Have you broken up with someone and are wondering if you guys have a shot at making it after all?
Maybe you find yourself wondering “Will my ex come back?”
Though it’s impossible to tell if they’re definitely headed back in your direction, there are a few tell-tale signs that can indicate they will.
In fact, a study from Kansas State University found that almost half of all couples decide to get back together at some point.
Need more proof?
Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel, Prince William and Kate Middleton, Cardi B & Offset, Chrissy Teigan and John Legend are all celebrity couples who broke up and got back together.
So it happens a lot and the tell-tale signs of what to look out for are exactly what I’m going to share with you in this article.
Let’s get straight into the 19 signs that your ex will come back.
1. They’re not cutting you out of their life
It’s pretty obvious when someone is entirely ready to move on. They’ll stop responding to your calls, texts, and social comments. They’ll avoid all of your usual spots. And not only will they avoid you, but they may also avoid your friends, too.
If you and your ex have broken up, but not much has changed, it could be a sign that they aren’t ready to move on. It’s one thing to break up, but it’s an entirely different thing to untangle your lives from each other.
If they’re not cutting the ties, then that’s a good sign they aren’t ready to lose you.
2. Asking your friends about you
If your ex asks one friend about you, that could just be your ex just being polite. But if several of your friends report back that your ex is asking about you, then that’s likely more than simply participating in social pleasantries.
And if they’re asking detailed questions about your life – and definitely if they are asking if you’re seeing anyone – then that goes way beyond general curiosity.
In cases like this, it’s not unreasonable to wonder if they are trying to get the 411 on your life to figure out their next move.
3. Engaging with you on social
One of the things about social – for better or for worse – is that you can see what’s going on in someone’s life without having to directly engage with them. If your ex is actively engaging with your posts, stories, and pictures, they are signaling to you that they are still there.
Think about it… if you really want to get out of someone’s life, you never engage with them on social. It’s the easiest thing in the world not to engage.
Simply keep scrolling.
But if they are taking the time out to like and comment, then they aren’t ready to peace out – at least just yet.
Interestingly, when it comes to breakups, social media provides us a fascinating window into the post-breakup world of couples.
52% of people completely unfriend their ex, which is another indicator that if you’re still friends, your ex may have lingering feelings.
And a 2017 study from Kansas State University found that being friends with an ex on social media can impact a new relationship you may have.
The study looked at 7,000 couples who use social media and found that those who were more accepting of boundary crossing and communicating with someone whom they were physically attracted to had the most unhealthy current relationships.
So how exes engage on social media does matter both in the short-term and long-term.
4. Texting or DM’ing you “just to say hi”
Okay, so there’s engaging someone on social, and then there’s reaching out via text and DM. This takes things to a whole other level.
It may be they are “Just saying hi” or using one of its poetic variations like…
“How’s it going?”
“What you up to?”
Don’t let the brevity fool you – these are classic “just saying hi because I’m thinking of you” texts.
But the true tell-tale sign that they are still feeling the relationship in this scenario is if they immediately respond to your answers.
If they get back to you right away, then it shows they are truly trying to engage you. But if they wait hours (or even days), then they are just dragging out your communication, and by extension, any reunification.
I learned this from relationship expert Brad Browning. He’s probably the most popular “get your ex back” expert online and has helped thousands of men and women reverse their break ups.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to get back with your ex.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this free video will help you do this.
5. They look bummed
A few years back, I ran into a guy that had just broken up with a good mutual friend while getting lunch at our local sandwich shop. And man, this guy looked like he was clearly in rough shape. He hadn’t shaved in days, and he looked like a lost, wandering shell of the person he was just a few weeks before.
He started asking about her and saying how upset he was about the breakup. Needless to say, they did end up getting back together and now are married with three kids.
It was that day that I realized how much people wear their heartache on their sleeves. And break up depression is a very real thing.
So if your ex isn’t looking great these days, it’s quite possible they are feeling the breakup blues and really would love to try and reconcile the relationship. Of course, you’re concerned about their well-being, it’s certainly worth reaching out to one of their trusted friends or family members who can help them through it.
6. They still want to help you out
A surefire way to know that your ex wants you back in their life is when they’re still helping you out in life.
Would your ex drop what they’re doing and come over to help you when you have a problem? Would they take care of you when you’re sick? Are they still protecting you and making sure you’re okay?
Protective instincts are a window into someone’s romantic feelings, especially for men. Put simply, if he’s still protecting you, then he has strong feelings towards you.
I know this because of a new theory in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to the hero instinct, men have a biological drive to provide for those he cares about, and the desire to earn respect from those around him.
And this drive is amplified when it comes to women.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology but the hero instinct is a fascinating take on what drives men romantically.
If you want to learn more, check out this excellent free video by James Bauer — the relationship expert who discovered the hero instinct.
The interesting thing is that, if you want your ex back too, then there are things you can do to trigger the hero instinct in him and rekindle your relationship.
In his video, James Bauer reveals the words you can say, phrases you can use, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural male instinct.
Some ideas can be life changing. When it comes to relationships this is one of them. So, if your end goal is to get back with your ex — for good, I think learning about the hero instinct can make all the difference.
7. They want to spend more time with you
Think about the last time you were in a relationship and wanted out – the last thing you wanted to do was see the person you were breaking up with.
It’s so awkward, right?
Human nature is to move away from – not closer to – what makes us uncomfortable.
So if your ex is actively trying to spend more time with you, you can bet they aren’t at least running out the door. Something about your relationship is compelling them to want to hang out with you more.
8. They talk with your family… a lot
The same goes for family. When you break up with someone because you’re completely over the relationship, you want to cut all the ties that bind, including family.
Sometimes, especially family.
Okay, okay – I’m sure there are some rare exceptions where someone’s really hit it off with a family member, but in 99% of the cases, people want to phase out all aspects of the relationship.
Think about the romance classic, Meet the Parents – Owen Wilson’s character hangs out with his ex-girlfriend’s scary father (played by Robert De Niro) because he is still very, very much in love with his ex. Typically, people don’t put up with – eh, I mean hang out with – an ex’s family for pure fun.
So if your ex is still trying to score brownie points with your family, it just may very well be that they are trying to get your family to put in a good word for them.
9. They Didn’t Wipe You From Their Social Account
Have you ever noticed after a very much once-in-love couple breaks up, pictures of the two together start strategically disappearing from their social accounts?
That amazing trip to the Bahamas? Bam – gone!
That romantic dinner overlooking that gorgeous mountain view? Poof – outta here!
When someone is ready to move on they want to make sure that new, potential suitors know that they are free and available to be playing the field.
If some of your best memories of your time as a couple together are still plastered across their social accounts, then that could be a signal to you – and possibly the world – that their heart is still in the relationship.
This was another tell-tale sign I learned from Brad Browning, hands down my favorite “get your ex back” online coach.
Watch his free video here. In it, he’ll reveal exactly what you can do to get your ex back – starting today.
10. They haven’t returned your stuff
You’ll notice the main theme throughout this article is that the person is either strategically removing you from their life or they are not. And it’s no different with your physical stuff.
Are they dragging out the process of getting together to swap items that you may have left at each other’s places? Do they seem like they are clinging on to some last strings that keep you connected?
If they still have your stuff (and assuming they are not a complete jerk and tossed it in a dumpster already), then they could be delaying the inevitable and final exchange of goods.
11. They drunk dial you (frequently)
We all know late night calling and texting is on the don’t list when it comes to reaching out to an ex. But hey, it happens.
So let’s give your ex and the ole’ drunk dial a little bit of a break here if it happens once.
But two, three, four times? Hmmm… it gets you thinking, right? At what point does an “accident” become intentional?
And science shows that drunk dialing isn’t always about sex. Research has found there are five motives to drunk dialing behavior: social lubricant, entertainment, coordination, sexuality, and you guessed it… confession of emotion.
Confession of emotion is essentially calling “to tell a friend or romantic interest that they love and/or miss them.” So yes, don’t assume that late-night call is always a booty call.
12. They answer immediately when you call
Similar to the quick responses over text and DM that we talked about earlier, answering your calls immediately can be an indicator that you’re still a high priority in their life.
Conversely, do you get voicemail every single time you call? If so, that’s a pretty clear cut sign that they just aren’t into you.
A person who is into you (really into you in the way that you deserve) answers your calls or returns them promptly pretty much every single time.
13. Asking your opinion & advice
Do they still solicit your opinion and advice when it comes to things happening in their life?
Asking for someone’s advice is something that we only do with those we are closest to, our most trusted advisors in life.
So if you’re out of their immediate circle, then you can bet they are finding new people to talk to – and possibly asking for advice about how to exit out of your relationship.
But if you are the advisor, then clearly, you’re still playing a large friendship role in your ex’s life that they are not ready to let go of.
Yes, it could be that you’re truly “just friends,” but it could also be that there’s still more there, particularly if you’re noticing the other signs on this list.
14. They’re flirting with you
Oh, flirting. It’s the age-old indicator that something romantic is brewing.
Most people don’t flirt with people they are completely uninterested in. And if your ex is someone who does, then you likely know this about them already and can skip this sign while asking yourself if you want to be with someone who flirts with other people.
With all that said, flirting is actually much more than playful banter. It can often be a negotiation tactic.
University of New Mexico evolutionary psychologist Steven W. Gangestad has said that flirting is a “negotiation process” meant to gauge how attracted another person is to you.
“It works much better to reveal [your attraction] and have it revealed to you in smaller doses,” Gangestad told Psychology Today. “The flirting then becomes something that enhances the attraction.”
15. They aren’t flirting with other people
Similar to the point above, people flirt with people they are interested in. So if you’ve noticed your ex is flirting with you and not flirting with anyone else, it’s a good sign that they are still solely focused on you and your relationship.
16. Their friends & family reach out to you
Are their friends and family checking in with you to “say hi” more than once? Are they mentioning that your ex misses you? Are their sentences starting with, “I don’t want to interfere, but…”?
Yep, these are total giveaways that your ex is likely talking with their friends and family about you still.
Now you can’t be 100% sure since there are third parties involved here, but if I was a betting man (and in situations like this I am!), I’d bet there’s a good chance your ex has lingering feelings.
17. Visible changes in behavior when they see you
Does your ex straighten up and look your way when you walk into a room? Do their eyes light up a little bit when they see you? Do they find a way to stop what they are doing and make their way over to you?
Those are all visible changes in behavior that can indicate that they are still drawn to you.
And their body language may even be displaying even more clear-cut signs that they are into you like holding a prolonged gaze, an open stance, and lip licking.
But if the opposite is occurring – they seem to drift backward and away from you when you enter a room, they try to avoid eye contact, and/or they avoid talking to you – your best bet is likely to start moving on.
18. Dropping hints of regret
Sometimes we don’t want to say outright to another person, “I miss you and I want to get back together with you.” As you likely know, it can feel like an awful lot to put yourself on the line like that.
So to protect ourselves, we drop little hints like breadcrumb trails along the way.
“Remember that time when….”
“That day was so much fun…”
“You’re so [insert compliment here]…”
“I like the way you…”
“If I could go back… “
These are all subtle, and in some cases not-so-subtle, indicators that your ex is pining after you and the relationship that you had together.
19. They say they are rethinking the breakup
This is hands down the biggest sign that your ex is looking to come back into your life.
As George Eliot famously wrote, “Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depth of love.”
Maybe they express regret about your relationship ending, maybe they say they regret breaking up, or maybe they flat out say that they want to get back together.
However they say it, if they are second-guessing the breakup, it’s very likely they are thinking about rekindling the relationship.
The most important question to ask yourself
Okay – so you may be noticing a number of these signs and now feel fairly confident that your ex is thinking about coming back to you.
I still strongly encourage you to pause before you jump back into their arms, too. Remember, you broke up for a reason. So ask yourself…
What was the reason?
Is it something that’s truly fixable?
If so, how do you know you will fix it?
Have you both taken responsibility for how you contributed to the problems in your relationship?
Have you both demonstrated that you’ve grown and learned from the experience?
I’m not suggesting you dig deeper to be a buzzkill. I enjoy a good love story as much as anyone. Heck, I write about relationships because I want to see people together in healthy and fulfilling relationships – true love is inspiring for all of us!
I hope that after doing all your due diligence you do, in fact, get back together. This world could use more people in deeply fulfilling, awesome, inspiring relationships.
But if you don’t end up back together, I want you to know that’s okay too. So here’s a final piece of advice I’ll leave you with…
Your ex may come back. Your ex may not come back (but hopefully they will). But either way, it’s ultimately you who have control over what your future looks like. Whatever the outcome, you cannot only survive this breakup but thrive as a result.
The choice to make the best decision for you is always yours whether they are in your life or not.
So choose wisely!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
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