You thought he was the one.
He understood you, and he was there for you.
You were head over heels for him — so much so that you might’ve unintentionally pushed him away.
It might’ve been the nonstop texting or wanting to spend time together every second of every day.
It might’ve overwhelmed him, which is why he called it quits.
It can leave you feeling lost and confused. That’s natural.
Our feelings can be so overpowering that we ourselves along the way, and we end up doing crazy things.
But if you want him back, here are 14 ways to hopefully rekindle your relationship.
1. Give It Some Time
They say that time heals all wounds.
If the breakup was still fresh, it might be wise to give yourselves some time apart first.
A breakup psychologically and emotionally takes a toll on you, so it’s important to take this time to rest.
If you do want to get back together with him, you want to be prepared for that commitment.
If you get back together too soon, you might stumble on the same problems that caused the break up in the first place.
2. Hold Off on the Contact
While you’re both away from each other, it might also be a good idea to minimize your contact as much as possible.
Mute them on social media so you don’t see their posts. Block their number on your phone.
It’s temporary anyway.
And if he really needed to get in touch with you, he’d find a way.
Having no contact with each other will help you collect your thoughts even better.
It will help you become more independent, which is a common trait among couples in healthy relationships.
They can each stand on their own; they just choose to be with their partner.
That’s a choice you’d want to give yourself time and space to make.
3. Focus on Improving Yourself
While you’re still apart, this is the perfect time to address the issues that came up during the relationship.
Try to notice what went wrong in the relationship, what you could’ve done better, what you wish you had said or did.
As you think about these things, don’t look at them in anger. There’s nothing much you can do about your past actions now.
Instead, learn from your past behavior.
Maybe you were too clingy. Take this time to learn how to be happy by yourself.
Maybe you were too lazy in the relationship. Take this time to practice keeping up your relationship with your friends and family to prepare you.
4. Ask Yourself if You Even Want Him Back
With all this time away from each other, it might be fruitful to ask yourself if you even want to be together again.
What do you see in him? Do you think you can have a long-term relationship with him?
Knowing him more now, would you say you both have the same values and goals in life?
It’s entirely possible that you weren’t acting too crazy at all – you were being normal, and they just couldn’t handle you.
You can ask your close friends if they see any red flags you might not have noticed in him before trying to get back together.
It might just save you from another heartbreak.
5. Reflect on Your Own Behavior
Maybe your friend did actually point out that you were being too clingy or crazy.
Now is the chance to ask yourself why.
Maybe some of your behaviors were habitual; you picked up being clingy because you also enjoyed being beside the people you love.
To you, it might’ve been normal, but for others, it might not.
Ask yourself why you might’ve felt so affected when he didn’t text you first to ask you about your day.
Why did you feel so hurt when he didn’t invite you to join in on his Saturday night plans with his friends?
Do you trust him? Do you believe that he loves you? Do you believe you deserve love at all?
These are questions to help prepare you and understand what you’re getting yourself into.
6. Try to Notice Your Triggers
Asking yourself why you acted the way you did will help you notice the triggers more often now.
Before, when he moved closer to you to get more intimate, you might have physically pushed him away, almost as if it were a reflex.
You didn’t know why you did it, but it might have always rubbed him the wrong way.
Now that you’ve spent more time apart, and more time alone with your thoughts, you’ve gotten the chance to learn more about yourself.
Maybe now you know that you aren’t always comfortable with any immediate intimate touches.
You want to slowly build up to first.
7. Don’t Rush
If you’re truly serious about him, now might not be the time to take the plunge and go for it.
While there is definitely a time for commitment at that level, taking it slow may also benefit the health of your potential relationship again.
Since you’ve vowed to be a new person, it might help you to treat the relationship like it’s new; he’s going to be dating a “different person” anyway: the new and improved you.
The benefit of this is that it encourages you to set new boundaries for each other: maybe every other Saturday night could be your date night, while the other can be time spent with his friends.
Having clear boundaries will help you avoid any arguments in the future.
And the truth is:
If you’re being overly clingy and needy, then you’re not giving your man the freedom and independence he needs.
When a guy feels caved in, like his partner is trying to control his behavior, he won’t feel satisfied as a man.
There’s actually a new theory in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to the hero instinct, a man will only fall in love with a woman when he feels like he is essential and respected. Like he is her provider and protector.
In other words, he feels like your hero.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In modern times, women don’t need someone to be their “hero”.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still have a biological urge to be a hero. After all, it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like one.
If he is annoyed by your crazy behavior, then you might not be triggering the hero instinct in him.
If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this excellent free video here.
Because there are words you can say, phrases you can use, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural instinct in any man… even a married man.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. But if you want this man to fall in love with you, I think learning about the hero instinct can make all the difference.
8. Have an Open Conversation About It
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
If you have problems together, you’re going to need to find a way to resolve them together.
Relationships are two-way streets after all..
You don’t need to ruminate about the past. There’s nothing more that the both of you can do about it anymore.
But it’s also important to acknowledge that the past did happen and that you’re both better people because you’ve hopefully learned something from the experience.
9. Practice Empathy When Talking to Him Again
Now is a good time to hear each other out. Try to see your actions from his point of view.
You may have had good intentions of wanting to be together every second of every day, but to him it might feel like an invasion of his own privacy.
He can’t see your intentions, only your actions.
That’s why practicing empathy while resolving these problems will help you strengthen your potential relationship.
10. Learn how to Apologize Properly
A good apology is about acknowledging your past actions, being respectful, truly empathizing with the other, and then changing your behavior.
Even if you say Sorry 1000 times, if you slip back into your old habits, you’re might find yourself single again faster than you imagined.
The best apology will always be changed behavior.
11. Avoid Begging & Appearing Desperate
If you truly love him, you’re going to have to accept whatever answer he gives you if you want him back.
It’s similar to that saying, “If you love something, let it go” Don’t try to cling on so tightly that your entire world is just him.
You have your life too and he has his.
Begging and appearing desperate won’t make things better.
Love earned through these methods tends to be less exciting than when it’s found naturally.
Of course, you can still show interest in being with him, like sending him texts or sending him photos of what’s been on your mind.
But you shouldn’t sacrifice too much of yourself just to get him to love you again. You’re a human being too.
12. Love Yourself
Yes, you pushed him away, but try not to get caught up in placing your happiness in him. In fact, you don’t need anyone to validate who you are.
You can validate yourself just by accepting yourself.
If you’re having problems loving yourself, that’s OK.
You can try reaching out to people that you’re close with: your family, your close friends – anyone you feel comfortable talking to and who you can trust to always be there for you.
13. Take the Initiative to Start Again
Guys tend to appreciate it when the girl makes the first move.
When you shoot your shot with him again, try not to come off as too desperate.
Keep it casual. You know each other anyway. Ask him out for a nice lunch somewhere.
It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy, but you’ve got to start somewhere.
You can even catch up and talk about other things first, before bringing up the idea of getting back together.
14. Starting Your Relationship Over Again
One of the benefits of starting your relationship over again is knowing the things that will cause a break up and things that don’t.
You can think of the first relationship as a trial run, in a way. You were testing out the waters to see how it was going to go.
But now that you know how it’s going to be with him, you both know, more or less, what to expect.
This advantage might help you make your relationship even better than before.
If you really want to get your guy back, then the most important thing you can do is this:
Trigger his hero instinct.
If you can tap into this hero instinct, you’ll unlock an unstoppable drive in your man to provide for you, love you, express his devotion, and be forever loyal to you alone. He dives deep into this concept, as well as how you can do it, in his book, “His Secret Obsession”.
The free video talks about these concepts in great detail, though, and you’ll walk away after with some things you can try on your man as early as tonight.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.