Dating a man 7 years younger: Everything I learned

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I’ve had a few friends ask my advice about dating younger men.

Is it good, bad, or just plain weird?

Here’s what I’ve learned about dating a man 7 years younger than me.

First, the good…

1) He tends to be more adventurous and fun

Younger men are in the prime of their lives and they tend to be outgoing, adventurous, and fun. 

Even a more reserved younger fellow who works as a computer programmer is going to be generally more adventurous at 35 than he will be when he’s 55.

All that testosterone has to go somewhere, and it often makes for a wild ride, which might be just what you’re looking for. 

Like Laura Lloyd writes for Brides

“Not only is a younger guy more likely to be in the know about the latest and hot happenings in your area, but the activities you engage in together as a couple will likely skew younger and more adventurous than what you’re used to.”

2) He’s appreciative of your maturity and stability

Younger men who are attracted to older women for a relationship often find something in them that they’re not finding in women their age. In particular, they often find more maturity, wisdom, and emotional stability in older women. 

If you find a younger man who appreciates you it can be a game-changer and actually a positive difference from men in your age cohort who seem to take you for granted.

I know that in my relationship with a younger guy I’ve found him very appreciative of me — but not a simp in a way that turns me on and increases my love for him.

He constantly tells me about how grateful he is that I don’t play the games that younger girls in his age group play as well.

3) Not all young men are immature or reckless

Some young men are not just party animals who want to get drunk and get laid. 

This is a stereotype that often turns out not to be true, and in many cases age isn’t the factor that determines maturity. 

YouTuber NoelletheFirst says that dating or marrying a younger man is actually a great idea because of her own positive experiences being married to a man who’s about seven years younger than her. 

Although she “ruled him out at first,” Noelle says that he flipped her expectations and it ended up being a very good relationship. 

“In the end, it really didn’t make a difference. My husband is a very responsible, non-party type of person, despite the fact that he has, like, party hair…He was getting his MBA at the same time he was running his own business. Personality-wise we flatter each other.

I’m a little bit more of the freewheeling artist and he’s a little more stable and emotionally calm…The fact that he’s younger than me? We hardly ever think about it.”

4) The sex is on fire

Another big plus of dating a man 7 years younger than you — or any number of years younger than you within a decade or two — is that the sex is usually on fire.

Younger guys are full of sex drive, and assuming you have strong physical chemistry then you can be sure the mattress is going to be getting a good workout.

If you’re looking to spice up the intimacy in your life then a younger guy can be just the one to do it for you — let me tell you…

Like Jené Luciani writes for Shape:

“Men reach their sexual prime in their twenties due to a spike in testosterone, while women typically reach theirs in their 30s and 40s. Add the fact that younger people have more stamina, and you just may find yourself in orgasm heaven.”

Orgasm heaven? Sign me up.

5) Judging based on age lessens your chances of finding love

When you judge based on age, you end up eliminating many worthy suitors who otherwise might make a superb match. 

Age can be a useful indicator of many things, but it doesn’t tell you everything. 

Shallon Lester is a YouTube commentator who admits she “chronically dates younger guys” and gets criticized a lot for it. 

She admits many of the positive aspects of dating younger and that you can lose out on great opportunities for love if you let other people tell you who to love.

“Think about how sad it is to cut out such an enormous chunk of the population because other people who aren’t dating – this isn’t a democracy — how sad that they are dictating what you do in your life!”

The bad…

6) He can turn into a freeloader

Younger guys often don’t have the kind of savings that make them financially reliable or stable. This can lead to them becoming a bit of a freeloader and treating you like the Bank of Mom.

This leads directly to the romance dialing down and the dependency and weird vibes increasing. 

Unless you have a unique fetish for having a man financially drain you then it can be both humiliating and frustrating to have a younger guy with an unstable career leeching off you. 

Even if you have a strong attraction to this younger guy, it can fade fast if he’s always hitting you up for money. 

7) He may not have good emotional control

I know from my own younger years that I didn’t always have the best emotional control. 

When I was even younger in my early 20s I’d have major highs and lows quite unpredictably at the slightest trigger. It was bipolar, it was just immaturity and a stage of my life experience. 

My younger guy I’m dating is fairly stable, but I’ve heard horror stories from friends of guys who were hot and cold on them, passive-aggressive, manipulative, and more. 

I’ve heard about younger men who expect that the world “owes” them and that the woman in their life should serve them as if they are a king.

Speaking just for myself: I’m not about that life. 

8) He might be irresponsible 

Younger guys might often have great personalities, fun interests, and great friend groups they can include you in. But they also have a habit of being irresponsible.

They sometimes want all the fun without any of the consequences.

Of course, that can be true of many people in general — especially men — so take it with a grain of salt, but we all know that many stereotypes have a grain of truth, and younger men can often live up to those stereotypes if we’re being honest. 

Relationship writer Alyssa Girdwain spills the beans when she notes that:

“Some people, guys especially, have a lot of kinks to work out in the maturity arena. 

If you’re thinking about taking things with a younger man beyond a casual fling, get an early gauge on whether he can take accountability for his actions.”

9) His age makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure

This issue is actually more your problem than his, but it’s still real.

If his younger age makes you feel uncomfortable like a “cradle robber” or awkward around your friends cutting you down then it can become hard.

Luckily I have very supportive and open-minded friends, but not everyone is that lucky. And some of them may see you with a young hunk and start judging

Nobody should be living their life — and loving — based on the opinion of others. 

But it can still make things difficult when those close to you including your own family think you can’t be serious about a younger guy or that it’s just a sexual or fetish thing.

When you have real feelings for him but nobody seems to believe you it’s frustrating as hell, so in this case, I’d advise not letting it sabotage the chance you have with him.

10) He’s not as into commitment as older men

Men in Western society used to settle down and marry at 20 years old, but that’s not generally the case anymore. 

There are more expectations and freedoms that young guys want before they commit to family life. Some don’t even ever want a family or kids. 

Older guys not only have more life experience, they’re also from generations which had different values regarding family and commitment. 

For this reason, you should take care with younger guys if you’re looking for something legit. 

Like Lloyd writes:

“If you’re looking for a long-lasting, serious relationship, you could find it more challenging to establish that with a younger guy. While an older man may want to have children and settle down, a younger man might want to keep sowing his wild oats, have an open relationship, and not be into the idea of commitment.”

And the ugly…

11) He might just be using you for a thrill

There’s a type of young man who just goes after older women in order to bag a cougar

He’s immature, sleazy, and using you for sex 100%. 

This type of guy should be avoided at all costs even if you’re not looking for something serious because a fuckboy will always end up making you feel let down and devalued even in the small things and casual situations. 

If you are dating younger men keep a watch out for some of the classic signs he’s just with you for a thrill:

Bragging to his buddies about you being a “hot MILF;”

Dressing, talking, and acting like a douchebag,

Speaking disrespectfully or in a demanding way to you, and so forth.

12) He could have reckless behavior that puts you in danger

When I say this here’s what I mean:

He may be sexually promiscuous and have secret STDs. He could be more likely to be using dangerous drugs, and he also may be a more irresponsible driver, spender, and all-around human being. 

It’s never fair to just judge someone by age. But you also shouldn’t just dismiss age as completely unimportant. 

Because if you’re dating a man 7 years younger than you then you need to be prepared for crazy behavior and attitudes to come out of left field. 

I’ve experienced it myself in the past when dating a guy about six-and-a-half years younger than me, and let’s just say it really was not what I wanted to have happened when I realized he had a cocaine habit he was hiding and that he also had a DUI on his record which was why he always wanted a ride from me. 

Fun times. 

13) He just doesn’t get what drives you in life

I believe that opposites sometimes do attract.

But younger guys can be on such a different page that it leads to depression, huge fights, and all sorts of misunderstandings. 

Like dating coach Ryan Patrick explains, younger men are generally not reliable.

“The things that motivate and drive you now may not have even crossed your mind as a younger person. 

Most likely you’ll be able to relate to him because you’ve been young once, but he might have a difficult time relating to you where you are in life. If he’s still on that loud, fun stage of life, where do you fit in in all of that?”

Dating a much younger man: is it worth it?

My succinct answer on whether it’s worth it to date a younger man is this: It depends on you and what you’re looking for.

Just in the same way that a younger man doesn’t always fit the “type” or the negatives (or positives) of a younger man, you may be very unique and not fit the “type” of an older woman that he or society imagines.

You also may be looking for something different or that matches or does not match with what he’s looking for.

While the above tips can be true in various situations, my best advice is to see this young man first and foremost as an individual who is unique rather than a number.

But I would also advise taking into account his age and life experience, especially when deciding whether to take the relationship to the next level.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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