If you’re into a guy and wondering whether he’s feeling the same it can be confusing.
Did he just wink or was that an awkward eye twitch?
Does he want to caress you all night long or is he just waiting for an excuse to say bye so he can text the real object of his desire?
Is he intentionally brushing up against you when you’re together or is he just clumsy and feels awkward around you?
Do you sit and have deep conversations that seem to have a sensual overtone like he’s making love to you with his gaze, or is he actually just finding you interesting but wouldn’t touch you physically with a ten foot pole?
Is he laughing at your jokes because you’re a platonic friend or because he’s imagining kissing you deeply under the moonlight by the rippling creek?
If you’re trying to suss out whether there’s sexual chemistry happening sometimes the clues are subtle, but when you know where to look you can find the answers.
In some cases your women’s intuition may send you clear indications about whether or not he’s attracted to you, but in other cases some men are just downright hard to read.
That’s why I’ve made this list of 18 signs a man is sexually attracted to you. Let’s get started.
1. He’s physically close
This one might seem obvious, but it can also be subtle.
If a guy is shy he will sometimes try to stand or be close to you but not necessarily actually touch you.
Or he may brush up against you or linger when he shakes hands or touches your arm.
Either way you will notice a definitive pattern of him seeking you out, facing towards you, standing or sitting close to you and otherwise seeking to put his body as physically close to you as he can.
He’ll also orient his feet pointing towards you, lean in towards you and generally just be “close” in every way you can think of.
Even if he’s shy you’re going to notice this sign that he’s seeking to get physically close to you in various ways and in a crowd he’ll sidle over to stand or sit near you.
If he’s a bit bolder and comfortable around you he may also be a bit touchy-feely with shoulder pats, light caresses and “hand on the waist” guiding type touches.
In terms of texting, messages and calls it means he’s heavy on the winks, affectionate language and wanting to be in touch. If he’s smart he won’t “flood” you with interaction but it will still be clear he’s thinking of you and wondering what you’re doing.
This guy wants you, have no doubt about it.
2. He acts like a hero around you
When a man is sexually attracted to you, there are tell-tale signs in his behavior.
Most noticeably, he will try to step up to the plate for you, protect you, and earn your respect.
In other words, he will act like your hero.
There’s actually a new concept in relationship psychology that explains why men want to act like a hero around women they’re sexually attracted to.
It’s called the hero instinct.
According to hero instinct, a man is much more likely to become sexually attracted to a woman when he feels like a provider and protector. He wants to be the guy that provides something for her that no other man can.
I know it sounds a bit silly. In modern times, women don’t need someone to be their “hero” to save the day.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to feel like they are a hero. Because it’s built into their biology to seek out a relationship with a woman that makes them feel like a hero.
So, if you want your guy to be sexually attracted to you (and ultimately commit to a relationship), then you need to trigger his hero instinct.
By finding ways to make him feel like your hero. There’s an art to doing this which can be a lot of fun when you know exactly what to do.
The best way to learn how to trigger the hero instinct in your guy is to watch this free online video.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who first coined this term, gives a terrific introduction to his game-changing concept.
3. He’s checking you out
If he’s talented at this he’s going to check you out subtly without making it overly obvious, but you might “feel” his eyes on you from across the room.
You may almost sense that he’s physically eyeing you and taking your clothes off with his gaze.
If you’re into him this can be a real turn on; if you’re not it can be creepy and give off stalker vibes.
Is he checking out your cleavage or posterior a little longer than the average, disinterested passerby?
Those new yoga pants you’re wearing may be sexy, but he’s at you like you’re the last slice of cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory and he’s a restaurant critic whose entire job is to sample and review it.
Have I included enough food metaphors for your taste yet? Am I over-cooking these metaphors?
I do apologize. If you’d like I can return them to the word chef and mix them up and bring them back out to you on a new plate.
What can I say, I’m feeling kind of hungry while I’m writing this.
But anyway, when this guy is checking you out left and right then he’s into you.
It’s a clear sign he’s sexually attracted to you and he appreciates and is turned on by your body.
4. He’s making eye contact like crazy
If he’s making eye contact like crazy – or trying to – then there’s a good chance he wants to get in your pants.
It isn’t always that you’re the love of his life, but he’s definitely feeling some kind of pull towards you at least on a sexual level.
One of the best ways to see if you have a strong attraction to someone is to just look in their eyes for a few seconds longer than usual.
See what happens.
If nothing happens then there might not be much there, but if you feel some excitement occurring then there’s at least a chance you have a strong physical connection going on.
So pay attention to him trying to make eye contact with you and see how you feel.
The eyes are the windows to the soul and they’re also flashing indicators of sexual desire and yearning.
Try to look at what signal his eyes are flashing your way and whether he’s hoping to get down and dirty with you.
Eyes matter and an intimate look at one another is often a key part of the seduction process.
5. He manspreads
“Manspreading” as it’s been called has gotten a lot of bad press, and as a woman it might piss you off.
But it can also be a strong sign that a guy is into you physically. (Hopefully not literally banging into you physically because of his wide stance, but as in physically attracted to you).
When a man spreads his arms and legs wide it is often a kind of “invitation” for you to check out the goods.
Whether that be his bulging – or puny – biceps and his manly legs or what’s hidden under his pants between them. Or a combination of all of the above.
If this is all just a little too “male stripper” for you then this guy may not be your cup of tea. But if you want to give him an “out” on it keep in mind that his subconscious mating instincts may have kicked in and made him do it so it wasn’t even his fault … right?
This also holds true for if he’s standing and his legs seem a bit farther apart than usual. It’s often a sign of attraction.
Some men naturally manspread and have a wide-legged stance, so you shouldn’t read too much into this, but at the same time if you notice he’s leaving a lot of room for his equipment and he’s a bit shifty around the groin region – particularly after you’ve hugged or touched – then you can make an educated guess that he may be hot for you.
6. He compliments you and how you look
When he’s turned on by you sometimes he just blurts it out.
This can be smooth or clumsy, but either way his main message he’ll get out is: you look amazing in that dress and I want you.
There are times when a red-blooded man is just going to speak his mind and his instincts without thinking about it when he sees a beautiful woman in front of him who he’d love to be all over.
Guys aren’t always known for being the most subtle, are they?
Suddenly he has a newfound appreciation for fashion and your handbag and the way your new shoes make you look tall and elegant.
Well, either he has just come out as gay or he’s trying to express his growing appreciation for all that you do to him and flatter you into bed.
If he looks like a leprechaun who just jumped into his own personal bowl of Lucky Charms when he sees you in your new outfit walking towards him he might just let you know you made his day.
Are you going to make his day, too?
7. He wants you to himself
If a guy wants you then he’s going to pay attention to his competition. You may notice him tense up a bit if other guys approach you or if you talk about men you’ve been seeing.
His physical caveman instincts are kicking in and that deep part of his brain and brawn is telling him: get woman, woman hot, want woman for self.
If this sounds a bit over-simplistic keep in mind that it’s probably a literal transcription of what a really horny guy might be thinking in shorthand when he’s into you and another guy is hitting on you.
He’s not going to like it. But if he’s smart he’s also going to know that going all super chimp on the other guy will kill your attraction.
So he’ll probably play it cool and laugh it off more or less.
But look for those extra crow’s feet around his eyes and worry lines on his forehead.
Look for him to throw a protective arm around you or try to orient his body language toward you and lean in to you to capture your attention and energy away from the other guy.
This guy wants you for himself and the competition is only increasing his lust to get you alone and host a party for two.
8. Watch his lips
There are many instinctual signs that a man will display when he’s turned on by you.
One of them is licking his lips or biting them frequently. It’s like he’s looking at a really delicious steak after a long day without eating. Romantic right?
Well, in the right context it can be quite exciting for a woman if she’s into the guy.
It’s the classic telltale sign of a guy whose jingle is starting to tingle.
He’s feeling it around you and he’s licking his chops like an excited puppy. He’s so into you that he can’t even hide it – although hopefully he’s not drooling or anything too over the top.
Now, maybe you’re out for dinner and a delicious chef’s special is on the way and he just can’t help but lick his lips, but chances are if he’s doing it while looking you deep in the eyes and sneaking a look at your cleavage then he’s got his mind on some horizontal recreation.
9. Is that makeup or …?
Blushing is something that is seen as “feminine” in many cultures, but the truth is guys do it, too.
When a man is turned on by you his heart rate jacks up and his blood pressure rises. This leads to him blushing in many cases.
If you see his cheeks rouge like he just dabbed on a bunch of makeup it’s a sign that his system is cranking up to a sexy setting.
He’s showing his attraction right in his cheeks.
Also listen for shallow, heavy breathing and a bit of a hard time answering questions on his part.
He’s blushing with desire. How … flattering?
10. Turn that frown upside down …
Everybody’s different and some people smile more than others.
But if you notice this guy cracking a big grin around you even more than anyone else then there’s a good chance he’s into you at least on a physical level.
It’s pretty simple: when we see something we like that makes us happy we smile.
And what makes a man happier than seeing a woman he finds beautiful and wants to take to bed?
I’m not sure about all men, but I know as a man that it’s right up there in the top five happy factors for sure.
If he’s giving you that wolfish grin and turning his frown upside down whenever you’re around then it’s time to realize he’s got his mind set on some time between the sheets.
11. Mr. Flirtatious
If a guy is flirting with you a lot then he’s likely got his mind on an intimate encounter.
Friends joke around and talk about interesting things, but a guy who wants more than friends will up the ante.
He’s all flirt, all the time.
He’ll flirt about your appearance, what you say, pretty much anything.
But it will be 100% clear that the flirt switch is on and he’s pouring on the charm and innuendo.
You can choose to respond or shrug it off, but either way you should make no mistake that he’s not flirting with you just for kicks, he’s doing it because he wants you.
12. He cleans up nice
Some men put more care and attention into their appearance than others, but if you notice he starts grooming himself especially well around you then you could be onto something.
If this is a man you know fairly well then you probably have some kind of a “read” on what his usual style and grooming habits are.
Does he tend to be super unkempt with a carefree look or is he often very put together and well-dressed?
The main thing you can look out for is if he’s coming up to you and clearly caring extra much about his appearance around you.
Watch for him to check himself out a little extra or brush back his hair a time or two casually with his hand.
This is a definite sign he cares what you think and wants to appeal to you.
13. He’s a little on edge around you
All males of the species have different confidence levels. And even on the same guy there’s obviously on and off days when he’s feeling great or feeling kind of deflated.
But if you notice that even a generally upbeat confident guy is a little bit flustered around you then you have a clue that he’s attracted to you.
Does a normally well-spoken confident guy clam up a bit around you or start to be a bit physically clumsy and stumble over his words?
Is he fine chatting to others around you but when he turns your way he looks like he got his hand stuck in the cookie jar?
Is he sweating in an air-conditioned bar or fumbling around with his drink like it’s the most interesting and mind-bending thing he’s seen since Inception?
This guy is nervous and he’s probably into you.
14. Get low, low, low
Listen for a husky voice and a lowering of his tone of voice. Scientific research shows that when a man is very turned on his voice drops lower. Maybe it’s part of his hero’s instinct being triggered and his deep, primal nature emerging.
And it could also be linked to years of research indicating a man with a deeper voice is instinctively seen by a woman as a better choice for a mate.
This can be conscious where the man lowers his voice because he knows it draws you in …
But it can also be subconscious where his inner desires make him husky and low-voiced …
15. He’s focused on keeping it close to home
When sex is on his mind and he’s hankering after some hanky-panky he will tend to suggest activities and hangouts that are close to home.
Think watching a movie, having dinner and wine or going for a little stroll that also happens to be quite near his home.
If this man knows anything about seduction then he understands that the importance of location isn’t just in real estate.
And if he’s hoping for some sweet loving on your exclusive property then he’s going to try to keep things close to home and near his pad.
Pay attention to him suggesting locations near him or being especially keen to meet at his place or your place.
This is a clear booty call signal.
16. You sense his desire
Like I was writing earlier, often your womanly senses will intuitively tell you when a guy is into you.
You can feel his eyes on you and his desire practically has its own fragrance (or maybe it actually does depending on how literally you buy into the pheromone theory).
Either way there’s a lot of wisdom in a woman’s instincts, and if you sense that a guy is really into you it’s often because he is.
Whether you feel the same way is entirely in your court, but knowing whether he is or not can often be felt on some instinctive level.
17. He asks intimate questions
One of the clearest signs that a man wants you sexually is when he brings up intimate topics …
Depending on the level of comfort between you and who you’re out with this could be everything from past dating and sexual experiences to “how long it’s been” or similarly bold questions.
These are basically the man “throwing down the gauntlet” and letting you know straight up that he wants you.
It’s then your call to be outraged and say goodnight or follow the course of the conversation into its intimate depths and see what he has to offer.
18. He tells explicit or sexual jokes
Humor can be a bridge to sexual excitement in some cases, and if this guy is digging you on the physical level then his jokes will tend to get a bit risque.
He may bring up off-color jokes about sexual positions, turn-ons, sex toys or other explicit topics.
Notice whether he’s slyly looking at you for a reaction.
This is him saying: so are we on or what?
To be sure, some guys are just naturally more dirty-minded than others and enjoy sex jokes, so this depends particularly on whether he’s watching your reactions and mainly seems to be telling the jokes for your benefit.
They could be for the lady beside you, so it’s always best to keep your eyes and ears open.
At the end of the day …
You’re never going to know just how into you a man is until you lock lips and start the magic show.
But the above signs are a solid set of markers along the path to Passionville.
Just keep your wits about you and play it cool. If this guy is into you he’s going to show it in one way or another.
Whether he wants to be indirect and is a bit shy or he’s a confident lover who has his mind set on sweeping you off your feet – and out of your clothes – he’s going to be demonstrating in various ways that he’s into you.
Read his sexy thoughts …
If you’re looking for a “seduction hack” when it comes to men the two best tips are triggering his hero instinct and learning to read his eyes.
If you want to tap into your man’s hero instinct, you need to watch this great free video.
“Read his eyes”? You might be asking: what is this New Age guff? Well, first of all there’s some real substance to some New Age stuff but also secondly, what I mean is nothing too complex or advanced.
Simply sit back, relax and really get in touch with your feelings and perceptions.
That’s the state of mind and sensuality in which you should look in his eyes to read signs of his sexy thoughts …
Some of us can hide what we’re thinking in our body, in our words, even in our behavior: but the eyes generally tell a true tale.
For one, if he’s making eye contact and prolonging it, and secondly if his eyes have a hint of passion, excitement and sexual interest burning deep within for you.
Maybe he takes a while to warm up, but sooner or later that fire is either burning there or it’s not and an observant and intuitive woman can pick up the signal quite adeptly …
How can you really know if he’s into you?
As I wrote, you won’t know 100% just how into you he is or whether it’s a passing interest until you smooch and get close.
But the signs I’ve detailed above combined with your womanly intuition and his overall demeanor will tell you almost everything you need to know.
Is this guy trying to get your attention and being affectionate and flirtatious towards you?
It’s unlikely he’s doing that for giggles, otherwise why isn’t he doing it to your friend next to you?
Learn to read the signs – and read his eyes – and a whole new world of seduction will open up in front of you.
What turns guys on?
Not all men are the same, but when you take mankind as a whole and look at what turns them on and off you can reach some broad – and often true – conclusions about what gets the motor started and cranks it into overdrive in terms of the fairer sex.
Many men are turned on by a woman who knows how to nurture their hero instinct, and who tends to have a higher-pitched voice and affectionate, sensual body language.
Men get excited by a woman who stimulates their urge to protect and care for them while simultaneously challenging them to rise to their best and “prove” they are a “real man.”
It may sound a bit basic, but it’s true.
In fact, according to James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who coined the term “hero instinct”, feeling like a hero is a basic biological urge all men possess.
If you want to learn more about the hero instinct and how to trigger it in your man, check out this free video from James Bauer here.
Men don’t tend to get turned on by a woman who is overly open or dependent and seeking their approval, but they also drift away from women who are overly critical, hard-to-get or sarcastic and judgmental.
Men, instead, are generally turned on by a woman who is the best of both worlds.
Discerning and tough but also gentle and loving. If that sounds like an unsolvable riddle, don’t worry. The path to finding true love and intimacy involves a lot of self-exploration and inner growth as you retake your personal power.
By the way, I think that guy who just texted you was doing the virtual equivalent of asking an intimate question.
The ball (balls) is in your court.
The real reason why men pull away
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