16 ways to accept that you will never find love

They say we all have a soulmate somewhere out there, waiting to be found (and waiting to find you).

But in a world with nearly 8 billion people, isn’t it possible and even likely that you’ll never once bump into your soulmate?

Even if you don’t believe in soulmates, sometimes no matter how hard you try or put yourself out there, the relationship just never “clicks” for you.

Eventually, you start wondering whether you might ever find the person to spend your life with.

But how do you even begin accepting such a reality, especially when you’ve been waiting for love your whole life?

Here are 16 ways, through thoughts and actions, to truly accept the reality of never finding love.

Accepting Through Ideas

1) Maybe Your Understanding of Love Just Doesn’t Exist

We all want love, but if you asked every person on the planet what their idea of love might be, you might get a billion different answers.

Love may seem like the simplest thing in the world — that feeling of your heart swelling with affection for another person — but its abstract nature makes it inherently impossible to pin down, which is why we have so many different understandings of how love is supposed to translate into real-world actions and behaviors.

So one reason why you might have never found love — or love as you understand and define it — is that your definition of love isn’t what love actually is.

Maybe you expect much more than what another person can provide.

Love shouldn’t be your entire life or your partner’s entire life, nor should it be in any way a burden, an obligation, or a result of manipulation.

Love should be pure, organic, and authentic. You can’t shape a feeling into your specific box of love. Perhaps you’ve already found love, but you just didn’t want to believe that was it.

2) Love Won’t Always Last Forever, And That’s Okay

We’ve collectively convinced ourselves through media and stories of lifelong couples that true love requires an utter commitment to the ever-present vow: “Till death do us part.”

In our minds, any love that doesn’t last until your absolute dying breath isn’t truly love.

That if we sincerely love someone in our hearts, then that is a bond that will last for as long as we are conscious on this earth.

But none of that is true.

We’re all different people with different personalities and minds, and we all spread and share love in our own unique ways.

The quiet and slow love of a couple who share 80 years together before dying in each other’s arms of old age isn’t necessarily any stronger than the passionate and tumultuous love of a couple who spend a decade together before calling it quits.

Love is love, in whichever form it comes. If you’ve felt that unbridled happiness and passion with another person, then you’ve been in love.

If it ended earlier than expected, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real to begin with. Find solace in the reality that you may have already known love.

3) Not Being In Love Doesn’t Mean Not Being Happy

When was the last time an old friend or distant relative gave you a certain face when you told them you were still single?

That face of slight pity, often followed by questions like, “Well are you putting yourself out there?” and “I have a friend you might be interested in, what do you think?”, as if it’s such an unnatural condition to still be single at your age.

Too many people interchange the concepts of love and happiness. While love can bring happiness, it’s not the sole provider of it.

Being in love can also bring upon pain, sadness, and grief. But happiness is happiness, and it can be found wherever you might find your own joy.

Never finding love doesn’t mean you will never find happiness. It’s all about mentality and what you allow to exist in your head: let yourself be happy, because you have a thousand things to be happy about.

There’s no universal law that puts “being in love” as a prerequisite for being happy.

4) There Are Other Kinds of Love Out There

Ask yourself the question again: what does love actually mean? What is love, and why does everyone want it?

For most of you reading this article, you might be thinking of love in purely the romantic, sensual, and sexual context; the longing for the feeling of having a mate, a person to settle down with and build a life and family with.

This instinct is naturally programmed into us; the ultimate desire for safety, security, and belonging.

But while this might be the most “natural” kind of love and the easiest to fall into, it’s definitely not the only kind of love out there.

If you’re a person without a soulmate (or one you simply can’t find), that doesn’t mean you’re destined to a love-less life.

Find love with your passions, your projects. Your friends, family, and community.

Be an unfaltering ray of light in the lives of those around you, and you will feel their love and appreciation every day of your life.

5) You Were Meant For Something Else

So you’ve put yourself out there. You’ve been on more dates than you’d like to remember.

You’ve followed all the tips and guides and techniques on how to win someone’s heart.

Or maybe the one relationship that you thought would finally be “the one” fell apart, and now you just don’t ever want to try again.

Who cares? It’s not the end of the world.

You still have your health, your family, your friends, your career, and everything else that brings joy to your life.

Focusing on the absence of romantic love in your life can blind you from all the goodness you already have.

If you truly can’t find someone, then maybe your life was meant for another purpose.

Take the time to step back and reflect. Discover your purpose by following the trail that no one but your most inner self can detect.

Follow those tiniest hints that spark joy in your life, and you will eventually discover what you were meant to be.

And oftentimes, that discovery is worth so much more than just another relationship.

6) Sometimes, Love Just Isn’t Meant To Be Found

It might seem unfair, especially in this age of social media when you just can’t get away from everyone else’s life.

All the people you grew up with — (even the worst of them!) — found love, built families, and established their own homes.

No matter what you do or how much you try, you just can’t find your partner, and it gets more frustrating every time you see yourself alone in the mirror.

But the harsh reality is simply — sometimes, love just isn’t meant to be found. And you’re not alone in the reality of being “alone”.

There are millions of men and women out there who are romantically alone, but have learned how to find happiness in their life regardless of being single.

Find your happiness in your ways, and learn how to accept that love wasn’t meant for everyone, no matter how much the movies try to make you believe otherwise.

7) Being Alone and Being Lonely Aren’t the Same

So you’re alone. You wake up with no one beside you in bed, you have meals by yourself at home, and you come back from a long day at work with no one greeting you as you walk in.

It can feel sad, depressing, and lonely, but only if you let yourself feel that way. Because being alone doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re lonely.

Being alone is a physical state; being lonely is a mental one.

There are countless people trapped in loveless marriages who feel lonely despite having a partner beside them at all times, because they no longer feel connected the way they once were.

They don’t feel heard, understood, or properly treated, and they don’t know how to cope with it because they invested all their emotions and time into their partner, rather than investing any of it in themselves.

Whether you’re alone for just now or alone for the rest of your life, it’s crucial that you build your own love for yourself, so you’ll never feel lonely regardless of your relationship status.

8) Find Purpose In Your Passion and Goals

Many people are trapped in relationships and marriages without happiness or passion, but they’re too afraid to end it because they don’t want to face the question: “What next?”

Here’s the cold, hard truth: many people never find love, but many of us pretend we do.

We force ourselves into incompatible, rushed, half-hearted relationships, pushing through the relationship milestones in the hopes that we’ll eventually start “feeling it”.

But a marriage or a baby or a mortgage won’t make you feel it if you never felt it in the first place.

So look elsewhere and consider yourself lucky.

While some people do find their life’s purpose in their relationship, there are many more who don’t. Your reason for waking up can be your career, your job, your projects — the books you want to write, the movies you want to make, the organizations you want to help improve.

Accepting Through Actions

9) Step Away From Social Media — Stop Comparing

Every time you log in you see a picture of your friends with their partners or news about this guy you know with his new baby.

Everywhere you turn, online or in real life, it seems like you just can’t escape other people’s happy realities.

One of the worst things about social media is that you’re constantly being reminded of the things you don’t have: a stable relationship, a blossoming love life, a family.

Staying online is only going to make you feel worse about yourself.

Even if you’re not actively comparing your life to others, seeing photos of people in their own relationships can make you second-guess your security as a bachelor or bachelorette.

At the end of the day, these photos and posts will serve as a reminder of the things you don’t have. So pull yourself from social media and lay low for a while.

Alternatively, you can also unfollow your friends so you don’t have to go on hiatus but you also don’t have to deal with seeing all these updates.

10) Build Your Other Relationships

Romantic partners shouldn’t be your only source of love and affection. Just because you’re not dating anyone doesn’t mean that you should feel alone.

Too often we create the narrative that our partners will complete us; that they’re the missing puzzle to loneliness.

But this isn’t true: there are other people in your life that do care about you. And what’s better is that they exist in your life right now.

Reach out to your family and cultivate relationships with people who are currently in your life.

Avoid getting into the hermit narrative where you end up convincing yourself that your being alone is going to put others down.

Foster stronger bonds with your friends; help family members out in your time of need.

Now more than ever you need to create strong non-romantic connections with people to remind yourself that happiness, intimacy, and belongingness have a variety of sources; and that genuine connection takes on different forms, even platonic ones.

11) Learn How To Date Yourself

One of the things people associate with finding a romantic partner is being able to share new experiences with them like trying out a new restaurant or taking a fancy international trip.

Most people delay gratification until they find someone to share it with, which perpetuates this narrative that you’re not worthy of amazing things unless you find someone to share it with.

There’s also the idea that experiences aren’t as fun unless you’re sharing them with someone.

These things aren’t true at all. Eating alone should be no different than eating with someone.

It means that you’re a person interested in good food, regardless of company.

Being able to enjoy things on your own, and truly enjoy them for what they are without needing someone else, takes time and patience.

It is now your job to demystify what makes experiences great and learn that experiencing things alone happily should be self-containing, and that the prospect of company should be an addition to existing happiness, and not act as the ultimate source of it.

12) Cherish the Moments of Happiness You Experience

This desire to always peer outside the glass and fixate on what’s missing in your life ultimately boils down to one thing: discontentment.

You could have the best life, have the most amazing career, live an unbelievably comfortable and successful lifestyle and you still wouldn’t be happy if you’re constantly convincing yourself that the only way you’d experience joy is if you met someone.

No matter what you tell yourself, there are pockets of happiness in your life. Maybe your friend did something funny at work.

Maybe you achieved something that made you feel pride. Maybe you just experienced a private moment that made you feel at peace.

Moments of happiness and contentment are in your life.

When you start focusing on them and realizing that they exist outside of external sources, you’ll soon realize that you’re in charge of your own happiness and that joy is something you can easily replicate on your own.

13) Become the Best Version of Yourself You Can Be

To most people, having a partner is synonymous to personal growth. They want to be the best version of themselves and share that version with another person.

Because they share their life with someone, they’re motivated to keep improving mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Who’s to say you can’t do that without an audience? What most people don’t realize is that life as a single person can be freeing.

Without someone to please, you’re free to craft your own identity and become the best version of yourself in an uncompromising way.

Want to join the army and learn amazing self-discipline? No one can stop you.

Want to explore the wild months at a time and develop your tactical skills? You’re absolutely free to do this.

You can dive into hobbies and pursue challenges without having to worry about a family or how your lifestyle changes might affect another person.

You’re absolutely free to evolve into a higher form of yourself based on your principles and your standards in a way most committed people can’t.

14) Always Keep Your Life Fresh

Again, there’s this self-perpetuating myth that having a partner equals having more interesting things in life.

This isn’t necessarily true; just think about all the people who have grown stale in a relationship.

Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean there’s no one else to introduce new and exciting things in your life.

Go on that crazy adventure, train for that insane marathon, put yourself in new and exciting positions.

You’ll never really realize how much life is out there waiting to be discovered by you until you actually take the leap and find it.

Ultimately, the point of seeking out novelty is to remind yourself that excitement and happiness take on many forms.

You can still get those butterflies when you’re skydiving. You can still meet amazing people and experience intimacy even without a partner by your side.

The world is your oyster so stop hiding in your shell like a crab.

15) Volunteer Your Time and Help Others

With all this energy inside of you wanting to burst forth, what better way to channel your affections than by volunteering your time and caring for others?

Work with charities and just seek out opportunities that allow you to bring out that caring, compassionate side of you.

Everyone has a supply of love and intimacy inside of them.

If you don’t have a partner to share those feelings with, it doesn’t necessarily mean that those tendencies should be locked inside of you forever.

There are other people who need your time and energy, from friends to complete strangers.

Being able to care for others’ needs and fixate on what they require allows you to care unconditionally in a way you’d care for a romantic partner, which could stave off the need to meet someone.

Doing so also satisfies the complex inside of us to feel needed and loved.

By providing for others, you’re still able to tap into the very human desire to support, care, and protect someone.

16) Accept That You Can Have An Amazing Life Already

You’ve built an amazing career, you’ve worked your ass off to get what you want, you invested the time and money to become the person you are.

Maybe you’re not picture perfect but your life definitely is good enough that you want to share it with someone.

Even with all these things within reach, you’re still not happy with who you are. You’re still looking beyond what you currently have and hoping that you’ll find something special.

At this point, maybe it’s time to realize that you’re part of the problem, that the issue isn’t so much that you’re alone, but that you’re actively looking for things outside of your already amazing life.

Your words and thoughts have power. The sooner you relish in your current successes and internalize that you don’t need anyone to feel happiness, the easier it comes to appreciate your life for what it is.

You’re comfortable, you’re complete, and that you don’t need anything outside of yourself to feel happy.

 

The real reason why men pull away

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