Have you sealed a date with him a few days ago but haven’t heard from him since?
If this sounds like (or actually) you, don’t panic!
Learn these 10 tips on how to handle this tricky situation and make sure you’re not left high and dry.
1) Take it easy on yourself
You have NOT done anything wrong.
He’s now acting out of character, so no matter how much you rack your brains or try to understand what happened, it’s out of your hands. He has the power to reach out or not.
Your actions have been on point, so you don’t need to beat yourself up.
You’re probably dealing with a handful of other things at the moment and human nature being what it is, somehow you’ll end up panicking when you hear nothing from him for a few days (or even weeks).
Having no information about your potential date has turned into a panic attack for you.
Instead, take a deep breath. If your stomach is in knots and your heart racing by this point, it’s okay to take some time to yourself and do some self-care.
A deep breath, a hot shower or even a walk are all good for you! Do something for yourself – it will make you feel better.
Go easy on yourself and know that you are going to be okay. There are many possible reasons why he hasn’t gotten in touch.
2) Give it time
This is a tricky point, which I will explain.
You’ve probably been obsessively checking your phone or email since you last saw him, and getting more and more obsessed by the day (or even hour!) It’s not uncommon that we start to feel like an ax murderer is stalking us when we think we’ve been stood up!
So give it time.
While waiting, prepare yourself for backup plans since you’re already ready to go out for the night:
– tell a friend or two that you might want to see them for dinner
– check the movie listings, just in case
– take a look on what’s going on around your area for the night
– or better yet, prepare your mind that you might just stay in for the night
Keep yourself busy for a couple of hours while waiting for a message from him, I know… the waiting sounds dreadful, but it will pass.
3) Send him a message
Whatever you’re feeling, don’t ever send him 100 messages or call him nonstop – this will certainly backfire.
Instead, send him a message that’s short and simple:
– I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight.
– Have you changed your mind? (If you’re feeling very bold!)
– Let me know if you’re alright.
The tone of your text is important.
A heartfelt message is ideal, but try not to sound needy, desperate or clingy! You can always send another text in a few days if there’s no answer – in the meantime, do something else that feels good for you.
Your message shouldn’t be:
– asking him desperately if he’s still interested
– demanding him to call you to explain
– trying to set up another date
Make sure you’re calm and collected.
Either you’ll hear from him soon, or, you won’t – if he doesn’t respond by the end of the day, you know there’s something else going on.
4) Send him the right message
If you are still unsure what kind of message you should send him, the time while running might feel like the worst torture in the world.
I know, it’s hard to keep yourself occupied while you’re waiting.
To stop your mind from running and creating more stories, you’ll need to send him the right message (see point 3) as soon as possible.
By this way, you don’t look too desperate and clingy – you will definitely scare him off if you don’t know how he’s feeling, so respect him and be patient.
Here’s the best part:
Dating and relationship coach Clayton Max has developed sets of (text) phrases that are guaranteed to make any man infatuated with you.
These phrases reach men on a deep primal level – most women don’t know about this, which is why they struggle to keep a man’s infatuation.
To find out what they are, watch his video here where he explains everything.
5) Be calm – it’s only a date
If you’re waiting for a message from your potential date, you don’t want to stop reading here.
You’ve probably already stopped yourself from texting or calling him, but I know that the emotion is running high right now and it’s hard to resist.
But be calm and stop yourself right now.
You will definitely scare him off if you’re desperate, which will also result in an even worse date than the previous ones.
Just think that it’s supposed to be only a date – the two of you aren’t really a couple yet.
That’s what he’s been waiting for, and that’s what you’ve been fantasizing about – so do it in a relaxed way.
This is only a date, and you are both in control. It shouldn’t be that you are begging him to call or texting nonstop only because he can’t make up his mind – that will make him feel like the prey rather than the hunter.
6) Be open-minded
If he doesn’t get back to you and the situation doesn’t change, there’s a 99.9% chance that this is not about you, but about something else.
While no one can explain why people do what they do, here are a couple of scenarios that might explain this predicament:
– He might have an emergency
– He might have forgotten all about you (Oops!)
– He might be flattered that you’re interested, but not ready to date (which means he’s likely to contact you in the future)
– He might just be a loser who doesn’t know how to handle a budding relationship
– When in doubt, check his social media for signs that he’s alive
As I said, there are many possible reasons why he hasn’t gotten in touch.
Just remember that everyone has their own life. Remember to free yourself from being trapped, be open-minded and wait for his next move.
Your emotions will return to normal once you know that it’s not about you – in the meantime you can simply enjoy something else.
7) Don’t be offended
If he doesn’t get in touch, don’t take it personally. Be very calm and don’t take it as a rejection or a sign that he’s not interested.
While you might have been the perfect woman for him, the chance for him to get in touch with you was 50% – there’s no point assuming that he didn’t want to pursue something more with you.
If you’re feeling offended by what I’ve said, please keep in mind that I’m only trying to help – if he acts like this towards other girls, then this could be why.
Once or twice in our life, we may need to experience being hurt, in order to protect ourselves from becoming too attached later on.
And let me tell you that this is completely normal at the dating stage – this isn’t necessarily about you, but a message he’s been trying to give himself.
While it’s not an ideal situation and it can be difficult to understand the why, you’ll eventually learn that these experiences will make you a much more mature person in the future – because you are now capable of healing your heart without becoming an angry person who hates everyone and everything.
By doing so, be patient and let him come back on his own time.
8) Stop obsessing
Yes, it’s hard not to wonder what’s going on and if he’s alright. But once you’ve given the situation some time (even if you haven’t heard back), stop wondering why he hasn’t gotten in touch or what you should do next.
You can’t force him to contact you – just keep yourself busy and don’t think too much about it (this is hard, I know). If you’re obsessed about it and you keep checking his social media, chances are that you’ll find out something that will only make it worse.
In fact, you might find yourself on his social media profile to see if he’s online – which will also make it a lot worse! Only contact him if he made the first move – otherwise, let him come back to you when he’s ready.
If you’re obsessing over him, start doing something else right now in order to distract yourself.
When you’re anxious, you’re prone to making mistakes and saying things you’ll regret, so focus on repressing your emotions rather than obsessing about him.
I would also recommend that if you want to contact him, that you do it today – otherwise he may not get in touch again.
9) Check yourself
If you’ve heard back from him, get used to the fact that he hasn’t contacted you because he doesn’t feel like this. Once you’ve taken it in, don’t come up with another reason why he didn’t get in touch (this won’t make things better).
While I’m sure that these options were all true, they are unlikely to be the actual reason why your date isn’t talking to you. Although it’s normal to find yourself in this situation, it’s not a reason to feel bad about yourself.
It can be difficult to accept the fact that you were just part of his dating game – but just think that he might have been doing the same with other girls.
I can’t state this enough: don’t give up on dating and relationships because of one person. While you can probably guess where this is going, there are many reasons why your date might not have gotten in touch with you.
While some of these reasons might have been true (or part of the reason), it’s still important to remember that something else might be going on in his life.
Just think about the fact that he may not want to pursue anything further with you – perhaps he had a great time, but he just isn’t ready for a real relationship at the moment.
It’s quite normal to get rejected – the first few dates in a relationship are usually the hardest and this will give you some time to understand why he didn’t contact you.
As soon as you know that it was all a mistake, don’t let this happen again.
10) Don’t stay in touch
It might be hard, but it’s best to cut off all contact with him. If you don’t want to do that, at least don’t text or call him. You can use this time to get your self-esteem back and make some changes in your life – don’t let one person have full control over you!
This is about you and not about him – so even if he calls you, don’t react (unless he gives you a reason to react). Unless he has a valid reason why he hasn’t contacted you – don’t give him your attention.
Now, if you want to get in touch with him, you can do it at a later point – as long as he’s not bothered about it, you might as well do it. If he hasn’t gotten in touch with you and he’s not bothered about it – why should you be?
As much as I hate to admit this, there are people out there who don’t really care about others – they are too self-absorbed or they just have no idea how the dating game works.
Don’t feel bad about yourself – you’re better off without a guy like that. What’s important is to stay positive and look forward to a new, exciting life!
Yes, it can be difficult to accept the fact that you weren’t the one for him – but don’t give up on dating just yet. You’ll have people who see something in you that you can’t see yourself.
While we can’t force someone to get in touch with us – we can decide how we’re going to react to this. If you feel like something is wrong, try to find out what it is instead of ignoring it – otherwise, you might feel burdened by the situation.
What’s important is not to give up on dating just because he’s not getting in touch with you. Most importantly, do not to allow this person to affect your self-esteem.
If he’s not the one for you, remember that there are people out there who want to be with you.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.