Your workplace and career is such an important aspect in your life.
It helps define who you are, your goals, and your aspirations.
The people you work with can make a huge difference to how you feel about your workplace. And a good relationship with your boss can see your career skyrocket.
So, what if you start feeling uncomfortable around your boss?
Perhaps you have started to notice signs they are attracted to you?
Before you go any further and decide what to do next, it’s important to make sure he really does like you this way. There’s no room for error when you’re career is on the line.
There’s a reason most people say you should never date your boss!
Here are 18 signs to help you work out whether or not your boss likes you romantically.
1) You have a gut feeling
Do you get told often to just go with your gut? There’s a reason for that.
Your intuition is part of who you are, making it much more powerful than any advice someone else can offer you.
It connects your body, mind and spirit and how these three elements have dealt with past issues.
Listen to what your body is telling you. It’s concerned for a reason, which means you should be as well.
Of course, we don’t always trust our gut instinct and sometimes just want a little more concrete evidence.
There’s nothing wrong with that! Read on for some more signs to back up that gut feeling you have.
2) They pay more attention to you
At first, you might think it’s flattering. Your boss is spending more time calling you into his office to discuss your work.
But if he’s paying you more attention than any other member of your team, then this is more than a mere coincidence.
He’ll try to cover it, using one or more of the following excuses:
- He needs your set of expert skills for an upcoming project (but not the skills of the rest of your team).
- He sees areas in your work he thinks you can improve and is offering to guide you (once again, he isn’t doing the same for anyone else in the team).
- He finds your work exemplary and brings you in time and time again to praise you.
If he is singling you out on multiple occasions for any reason, it’s a sign to be concerned.
3) You’ve triggered his hero instinct
Even if you guys only spend time together at work, if you see signs of a certain powerful emotion, then romance is definitely on his mind.
I’m talking about the hero instinct.
The hero instinct is a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment.
And it goes to the heart of why men develop romantic feelings for some women, especially those who work under him.
Simply put, men want to be an everyday hero to the woman he cares about. He wants to step up to the plate and help her whenever he can.
This is deeply rooted in his biology.
Does he try to help you with tech stuff at work? Is he particularly interested in your career progression? Does he try to be your mentor?
These are all tell-tale signs of the hero instinct at work.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In modern times, women don’t need someone to be their “hero” to save the day.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like they are a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like one.
If he’s already helping you a lot at work, then chances are you’ve triggered his hero instinct. However, there are still things you can do that will bring out this instinct further.
To learn the words you can use, phrases you can say, and texts you can send to trigger the hero instinct in your guy, check out this excellent free video.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first discovered the hero instinct, gives a terrific introduction to his concept.
I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. However, I think the hero instinct can be a game changer when it comes to love between co-workers.
4) They regularly schedule late-night meetings
Sure, sometimes the only time you can catch each other on a busy day is right at the end when the office is quiet – it happens.
But when these meetings are been scheduled by your boss on a regular basis, then something is up.
If you’re starting to notice a pattern of too many private meetings, mostly occurring after hours, then listen to those alarm bells ringing in your head.
If you’re uncomfortable with what’s going on, yet continue to show up each time, then things are sure to get worse over time.
He might take it as a sign that you feel the same way and are happy to take things further.
It’s time to push back, persistently but not forcefully.
5) He’s sent you unnecessary gifts
When you’re in a relationship, there’s nothing better than receiving a small gift from the person you’re dating.
When these gifts are coming from your boss, it’s a whole other story.
No good can come from it.
If you’re received a gift out of the blue for no reason, it’s time to question why.
If he does give a reason, think about whether it’s fair or not.
For example, if he tells you it’s because you did a good job, then consider whether others in your team are also doing a good job and going unrecognized?
Trust your instincts with this one to determine whether or not it’s appropriate.
6) He openly flirts with you
There’s no better sign that your boss likes you romantically than if he’s flirting with you openly in the office.
So what signs should you be on the lookout for?
The same signs you might expect from any other guy who’s interested!
- He compliments you on what you’re wearing.
- He makes prolonged eye contact.
- He finds excuses to touch or brush arms with you.
- He praises you in front of other workers.
Once you notice these signs, you have to work out the best way to respond.
After all, if you’ve noticed them, then it’s likely other people in your office have noticed them too.
It might be time to have an open and honest conversation with him to let him know his advances aren’t welcome.
Tell him you’re not comfortable with the extra attention.
The longer you let the flirting go on, the harder it’s to make it stop.
7) You catch him staring at you
This is a subtle sign that has so much meaning behind it.
So next time you’re in a meeting and can feel his eyes burning a hole in your head – you’re not imagining it.
While he may not have made a move, his eyes are doing the talking for him.
Staring at someone you like is completely normal.
Staring at a colleague is uncomfortable and needs to be addressed.
8) He calls/texts you for no reason
When you’re in an office together, there’s very little reason to call or text each other.
An email is normally enough to get an employee’s attention, or if it’s urgent enough, your boss can find and talk to you in person.
But what if he’s finding excuses to message and call you all the time?
He uses work as an excuse before changing the topic of conversation and drawing you in.
If you like your boss as much as he likes you, and you want to raise the stakes, try using “attention hooks” in your texts back to him.
Hollywood screenwriters are famous for using “attention hooks” to draw audiences into their TV shows and movies.
Have you ever been so hooked on a show that you couldn’t stop watching it?
Something at the end of each episode made you click “Watch Next Episode”. Almost as if you couldn’t help yourself.
Relationship expert Amy North has adapted the same Hollywood techniques for texting men.
As you’ll see in this video, text messages with attention hooks tap directly into the focus system of a man’s brain.
When you send these texts to your boss, you’ll pop into his head again and again throughout his day. He won’t be able to shake you from his mind.
If you want to learn more about these text messages, check out this free video.
9) They value your opinion over everyone else’s
Sometimes the signs that your boss likes you romantically can be subtle. This is one of them.
You may notice in group meetings, that whenever he asks for an opinion, yours is the only one he actually listens to.
While it may be simply because they value and trust you as an employee, when it gets personal, alarm bells should be ringing.
- Does he ask you for an opinion on his clothes?
- Does he ask you for an opinion on dating issues?
- Does he ask you for an opinion on restaurants for dates?
If he has broached any of these topics or similar, it’s getting a touch too personal.
He’s giving off tell-tale signs that he’s interested in you and he’s trying to suss out whether or not you return those feelings.
10) They turn up to work in fancy new clothes
When a guy likes a woman, he wants to impress her.
One of the ways he does this is through his clothing.
If your boss is suddenly rocking up to work in new clothes, it could be a sign that something is going on.
Of course, the only way to know if you’re the target of his affections is to think about any other signs you might have noticed.
He may be dressing up for someone else in the workplace. Or perhaps has entered the dating world and is seeing someone after work.
But if there are other signs he has given that he’s into you, it’s probably safe to say that he’s dressing up for you and you only.
And dressing up can go beyond just the new clothes. There may be other things you’ve noticed:
- He has a new cologne.
- He’s grown some stubble or recently become clean-shaven.
- He’s started to dye his hair or cover up greys.
If you notice any changes, then it’s more than likely they’re deliberate to get your attention.
11) He gets too ‘touchy’ with you
Some people are just more prone to physical contact.
It’s important to gauge what type of person your boss is.
Does he touch everyone he talks to, or go out of his way to lay a hand on your arm and get close?
Looking at the way he treats you and comparing it to the way he treats others is the best way to see if things are a bit off.
A handshake, and on the occasion, a formal hug, is completely normal.
If the physical contact goes beyond that, and no-one else is getting the extra treatment you are, then the warning signs are there.
You’ll know when he’s gone too far.
12) They laugh at your jokes
Having a boss who laughs at your jokes isn’t necessarily a bad thing. After all, maybe you’re just that funny!
But if he’s the only one laughing and it sounds a little forced, ie goes on a tad too long, then he’s trying too hard. Because he likes you.
In this instance, you simply need to read the room to get your answer. If he’s the only one laughing, or if his laugh lingers than all the rest, he’s into you.
13) They added you on social media
It’s one of those big taboos in this day and age – adding your boss on social media.
But what happens if he’s the one to add you instead?
You’re stuck in a dilemma: you don’t want to offend him by not accepting, but you also don’t want to lead him on by accepting.
The easiest thing to do here is to ignore the friend request.
If he approaches you about it, then be honest. Let him know that you don’t like to mix business and personal.
Take it as a sign that he’s into and don’t play into it by accepting him.
RELATED: If you want to send your boss perfect text messages, Text Chemistry by Amy North can help. Read our Text Chemistry review here.
14) He suggests activities outside of work
He hasn’t quite asked you on a date, but he might as well have.
If he’s organizing group activities with your colleagues, then you can feel safe that he’s simply trying to build a team bond.
If he’s just asking you, then it’s a different kind of bond that he’s trying to build.
He might ask you out for a drink after work.
He might be bold enough to ask you over for a movie.
If there’s any indication that it’ll just be you and him, then make sure you decline the offer straight away.
If he persists, then be upfront about it. Let him know you’re only comfortable in a group setting.
15) He seeks you out
When you’re in an office full of other employees, it becomes glaringly obvious when you’re boss is seeking you out from a crowd.
What’s more obvious, is the reason he’s doing so.
He could simply be saying good morning.
He might want to ask about a project you’re working on.
He could join you during a coffee break just to engage in idle chatter.
In all these situations, he’s gone out of his way to talk to you for no reason. He’s finding excuses to be near you and it’s likely obvious to the entire office.
16) His body language tells you so
Body language can tell you so much about a person. It’s true what they say: actions speak louder than words.
The signs will be subtle, but they’ll be there. Here are some to be on the lookout for:
- He turns his entire body towards you when he talks.
- He holds your gaze for a second too long.
- He finds any excuse to brush past your arm.
- He can’t help but smile while talking to you.
- He fidgets while talking to you.
- He blushes while talking to you.
- His voice changes when he’s talking to you.
There are so many different signs to be on the lookout for, and you may notice all of them, or simply one or two.
17) They offer overblown promises
A guy who’s into you, whether he’s your boss or not, wants to give you the world.
Your boss can deliver on this – or at least that’s what he tells you.
If your boss is taking a little extra interest in your career and promising you promotions and pay rises ahead of your colleagues, then he’s into you.
He’s out to impress, and he clearly cares about you. But now he’s treading a fine line and bringing your career into the relationship.
If he isn’t showing the same encouragement to your fellow colleagues, then it’s a good sign he’s giving you preferential treatment for a reason.
18) He gets personal
Does your boss like to ask what you got up to on the weekend?
Does he ask questions about your personal interests and how you spend your free time?
Or perhaps he shares the more intimate details of his life and what he gets up to outside the office walls.
He’s trying to get to know you better, while also sharing a little about himself.
Unless he’s this friendly with everyone in the office, then it’s a good sign that he likes you.
He likes me romantically. What next?
You’ve read through the signs and it’s clearer than ever to you that your boss likes you.
You’re not imagining it.
You’re not flattering yourself.
All the signs are there.
So, what should you do next?
Discovering that your boss is into you can be frightening when the power dynamics are taken into account.
You don’t want the relationship to move forward, but you also don’t want to put your career on the line.
Ultimately, the next move is entirely up to you. But it’s important that you consider it carefully and think through any repercussions it could have on your career.
How to tell my boss I’m not interested in him?
The first thing to do is assess how uncomfortable you’re feeling about the situation. If he’s simply being a tad flirty and giving off the wrong signals, it can help to just talk to him about it.
- Don’t overact: while it can be tempting to call him out on his behavior on the spot, this can make things worse. He may simply have innocent intentions that need to be addressed subtly, and an overreaction can send that out the window.
- Don’t leave it too long: you also don’t want these signs to longer on for too long. If you don’t address them or say something, your boss may take that as a sign that you feel the same way, which is the last thing you want.
- Talk to him: While it can feel a little daunting to approach he about the situation, it’s the best way forward. Let him know you’re not interested and want to keep the relationship strictly professional.
- Approach his supervisor: If he’s threatening your career or making you feel unsafe in anyway, then it might be time to approach his supervisor and take the issue to the next level.
- Approach HR: If he is the top – then head over to the human resources department. They’re set up to have this conversation and will hear you out.
It’s not a position anyone wants to find themselves in, but it does have to be dealt with in the right manner to keep your career intact at the end.
Deal with it like you might any other company issue – professionally, with all emotions left out.
Your boss is more likely to back down, knowing he’s in the wrong.
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