If you’re thinking about dating a woman with kids in your 20s, you should know that there are many factors to consider before jumping into the deep end.
The first thing to do is to make sure that you’re ready for this type of relationship. It will take time and effort on both sides to find common ground and build trust. But if you’re willing to put in the work, you’ll reap the rewards in the long run.
Should I date a woman with a kid?
Here are ten things you need to know about dating a woman with kids.
10 things you need to know about dating a woman with kids
1) She’s doesn’t have as much freedom as you
If you’re used to being able to go out whenever you want, you need to remember that isn’t the case for her.
Don’t get me wrong, parenting has so many rewards. But there’s no denying that it also creates limitations.
Most women who have kids don’t get to automatically do all the fun stuff that you can do without them. Spontaneity can be tricky.
You’re not going to be randomly staying out until 3 am drinking, or going on last-minute romantic getaways on the spur of the moment. Being a mom requires a lot of planning and preparation.
She has commitments that you don’t. That’s going to also mean she has less time. And all this will obviously impact you too.
You’ll need to be cool with compromise, and the fact that making plans could be trickier for her.
2) It’s less about your age and more about your maturity
You may have heard the expression that age is just a number. And that’s true. But for a lot of people with age comes greater maturity.
That’s because, generally, the older we get the more lessons we learn and life experience we have.
If you’re thinking about dating a woman with kids, it matters less that you’re in your 20s and more about what stage you personally feel at in life.
If you want to go out every night partying with your friends, have fun, enjoy your freedom and avoid anything too serious, then dating a woman with kids is unlikely to fit your lifestyle.
But if you love children, feel like you’re in a stable and settled stage, and maybe even feel ready for your own kids one day soon, then being in your 20s probably won’t make as much of a difference.
At the end of the day being in your 20s isn’t as significant as whether you feel mature enough to take on the responsibility that can come from dating someone with kids.
3) You’ll have to stand on your own two feet
I’ll be blunt. If you want to date a woman with kids then she’s going to need a partner who can stand by her side as an equal. She wants a man, not another child to look after.
You need to stand on your own two feet both in the relationship and in life in general.
But the good news is that it can be a wonderful opportunity for personal growth. You’ll probably experience things that are totally new to you.
We’re all constantly growing and learning through life. And dating a woman with kids when you’re in your 20s can teach you many more things about yourself, life, love, and relationships.
4) Kids come first
This one is pretty obvious. If you’re dating a woman with kids then it’s important that you understand that their needs come first.
This means that you shouldn’t expect her to drop everything and hang out with you if she has something else planned.
It’s really easy to fall into the trap of expecting your partner to give up their whole life for you. But that’s not how relationships work.
Her priorities should be clear from the start. And as a mom, her number one priority will always be her child.
That can be challenging to deal with. But if you can accept that, then you’ll be well on your way to building a healthy relationship.
5) Ask yourself some important questions before things get serious
You like her, and she likes you. It’s easy to ignore all the other stuff right now and deal with it later.
But it’s a good idea to ask yourself some honest questions sooner rather than later. That way you don’t get too deeply involved in something only to get a nasty surprise later down the line.
Is it worth dating someone with a kid? Only you can ultimately decide whether it is worth it for you. But getting real with yourself will help you to answer this.
Are you ready for the responsibility?
How much are you prepared to sacrifice?
How much do you like this woman?
Here’s the thing: You’re not a bad guy if you decide that you don’t want to date a woman because she has children.
Is it selfish to not want to date someone with a child? Absolutely not. It’s all about self-knowledge.
The truth is that dating someone with kids is a big deal. There’s zero shame if you feel like you’re not in that place in your life where you want to take on that responsibility.
She also needs to be selfish about the fact she has other priorities.
It’s far better to be honest with yourself and her now than realize this later down the line when someone is more likely to get hurt.
6) Don’t rush into anything
Just because you two seem to click doesn’t mean you should jump straight into bed together or into a relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with being cautious and taking your time.
There’s no point in diving into something unless you’re sure that you’re ready for the commitment.
And there’s also no point in rushing into a relationship with someone who has kids without knowing exactly what kind of relationship you want.
If you’re looking for a long-term relationship then you need to make sure that you’ve got your head around what kind of lifestyle you want to lead.
And if you’re looking at short-term fun then you need to think about whether you and her are on the same page, and want the same thing.
Dating a woman with a kid can be more complicated than someone who is single. So you should never rush into it.
Give yourself some time to figure out if it’s what you want. The stakes are higher, so it’s fine to take your time in deciding if it’s what you want.
7) You have to get over any jealousy
Being in a relationship with a woman who has a child means you’ll have to accept her kid, and potentially her ex too (if the father is still on the scene).
Dating a woman with a child and ex can be extra confronting if you are prone to jealousy.
You might be hearing about, or even seeing her ex. Are you ok with that?
Some people might tell you to never date a woman with a child because of the “baggage” she brings with her. That’s obviously quite a harsh way of looking at things.
But there is no denying that a woman with a child is always a package deal to a certain extent. We all have a history but she has a history that is going to be more prominent in your future with her.
Her child (and potentially her ex) are always going to be around. If you can’t get past petty jealousy then you’re going to struggle.
8) Your sex life could be impacted
It’s not to say that dating a woman with a child definitely will affect your sex life, but it can do. And it’s worth considering.
Especially if she is the primary carer. Overnight sleepovers might not be as easy. She may not have as much time or freedom — making Netflix and chill nights trickier, etc.
It doesn’t necessarily affect things in a bad way though. Even if there’s more limited time for sex, quality is more important than quality.
But you might have to be prepared to get a bit creative when it comes to your sex life. For example, making the most of times when her child is at school, or with its dad.
Sex as a parent sometimes has to be more strategic and even scheduled. So you might have to be more mindful of fitting it into your relationship.
9) It might not be straight away, but eventually, you’ll need to get to know her kids
It’s unlikely that you’re going to meet her kid straight away. She’ll probably want to wait before introducing anyone.
But once you’ve started dating a woman with kids, at some point you’ll need to get to know them. This is going to require patience, time, and effort.
They’ll be a big part of her life. So you’ll need to get used to being around them. And this is where the potential problems come from.
If you don’t like kids, then the chances are you won’t enjoy spending time with hers. In the beginning, you might find yourself feeling awkward around them. Or worse, you might feel resentful towards them.
Whatever the case, you need to make sure you’re comfortable with getting to know her child.
At some stage, learning how to interact with her kids is going to become a part of your relationship with her.
10) You will have to compromise
One of the big considerations with dating a woman with kids is that you’ll have to compromise. There’s no escaping that fact. And it’s something you should expect.
The reality is that all relationships demand compromise anyway. But in this case, it may need even more.
You’ll need to be understanding and patient — you can’t be selfish. You are going to need to put others first.
She’ll want to spend time with her kids. But she also wants to spend time with you. This means that you’ll both have to give up some of your personal space.
You’ll have to learn to integrate one another’s different lifestyles and accept that your priorities aren’t always going to align.
You’ll also have to work out compromises that work for both of you. When things get serious, there may be shared responsibilities and she could want you to help out more with the kids.
The bottom line: Is dating a single mom worth it?
Without sugar coating it, the truth about dating a woman with kids when you’re in your 20s is that sometimes it can feel like you have less control over your own life.
So you need to be ready to put aside some of your needs and expectations. You might be asked to step up to the plate in ways that you have never done before.
That’s bound to feel intimidating. You may not feel ready for it, and that’s ok if you decide it’s not for you.
It’s also worth remembering that not many people ever feel ready for the responsibilities that come with kids. It’s a learning curve for everyone, no matter what age.
But it brings plenty of rewards too. And a woman with kids can definitely be an amazing partner for you.
If you really do like this woman, despite the complications, then you might decide that it’s totally worth it.
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If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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