying and doing.
If she is worried about something or thinking about a problem, then you need to pay attention and help her with it if possible.
It’s exactly the kind of reassurance she needs.
22) Brace yourself for long text messages
One of the things that overthinkers do is send long text messages and emails.
This can be confusing and it’s hard to know what to say in response, especially because we guys usually like to keep it short and sweet.
You must respond with tact. if you don’t feel like sending a text, rather pick up the phone and give her a call.
This will make her feel loved, respected, and understood.
23) Be patient and understanding with her
If you are dating an overthinker, then you need to be patient with her.
She may not always want to go out with you and she may feel like things aren’t going well, but you must give her the time and space to figure things out.
The key is that you need to be there for her in whatever way she needs at the time.
24) Reassure her and be supportive
Yes, it is soul-destroying having to repeat yourself over and over again and continuously reassuring her. She might have been in a toxic relationship in the past and is seeking your approval.
She needs to be sure of herself, but at the same time, she doesn’t want you to know this. She doesn’t want you to think that she is needy or clingy.
25) Don’t make her feel bad!
You need to remember that you’re not the only person who’s going through something and that she may be feeling like things aren’t going well right now.
You need to try to help her out if you can, but it’s important that you don’t make her feel like she has no one else or that she should just give up on the relationship.
26) Don’t tell her what to do!
If you’re dating an overthinker, then it’s important to remember that she needs to figure things out for herself.
She might be overwhelmed by the situation or feel like she can’t do anything about it.
In such cases, it may be helpful for you to offer your support and guidance while she works through her thoughts and feelings.
What causes overthinking?
It’s not really clear whether overthinking is a result of stress or anxiety. It could be both. Overthinking can be caused by several factors, including:
Stress and anxiety can cause overthinking to take place.
Depression can cause the mind to become very anxious and overthink things that are not even important.
- Anxiety Disorders
Anxiety disorders such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) or Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) will make you feel anxious about everything, which then causes you to think more about the issue.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders can cause overthinking to take place. These are disorders where you have an intense fear of being contaminated or contaminated by objects.
For example, someone who has OCD might worry that they’re going to touch a doorknob and then wash their hands again and again. This can cause them to overthink things that are not even important.
Overthinking can be very stressful at times, but you must try to understand what she is going through. You need to go with the flow, even though it might be difficult at times!
You need to show her that you are willing to work with her overthinking by being patient with her. try to understand what she is going through so that you can all get through this together.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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