Dating a highly intelligent man can be both exhilarating and daunting. There are many great aspects to having a charming, smart man in your life, but it doesn’t come without its challenges.
In this article, I’ll be sharing 15 key things to expect when dating a highly intelligent man, so you’ll be best prepared for any situation!
1) Say goodbye to small talk
Highly intelligent men aren’t short on conversation. You’ll probably find that a quick coffee turns into a long dinner and an even later nightcap, with minimal awkward silences.
That’s because an intelligent man has interests. He’s got opinions, especially on topics he’s interested in.
And he wants conversation that’ll stimulate him.
Sure, he might entertain weather talk for a few minutes, but you’ll quickly see him lose interest.
And when it comes to subjects that he knows nothing about, he’ll probably be brutally honest about it. You see, when someone is truly intelligent, they don’t feel the need to bullsh*t their way through a conversation.
He’ll either tell you he hasn’t a clue about it, or he’ll be ready to move on to something else.
Now, if you want to keep his attention?
- Bring up topics you both know of (this will help you keep up as well as keeping him interested in the conversation)
- Use open-ended questions that’ll get him talking as opposed to questions that only require a “yes” or “no” answer
- Go into detail if you’re telling a story or recounting an experience, instead of skimming the surface and keeping it general
- Hit him with some facts and teach him something new. Just make sure you know about the subject first as he’ll quickly cotton on if you’re calling his bluff!
The bottom line is:
Your man won’t be interested in what you had for dinner last night (unless he’s also a foodie) nor will he care what the weather’s going to be like next week.
Keep conversations interesting, let him speak so you can pick up on subjects he’s into, and whatever you do, don’t rely on small talk to get you through dates!
2) Communication may still be a problem
It’s not a hidden secret that smart people, in general, communicate worse than those with an average IQ.
So if you were hoping that his intelligence means you’ll struggle less in the communication department, don’t count on it.
The truth is:
Highly intelligent men often struggle with getting their emotions across. They may be very articulate and well-spoken, but that doesn’t mean they can translate how they feel into words. Or, listen and empathize with you when you share yours.
And just as they struggle with small talk, you might find that some conversations are just hard to have with him.
You’ll notice he either clams up and withdraws from the conversation, or he ridicules it. Depending on the topic, he might not even consider it worth discussing.
And sometimes, a simple conversation might turn into something more complicated than trying to work out the Da Vinci Code.
Now, this may not be the case with your man. Just because someone’s highly intelligent, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re terrible at communicating.
But if he is, it’ll be something you’ll have to keep working on until you communicate effectively together.
3) You may end up feeling less intelligent around him
Hopefully, you won’t have a cocky highly intelligent man on your hands.
But if you do, there may come a time when he makes you feel, well, stupid.
Here’s an example:
My boyfriend is an exceptionally fast learner. I am not.
There are times when he gets frustrated if I don’t understand something straight away, or if I forget how to do something the second time around after he’s shown me.
In the beginning, it would hurt my feelings a lot, after all, no one wants to feel less capable than their partner.
But with time, I learned to call him out on it. One of my go-to lines is, “Just because you get it straight away, doesn’t mean everyone else does”.
It’s a simple enough reminder that he can’t expect everyone else to learn at his pace. Or to know as much as he does about certain topics.
So don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself if this situation ever presents itself with your man. If anything, he’ll respect and admire you more for calling him out on his arrogance.
4) He might have high expectations and standards
Intelligent men know what they stand for, what they’re ready to put up with, and what their deal breakers are. This is due to several reasons, such as:
- He holds himself to exceptionally high standards, so he, therefore, expects everyone else to do the same
- He’s got strong decision-making skills and likes to follow through with consistency
- He’s a perfectionist who always strives for the best, and to be the best
- He refuses to settle for less than what he feels he’s entitled to
- He over analyzes everything and therefore puts a lot of thought into his behavior and actions
Now, your man might not tick all of these boxes, but there’s a good chance a few of the points will contribute to his high standards.
And the tricky part?
He’ll most likely expect you to live up to these expectations too.
This isn’t always a bad thing, sometimes it’s nice to date someone who pushes you to aim higher.
But it can also lead to disappointment and frustration on both parts if these expectations aren’t met. It might make you feel like you’re constantly trying to live up to his standards.
If this happens, be sure to talk to your man about your expectations too, and see if you can come to a compromise.
If not, you may end up finding it hard to keep up with his way of doing things all the time, so don’t be afraid to bring him back to earth now and then.
5) Intelligence doesn’t equate to having common sense
They can take on complex projects, learn at lightning speed, argue articulately, yet the most simple everyday chore or errand can throw a highly intelligent person completely off track.
Well, one theory is that people with high IQs tend to apply logic to situations, rather than going with their feelings.
This can be extremely frustrating for people around them, especially you as their partner.
So when your man refuses to go to the doctor even though he’s in pain, tries to enter a building while people are still coming out, or ends up losing his keys daily, now you know why!
6) He might lack social skills
Which in turn might make him come across as unsociable.
This might come as a disappointment to you, especially if you’re an outgoing person who enjoys spending time in the company of friends and family.
But if you want to keep dating a highly intelligent man, you’ll have to compromise and understand that he may not always want to join in on the fun.
Well, some research suggests that intelligent people:
- Tend to focus on achieving long-term goals which mean they sacrifice spending time socializing.
- They may not feel like they fit in with others, especially those with a low/average IQ compared to theirs.
- They are less likely to feel the need to be part of the group. Many intellectuals are happy to take a solitary path rather than follow the crowd.
Now, whether he’s an introvert or extravert (highly intelligent men can fall into both categories) the chances are he’ll be comfortable socializing with people he chooses to hang out with.
Therefore, it might be worth getting to know his friends as soon as possible – you’ll get to gauge how sociable your man is and what he likes to do for fun.
And if you’re dying to introduce him to your close circle?
Take it slow and go with the flow. If he prefers smaller group settings, start small and only introduce him to close friends, to begin with.
7) He’s a fast learner and pays attention to detail
Nothing passes him by.
As a naturally fast learner, your highly intelligent man will pick up on the smallest of details and remember them.
This is great when it comes to birthdays and anniversaries – hopefully, he’ll remember how much you’ve been hinting at that new perfume or book as a present.
But it also means he’ll be more likely to remember disagreements and recount word for word what you said during them.
He’ll also pick up on your body language and non-verbal signals, so even if you want to pull the cotton over his eyes, it won’t be an easy task.
But as with everything, you’ve got to take the good with the bad. Being highly intelligent and alert to what’s going on around him is a good thing, but there may be times you wish he wasn’t so observant.
8) He may be fussy and self-limiting
Just like with friendships, a highly intelligent man may be picky when it comes to the food he eats, where he works out, and even what he wears to bed.
This might not be the case for all, your man might prove to be an exception. But, if you have noticed that he has a particular way of doing things, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s fussy.
But here’s the thing:
Most of us have preferences, from the way we cook food to the types of clothes we wear. So this shouldn’t be hard to live with if it’s a “normal” level of fussiness.
The problem occurs when it becomes self-limiting.
You might want to take your man out to try something he’s never tried before, be it new food or a new experience.
And this is where you may meet some resistance!
If your man is a bit of a perfectionist, he may try to avoid scenarios where he could look silly. He may avoid doing anything that puts him in a vulnerable position. Even something as normal as trying a spicy curry at your local Indian restaurant.
In this case, a little encouragement won’t hurt, so you can both enjoy new and exciting adventures together.
9) You’ll have to keep things interesting
But following on from the previous point, regardless of whether or not you succeed in trying to introduce him to new experiences, you’ve got to keep his attention.
And the best way to do this?
If there’s a topic he’s interested in, perhaps his line of work or a hobby, it would do wonders to secretly learn about it and surprise him with your newfound knowledge.
Or, if he has an interest in the arts or music, play on it and make a date out of visiting a gallery or concert he’s never been to.
On the other hand, you could go completely the opposite way and get him to do something he’s never done before, but that you know he’ll enjoy.
The bottom line is:
Keep your dates interesting, just as you should with your conversations. Of course, not everything has to be fireworks and thrills, but don’t be afraid to keep him on his toes now and then.
10) He’ll be the one you turn to when you have a problem
You know when you were running through that list in your head, the one where you imagined all the qualities you’d like in a man?
I’m sure “smart” was there, alongside being funny, trustworthy, and attractive.
And for good reason – we all need someone we can turn to in times of crises, and there’s no one better than an intelligent person.
As author Amit Kalantri puts it:
“Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.”
Whether it’s a work problem you need advice on, or even just someone who can think quickly in the moment and make snap decisions, you’ll find your man comes to your rescue when you need it.
And even if he doesn’t know the answers himself, he’ll be great at finding out the answers to your problems.
11) He might find it hard to laugh at himself
Depending on the personality of your highly intelligent man, you might notice that he doesn’t appreciate jokes being made at his expense.
If this is the case, it’s usually down to:
- Him being his own harshest critic and having high expectations of himself.
- Fear of failing and looking silly in front of others.
- Having had lots of expectations put on him, possibly by his family, has led him to feel self-conscious.
But with that being said, your man is likely to have a great sense of humor otherwise. Intelligent people appreciate dark humor, complex jokes, and even slapstick silly comedy. It all comes down to personal choice.
And if he can’t take a joke?
The best part of dating is laughing together, making fun of each other light-heartedly, and bonding over funny experiences which should turn into happy memories later down the line.
So if he isn’t able to see the funny side of life, you might find it worth holding out for someone who has a similar sense of humor to you.
12) You’re going to have to be a good listener
Here’s the thing:
Being a good listener is a good quality to have whoever you’re dating.
But when it comes to being with a highly intelligent man, there’s a good chance he’s got a lot to say, and he’s looking for that someone special who’ll listen to him.
Now, you may find yourself conversing about subjects that you aren’t interested in. Stick with it – by giving him your full attention he’ll appreciate it more than he shows.
It might also be his way of working things out.
Some people learn best by throwing ideas around and bouncing them off someone else. If you can become the person with whom he does this, it’ll take your relationship to the next level.
He’ll start trusting you and looking forward to sharing his ideas and thoughts with you whenever he has them. This is all just his way of opening up to you.
Now, with that being said, don’t let him dominate the conversation all the time.
It’s a two-way street, so when you have something to say, make sure you get your point across.
Except when it comes to an argument…then the rules change. Read on to find out why…
13) You’ll never have the last word in
The downside of being highly intelligent is that your man probably isn’t used to being proven wrong.
And since he’s generally right in most situations, this might lead to him becoming big-headed and less likely to accept defeat.
Especially when you’ve argued.
Now, I know we all love to have the last word. I know I do. Even if I have to text it to my partner after we’ve finished verbally disagreeing.
But with a smart fella like you’ve got, it might not be so easy to “win” with the last word.
You can either take this as a challenge and get creative during arguments. Or, you can back down, and give him the satisfaction.
The truth is:
Do what works best for you. If he’s genuinely in the wrong yet he can’t resist getting one last dig in at you, it’s worth having a conversation about this behavior.
After all, it’s not pleasant, especially if you’re still in the dating stage of your relationship!
14) Ditch the game playing
Dating can be tough to navigate, so I wouldn’t blame you for having a few tricks up your sleeve.
But I will warn you, they won’t work with a highly intelligent man.
He’ll cotton onto your moves quicker than you realize. And then he’ll do either of these two things:
- Play you at your own game, and possibly even better
- Be put off and show less interest in seeing you
So as you can see, it’s quite a risk to take.
And there’s a reason why:
Most intelligent guys aren’t interested in wasting their time.
If he’s dating you, he’s probably already weighing up what type of partner you’ll make in the long run. He has goals and visions, and he wants someone who’ll support him.
What he doesn’t want is someone immature and unsure of what they want.
And nothing says that better than someone who plays games.
So, if you want to get his attention?
Ask for it.
If you want him to take you somewhere special?
If you are jealous or suspicious of another girl?
Just don’t play petty games that’ll put him off. Trust me on this one.
15) He might come across as unempathetic
Now, this isn’t to say that he doesn’t have empathy.
The truth is highly intelligent people tend to have good levels of emotional intelligence too.
But, his way of dealing with emotions may differ from others. Because he takes a logical approach to solving problems and processing feelings, he may come across as cold or uncaring.
The truth is:
You’ll learn about his empathetic side the more you get to know each other. I used to think my partner had a heart made of ice before I got the chance to see how sensitive he is deep down.
He just doesn’t show it openly.
And that could be the case with your man too.
So don’t be quick to assume he’s uncaring just because he initially comes across that way. If anything, he may care even more, but will only show it when he’s comfortable doing so.
And that same advice goes for all the qualities in your highly intelligent man.
There are tons of assumptions out there that outline smart men incorrectly. Either they’re too serious or too unavailable.
In truth, that comes down to the individual. Their intelligence has nothing to do with it.
But one thing is for sure:
Dating a highly intelligent man isn’t always going to be easy. But it will be worth it when you discover all the great qualities he brings to you and your relationship!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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