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You might be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make any effort to show you they care about you.
This is a hard situation and it can feel like you’re stuck in a rut.
If this is how you’re feeling, here are 9 tips for dating a guy who makes no effort.
1) Don’t try to be someone you’re not
When you are dating a guy who doesn’t make any effort, my first tip is to not try to be someone you’re not.
Don’t pretend to be happy when you’re feeling down and don’t act like you are a low-maintenance girlfriend when in reality, you would appreciate some effort.
In order for your partner to change, they need a more accurate picture of who you really are and what you need out of the relationship.
And if you’re trying to be someone else just to please the guy you’re with, you should stop immediately.
You see, you shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone else just for someone’s approval.
2) Make it clear that you need more effort
If you are in a relationship with someone who makes no effort, the best thing you can do is make it clear that this is not a sustainable relationship.
You should tell them that you need more from them and if they don’t want to do the work then it’s time for you to move on.
You shouldn’t feel bad about making this decision.
If you’re constantly putting in more effort than your partner, you’re probably not getting enough love in return.
And if the relationship is no longer sustainable, it’s time to move on.
You might be surprised at how many men will change their behavior when they know they’ve done something wrong.
The thing is, believe it or not, many guys just don’t realize that their girlfriends expect more from them.
This is a huge issue of miscommunication.
If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make any effort, I would recommend that you tell them straight up that you are unhappy with this.
If you do this, they will probably be more willing to change their behavior and make more effort in the relationship.
And if not – that’s your answer to whether or not you should leave.
But don’t leave someone who might not even know what is bothering you about the relationship.
Every girl is different, and while some might be content with how their partner is acting, others expect more.
Nothing wrong with that, just be clear about what it is you need.
3) Focus on the positive things about him
A great way to deal with feeling like your partner never makes an effort is to not focus on the negatives about your partner.
Instead, make a list of all the positive things he does for you.
Whether it’s cleaning up after dinner or buying you a special gift, this should help remind you that he is capable of doing things for you and making an effort.
Sure, you shouldn’t pretend everything is fine and dandy when in reality you are miserable, but sometimes we get so stuck in our mindset of “he never does anything for me” that we overlook the little things he does every single day.
This is about celebrating the little things he does for you so that you can find a way to make your relationship better.
If the list comes up empty (which I really hope it doesn’t), it might be time for a serious talk with them.
Relationships are all about giving and taking. So, if you can’t think of a single thing your partner does for you, that’s a huge issue.
You see, in a healthy relationship, partners do things for each other every single day.
That could be:
- gifts
- compliments
- doing the dishes when the other one is tired
- paying for dinner
- giving a backrub
4) Be honest with yourself
If you’re trying to make an effort to keep the relationship going and your partner isn’t, it’s time, to be honest with yourself.
This might seem scary, but it will help you figure out what you want from the relationship.
Go and think about where you are in your life.
What do you want? If dating someone who makes no effort is not something that excites you, it’s okay to break up with them.
And most importantly, get honest with yourself about why you are accepting this behavior.
This is gonna be the most tricky one of them all because more often than not, it stems from an inherent feeling of unworthiness.
Facing these things can be difficult, we don’t like to find out that, to some degree, we are accepting this behavior on purpose.
So, even though it might be hard to admit, it’s okay, to be honest with yourself.
Honesty is the best policy.
It will help you realize that you deserve better.
Be patient and understanding with yourself, because it will take time for you to get over this issue of feeling unworthy and accepting this behavior from your partner.
You’ll feel better when you do!
Be honest with your partner, too, and tell him or her that this isn’t working for you.
It might be hard at first, but if they care about you at all, they’ll try to change for the better.
5) Be confident in your needs
If you’re dating someone who doesn’t make any effort, you might feel like you’re not deserving of their time.
This is a common feeling among people in this situation.
But, the fact remains that you deserve to be happy and loved.
So, don’t be afraid to remind your partner of your needs.
For example, if you need them to spend more time with you, tell them so they can work on it.
It’s important to communicate what your needs are so they can try their best to meet those needs.
Sometimes, this might feel like you come across as being too demanding, but you should really be confident that you deserve to have your needs met.
And if your partner doesn’t understand this, it’s okay to end the relationship.
6) State your boundaries with him
Boundaries are important.
And they should be discussed with your partner so they know what you’re comfortable with.
Even if you’re dating someone who doesn’t make any effort and has a terrible sense of communication skills, this is something that can be solved by simply talking about it.
You need to start by being clear about what you will not tolerate and what you will do if he crosses those boundaries.
This is especially important, considering your situation.
For example, if he isn’t willing to make an effort to spend time with you or show interest in your life, then set that boundary with him and tell him that if he doesn’t change his behavior, then it’s over.
It might seem harsh, but it’s necessary for both of you.
If he does change his behavior and starts making more of an effort to show that he cares about you and your relationship, then be graceful about accepting it when he tries to make amends for his mistakes in the past.
Everyone respects a graceful woman.
7) Remember to love yourself first
It’s important to remember to love yourself first.
Remember when we talked about feeling unworthy and therefore accepting his behavior?
Well, when you love yourself, that will not be an issue because you know what you deserve and won’t settle for anything less.
And when you love yourself, you won’t let him treat you like that.
It can be hard to get out of a rut when you have someone who doesn’t work hard to show you they care about you.
However, it’s important to remember to love yourself and not put your energy into someone who is not putting in the same effort that you are.
To love yourself, start by taking care of your own needs. This will also teach him a lesson in being more attentive and caring to you.
To treat yourself well, make sure that you are eating well and taking care of yourself.
Keep yourself physically healthy and keep your body in shape.
Take a class or learn a new hobby that you enjoy doing, or go out with your friends on the weekends.
You don’t have to worry about pleasing someone else if you’re taking care of yourself first.
8) Talk to someone about it for support
It can be hard to talk to your partner about how they make you feel.
They might feel like you’re attacking them and they won’t listen.
If this is the case for you, talk to someone who understands what you’re going through.
This will help you get an outside perspective on the situation and not just rely on your own thoughts for comfort.
The person could be any family member, friend, or coworker.
Getting a second opinion like that really helps with your situation. Maybe they see something you don’t or have a piece of advice you wouldn’t have thought of.
Plus, they can help you get out of your head a bit.
You see, when you’re constantly in a situation, it’s hard to see the forest for the trees.
Another person can give you a little perspective and help you look at the bigger picture of things.
9) Move on if nothing changes
It’s important that you trust your own instincts.
If you have a feeling that the guy you’re dating isn’t interested in changing his behavior, it’s time to move on.
You might be giving this person too many chances to show signs of interest, but it’s not working out.
Take a step back and ask yourself what they’re actually doing for you.
This person might be saying they care about you, but if they don’t do anything to show it, then it’s time to move on.
Of course, you should first make sure to communicate with him and let him know what it is you need.
However, if you see that nothing changes, then it’s time to move on.
You always come first
Remember, no matter what, you should always come first when it comes to your happiness.
If you feel like the guy you are dating isn’t living up to your expectations, don’t be shy to put yourself first and make your happiness a priority.
Anyone who truly cares about you would be thrilled to do anything in their power to make you feel loved, believe me.
And frankly, you don’t deserve anything less than that!
If a guy isn’t willing to put in the effort, it’s not because you aren’t worthy of it – it’s because he’s not the right fit for you!
You deserve someone who treats you like a queen.
And if you want to give him an extra nudge to make a change?
Relationship expert James Bauer can help you out.
According to him, men don’t actually need a lot to feel content in their relationships. What’s more, what they need has nothing to do with sex. It has everything to do with their Hero Instinct.
This fascinating concept finally explains how men really think and feel in relationships. And it’s something most women have never even heard of.
The truth is, once you understand how it works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach. He’ll start making efforts for you and your relationship in no time.
So if you want him fully dedicate himself to you and your relationship, make sure to check out James Bauer’s excellent video. In it, he reveals the exact texts and phrases you can use straight away to determine him to make a change.
