You ask him, “What we are?” and he replies, “I don’t want to label what we have”.
You send him a heartful message after an amazing date you had, and he leaves you on “read”.
Then, you start asking yourself…is he playing games with me?
My dear sister, most likely – he is.
You decide to have the conversation with him.
But how do you confront him? What do you say?
Let’s see how you can call him out on his little mind games without too much drama.
1) Talk to him about what you feel
I don’t mean in a great romantic gesture kind of way. He’s playing with you, so he doesn’t deserve it anyway.
What I mean is, let him know how sad–or angry!– he’s making you with his behavior.
If he doesn’t change after you’ve talked to him, I’m so sorry to say, but he’s not worth your time or your heartache.
Let him go and focus on living your best life instead.
2) Put some distance between you
If talking feels too much for you at the moment, you can start by putting some distance between you.
If he knows you want a long-term relationship and he’s still playing games, he’s gotten too comfortable.
I remember when a guy I liked wouldn’t stop flirting with me, but the moment I wanted to meet in person, he always had something better to do.
If you’re always the one starting conversations and keeping things running smoothly, stop doing it.
You don’t have to hold the entire weight of the relationship. See what happens if you stop putting in an effort.
Normally this kind of behavior would fall into the category of “playing games,” but in this case, it’s a good thing. It will let you know what his reaction to your sudden coldness is.
If he doesn’t reach out to you again, you’ll know he only wanted to keep you around to feed his ego.
However, if he did get in touch…
3) Meet in person
I can’t stress how important this is enough.
Listen, we’re all superheroes when it comes to texting, but if nice words aren’t followed up by actions…
If a man is super overwhelming in person but never wants to speak about important things, it’s a red flag.
Having a significant conversation through text just isn’t the same, and he knows it. Don’t be afraid to be awkward and let him know your needs, if he respects you, he will listen.
Over text, he has time to manipulate his answer, even to show his friends for advice. In-person, it’s not that easy, especially if you direct the conversation.
4) Activate his inner hero
Once you’ve decided to meet, try a special approach to deliver your message to him.
Because if he’s been reserved, it’ll be hard to reach to his core and actually make him hear you, not just listen to you.
I don’t want to generalize here, but there are things you can do or say to a man to trigger a certain feeling in him.
And when it comes to calling him out for playing games, you want to approach him in a way that’ll help solve the issue.
For that, you need to know how to activate his inner hero to reach out to his core masculine side instead of the side he shows on the surface.
There’s a new theory in the relationship world that’s causing quite a stir – it’s called the hero instinct.
The relationship expert James Bauer shared this fascinating concept which finally explains how men think and feel in relationships.
I’m sure you’ve never heard of it before.
But trust me, it’s something I’m so happy to now be able to use in my life and my relationships with men.
To give you an idea, I was dating this guy for 4 months and he started to go MIA from time to time. There wasn’t anything major that changed in our relationship and I didn’t know what had happened to him and why he behaved like this.
I was scared to bring this up as, technically, everything was ok. So, I decided to deal with it in a different way.
I’ve used techniques offered by James to make my boyfriend feel more loved and desired. I know that sounds contradictory, as I lacked this feeling from him.
But in fact, it did exactly what I wanted it to do. It opened my boyfriend up to me, and he shared how he’s been nervous about how fast our relationship developed and how he started to feel pressured.
Because I came to him from a place of love rather than blaming him, he openly shared his true feelings with me, and we had a wonderful deep conversation.
Eventually, we worked through it and managed to bring our relationship to a better, more profound place than it was.
So, how can you trigger your man’s hero instinct?
The easiest thing to do is to watch this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
The truth is, once you understand how the hero instinct works, there’s no telling what heights your relationship can reach.
5) Speak about what he’s doing wrong
Honesty saves everyone’s time. I stand by this.
If you think your man is a good person and he’s just oblivious to the way his behavior impacts you, then you have to tell him.
Give him the reality check he needs, and do so clearly, but without anger.
If you’ve been bottling your feelings up for a while, take some time. Write a letter to process your feelings, go for a run, or even hit the gym.
Once you’re okay enough to speak, go for it and hold nothing back. If he wants you, he will listen, and it will be important to him.
6) Don’t be afraid!
Here’s another example for you.
A few years ago, I was really into a guy who flirted with me for weeks… and then, out of the blue, he stopped answering my texts.
I panicked, thinking: “what did I do wrong? Have I been too forward/not enough?”
It was the worst time of the year for me, and I wish somebody had been there to tell me: “it’s not you.”
Really, it’s not.
He’s pulling back to see what you will do about it and possibly to process what he feels about you.
Give him time, and focus on the things you love to do. Of course, don’t wait for him forever: you’re worth more than that.
7) What are we?
Why not…ask the dreaded question?
Every relationship needs to have a label, but that label doesn’t have to be restricting. You can have a lover, a boyfriend, a friend with benefits… really, whatever floats your boat.
If you don’t define the relationship when it’s starting, even in the most basic of terms, he will probably interpret it as an opportunity to start playing games.
There’s nothing more exhausting than dating a man with that kind of mentality, so be upfront: ask him to define what he’s looking for and see if those interests align. Then, put a name to it and set clear boundaries.
The only thing I’d like to remind you about again is how important it is how you ask this question.
Remember, before I mentioned this fascinating concept: the hero instinct.
When you know and use just the right words to trigger his inner hero instinct, he’s more likely to open up to you and share his deep feelings and emotions.
So if you follow this concept it’ll be a million times easier for you to have the talk.
Watch this free video by James Bauer. In it, he’ll reveal simple phrases and texts you can use to reach out to his deeper feelings and hear the truthful answer to whatever you ask.
8) Self-respect goes a long way
Besides considering what and when to say, you should also consider how to listen to the things he says to you.
Love-bombing can be unexpected and break your heart.
It’s the perfect way to make you seem “needy” and the perfect excuse for him to pull back and start his mind games.
So what to do if you’ve experienced love bombing?
Simple: stand your ground. Refuse to be treated like a toy.
Walk away from him and trust your gut. I can’t stress this enough: you deserve better, and there are better men around.
9) Do your thing!
Now, this piece of advice is really handy for whatever path you choose. Whether you decide to confront him or not, keep on doing your thing, sis.
Playing hard to get isn’t the same as being actually busy.
In this case, I’m talking about the best kind of busy: fun activities with friends and family! Live your best life, and don’t stop just because some man is trying to bring you down.
Fulfill your dreams: go to a spa day, watch a movie, travel to wonderful places.
If you’re free when he wants to hang out, then meet with him. If you’re not, don’t cancel plans for him… unless he’s doing it for you.
But then again…
You wouldn’t be in this situation if he intentionally dedicated his time to you, right?
10) Seek help from the specialist
Ok, I couldn’t omit this piece of advice.
Let’s be honest.
Not every one of us is ready to share our struggles with a stranger. Even if it’s a licensed specialist.
It’s not easy, I know. It took me a couple of years thinking back and forth if it was worth it and hearing from my friends about how much they’ve benefitted from a conversion with a specialist.
But, there is the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê, and I actually learned a lot from him.
He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what traps us in things like tolerating someone playing games with us.
As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves.
We need to face the facts about what kind of person we chose and why and learn the topes of respecting yourself and picking the right partner.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
After I watched his videos, I realized that I followed an unsuccessful pattern and picked partners who weren’t good enough for me.
Like that one guy, who left me on “read” every single time for days, but I still texted him back because I genuinely thought he was in some sort of trouble.
In fact, it was me who wasn’t seeing clearly enough and couldn’t read the red flags.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution.
If you’re done with wasting your time on the love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities.
11) Let him sort himself out
As long as you’re not emotionally involved in a bad way, give him time to process whatever he has to process.
It’s normal for a lot of people to pull away when things get overwhelming.
However, if he’s constantly playing this push/pull game… move on. You’re not a door, after all!
If you let him treat you this way, your mental health will suffer.
Unfortunately, if you’ve slept with him on the first date and he isn’t the good kind of man that we all want, he might lose interest. In this case, you’re better by yourself.
12) Say it as it is
After all, you just want to let go of those bothering thoughts.
I’m sure a specialist would recommend it to you as one of the options.
Call him out at the first slightly red flag, at the first sign of a mind game. Don’t waste your time worrying about his comfort or his perception of you.
You can even get a bit dramatic: what would his mom say if she saw the way he’s treating you?
Whatever lousy pickup lines he used and whatever promises he broke, call him out on it.
So much of this behavior is rooted in sexism! Don’t let him play you.
13) Win the game
If you’re thinking of fighting back, I’m all for it.
In most circumstances, it wouldn’t be the best choice… but revenge is so sweet sometimes!
A close friend of mine was dating a man full of red flags. In time, he revealed his true colors: he was sleeping with his ex at the same time.
When my friend found out, instead of going off at him… she met the ex, planned a meetup with her cheating boyfriend, and confronted him at the bar with the other girl.
Then, of course, she cut him off for good. He spent months and months begging for her to come back!
Does she regret her actions? Not even a little bit. Is the wisest thing to do? Also, no… but I won’t judge you for it.
14) Reject him
I wanted to place this advice closer to an end, as it just logically comes to you as one of the best solutions after you tried calling him put, giving him space, and other things.
Turn him down, seriously.
If you’re angry, tell the truth: you’re too good for him and too mature for mind games. You’re not a toy, and you don’t like to be treated as one.
If he gets defensive or starts begging for you to come back, simply block him. Of course, have your fun with your girlfriends first and laugh at his attempts to look less like a man-child.
I’m sorry to say, but most of the time, there’s no winning when it comes to mind games. He won’t grow up if he doesn’t want to.
15) Move on
If you’ve been clear with your intentions, spoken to him about your feelings, or tried to get him to behave better and nothing’s changed… move on with your life.
You’ve done everything you can, probably more than you should. If he isn’t interested, it’s not your problem anymore: it’s his.
Same thing when it comes to “semi-ghosting” situations. Don’t let him get in and out of your life like your feelings don’t matter. It’s not worth the heartbreak.
Top 6 mind games: men edition
Aside from video games, guys are usually good at playing mind games and letting women down.
No hard feelings, of course…
Anyway, read up on the most common ones: he’s not as mysterious as he wants to be.
1) Playing hard to get
In this type of situation, you’re the one making all the effort. Unfortunately, guys love playing hard to get too!
So, you’re the one who plans a date, contacts him, asks him about his day, and finally, when you meet…
He’s actually super cool, and the date goes incredibly well!
What’s up with that?
There are two different meanings:
- He doesn’t want to scare you, so he’s acting cool and distant.
- He doesn’t care about you.
The key to figuring it out is watching his actions after one or two dates. If he never puts in any effort, then it’s time to let him go.
2) Never answering a single important question
Let’s leave the wordplay to politicians, where it’s often needed. When it comes to romance, honesty must rule.
If he never wants to discuss anything important in the relationship, start paying attention.
He can say all sorts of things to your questions:
- I don’t want to label what we have;
- We’re so good exactly as we are;
- I don’t want to rush things;
- I don’t believe in conventional relationships. (Yes, I know).
Unless you’re coming off too strong, too early in the relationship, he might say stuff like that to slow you down. There’s a lot of fun in casual relationships, and feelings can take time to develop.
However, if you’ve been going out for months and he still doesn’t want to discuss more than a few superficial matters, his evasive ways can be a sign of trouble on the horizon.
3) As Katy Perry once said: you’re hot, then you’re cold!
This situation is like a boomerang: one second, you’re close and happy, the next… you’re thrown away, only to repeat it all over again.
It can feel a lot like he’s playing hard to get, but he’s still a presence in your life: he doesn’t go away for long. Katy Perry was right, after all.
Perhaps he’s the king of playful flirting one day, and the next, pure ice. He doesn’t even text you back. He makes sure to leave your message on “read”.
What’s the meaning of this terrible behavior? As usual, it can mean more than one thing:
- He’s scared of his feelings for you;
- He doesn’t want to build a relationship with you;
- He’s overwhelmed and hasn’t thought about what you feel.
4) The secret relationship
If you’ve ever wanted to feel like James Bond, welcome to this mind game: you’re going to be a top secret agent in no time.
In this case, you meet him regularly and text for hours on end. He texts you how into you he is, and the video calls never stop.
Despite all this, you know next to nothing about his family and friends. He goes out with them, of course, and somehow you’re never part of that conversation.
If he liked you, he would take the next step: you’d meet his family, he’d show you off at parties or get-togethers… he would want to get serious.
It could be he’s just slowly building up his courage. Unfortunately, there’s a very real chance that he’s officially dating someone else.
Don’t be a secret agent for a man. It’s a lonely job and you –as I’ve said before!– deserve a lot better than that.
5) Now you see me… now you don’t
It can feel like a rug has been pulled under your feet unexpectedly. One moment, he’s sending funny memes and getting romantic and sappy all the time.
The next, poof! He’s gone. Nothing. Not even a “hey” at 3 A.M.
You get over it, start enjoying yourself, maybe even start seeing someone new… and then he reappears out of thin air, like Harry Potter himself.
I get it, it’s mind-breaking. Especially if you already developed feelings for him the first time.
Don’t fall into this trap! Let him go the first time he comes back if you don’t want to call him out.
6) Your self-esteem? His target practice
Sadly, this happens a lot to smart, beautiful, confident women, and it can be difficult to spot.
In the dating world, the keyword for this toxic behavior is “negging”. It’s when you receive a compliment” that isn’t a compliment, it’s more of a subtle way of insulting you.
I’ll give you a personal example to illustrate my point.
Just last night, while scrolling on social media, a man messaged me saying the following thing: “You’re pretty funny for someone so opinionated.”
The goal of these backhanded compliments is to make you feel insecure in your own skin.
This way, you start seeking validation from him, and your self-esteem takes a hit.
Other pretty common examples of this behavior are phrases like:
- You look better without makeup;
- You’re so confident in that bikini;
- You’d look better if you smiled more.
If he keeps doing that, the red flag is massive and you should not let it slide.
Of course, it can also be his way of speaking, he might not have bad intentions, but do you want to find out?
So, let me remind you once again. It’s not worth a fight to try to win over the man who’s not putting any effort in your relationship.
If he’s playing games with you–let him go.
On the other hand, there are men who might need just a bit of extra push to open up and share why they’ve been acting weird all of a sudden.
If a man was loving and caring all the way but suddenly pulled off–try this technique I’ve mentioned before.
Once a man’s hero instinct is triggered, he’ll behave in a completely different way. You’ll reach a part of him that no woman has ever managed to reach before.
And in return, he’ll be compelled to commit to you and love you like he’s never loved another woman.
So if you feel like you’re ready to reach new heights in your relationship, check out relationship expert James Bauer’s invaluable advice.
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