It always feels nice to be desired, but when the man desiring you is someone who’s already off the market and married, it’s an entirely different thing altogether.
Depending on how you feel about him, you might think of it as creepy, or weird, or even dangerous.
But are you sure that this married man actually likes you as more than just a friend?
Married men can be awesome friends, but knowing the difference between a normal friend and someone who wants to “be more” is crucial towards knowing how to interact with him.
Here are 20 signs that your married man friend actually wants more than just friendship:
His Body Language
1) His Eye Contact Game Is Strong
The first thing you need to look out for is the subtlest signs possible.
A married man won’t show his attraction to you the same way a single man might, because he’s not on the market and has to keep up the image of a loyal husband, even if he isn’t one.
And this means that a married man might stop himself from committing all the usual signs of attraction, except for one: his eye contact.
He loves looking into your eyes.
When you’re talking to him or when you’re in a group together, he will always look into your eyes, whether through staring or by darting back to your gaze more often than with anyone else.
A part of him just likes looking at you, but another part of him is trying to wordlessly show you his interest, and see whether you’re up for this or not.
2) He’s Physically Protective
When a man develops feelings for a woman, the physical signs are obvious.
He’ll put his arm around you to ‘protect you’ in heavy traffic, shepherd you in a crowd, or gently touch your shoulder during a conversation. No doubt there will also be a lot of accidentally-on-purpose touches whenever you’re together.
The key thing to know is this.
He’s not just being touchy-feely. He wants to play the protector role, even in the smallest of ways.
There’s a new theory in relationship psychology that goes to the heart of why men are so protective of women… even if she’s not his wife.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to the hero instinct, a man will only fall in love with a woman when he feels like he is her provider and protector. Like someone that is providing her something that no other man can.
In other words, he feels like your hero.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In modern times, women don’t need someone to be their “hero”.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still have a biological urge to be a hero. After all, it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like one.
It’s unlikely his wife is triggering his hero instinct. Chances are that YOU are triggering it.
If you want to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this excellent free video here.
Because there are words you can say, phrases you can use, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural instinct in any man… even a married man.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. But if you want a married man to fall in love with you, I think learning about the hero instinct can make all the difference.
3) He Finds Innocent Ways To Touch You
Touch doesn’t always have to be romantic or sexual.
There are plenty of ways that we incorporate playful, casual, and even accidental touching in our interactions with everyone around us.
Whether it’s a pat on the shoulder or they reach out for us to help us out of a car or up a flight of stairs or anything else, touching isn’t always indicative of attraction.
But the thing is, he likes touching you a lot.
Even in ways that seem unnecessary, he just loves physical contact.
Maybe it’s a high-five that lasts too long or him wiping a stray hair out of your face; for one reason or another, you know how his hands feel on your body.
And that’s not an accident — it’s because he wants you to know, and start imagining the possibility of more.
4) He Acts the Way You Act
A big thing that occurs when one person is attracted to another is behavior mirroring or imitating.
We do this without realizing it when we like or respect another person, in that we subconsciously begin mirroring the way they act and their general energy levels.
Part of the reason why we do this is because our brains think of this as a way of showing our attraction to another person and hopefully winning theirs in return. And to see this, you have to look closely.
Does he lean back when you lean back? Does he speak and walk in the same manner that you do? Does he copy your basic actions — crossing your arms, laughing when you laugh, using similar slang, and more?
If so, then you might have an admirer on your hands.
5) He Leans In
We can always stop the “obvious” signs that we might like someone, but the subconscious half of our mind is always in play in invisible ways that we don’t even notice, and even the most loyal married man can’t defy his subconscious.
Another subconscious behavior caused by attraction is leaning into the person we like.
When a married man likes you, he might not tell you his feelings, but he’ll definitely reveal them by the way he leans. Leaning includes every action that brings him even just marginally closer to you.
This could include lowering their head towards you, shuffling or angling towards you, pointing their feet in your direction, or of course, simply leaning towards you while you talk.
6) He “Fixes” Himself When You Walk In the Room
We don’t have the time or energy to think or care about what everyone in the room thinks about us and the way we look.
But when we have a crush on someone in the office or someone in our social circles, we can’t help but make sure that we look our best whenever they walk by.
So think about all the times you ran into this married man.
Did he suddenly adjust or “fix” himself?
Did he straighten his shirt or tie, run his hands through his hair a bit, or touch or rub himself across his face?
Has he ever rushed off to the bathroom shortly after you entered the conversation, only to come back looking refreshed?
There’s also the “alpha” body language that men naturally do when they’re trying to be better versions of themselves.
When you walk in, you might see him fix his slouch, stand a bit taller, pull his stomach in, and in some cases, even lower his voice.
All of these are signs that he wants to physically impress you, even in the slightest ways.
It’s totally possible that he’s not doing it on purpose, and it’s just another thing that activates whenever you enter his presence.
After all, we all want to feel attractive and desirable to the person we ourselves desire, regardless of our ultimate intentions.
7) He Loses Himself In Your Conversations
This man might be someone you work with or someone in the same “friend group” as you, so you know how he acts in front of other people versus how he acts in front of you.
You just can’t put a pin on it, but he always seems to be much nicer to you than he is to everyone else, and this largely manifests in your conversations together.
Your conversations aren’t just straightforward and direct.
You meander and you get lost; you find yourself talking about things completely unrelated to the original point of the conversation, and the minutes just zip by.
When we’re willing to let our minutes melt away with another person — especially as a married adult with tons of responsibilities — then there’s probably a big reason why.
8) He Jokes About “the Possibility”
You’ve known this man for a while now, and in that time you’ve entertained the possibility of having some kind of “fling” with him.
Because he’s brought the idea up more than once… but as a joke, of course.
You’ve probably heard something along the lines of, “But wouldn’t it actually be crazy if we…” which always ends with, “But we can’t, of course”, and a laugh.
It’s a harmless joke, but also a way of telling you: I see you as a potential sexual partner, I desire you, and were it not for this ring around my finger, I’d already be asking you out on a date, so maybe we should try it anyway.
When he starts joking about this, that means he’s already playing with the possibility of “going there”; now he wants to see if you’re on board without openly asking you.
9) There’s Always a Reason Why He Needs To Talk To You
Another late night meeting? Another report where your specific input is needed? Another thing where your opinion is important to him? Suddenly discovering that you and him share several interests and hobbies?
Or he just needs your help about something in particular, and then something else and something else and so on.
Whether he’s trying to get you in bed and start an extramarital affair or not, a married man who is attracted to you can’t help but follow the urge to constantly find new reasons to talk to you.
He loves the sound of your voice, loves the glint in your eyes, loves the way you laugh, loves everything about being around you, and he wants to maximize that in all the harmless and innocent interactions he can come up with.
10) He Tells You Personal, Meaningless Details About Himself
Not sure if a married man likes you or not? Here’s a tell-tale sign: ask yourself how much you actually know about him, versus how much you think you should know about him.
When we interact with most people, most of us really couldn’t care less about telling them about ourselves, especially if we’re just interacting with them at the most basic social or professional level.
We tell them what they need to know and a few things else — our name, age, interests, and not much else.
But when we interact with someone we like, the floodgates start to spill. Little details come out in our conversations, things that most people would never know.
We do this for two reasons:
1) We become more comfortable around people who attract us and thus talk more openly.
2) We want them to know more about us because we want to win their attraction in return.
11) He’s Filled With Compliments For You
An obvious one, of course, is whether or not this married man compliments you, and whether those compliments come more frequently from him than from everyone else.
He likes what you did with your hair. He thinks your shoes are cute.
Your outfit looks bright and charming. He thinks you have an adorable nose. He enjoyed your presentation at the meeting. Or maybe it’s just something as simple as, “Great job.”
It’s a fine line — the difference between normal compliments and suspicious compliments — but it’s one way to really tell if he’s flirting with the idea of telling you you’re beautiful, or just being nice.
12) He’s helpful
When a married man is going out of his way to help you, something is probably up.
Yes, there’s a very good chance he likes you as more than a friend…
Is he your sounding board whenever you have a problem? Would he drop whatever he’s doing and come around to your house to fix something? If you work together, does he help you out more than he does for other co-workers?
Not only does he like you, but you’ve probably triggered his hero instinct.
I mentioned the hero instinct above. It’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. Click here to watch an excellent video about it.
Men want to step up for women. And if he is falling in love with you, he wants to be the first person you turn to when you genuinely need help.
The great news is that it’s easy to activate this biological urge (even in married men).
All you have to do is ask for help. Yep, that’s it. And if he comes to save the day for you (no matter how small your request of him is), then you know he has strong feelings for you.
Because if a man doesn’t have the hero instinct with his wife, then he’s going to seek out a relationship with a woman who does trigger it.
If you want to learn (step by step) how to trigger the hero instinct in a married man, watch this great free video here.
13) He Always Remembers the Smallest Things
Married guys can be awesome friends too; they don’t stop being thoughtful the minute they exchange I dos.
But if the guy in question is particularly thoughtful towards you (and significantly nonchalant about everyone else in comparison), it could be his way of saying “I see you and I care about you” without actually saying it.
Keep in mind that this thoughtfulness isn’t always an overt expression of his desire to start an extramarital affair.
It’s natural for people to be more hyper-aware of the little details about the people they care about: from food preferences to the little things that make us tick.
Maybe he can’t help but remember the things you like and don’t like, no matter how small they are, just because he simply cares about what you have to say.
14) He’s Overly Curious About Your Past and Your Future Plans
There’s being polite, and then there’s genuinely curious to the point that it sometimes comes off a little snoopy.
A guy who’s interested in you, whether he’s married or not, will make it a point to learn more about your plans just to help him anticipate what you’re up to.
Some interactions are off limits to him so asking you about your plans, both past and future, is his way of filling in the blanks: do you have an active dating life? What do you typically do on holidays? What kind of stuff do you do in your free time?
Because he’s married, he can’t openly ask you about yourself so this is the next best option to getting to know you.
15) He Knows About Your Love Life
For no justifiable reason at all, he’s just updated with what’s going on in your love life.
He teases you about people he’s never even heard of and cracks jokes about old flames in your friend or work circle.
He “casually” asks about your dates and seems particularly keen about whether you like these guys back. He displays a fixation towards your love life that even your closest friends don’t have.
The biggest hint is probably the fact that he seems to be up to date with the guys you post on social media.
You post something friendly or like someone’s photo and you already know he’ll pick up on this and “joke” with you about it the next time he sees you.
As if you need any more hints, it’s clear to see that he’s not just asking for the sake of making conversation.
Behind that jocular tone, you can detect the slightest hint of jealousy and annoyance at the fact that you do have an active love life.
16) He Seems More “Hot and Cold” Than Most People
The version of him that you know and the version of him that other people know seem to be disconnected.
To others, he might be a simple quiet guy who’s friendly enough not to really be on people’s radar.
But with your interactions with him, you know that he’s more than just the funny guy or the hardworking guy.
You feel like you actually know him a lot more intimately than most people because he’s shown you sides to him he wouldn’t show to anyone else.
Others might describe him as one-dimensional but you’ve seen hints of jealousy, anger, curiosity, and passion bubbling beneath the surface.
Whereas he gets along with pretty much everyone else, your engagements so far are less than perfect.
Sometimes he’s agreeable and absolutely friendly; other times he seems distant, if not a little pouty.
The range of emotions he must be feeling makes it difficult for him to interact with you properly, accounting for the many awkward or unexplainable encounters between the two of you.
Although it can be frustrating, there’s actually a good reason why men do this:
Male and female brains are biologically different.
The limbic system (the part of the brain that regulates our emotions) is much larger in female brains and male ones. This is why women are generally more in touch with their emotions and men can struggle to deal with complicated feelings, such as falling for someone.
I learned this from relationship guru Carlos Cavallo. He’s one of the world’s leading experts male psychology and what men want from relationships.
If your man is afraid to commit, watch this simple and genuine video from Carlos.
Most men don’t think about commitment in a logical way. At least not in the way women do.
What men really care about is how the relationship makes them feel about themselves.
The simple truth is that your man wants to feel like he’s found the absolute best woman for him. Like he’s won the game of love.
Carlos Cavallo will show exactly how to make him feel like he’s a winner. In his new video, he’ll reveal several simple and genuine things you can do right now…
17) He Notices Changes In Your Appearance and Behavior
This man is either incredibly perceptive or is just especially attentive to you.
He always seems to understand you better than anyone else.
He picks up on the slightest changes in your mood and swoops right in to make you feel better.
Guys can’t help but be problem solvers and this particular married man seems to be hellbent on solving your problems, whether it’s small hiccups at work or something more personal and intimate
He’s suspiciously amazing at anticipating your needs and it sometimes feels like he has your habits and routines memorized.
It’s not just your behavior that he has a keen eye on. He takes note of novelties in your appearance before you even get a chance to mention them.
New shoes? He’ll take notice.
Got your hair color refreshed? You can expect a compliment.
He obviously has his sights set on you which is why it’s so easy for him to see even the nuanced changes in your appearance and behavior.
18) He Rarely Ever Acknowledges His Marriage
Married guys will talk about their spouses every now and then; it’s just something you can’t possibly avoid.
But if this man is obviously avoidant of his married life, and more so if you’re around, it could be his way of pretending it doesn’t exist.
By talking about it, all he’s doing is reminding you that he’s off the market and that’s something he doesn’t want you to associate him with.
You see glimpses of that bachelor wanting to come out of his shell.
He asks you questions the way an inquisitive guy on a first date would and he flirts with you so brazenly and yet so carefully at the same time.
When you ask about his wife or anything related to his marriage, you can practically see him wince for having to confront the question so openly.
19) He’s Different When His Wife Is Around
Married guys who are on the lookout for something on the side often try to live out a life outside their marriage and actualize a different version of themselves.
So if you ever feel like the person you’ve been flirting with and the guy standing next to his wife are two different people, there’s a good chance he’s either masking his real self or projecting a version he wishes he could be with you.
One way to determine whether a guy likes you or not is by taking note of differences in the way he interacts with you when he’s around his wife.
Does he act more or less the same? Does he seem uneasy, aloof, as if a little worried that you would reveal his innocent flirtations?
20) You Have an Uncomfortable Feeling That This Is Wrong
All those “innocent” touches and “friendly” jokes somehow feel a little more serious than he lets on. You keep replaying the scenarios over and over in your head to figure out what his intentions really are and every single time you’re met with the same answer: this is wrong.
He doesn’t have to do things explicitly for you to feel in your gut that something is not quite right.
At the back of your head, you know that he’s not just being friendly; those late night texts and emails about something “urgent” are really just thinly veiled excuses to get closer to you.
It’s hard to decipher a married man’s true intentions precisely because he’s married and you don’t want to come off as the stranger stirring problems where there is none.
But if you’re convinced that he’s a little friendlier than a married man should be, it’s probably because you’re right and you just don’t want to declare it and give him the benefit of the doubt.
21) He Rants About His Marriage
No marriage is perfect but somehow his sounds like it’s constantly on the brink of a divorce.
You know way more than you should and he has no reservations revealing his hand.
He openly talks about her flaws or describes their fight in great detail. His point is clear either way: he’s unhappy in the marriage.
Sometimes it almost feels as if he wants you to know how disgruntled he is as a way of communicating how open he is to something else.
He seeks your advice regarding specific scenarios and asks you things like “What would you do” or hints at wanting a different partner altogether.
22) You’ve Seen Him Without His Ring
Wedding rings are a constant reminder that he’s already committed to someone else. The next time you’re around each other, see how he interacts with his ring… if he even wears it at all.
Does this married man have the tendency to “forget” his ring whenever you’re in his presence? Does he play with his ring, taking it on and taking it off compulsively? If so, this might be his way of saying, “Look how easily I could take off this ring for you.”
So A Married Guy Likes You, Now What?
Finding out that a committed man (maybe even a family man) likes you can be thrilling. The prospect of tiptoeing around co-workers and going on late night rendezvous can be quite an adrenaline rush.
But before you dive deep into something like this, ask yourself if the fun is really worth all the trouble.
On top of having to sacrifice your moral integrity, your relationship with him will never really go anywhere.
Not to mention that lying to a supposed life partner is a red flag, no matter what the circumstance.
It will only be a matter of time before he shows your true colors to you.
Recommended reading: How to seduce a married man: 18 effective tips
The real reason why men pull away
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