Just when you can finally say that you’ve moved on, your ex suddenly comes back into your life.
And you’re not sure what they want. Do they want to get back together with you, or do they just want to stay friends?
Well, there are ways to find out without you actually asking them.
In this article, I will give you the three big signs your ex secretly wants you back and how you can “strike” while the iron is hot.
THE THREE BIG SIGNS YOUR EX SECRETLY WANTS YOU BACK
1) They make sure you feel their presence.
Your ex is being friendly. In fact, way too friendly for someone who had left your life for ages and had just returned in fact.
They have gone from being MIA to showering you in so much affection that you could drown in it.
Sure, they might act a little coy about it, but it’s so transparent that even your most oblivious friends can tell that your ex is trying to inch his way back to you.
Still not sure?
Here are the most common things exes do to make their presence felt again. Check out how many of these your ex is doing.
- Following as many of your social media accounts as possible.
- Liking, sharing, and commenting on your posts.
- Replying to your messages immediately instead of leaving you on read.
- Initiating conversations all the time, whether offline or online.
- Asking for your opinion.
- Inviting you for some “friendly” dinner or event.
- Helping you when they feel you need something.
- Showering you with gifts.
- Complimenting you at every opportunity.
If you see at least half of these from your ex, then there’s no doubt about it: they want to be with you again.
Although whether it’s because they just want to be your friend again or because they want to get back together with you is something we can’t tell for sure, if they show most of the signs above, expect that it’s the latter.
2) They try to impress you and everyone you know.
Everyone wants to be held in high regard—to present themselves as a trophy, and as someone who has something to offer the people they care for and love.
Most of the time they would go for the most obvious, flashy things they could boast about. Things like their figure, the size of their paycheck, or perhaps even the fancy new car they have if they know you’re into that.
Think of a peacock spreading its feathers to attract the female’s attention. Is that what your ex is doing?
The thing is, if they’re serious about you, they won’t stop with just you.
They might also talk to your mutual friends about a book they published or even show off to your parents (in a sneaky way) about just how much money they’re sitting on. If they’re an artist, they might even give them free tickets, hoping that a few will be sent your way.
They have their achievements, they’re proud of it, and they aren’t going to be quiet letting the world—and especially you—know how much of a catch they are.
3) They live the life the two of you dreamed of.
If you were to ask them how things have been going for them now, what they have to say gets your mind spinning.
And then it hits you—they’re telling you the things that the two of you wanted when you were still together.
Let’s say that the two of you have always dreamed of having a quiet life out in the country, living in a small house with five cats and a dog.
And, well, it turns out that they’re living exactly that life, except that they’re only renting their home since they can’t afford to buy one yet. And they only have three cats, not five.
Or let’s say you both dreamed of traveling the world because neither of you had stepped out of your state. Now it turns out that they’ve been to at least five different countries while you were apart… and have another trip planned.
In other words, they’re living your dream, and they’re probably eager to see you join them.
A part of them is hopeful that you’ll still end up together and thus instead of abandoning your dreams, they start reaching it for the two of you.
HOW TO GET BACK WITH YOUR EX
Let’s say that your ex showed the signs described above. They’ve been strutting around, showing off whatever they have to offer, smearing their presence all over your life, and making it obvious that they’re living the life you’ve always dreamed of together.
So what now?
Assuming you want them back too, how do you break the ice and encourage them to make the first move?
1) Work on being good friends at first.
The best relationships don’t just come into being out of nowhere. They are built on a steady foundation of friendship.
You may be madly in love with one another, but if you rush into a relationship—even if you HAVE been together before—then you can easily make mistakes and discover issues that will ruin your relationship and force another breakup.
People are afraid of being stuck in the “friendzone”, but honestly the so-called friendzone is nothing to be afraid of. What’s frightening is if your relationship doesn’t have the foundation of friendship.
So just do your best to be a good friend to your ex.
In fact, try to be their best friend. Get to know one another, and work on any incompatibilities and issues that might arise between the two of you. Let the chemistry grow and blossom.
Chemistry and passion is not enough. There needs to be a deep friendship, understanding, communication, and respect if you want a relationship to survive. And all of these are things that are naturally cultivated over time between friends.
2) Give back the same level of interest.
You can clearly see how much they’re into you.
Returning to them that same degree of interest will send them the same message, and embolden them to be a bit more forward.
You can do this by being eager to know more about them, and then being unashamed about expressing that same level of interest.
Ask them about work and their hobbies. Ask them what they’ve been up to since you last met, and how things have been going for them.
And then take it a step further by getting involved. Ask them to introduce you to one of their hobbies, or to their favorite band and see if you can find yourself enjoying them too. Congratulate them on any big achievements they’ve done since your time together.
But of course, don’t forget the most important part here. Be genuine.
Make sure that any questions you ask, any congratulations you give, and any requests you make are all from the heart.
Giving them back the same interest and enthusiasm they have for you will tell them that you welcome their attention and that you want them back in your life.
3) Get proper guidance from a relationship coach.
While this article explores the three big signs that your ex wants you back, getting guidance and a second opinion from a professional relationship coach goes a long way.
An unfortunate consequence of guides such as these is that they paint in broad strokes, and do not take into account the uniqueness of every individual experience.
While still useful, it’s possible to miss smaller, subtler signs and exceptions that a more personal session with a professional can spot.
That’s why I recommend Relationship Hero. It is a site where you can get in touch with a professional relationship coach for advice that takes into account your experiences and personal history. That’s why they’re a popular resource for people facing issues such as trying to figure out if their ex truly wants them back in their life.
I would know this.
I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. I had been lost in my thoughts for so long, stuck in indecision as I struggled to identify the signs my partner was giving me.
A consultation with a relationship coach helped me clear my mind and understand my partner better. Through it all I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. It doesn’t hurt to give them a try.
4) Let them know you miss them.
This is something that can sound desperate when not done right. But when delivered well, it can have them falling all over you.
Sometimes a simple and earnest “I miss you” will work, but most of the time you will want to be a little subtler.
The trick is to avoid being way too sappy. You can talk to them about missing the things you used to do together, and suggesting doing them again sometime. Say it as if it’s just a matter of fact.
For example, you can say “I kinda miss our weekly food crawls. Care to have another one sometime?” if it used to be one of the things that meant a lot to you back when you were still together.
Telling them that you miss something that you both used to do together is an indirect way to get your point across—that you their presence in your life.
5) Let them know you’re not dating anyone.
This is quite easy to do if your ex asks you if you’re seeing anyone. You just have to tell them that no, you’re not dating.
But if the topic just doesn’t come up in your conversations, then you will have to find a way to imply it without making it a big deal, or making it especially obvious.
They might be eager to know, but just haven’t found the courage to ask in fear that you might say “yes.” At the same time, saying it outright will make them go “what was that about?” even if it’s something they want to know.
So you’ll have to be smooth, and make them reveal a little something they’ll pick up on while you’re trying to talk about something else.
For example, you might say something like “It’s okay, I’ll help you with your exams. No one is keeping me busy these days anyway.”
Another good example would be saying something like “I think I’ll be single for life, but that’s okay I have my books.” when you’re in a discussion about your future plans.
Learn how to drop that info smoothly during your conversations. But if you really can’t do it to their face, then make use of social media. Change your relationship status or post something about being single. Easy.
6) Give your ex an opportunity to talk.
Perhaps your ex is just waiting for the right opportunity to come along. But there’s always something that gets in the way—your friends are always around, you’re surrounded by classmates…basically, you’re never alone together.
But not only that, they’ve become shy.
Sure, they weren’t exactly shy when you were still together. But now that you are exes and have been apart from one another, they’ll feel like there’s an imaginary wall between the two of you, keeping you apart.
The shift in dynamic makes your ex feel nervous again, especially if they were the one to call for the break-up.
So what are you supposed to do?
Simple. You give them opportunities to talk.
Try to find a time and place for the two of you to talk to one another privately, such as inviting them to hang out in your apartment or to hang out at your favorite coffee shop.
And then once you’re talking, raise topics that would lead to them talking about their feelings. It will be easy once it’s just the two of you.
7) If you hit a plateau, induce a “fear of loss.”
Let’s say your ex wants to get back into your life, and that you decided that instead of moving on, you want them back in your life. Cool—and you managed to reconnect, too.
Everything’s going in the right direction…but then all of a sudden you stalled. Your relationship has reached the point where it feels like you’re in limbo.
You’ve become “exes who are now friends who are not sure what they want to do”.
Sometimes you need to give a little push to get things going again.
So how do you do this exactly?
You can try to send them this “no communication” text.
— “I think it’s best that we don’t talk right now, because us getting close again after our break up is making me confused of my feelings towards you.” —
But of course, it needs to be sent at the right time for it to be effective.
Why I like it is that you’re communicating with them so that you don’t really need to talk anymore. In essence, you’re saying that you don’t really need them to play any role in your life anymore.
And the reason why it’s so good is that with it, you induce a “fear of loss” in them that makes them want to prove you wrong and win you back.
I learned about this text from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.
8) Make them feel good about themselves.
You see way too many “average” people winning the love of people who are clearly anything but average, and you can’t help but wonder—what is their superpower?
It’s quite simple, really. They simply know how to make people feel good about themselves.
These are the people who light up the room simply by being around. The people that everyone likes to befriend because of how nice and approachable they are. They are genuinely likable.
You see, you can be the hottest person in town, but if you make other people awful by presenting yourself as being way above their league, being condescending… or downright being rude, then the only people who will go for you are those who want you for your body alone.
This isn’t something you can fake. You must genuinely be eager to make people around you smile.
But the good thing is that it IS something that you can learn. It’s a skill, and not a talent.
With effort, good guidance from professional relationship coaches, and time, you too can get this “superpower.”
But for now, you can start with figuring out what makes your ex happy and doing them.
If you’re unsure of what to do because you’re a little uncomfortable, you can start with the basics:
- Give them a genuine compliment.
- Ask for their advice.
- Listen to what they’re saying.
- Ask questions.
- Laugh at their jokes.
- Don’t say anything rude.
- Give them cute gifts.
It’s important that you don’t overdo any of these. Otherwise, your ex would start to get suspicious that you’re just faking it, and this will turn them off.
9) Show them that you’re the one for them.
Make an effort to subtly highlight your compatibility when you interact with your ex.
Think about the values and beliefs you share in common—causes that you both support, and hobbies that you both enjoy.
For example, if you know both of you are both polyamorous, then you can talk about… say how rare it is to find other polyamorous people in your region, or how other people just don’t understand your lifestyle.
Or if you’re both into playing computer games and have similar tastes, you can share your experiences or even game together.
And if you just so happen to be both from New York and now live in California, you can try talking about the things you did as a kid in Central Park.
Think of any and all common threads between the two of you. Make them feel that the two of you are unique and that they can never find anyone like you.
10) Tell them that you won’t wait forever.
Let’s be real. You don’t have forever.
Even if you like them and they like you back in turn, it will do you no good to be stuck waiting for them forever.
You could waste your days away pining for them when you could move on and find someone more decisive.
So that’s why you should tell them that while you love them, you aren’t going to wait forever.
This might sound like #7 at first glance, but this time you’re not playing around. You’re going to trigger their fear of missing out, but that’s not the point this time around.
This is you telling them that if they don’t make a move and instead keep on dilly-dallying about, then you’re going to move on FOR GOOD.
This doesn’t mean you should make them decide on the spot, or that you should be harsh, however. Instead, give them the ticking bomb gently.
You can say something like “I love you but I think it’s unhealthy to be in limbo for too long.”
If they truly want you back, they’re going to try to figure out their feelings fast and make sure they’re ready.
This relates back to what Brad Browning taught me about “fear of loss” – there are simple ways to get your ex back.
I mentioned Brad earlier, he’s an expert at helping couples work through their issues and rebuild their relationships.
With the practical tips he has to offer, honed by years of experience, his advice could be just what you need to get your ex to confess that they want you back.
DON’TS WHEN TRYING TO GET AN EX BACK
- Don’t use it to enact revenge. What will you get out of it? You’re just wasting your time and doing more harm to yourself if you just want to “torture” your ex. If you aren’t interested in them, turn them down and use this time to work on yourself instead.
- Don’t chase them. Chasing after someone will make you look desperate. It tells them that they can play around with your heart, and you’ll let them. If they’re making an effort to meet you, then reciprocate. But if you feel like you’re the only one putting in effort… well, you know what to do.
- Don’t pressure them. Do the tips above but don’t work too hard for their love. Maybe they still do love you, but they’re simply not ready for a commitment. It’s best to give them the time and opportunity to come to terms with themselves—pressuring them will only push them away and is only ever a last resort.
- Don’t be caught in limbo. If you have a feeling that your ex wants you back but hasn’t said anything even after months have passed you by, then you’re in limbo and you should do something about it. Set a deadline for yourself and, if nothing happens by then, it’s probably a good idea to move on.
- Don’t get back together if nothing has changed. You are exes for a reason. You can’t just do the same thing you did back then or you’ll break up again. Try to learn from your failures the first time around so that you’ll avoid them in the future. It’s the only way to build a relationship that lasts.
If you pay close attention to your ex, it should be possible to tell whether they came back so that they could start dating you again, or if they simply want to be friends again.
But even if you like each other, it’s not necessarily as easy as just getting back together on the spot. You might end up just doing the same old mistakes that ruined your previous relationship.
So it’s a good idea to take the advice of an expert here.
You’ll need the help of Brad Browning. I mentioned him earlier, he’s developed some incredible techniques to help rebuild the love and trust between you and your ex.
And the best part?
With his practical advice and tips, you could be in contact with your ex much sooner than you think. Are you ready to take the plunge and fight for the love you once shared together?
If so, check out Brad’s excellent free video.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.