Can ignoring a girl help you attract her? (+ the truth about attraction)

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When you want to attract a girl, you might get to a point where you would try anything to help yourself out.

You might even consider ignoring her completely to make yourself more attractive and interesting to her.

But does that really work?

Before you ghost, take a look at this article to figure out if ignoring a girl can actually help you attract her, and what will be the most helpful in attracting anyone!

Can ignoring her help you attract her?

Let’s start with the most burning question you probably have: is it beneficial to ignore her in order to make yourself more interesting?

Unfortunately, the answer here is not very clear. The thing is, for a very specific type of girl, the answer is YES, definitely.

However, for a majority of women, the answer will be “no”.

Let me unpack that a little bit:

When does it work?

Ignoring a girl completely in order to attract her can be a very powerful tool, but it needs to be used with caution.

You see, if the girl likes you a lot already and is very needy (and possibly even codependent), then ignoring her will definitely do the trick.

In short, if she has an anxious attachment style and likes you, ignoring her will definitely work.

What’s an attachment style?

If you haven’t heard about the attachment style theory, it’s basically a concept that describes how we form relationships with people.

There are basically 4 attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure.

Everyone has one dominant attachment style based on how safe your caregivers allowed you to feel growing up.

The good news is that this attachment style can change, with secure attachment being the end goal.

People with an anxious attachment style are those who like to feel extremely connected to the person they love, and have a hard time being alone.

People with an avoidant attachment style, on the other hand, find it difficult to be in relationships and get easily bored of the person they are with.

I’m gonna stick with these two for now, because they are the most important for our ghosting theory here, but if you are interested in the attachment styles, definitely read up on them!

Now: if a woman has an anxious attachment style, it means that she has a tendency to be codependent, and most importantly, she tends to be very attracted to people that have an avoidant attachment style.

It’s ironic, given that the two of them trigger each other a lot! She wants more and more contact while the other person wants space.

Now: you might see how if she has an anxious attachment style, ghosting and ignoring her will make you seem more attractive to her.

You are putting yourself in the shoes of the more “avoidant” person in the relationship, making her want to chase you.

However, she needs to already like you in order for this to work!

If she has no feelings whatsoever for you, then ignoring her will probably not do the trick.

That brings me to my next point:

When does ignoring her not work (and even backfire)?

You might be wondering when you should not, by any means, ignore her.

The thing is, there are quite a few scenarios when to stay away from ignoring her.

First off, if she is not interested in you, then there is no point in ignoring her. The thing is, in order for the ignoring to make yourself attractive scheme to work, she needs to have a certain level of interest in you, to begin with.

Otherwise, it will get you nowhere. Think about it: if a woman you are not interested in suddenly ghosts, you’ll just move on, right?

It’s only if you are interested in her that she can make you want to chase her.

Secondly, if she has a secure attachment style or generally a high level of self-esteem, then ignoring her will backfire.

This is because she will not need to chase you in order to feel secure.

She already feels secure within herself, and so she will not feel the need to chase you.

Instead, she’ll just move on and find someone else who is more into her.

You see, people who are secure in themselves will not take any bullsh*t from anyone, so they will just move on to someone who treats them right.

Your best bet is to be a healthy, secure person, but if she’s not into you, then no tricks are gonna help with that.

Thirdly, if you are already in a relationship with her, then it’s best not to ghost her!

That said, I do understand why people do this. Sometimes it’s easier to just ghost someone than to have an honest conversation about your feelings for them.

However, if you feel like your relationship is slipping away and your girlfriend might not be attracted to you anymore, ignoring her is not the answer, believe me.

All that will do is send you on the fast track to a breakup.

Instead, try to figure out what went wrong with the relationship and how you can make it work again.

For instance, if you felt like your girlfriend was no longer into you, then ask yourself why that is.

Maybe she is just not attracted to you anymore. Maybe she found someone else who is more into her than you are.

Maybe there are other issues at play (e.g., she has a really stressful job and doesn’t have time for a relationship right now).

Figure out what the real issue is, and fix it together!

Why does ignoring work sometimes?

You might be wondering why ignoring a girl actually works sometimes.

We already discussed that it only works with a very specific type of girl: someone who is already interested in you and tends to have a more anxious attachment style with low self-esteem).

But that still doesn’t explain how ignoring someone can make you more attractive to them.

The truth is, we desire what we can’t have. This is a fact that has been proven by science.

So if you are the type of guy who always answers his girlfriend’s texts right away, then you might be sending the message that you are always available.

Now: for a healthy relationship this is a good thing! You want to be a safe space for the woman you are with.

However, for our scenario, that’s not what you want.

But what are the reasons that a girl will start chasing you after you ignore her?

  • She gets obsessed with the idea of you
  • Being ignored hurt her ego
  • She feels the need to fix the problem
  • she will fear that you’ll never come back
  • she will miss you
  • suddenly she will put you on a pedestal

This all happens because the brain is a really complex organ.

When you ignore a girl, it triggers a primal need in her to win you back.

But why is this?

Well, it’s because when we are rejected by someone we like, it hurts our ego.

All we want to do is to get them back.

Now: the emphasis is again on “someone we like” – this only works if she actually likes you before ignoring her!

Is it a good idea to ignore a girl?

Okay, now that we know when you could technically use this technique to make yourself more attractive to a girl, let’s talk about the moral issues here.

Is it a good idea to ignore a girl to get her to like you more?

Look, ultimately, this is your choice to make. But in my honest opinion, the answer is no.

Think about it: even if it does work out the way you have planned, the entire attraction will be based on manipulation on your part.

She doesn’t actually like you for who you are, but rather for the fact that you ignored her and made her chase you.

And this is not a healthy foundation on which to build a relationship.

Plus, even though she is desperate to get your approval and to chase you, you will have fundamentally hurt her trust!

So further down the relationship, she might have issues fully trusting you because you feel unsafe, as though you could disappear any second again.

So, in short: it’s your call. But if you are looking for a healthy relationship with a girl who actually likes you because of who you are and not what you do, then I would advise against using this technique.

Instead, I would advise you to focus on becoming more attractive in general.

As we already discussed, there are multiple ways of doing this.

And the best part is: they all don’t require any manipulation from your side!

So let’s take a look:

The truth about attraction – 5 psychological facts

If you want to know how to attract someone, let’s take a look at some psychological facts about attraction, shall we?

1) Opposites really do attract

You’ve probably heard the term “opposites attract” before, right?

Well, there is actually some truth to that.

In fact:

The more different someone is from you, the more attracted you are to them!

This is because we are drawn toward people who challenge us. That way, we can work on ourselves and improve ourselves in order to be more like them.

But here’s the catch:

This only works if you are also similar in some ways!

The thing is, opposites attract when dating and flirting, but for a long-term relationship, there need to be similarities.

But back to psychology, opposites quite literally attract!

The University of Dresden has found that people are attracted to others with a different human leukocyte antigen (HLA complex).

Your brain is able to tell based on scent alone whether or not you have a different HLA complex than the person you are talking to.

So, in a way, opposites really do attract!

2) The tone of a woman’s voice will naturally increase when she flirts

Are you trying to figure out if a woman finds you attractive? Listen to her voice.

If it is slightly higher than when she talks to other people, it means she is interested in you.

You see, the most interesting thing about this is that how high a woman’s voice can go varies on what time of the month it is for her in her cycle.

During her most fertile days, her voice has the highest pitch! Makes sense, right?

3) The way to someone’s heart is not through the stomach… it’s through the eyes

Another interesting psychology fact about attraction is that the eyes are the window to your soul.

Someone’s eyes can tell you so much about them! And that is why eye contact is a way of flirting.

That’s why when you are talking to someone, don’t look at their mouth! Look them in the eyes!

You see, scientifically speaking, prolonged eye contact will heighten the chances of falling in love.

This simple act will make the other person feel desired, respected, and loved.

4) A beard may help you out, but not just any beard!

A study by the Journal of Evolutionary Biology has revealed that women tend to be very attracted to men with beards.

So, if you are trying to attract a woman, grow a beard! But be sure it is the right kind of beard.

The study found that women were most attracted to men with a stubble than those who had clean-shaven faces or full-on beards.

This is because women associate a slight stubble or beard with the man being active, strong, and a good parent.

Fascinating, right?

5) The time of the cycle can determine who a woman is attracted to

Another fun fact about attraction is that a woman’s type may vary throughout her cycle.

This is due to a change in hormones.

For example, during her most fertile stage, the amount of estrogen in the body increases.

This is why a woman’s attraction to a masculine man will increase at this time.

This is also why women tend to be attracted to men with more prominent features during ovulation as well.

Deeper voices, competitive natures, and other masculine traits will be very welcome during that time.

How can you become more attractive?

Now that you’ve read some facts on attraction, you might be wondering how to make yourself more attractive.

The thing is, there is a range of things you can do to become more desirable!

Let’s take a look:

1) Start to be more active

It’s no secret that active people tend to be seen as more attractive.

That’s because being active will make you more confident, improve your health, and give you a more positive outlook on life on top of also helping you get in better shape.

So, be sure to start being more active! You can do this by walking to places instead of taking the car or bus or doing some sports like hiking and running!

Working out can become an amazing way to meet new people and gain confidence as well.

The thing is, when you work out, especially as a man, you will look stronger and healthier, which will automatically give you a leg-up when it comes to attracting women.

At our cores, we are still looking for the most suitable mate for us.

That’s why being active and healthy will make you much more attractive than being not as active and unhealthy.

On that note:

2) Fix your posture

Bad posture can make you look unattractive for the same reasons we just talked about: it can look unhealthy and weak.

So, try to fix your posture.

You can do this by stretching regularly and making sure to keep your back straight.

This will make you look more confident and attractive in the long run!

And the best part?

You are simultaneously doing something nice for yourself that will help you to feel better and prevent back pain in the future!

You see, posture is not just about how you look, it also influences how you feel.

3) Get a nice haircut and groom yourself well

This is another one of those things that will make you look more attractive.

See, women are attracted to men with nice hair.

But more than that, they will be attracted to men who are well-groomed in general.

This means that you should get a nice haircut and groom yourself regularly.

You should also shower often and use nice body and grooming products!

You see, oftentimes proper grooming is seen as a feminine trait, but the reality is that any attractive man will know how to take proper care of himself.

You’d be surprised how much more attractive you can look simply by grooming yourself a bit more than usual.

Keeping your beard well-trimmed, keeping your hair more or less freshly cut, and just taking care of your hygiene will make you look a lot more attractive.

4) Get a good job / improve your career prospects by going back to school or getting training /etc…

Having a good job can make you more attractive for the same reason that being active does: it shows that you are healthy, confident, and that you have the means to take care of yourself and anyone else that you might be responsible for.

This is a huge turn-on for women!

You see, women are biologically programmed to look for a good provider.

And when they find someone who has a good job or career prospects, they get all hot and bothered.

This is not just because they want your money, it’s because this shows them that you can provide for them and their future children.

It also shows that you have ambition and drive, which are all attractive qualities as well!

Sure, you might not be interested in a traditional relationship of being the provider, but that doesn’t change the fact that women are biologically attracted to a man who can potentially provide for them.

So don’t be afraid to play up your career and your future prospects!

5) Find your style

Another thing you can do to make yourself more attractive is to find your style.

You see, a lot of guys think that their style is just whatever they happen to be wearing at any given time, but the reality is that we all have a “style”, even if it’s not always as clear as it should be.

So make sure that you find your style.

This means finding out what colors look good on you, what kinds of clothes you like to wear, etc…

It also means finding out what kind of hair looks good on you, and how you want to wear it!

The more confidence you have in your appearance and the way that you present yourself, the more attractive you will look.

It’s a two-way street – looking good will make you feel confident and feeling confident will make you look more attractive.

6) Read more

Okay, this one might seem a bit random, but it’s really not.

You see, women are attracted to a man who reads.

They think that such a man will be intelligent, thoughtful, and cultured.

This is because women are biologically programmed to look for a good provider and protector.

And the more intelligent you are, the more you can provide for her and protect her!

So pick up a book today and start reading!

The best part is, that if you actually start educating yourself, you will improve your emotional intelligence, as well, which will help you with long-term partnerships!

7) Be a leader

Women are attracted to a man who can lead.

But what does it mean to be a leader?

Well, it means that you have to be the one in control of your life.

It means that you have to set yourself on the path of success and then follow through with it.

A woman has no respect for someone who is passive or indecisive, and neither should you!

The more confident and assertive you are, the more attractive you will be.

Now: that doesn’t mean you need to be controlling – simply be decisive so that she can rely on you.

8) Be passionate about something

My last tip for you is to be passionate about something.

Now, I don’t mean that you should be passionate about her, or passionate about your relationship – I mean that you should find something that inspires you and makes you want to get up in the morning!

You see, when a woman is with a man who is passionate about something, she feels like she is a part of his life.

She feels like he wants her there because he loves what he does and he wants to share it with her.

This will make her feel special and secure in your presence!

Plus, a man who is passionate about something is a lot more interesting than someone who goes through life with a “meh” attitude!

Finding your passion and talking about something that lights up your eyes will definitely catch her attention and make her feel attracted to you!

The common denominator

Maybe you’ve noticed it throughout this article, maybe not, but the common denominator of being the most attractive version of yourself is becoming your best, most healthy self.

When you shift your focus away from attracting women and towards being the best self you can be, you will honestly never lose!

You are building a life that you love, and once the right person comes into it, it will be even better, but the important part is that you start to like yourself!

An attractive man is a man who is confident in who he is and doesn’t waste time or energy trying to impress others.

He is attractive because of the life he is building for himself, and not because of the women who are in it!

So, go out there and make your life the best it can be – you will attract her easily, without even trying!

Final thoughts – you don’t need manipulation

If you took anything from this article, I hope it’s this: you don’t need to manipulate a woman in order for her to be attracted to you.

Sure, some women might like a bit of flirting and a bit of mystery, but in general, women want to be with a man who is his best self, and then maybe she’ll be attracted to him.

So if you’re looking for a woman who will love you for who you are (not what you can do for her), start being your best self and not playing tricks like ignoring her!

If she wouldn’t be attracted to you any other way, then why do you want to be with her, anyways?

Think about it: you deserve someone who will love you for who you are, and not because they got manipulated.

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