Needy men are cute…well, at least at the beginning.
They’re candid and passionate and sensitive and if you have a savior complex, you’d be drawn to these men like a moth to a flame.
But having a needy boyfriend is dangerous to you long-term. They have subtle ways of controlling and manipulating you that if you’re not careful, could damage you to the very core.
Are you dating someone who’s needy?
Check out if your guy has these annoying traits.
1) He questions your love all the damn time
You’re always trying to be a “good” girlfriend because he’s watching your every move. It’s like he’s keeping a record of everything you do or don’t do and he’ll evaluate if you’re actually worthy of his love.
2) He acts like a baby
He’s a boy trapped in a man’s body. He has the needs of a baby and he pouts and throws tantrums like a baby when his needs are not met. And when you call him out for it, he pouts some more.
3) He stopped caring about others
When you met him, he only had a few friends but now it’s gotten fewer and fewer that you’re in a relationship. It seems like his interest in maintaining and making friends is now close to none. He doesn’t reach out to his family either.
4) He now considers you his “best friend”
It can be cute but let’s face it—you’ve been together for just a few months. How can you be his BEST friend? You’ve become the center of his small universe…his everything.
5) He has no goals he’s excited about
There’s nothing wrong with being content with your life but a person has got to have a goal even if it’s just as simple as saving up for a good dishwasher. When you ask him what kind of life he wants in ten years, he says “To have a life with you.”
6) He isn’t close to his family
He rarely calls his family and he would say nasty things about them. Maybe he resents them because he feels like they don’t love him, which is a classic sign of a needy person.
7) He has no real hobbies
You probably fell in love with him because he seems like an interesting guy on his dating profile. He said he surfs, runs, writes, and plays the guitar. In real life though, he RARELY does any of them and if he does, he wants to do them with you.
He does them to please you and to bond with you, not to have his own fun.
8) He believes all we need is love
The romantic kind, of course. It’s like he stopped growing as a person when he met you. To him, nothing else matters but your love for each other. He stopped caring about important things outside your relationship.
9) He “cares” way too much
While it’s great to have an affectionate boyfriend, he’s just overdoing it. When you’re nervous about your presentation at work, he would give you a cake and a balloon with a cheesy message printed on it. His gestures of love are bordering creepy but you just can’t tell him to stop.
10) He wants to be “cared for” the same way
The downside of people who care too much is that they expect the same thing from you. For them, grand gesture begets grand gesture. If he tells you that he’s having a tough time at work, he expects a cake and a balloon, too. Anything less than that is considered unloving.
11) He has unrealistic expectations
He’s idealistic when it comes to love and relationships. For him, it’s either “true love” or nothing. If he considers you his true love, he’d do anything to maintain your level of affection for each other. That includes calling you out when you “slack off” in your relationship.
12) He fishes for compliments
A needy man is insecure in some parts of his life so he constantly needs reassurance from you that he’s still awesome. The difference between a healthy guy with insecurities from a needy guy with insecurities is that he NEEDS compliments, and not just wants them.
13) He overshares
A needy person wants attention so it’s not a surprise that he shares a lot. At first you found it so cute that he’s just very open. It strengthened your intimacy. However, now that you’ve been together for a while, you notice that he just keeps talking and talking and talking about himself.
14) He is very impatient
Everything is urgent for a needy guy…especially if it concerns him. He would catastrophize everything and would hate you for being too chill.
15) He wants everything to be 50/50
From chores to finances to affection, he wants everything to be split right down the middle. The moment he feels that he’s putting in more effort, he’d start to feel that you’re neglecting him. It’s just hard for you to relax with this guy.
16) He has turned you into his personal therapist
He unloads his problems on you without considering how you are mentally and emotionally. He complains about everything and expects you to “guide” him and comfort him because according to him, that’s your duty as a girlfriend.
17) He hijacks conversations
When you talk about something very important to you, he listens for a minute or two then proceeds to shift the focus to himself. For example, if you talk about your dying pet, you can bet he’d talk about his pet back home too and how awesome it is.
18) He uses emotional manipulation
A needy person becomes an expert at manipulation. It’s their way to get their needs met! When you tell him he can’t go with you to a party because it’s exclusive to your friends, he’d go quiet and say “Have a good time without me!”. Of course, he won’t text you all night to make you feel guilty.
19) He keeps reminding you of his miserable past
Something happened to him that’s traumatic and you feel lucky that he shared this information with you. However, he keeps using it as a “card” to get what he wants. For example, he’d say “You know how my ex’s cheating scarred me for life” when he doesn’t want you talking to other men.
20) He keeps telling you that you’re different from other girls
He showers you with sweet talk and keeps telling you how awesome you are. He says that you’re like an angel who’s rescued him from deep sadness. You see, this works because you’d do anything to make sure he sees you the same way.
21) He smothers you with affection
Aside from telling you things you want to hear, he’d make you feel like a queen.
Now, this isn’t really annoying if only you don’t know that he’s doing it to reel you in and keep you addicted to this kind of praise. When you don’t fulfill his needs, he’d drop all of those grand acts of love to punish you….to make you realize what you’ll be missing if you don’t “love” him.
22) He’s always online
While this is just a turn off, it becomes extremely annoying if he goes online to monitor you. For example, he asks you why you gave a certain comment to some guy’s post and why you’re still online when you said you’ll sleep.
23) He’s way too active on social media
Not only is he always online, he’s active too! He posts, tags, chats every single day and the annoying thing is that he pouts when you don’t notice his online activities. God help you if you forget to accept his tag because he will suspect you’re cheating on him or trying to hide him from your friends.
24) He double texts
Double texting is downright annoying but your needy man doesn’t seem to care at all.
He feels that his needs are very important and that if you truly love him, you’ll give him the attention he needs. Because of this, he gives himself permission to send you one more text… or twenty.
25) He demands instant reply
You don’t like to read his messages because if he sees you’ve seen them yet you haven’t even sent an emoji reply, he feels bad. He takes it as a sign that you don’t love him.
26) He demands a reaction to everything he says
Same as demanding an instant reply through text, he does the same way in real life. He wants you to react to whatever it is that he’s saying even if he’s talked about it a billion times before.
27) He leaves you on “read” as a form of revenge
So let’s say you really got busy at work or you had too much fun without checking your phone. Guess what? You’ll have to pay for it! He will not respond to your calls and messages so you’ll repent for your sins and ask for his mercy.
28) He notices everything about you
A needy man is a highly sensitive person that needs a bit of refinement. Being with him feels good because he pays close attention to you but the problem is that he does this in a creepy way sometimes.
He knows the moment you change your shade of lipstick and you can even bet he knows when your emotions shift for even a little bit.
29) He investigates
Even if you’re the most truthful and faithful person in the world, he’s never satisfied with your answers. A needy man is always suspicious that you’re lying and he has to know that you’re absolutely telling the truth or else he’d start to doubt your relationship.
30) He tells you he loves you multiple times a day
A needy man is scared of losing you. You’ve become his rock, his world, his everything! He tells you he loves you not just to express his feelings but to also warn you that if you even do something hurtful to him, you’d ruin his life.
31) He wants you to say you love him multiple times a day
A needy man wants to feel needed. He tells you he loves you because he needs to hear it too. Not just once a day, but a hundred times if possible. He thinks we should love like those in the movies.
32) He expects 100% attention when he’s talking
Sometimes, we can’t help but zone out when someone is talking. That’s life. Your boyfriend doesn’t get this at all. He sees it as a form of disrespect. When he’s talking, he wants you to look into his eyes, listen, and ask questions.
33) He slightly blames you for his misery
Because he already told you of his miserable past, or you know he’s currently miserable, he expects you to take care of him and make him happy. After all, partners lift each other up, right?
34) He makes you feel guilty for having a life
You’ve become intertwined and if you start to pull away a little to enjoy life on your own, he would feel like you’re abandoning him. He will start to ask annoying questions such as “do you still love me?” or “what have I done wrong?”
35) He notices slight changes in your mood (and gets upset for it)
He senses when you’re a little bothered by something or when you’re not in the mood. Being sensitive to your feelings is cool but this guy takes it against you. He assumes that the reason you’re not in the mood is because you’re not happy being with him.
Because of this, you’ve learned to hide your feelings and pretend everything’s alright.
36) He remembers every single thing you say
This guy has a good memory of everything that you ever told him—from your childhood crush to what you ate last night. While you find it endearing, it gets annoying when he uses those things against you when you have arguments.
37) His mood changes when you’re with a guy
You feel like you can’t talk to other guys or you’ll hurt your boyfriend. You know him to the core so even if he’s smiling at you, you can sense that he’s bothered. Sometimes, you have a feeling that he does it on purpose to make you feel guilty.
38) His mood changes when you’re busy
He acts like a kid who’s being ignored by a busy parent when you’re busy with work. He’d even say something to make you feel guilty like “You’ve become a workaholic” so you’d drop everything and be with him.
39) He interrogates you about your work
You can tell the difference between someone who’s genuinely curious versus someone who’s asking because they’re suspicious.
He’s definitely the latter. He “innocently” asks you about your work but really, you know he just wants to know if you’re with a male colleague. He will then jokingly accuse you of cheating to gauge your reaction.
40) He interrogates you after a holiday trip
This is similar to the one above but he gets more annoying when it comes to holidays, especially if you’re with a guy friend. In his head, holidays are for flirting and nothing else. He tries hard to sound like he’s just curious but his tone and body language betrays him.
41) He interrogates you after a girls night out
Your friends are your rock so when you tell him that you’re going to go dancing with your girls, you expect him to be supportive. Sadly, he isn’t! And not only that, he would ask you a hundred questions like you just committed a crime. No wonder you’re tempted to just lie.
42) He keeps bringing up your past mistakes
Let’s say you almost cheated in the past or you lied to him about something. He now uses those mistakes and shortcomings to his advantage. For example, if you don’t reply to his messages because you’re too busy, he’d say something like “Maybe you’re lying to me like you did before.”
43) He gets hurt when you don’t ask for his opinion
It makes him feel betrayed if you decide on something without consulting him. It’s understandable if it’s accepting a job offer from the other side of the world, but if it’s something like a haircut or a Friday night out, it can get really frustrating.
44) He wants you to be together in public
When you’re at a party, it’s strange to be sitting beside the same person the whole night. Apparently, for him that’s the normal thing to do if you’re coupled up. If you leave him for even 15 minutes to chat with someone else, he feels extremely uncomfortable…and he makes sure you know.
45) He wants to go home early
Whether you’re with strangers, friends, or family…it doesn’t matter. He wants to go home. He gets tired of small talk and would rather spend time with you at home. This greatly impacts your social life and you resent him for it.
46) He misses you wayyy too much
You love your boyfriend to bits but you don’t understand how someone can miss someone who they see often. It’s just impossible! But it seems like no matter how much time you spend together, it’s still not enough for him. He misses you in the morning, afternoon, and night.
47) He makes you choose between your family and him
When you’re out with your family and he’s not invited, he keeps sending you messages. He feels left out and wanted some reassurance that you’re still his #1 person. He might even tell you about his problems while you’re having dinner with the fam so you’ll focus on him. And if it takes you too long to go home, he grumbles.
48) He makes you choose between your friends and him
Of course if he makes you choose between his family and him, he’d do it to your friends too. He’d even have bad opinions about them just so you’ll rely on him more than you would on them. A needy guy wants you to be overly-dependent on him.
49) He needs you to declare your love all the damn time
It’s not enough that you say you love him. It’s not enough that you actually love him. A needy boyfriend wants you to declare that they’re your #1 person and your love for them is still the same as the first day you met them.
50) He needs to feel that you’re invested in your relationship
You see marriage in the future, you want to befriend his friends and family, you’re saving up…all because you’re invested in your relationship. But for some reason, it’s just not enough for him. You can’t even cancel a dinner with his family or he would assume you’re losing interest in your togetherness.
51) He doesn’t respect your boundaries
Because you’re in a relationship, he thinks that what’s his is yours and yours is his…and that includes his issues, his trauma, and his 1000 problems. He doesn’t care about your privacy, either. You’re sure that if you have a diary, he’d read it. For him, that’s how love becomes deep.
52) He gets close to your family fast
You’ve only been dating for a few months but he wants to become an instant member of your family. He gives each one presents and he’d even message them from time to time. A needy man wants to feel he belongs so it isn’t a surprise that he gets clingy with them, too.
53) He gets close to your friends and colleagues fast
When you said “what’s mine is yours”, you really didn’t mean your friends. You want to keep a life that’s separate from his too, even if you both love each other. However, he wants to have a very intertwined life with you.
54) He bothers everyone you know
He wants to befriend your friends so he can ask them favors—like asking where you are when you’re not replying to his texts. He says he’s just concerned about you but he’s in fact investigating where you are and who you’re with.
55) He talks about the future…a lot!
Needy people need to feel secure. They most probably have abandonment issues and they hate uncertainty. You want to reassure him because you want a future with this guy but it’s just too much already, especially because he wants you to be equally enthusiastic as him.
56) He can’t seem to relax
You love him with all of your heart but he seems to be always anxious about your relationship. He overthinks, gets caught in drama, has many life issues…and he dumps them on you. You can rarely see him chill because even if there’s nothing wrong with your relationship, he still finds something to nitpick.
57) He lets you decide on everything
He doesn’t like it that you don’t ask for his opinion (or permission) when making decisions but oddly enough, he lets you decide on most things. A needy guy is needy for a reason: he wants someone to be in charge of things, including his feelings.
58) He wants to be your hero
There’s a phenomenon called the hero instinct and yep, your guy wants to be your hero even if he’s the needy one. Strange, right? But here’s how it goes: He wants to “save” you so you’re bound to him.
59) He gives you the silent treatment a lot
He knows you can’t stand it when he gives you the cold shoulder so he does it a lot to “train” you how to love him. For him, it’s an effective “punishment” so you won’t neglect him ever again.
60) He gives ultimatums
When he feels that you don’t love him or when you neglect his needs, he will give you a “chance” to change your behavior. Of course, he will set a deadline to make sure you will truly change. This kind of dynamic can really be toxic especially when you love the person and you’re willing to do anything and everything.
61) He has a toxic view on love
For him, love is two people becoming one. To him, this means you should be joined at the hip and be best friends for eternity. This means not keeping secrets and not setting boundaries. For him, having your own individual life is a sign that your union is not strong.
62) He rarely acknowledges his mistakes
Usually, a needy man is also an overly- sensitive man. When you say you’re hurt by what he did, he will take it as an offense. How dare you accuse him of something when he’s loving you with all of his might.
63) He has a narcissistic personality
Everything is about him. He wants to be reminded of how awesome he is—as a person and as a boyfriend. He’s not content with a simple thumbs up or high five, of course, he wants you to kiss the ground he walks on.
64) He accuses you of being a workaholic
You know for a fact that you’re not a workaholic but he accuses you for being one when you can’t reply to his texts, meet him for lunch, or take a holiday with him on a whim. Not only is he worried you’ll have someone else, he’s worried you’ll be married to your work!
65) He accuses you of being too dependent on your family
Of course you love your family but you know you’re not dependent on them at all. However, he tells you that you’re a papa’s girl or that you’re abusing the kindness of your mother. He does this so you will detach from them and instead make him your everything.
66) He accuses you of cheating
Even if you’re the most loyal person in the world, a needy man will find drama and accuse you of cheating. He does this so you’ll show your love to him and assure him that no, he’s your one and only.
67) He cries to prove how seriously hurt he is
If he’s starting to suspect that his pouts and tantrums are not effective anymore, he will shed tears. What’s annoying is that you really can’t be logical with someone who’s crying or else he’ll accuse you of being heartless.
68) He threatens to leave you
He’d do anything to control you and make you chase him. He will not say it outright though. It will be subtle enough that you won’t think he’s a bad boyfriend but clear enough for you to get the message. He might sleep at his friend’s house to “clear his head” to make you feel his absence.
69) He reminds you of the “sacrifices” he’s made
Maybe he left his job just to be with you. You’re grateful for it because otherwise, you won’t be together. But my god does he remind you about this fact every single time you have an argument.
70) He gets hurt if you don’t keep your word
If you said you’ll be home at six so you can cook dinner together, you better be home at six.
If you’re an hour late because you forgot about time, he’d make you feel bad for the rest of the night.
71) He keeps a record of your shortcomings
A needy person has very high standards of what an ideal partner is like. They believe that they have to find the one that won’t make them feel needy anymore. If you’ve hurt him or disappointed him, he’ll never forgive and forget. He will remember every single circumstance and use it as his weapon.
72) He hates feeling desperate
A needy man doesn’t want to feel that he in fact needs you. He wants to feel that it is your CHOICE to “love” him. If you dare call him out on his needy behavior, expect a huge fight.
73) He denies he’s needy
According to him, he’s not the one with flaws. He isn’t needy, you’re just not capable of giving love. He isn’t needy, you’re just always busy. He isn’t needy, you’re just inconsistent. And so on and so forth. If there’s someone who should change, it’s you.
It’s probably time to step back and seriously ask yourself if he is what you want in a partner.
Does he have redeeming traits?
Is he willing to change?
Love is great but it cannot fix needy behavior. Unless a needy person tries to correct his needy behaviour through therapy, things will not get better.
If this is a cross you’re willing to bear, then learn how to deal with a needy man.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
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