16 signs your partner doesn’t love you anymore (and 6 things to do about it)

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Is your partner moody all the time? Do they hardly listen to you anymore?

Look:

It’s an incredibly difficult time to be in a relationship that feels like it’s going backward.

After all, your partner used to be loving and affectionate, but now you’re not even sure what they feel.

Worst of all?

You can’t get rid of this nagging feeling that they simply don’t love you anymore.

It sucks but if this is you, then don’t worry.

In this article, we’re going to go through all the signs that your partner doesn’t love you anymore, then we’ll go through what you can do about it.

Keep in mind that relating to just one or two of these signs doesn’t mean that they don’t love you, but the more signs you see, then the more likely it is.

Let’s go.

1) Your partner no longer talks to you when they’re upset

Let’s say that something happens at your partner’s work.

Your partner is incredibly angry and upset because of office politics and they’re not getting the help that they need.

What would normally happen when they get home from work?

You ask them if something is wrong and then you start to passionately discuss the problem together, so they can unload their feelings and you can think of a solution together.

But now?

They don’t talk to you about the problem and instead, they keep to themselves while sulking about.

They suddenly seem distracted and not interested in talking to you about their work anymore.

I know this seems minor, but it’s a huge sign that your partner is no longer interested in talking about their problems with you.

The kicker?

It should be normal to discuss our problems with the people we love because we trust them and feel comfortable in being vulnerable with them.

But if you’re partner can’t do that anymore, then it could be the case that they simply don’t feel comfortable in revealing their feelings to you.

And that’s never a good sign.

2) You noticed they’re suddenly spending less time with you

A few weeks ago, you and your partner were going to the movies, going out to dinner, and spending all of your time together.

But now? It’s suddenly dropped off.

Instead of spending a lot of time together, they’re hardly hanging out anymore at all.

A lot of people will think that this is fine because they have work or other commitments that have cropped up.

But here’s the thing:

If your partner was seeing other people that were important to them, like old friends, and family, then that would be fine.

But if they’re no longer spending time with you because of a new friend, or work commitments that have never existed before, then that’s not a good sign.

If you feel like your partner is no longer wants you around, then they could be spending less time with you because they don’t love you.

3) Your partner is less affectionate than they normally are

Let’s say that you always remember your partner being incredibly loving and affectionate towards you.

But then all of a sudden, this has changed.

Now, when you’re together, your partner isn’t as loving and affectionate as they used to be.

There is less holding hands, hugging, and kissing than there used to be.

Do you even feel like a priority to them anymore?

If they hardly show affection, and even worse, barely give you the time of day, then they may not love you anymore.

In fact, that lack of affection could also be a sign that they’re not happy in the relationship and want to get out.

After all, if we don’t love or are unhappy with someone, then we’re less likely to be affectionate towards them.

That’s relationship psychology 101.

4) They don’t act like your hero anymore

If your partner is a guy, then usually the number 1 reason men fall out of love in the relationship is that they’re not getting what they really need from you.

You see, there’s one thing every man needs to commit to a relationship and ultimately experience deep and passionate love. 

What is it?

Above all else, men need to feel wanted, needed, and essential by the woman in his life. In other words, he needs to feel like your hero.

Not an action hero like Thor, but an everyday hero that provides you something no other man can.

There’s a new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment that goes to the heart of why men fall out of love with women they’re dating, even when things seem to be going well.

It’s called the hero instinct

According to the hero instinct, men have a biological drive to live a life full of meaning and to provide for those he cares about.

And this drive is amplified in their romantic relationships. 

Click here to watch his excellent video about the hero instinct by the relationship expert who theorized the concept. 

The interesting thing is that you can actually trigger the hero instinct in your guy.

There are words you can say, phrases you can use, and little requests you can make to trigger this very natural instinct in him.

I don’t often buy into popular new concepts in psychology or recommend videos. But if you want your guy to fully commit to a relationship with you, I think learning about the hero instinct can make all the difference.

Here’s a link to his video again.

5) Your partner has changed their appearance

If your partner is suddenly dressing differently from how they normally do and it’s clear that they’re putting way more effort than they used to, then their motivations might be more sinister than you think.

In fact, sometimes this is a huge red flag because it’s a sign that your partner might be trying to impress someone else with their new look.

After all, they never made this much of an effort when they were first dating you, so why in the hell are they now? What is the reason?

That’s the question you need to ask.

So if you notice your partner suddenly has more makeup on than usual or has a new hairstyle, then you should take that as a sign that they might be trying to get someone else to notice them.

6) Your partner no longer compliments you

Let’s say that your partner used to be extremely sweet and complimenting of you, but now that has changed.

They no longer mention your new haircut or new outfit you’ve bought.

Instead, they list off the things they don’t like about your appearance, like your hair or weight.

This could also be a sign that your partner no longer finds you attractive.

The bottom line is this:

When we no longer love someone, or can’t be happy with them, then we’re not going to try and make them feel better by complimenting them.

Instead, we’ll try and put them down because they no longer seem like the perfect match.

7) They won’t listen to you

Relationships are supposed to be two people listening to each other and supporting (and loving) one another.

But if your partner suddenly no longer listens to you when you talk to them, then you have a problem.

After all, our partners should be the people that we can confide in and feel that they’ll listen to us when others won’t.

That’s what it means to have a partner that loves and cares about us.

If your partner no longer listens to you, then it could be the case that they are no longer as invested in the relationship as they used to be. 

8) You feel like they’re not showing their love anymore

When we love someone, we do things for them and make their day better because we want to see them smile and be happy.

But if your partner no longer shows you their love when you need it, then you should be worried.

After all, the point of being in a relationship is to be loved and cared for by someone. And if that’s not happening, then something is wrong.

If your partner used to show you their love by cooking you dinner or taking you out for a romantic night, but now they don’t do it anymore, then something as changed about them. 

The same goes for buying gifts for your birthday or treating you with respect when you get home from work.

Let me say this straight:

If your partner no longer shows you their love for you through actions that help you, especially if you’re making an effort to do things for them, then you’re in a one-sided relationship where they only take but never give. 

And those types of relationships are rarely successful.

After all, it means that they’re not happy with you, and they don’t see you as someone that deserves to be loved.

9) You feel like your relationship isn’t going anywhere anymore

Relationships are supposed to have a long-term goal in mind, like getting a house or kids. But if you don’t have a specific goal in mind with your partner, then that might not be a good sign.

After all, if you’re not planning for a future together, then what are you doing?

And why should you stick around with them if they’re not going to be around for the long run?

If your relationship doesn’t feel like it’s moving forward anymore and feels stagnant, then you might need to ask yourself some questions about the reality of what’s happening. 

It could be that your partner doesn’t care about you, but instead is in this relationship because they’re scared of being alone.

The bottom line?

That’s unfair to you because the relationship will never move forward.

You deserve to be with someone who loves you and who wants to build something special with you, not with someone who is only with you out of convenience.

10) Your partner no longer respects you

Relationships are supposed to be two people respecting one another and valuing each other. But if your partner no longer respects you and only cares about what they can get from you, then that’s a big red flag.

After all, if we’re not respected by the people we’re in relationships with, then we’ll get a very bad feeling about the relationship.

I’ve talked about this before, but let’s say that you respect your partner and are always trying to make them feel happy.

But then they stop doing things for you and only focus on what they get out of you, like listening to them complain when they don’t get their way.

That’s the definition of disrespect.

11) Date nights never happen

Now if you’re in a relationship and date nights never happen with your partner, even spontaneously, then you need to take a step back and have a good hard look at the relationship. 

Why? 

Because date nights are the time to bond with our partners and show them that we love spending time with them. It’s also a time for us to show them how much we mean to them without having any distractions.

But if date nights are never happening, then your partner clearly isn’t taking you seriously as someone they want to spend their time with.

If your partner doesn’t show you love, respect, or commitment by doing date nights, then clearly you’re not a priority in their life.

After all, relationships are supposed to be a two-way street where both parties support each other and make each other feel better. 

But if your partner only cares about the benefits they get out of the relationship and never shows you love, respect or commitment by doing date nights, then it’s fair to say that you deserve better. 

And that’s definitely not a sign of love.

12) Your partner starts using guilt

A horrible thing that happens when we’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love us anymore is that they start using guilt to get what they want.

Yes, you read right!

This is actually called gaslighting. They stop showing their love for you and start using manipulative tools to get what they want out of the situation.

Guilt works like magic to manipulate others (unfortunately). 

Why?

Because when we feel guilty about something, then we feel obligated to fix it and make it right.

So if your partner makes you feel guilty on purpose, then they’ll use that guilt to ask you to do favors for them to make up for what you did. 

The truth is this: 

If your partner doesn’t love you anymore and is starting to use guilt tactics to get what they want out of the relationship, then it’s something that you shouldn’t stand for. 

If you have even a sneaky suspicion that they’re manipulating you through guilt, then you need to be careful.

The best thing to do is to get out of a relationship with someone that isn’t treating you well and doesn’t value you.

13) They treat other people better than the way they treat you

If your partner shows their love and respect to everyone but you, then that’s definitely a bad sign.

Think about it:

If they respect other people more than they respect you then something is up.

Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

If your partner doesn’t respect you and shows it by being a flirt around other people and putting you down in front of them, then that’s a major problem in a relationship.

I know that whether it’s small or large, there will always be issues in any relationship. We can’t expect everything to be perfect every single day.

But at the end of the day, you want to go to bed at night knowing that your partner loves you and cares about you more than anyone else does.

Nobody wants to be treated like a second-class citizen, especially by their partner.

It’s just not right, and it’s something that you just shouldn’t tolerate if it’s happening to you.

14) They start avoiding you

It’s hard to notice if a person has issues with you, but if they’re never around you and only talk on the phone or use text messages, then that’s definitely a bad sign.

We’ve all heard it before. It’s relationship rule 101: 

In healthy relationships, we should spend time together whenever possible. That means picking up the phone and calling each other or going out with one another.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, then I don’t need to tell you that that’s a major red flag.

Giving our time is one of the greatest gifts we can give. And if your partner doesn’t want to spend time with you, then they’re not treating you like a priority.

That would mean that they don’t care about you and their relationship is only with you because they feel like they have to be with you.

15) They start getting angry with you for no good reason

If your partner gets angry with you far too easily, especially if you haven’t done anything to justify that response, then it’s time to asking questions. 

Let’s be honest:

It’s extremely toxic and unhealthy if your partner gets angry at you when you haven’t done anything wrong.

If your partner takes anger out on you for issues that you had no part in creating, then your partner has some real problems that go beyond being a bad partner. 

In fact, it makes them a bad person.

They’re acting like a victim and can’t take responsibility for their own life. You shouldn’t have to listen to them talk bad about you or scream and yell at you when their plans don’t go the way that they wanted.

Nobody wants to put up with someone who treats them like they’re nothing.

You deserve better. You don’t deserve blame for things you didn’t do.

16) They never consider your opinion

If your partner has a habit of never listening to you, then that’s a clear sign that they don’t love you.

If they love you, then they should value your opinion and treat you with respect.

Harboring resentment or being in denial about the relationship is the biggest red flag there is, but if they actually stop listening to your opinion or disregard what you have to say, then it’s time for you to walk away.

The bottom line is this:

As I said previously in this article, love is one of the most important things we can have in our life.

Yet if we enter a relationship and our partner stops showing their love to us, then they’re treating us like a second-class citizen.

Now it’s your job to decide whether you want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you anymore or move on.

Could there be another reason?

Before you convince yourself that your partner doesn’t love you anymore, you need to rule out other possible reasons why they might be pulling away from you.

For example, could they:

  • Have a drug or gambling problem?
  • Be depressed or have feelings of low self-worth?
  • Be angry about something that happened in the past?
  • Feel hurt and then take it out on you?

There are many more examples that could indicate why your partner is behaving like they are.

And the truth is:

If you want to fix the relationship, then you need to address the root cause.

But if you feel like it’s none of the issues above, and you want to fix your relationship, then you need an action plan to make them love you again.

What you can do?

Here are some tips to bring love back into your relationship:

6 tips to make them love you again

1) Make him feel essential

Men and women are different and we want different things from a relationship.

If your man doesn’t love you anymore, then you need to think about what’s driving his behavior? What does he really want from a relationship with you? 

You may think that men are all about money, sex, food, sports, and power. 

Sure, those things all come into play at times. But I think there is a deeper truth that few women are aware of. 

Men are actually driven less by those external things above and more by how you make them feel about themselves. Above all else, men want to feel essential to the woman in their life.

This doesn’t mean you have to overload him with attention and be clingy. What it does mean is that you need to make him feel that he is providing you something that no other man can.

In other words, he needs to feel like your hero.

I mentioned the hero instinct above. It’s a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s generating a lot of buzz at the moment. 

The simple truth is men want to be your hero. And if you want your relationship to succeed, you need to let him be one.

How do you trigger the hero instinct in your guy?

The best thing you can do is watch this excellent free video by relationship psychologist James Bauer. 

He outlines the things you can say or do to make him feel like he’s your everyday hero.

Some ideas are game changes. When it comes to relationships, I think this is one of them.

Here’s a link to the video again.

2) Make time to do fun things together

Go snorkeling, snowboarding, watch a crazy movie, go for a drive to the mountains. Whatever it is, just doing something fun!

Fun can rekindle the romance and remind you both why you got together in the first place. Life can get boring when you’re in a never-ending routine of working, paying bills or other obligations.

So make time for each other and show that you still love them by doing fun things together. If they don’t want to plan fun things together, then it shows where their priorities lie.

3) Set up a date at least once a week

Date nights are important for a relationship to thrive. They give you time to talk with each other without any distractions and just be with one another.

As I always say:

Time is the greatest gift that we can give and it gives us a chance to clear our minds together, be present in the moment and enjoy being in love.

If you’re not scheduling date nights, then you’ll be never set aside time to truly talk together and enjoy each other’s company. 

4) Give compliments and put your love in words

It’s easy for a person to hide their love for another by refusing to say it or never showing their affection in person.

But what if you never compliment them?

What if they have no self-esteem and they think that you don’t love them? Maybe that’s the reason they’ve been acting strange?

Maybe they don’t feel confident or good enough to deserve it. Maybe they feel too guilty or like a failure so they don’t show you their love.

You can see why sometimes it’s important for us to make our feelings for our partner known.

Expressing your feelings and complimenting your partner might ignite the spark in your relationship that it so desperately needs. It shows that you love them and that they’re a priority to you.

And if your partner feels loved, then they’ll be able to return the favor.

5) Ask them what they want

It’s amazing how many times people get into relationships that don’t work out because they don’t ask each other what they need.

But if you’re going to make something work, then it’s important to ask each other what you want and what your partner needs. Otherwise, no one will ever be happy in the relationship.

So ask your partner what they want. Ask why they are unhappy right now and what will make it better.

Then work together to make those changes happen.

6) Have an honest conversation with them

It’s vital that you have an honest conversation with your partner.

Think about it:

Sometimes people can’t express their feelings to each other and it drives them crazy. If you’re the same, then it could be the reason why things are going so badly in your relationship.

When they can’t express themselves, they feel frustrated. And if you’re not honest with your partner, then they can never really trust you enough to be completely open with them either.

Instead of waiting for your partner to start the conversation, you should be the one to do it.

Take the time to write down what you want to say and then have a conversation with them about it.

If you avoid them or don’t speak up about how you feel, then your relationship will never get better.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

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