The possibility of being fooled by someone you love is a scary thought.
We all want to be with somebody who has our best interests in mind and will never intentionally hurt us. But what if they do?
What can you do when your loved one is lying to you?
Here are 10 steps to take when you’re being fooled by someone you love:
1) Trust your instincts
Trust your gut. This is a phrase that we’ve all heard before, but why do we rarely believe it?
You see, your gut feelings can tell you if someone is lying to you or not.
They can also tell you when something is off about the person you love. If you find yourself in this situation, then follow your gut instincts and don’t dismiss them.
Often we fall into the trap of believing that the person we love is being honest with us. But if you think you are being fooled by someone that you love, then trust your instincts. Listen to what your gut is trying to say to you.
If your gut is telling you that you’re being played by the person that you love, find out what’s going on. Don’t just blindly believe everything that person tells you just because it may sound nice or sweet at the time.
Understand what they are trying to do and why. Are they lying to you to protect you, to hide something from you, or is it because they want something from you?
We all have a tendency to trust those closest to us unconditionally.
There’s nothing wrong with that, but it can make it difficult to know when we are being fooled. Here are some clues that might help you identify when someone is trying to deceive you:
- They buy you gifts out of the blue
- They apologize for things you don’t remember them doing
- They constantly need your reassurance and validation of their actions
- They get defensive when you ask them something
- They act like they’re not in charge of their own decisions or behavior
2) Recognize what happened
I’m sure you know how it feels to be deceived by someone you love. It hurts and can make you feel like they don’t deserve your trust.
But, how do you cope with these feelings?
One way is by staying true to yourself even though that may not be easy.
When the person that you love has lied to you, don’t pretend that it didn’t happen. Don’t go on as if everything is normal.
Don’t try to make it go away.
Recognize what has happened or is still happening.
It’s important to realize that if you ignore it, then it will only get worse. You have to understand that this is happening and come to terms with the facts.
Many people say that you should “forgive and forget”, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore being deceived by someone you love.
It is only natural to feel hurt when a loved one is dishonest. Recognize your feelings.
Try to better understand what your partner needs and why they may have been dishonest in the first place. Is there something you could do differently or are they just not to be trusted?
3) Don’t put up with the behavior
If you are repeatedly being fooled by your partner, don’t put up with such behavior!
It is a common misconception that if you are in a relationship with someone who constantly cheats on you and continues to lie, you should just put up with it. The reality is that this behavior can cause significant distress and negative consequences for your mental health.
Consider the consequences:
It is important to consider the consequences of what they are doing. If this behavior continues, it could cause you a lot of pain and distress that could potentially take a toll on your health.
It is important to think about how this relationship might affect your life in the future and how you’ll cope if things don’t change. This can help you make an informed decision about whether or not you should continue to stay with someone who has repeatedly deceived you.
If you are constantly being lied to or misled by your partner, it might be time to leave.
Here’s the deal:
There is no reason for you to continue staying with someone who repeatedly forsakes the truth. If you are in a relationship where you feel gaslighted and completely taken advantage of, it is time to cut your losses and end the relationship before it gets worse.
4) Be honest with yourself
Sometimes, we get so caught up in the idea that our partner loves us, that we forget to stay honest with ourselves.
We start to believe their words and overlook how they are being deceitful. This leads to hurt feelings and resentment which can make it difficult for a relationship to progress.
If you find yourself being repeatedly lied to by your partner, then perhaps it is time to face the truth. Be honest with yourself and with your partner.
Tell them that you know what’s going on.
When they know they will not get away with lying anymore, they will be more inclined to change their behavior. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to relationships, especially when your partner has been repeatedly dishonest with you.
5) Don’t pretend it didn’t happen
One of the most difficult things to bear is when a loved one continually lies to you. This behavior can be hurtful, and if not handled correctly, it can end a relationship.
You have to deal with the pain of the betrayal, you’re racked with emotions, and left feeling completely hopeless.
You’re probably wondering how to move on.
One way to heal from this type of heartache is by acknowledging what’s happening and admitting that you are fooling yourself. It might be hard to admit, but it’s a healthy step in the right direction.
If you find that your partner is lying to you all the time, it’s important to address the issue.
This will help them realize how much their actions are hurting you and how important honesty is in a relationship. It will also help them realize that they need to change their behavior.
6) Confront them
Sometimes people lie because of fear, pain, or stress of what would happen if their secret got out. Whatever the reason may be, don’t ignore it. Confront your partner.
In my own experience, honesty is always best, even when the truth hurts. Lying is never a good thing and will only lead to more problems in your relationship.
Simply put, instead of pretending that it didn’t happen and avoiding the facts, talk about what happened and see if this is something you can work through together or if it’s time to end the relationship.
7) Tell them that you will not tolerate their behavior any longer
Telling your partner that you will tolerate their lies any longer can be difficult. It can feel like you are giving up on the relationship and that you are not willing to put in the effort to save it.
However, this is not the case.
You see, telling your partner that you will no longer tolerate their lies and how they have been treating you is a necessary step on the path towards healing. It will help them realize the damage they are causing and they may be more inclined to change their behavior.
If it turns out that they don’t want to change, then it’s time to end the relationship. You don’t want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect your feelings or feels that it’s okay to lie and deceive you.
You deserve better than someone who doesn’t respect you enough to be honest with you.
8) If they continue to lie, tell them that you are leaving them and they will have to deal with the consequences of the lies by themselves
Sometimes, people just don’t stop lying. It seems like the only way to get them to stop is to leave them. Let them know that you’re done with their lies and you want nothing more to do with them.
Think about it:
You will be better off without them. You deserve someone who will be honest with you and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
If they do not want to work on changing their behavior, then it is time to end the relationship.
Don’t let them manipulate you into staying.
Forgiveness is a beautiful thing and there are times when it should be given. Forgive them if you can, but don’t forget and don’t stay in your toxic relationship.
9) Talk to a friend
If the person you love is lying to you and you don’t know what to do, talk to a friend or family member about it.
It is important to have someone that you can talk to about this problem. Someone who can listen to your story and give you advice on how to deal with the situation.
Here’s another thing.
Maybe they can help you understand why the person is lying and what you can do to fix the problem. Listen to what they have to say. It could be a great way to get your partner to stop lying.
If all else fails, then it’s time to end the relationship. You deserve someone who will be honest with you and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
Don’t let your partner’s lies get you down. The truth will always come out in the end. It may take a while, but it will happen.
10) Forgive yourself
If you’ve loved someone deeply and they’ve lied or cheated, it’s understandable to feel like your entire world has been shattered. It’s normal to feel heartbroken and to wonder if you’ll ever trust again.
- Are you blaming yourself for not seeing the signs earlier?
- Do you think that there is something you could have done?
Don’t beat yourself up with such questions.
Let me explain:
What happened was not your fault. Some people are born liars and will lie to anyone.
Don’t let it get you down. Remember that this person is not the only liar in the world. You are not alone!
Forgive yourself for not seeing them for who they really were. It could have happened to anyone.
You will be better off without them.
Just learn from this experience and move on with your life. Don’t let it define who you are or your future relationships.
How to trust again after being hurt
It’s hard to trust after being hurt.
You may feel like trusting isn’t worth the risk of getting hurt again.
When you break up with someone, it can feel like the end of the world. It doesn’t just emotionally break you, but also physically and mentally.
There are many ways to get over a breakup and start trusting again, one of which is to surround yourself with people who will support you.
Here are some ways to start trusting again after being hurt.
Allow yourself time to grieve
When someone you love hurts you, when a relationship ends, you need to give yourself time to grieve. That’s right: grieve.
Sometimes we can’t fully process all the feelings our hearts have been carrying.
There’s so much to take in and it can be overwhelming. That’s why it’s important to give yourself time to grieve in order to trust again.
Soak in the love of your friends and family
Do you want to trust again? Then you need to surround yourself with people who love you and are there for you, always.
When you’re hurt, it can feel like the end of the world. You need to surround yourself with people who will be there for you and support you.
Your friends and family are the people who love you the most and they will be there to help heal your broken heart when you need them most.
Talk to someone you trust
If you’re not ready to move on, talk to a friend or family member who will listen to your feelings and give you the emotional support that you need.
Sometimes, it’s hard to fully process all the feelings we have when a person we love hurts us. Talking with a friend can help you get over the pain of being hurt.
Get back in touch with yourself and your values
Breakups can feel like the end of the world sometimes.
It’s easy to lose ourselves in our exes and forget what’s really important in life. It can be difficult to get over the pain and to trust again.
What you need to do is to get back in touch with yourself.
It’s easier than you think.
Remember your goals and dreams? What did you plan on doing before you met your partner?
Whether it’s about going back to school or taking that trip you always dreamed of, you need to realize that there is more to life than this failed relationship.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.