14 reasons he is making you wait to sleep with him

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Wondering why your man is making you wait to sleep with him?

Look, these days, it’s not uncommon for new couples to rush into a physical relationship.

In fact, these days it’s not uncommon for two people who just met at a party to enter into a physical relationship.

Hormones and emotions are flying high and all logic goes out the door pretty fast when two people are turned on by one another.

But is that really the best way to start a relationship?

If you’re looking for one, a relationship that is, it might not be.

And that might be the main reason he is waiting to sleep with you.

Sure, it’s great at first when you’re jumping in and out of bed all day long, but it really doesn’t take long for all that fun and games to turn into a routine where you are just going through the motions.

Just ask any married couple who has let the sex go out of their marriage.

If you want sex to be an important part of your relationship – at any stage – you have to work at it.

And that’s the part most people don’t like to hear.

If you’re wondering why your man is making you wait for you to sleep with him, then these are probably the 14 reasons why.

1. The trust factor goes way up

It can be so disappointing to sleep with someone who never calls you after that.

It’s happened to everyone at one time or another and in some form or another.

You might not believe it, but men experience the exact scenario as well.

You might have been together for a few weeks but then this person up and disappears.

Or you might have been dating for a year and all of a sudden they weren’t who you thought they were.

It’s so sad and it can really leave you wondering what happened.
But your man knows that if you wait to have sex, however, you come to know this person in a more intimate way than sex could ever provide.

And when you know someone on another level like that, the sex is automatically better and your relationship automatically has a better chance of survival.

2. He wants to get to know you better

It’s so important to know your partner, yet so many new couples don’t ask the right questions.

This isn’t about getting to know about ex’s or other flames, but getting to know this person in a way that makes you feel comfortable with them.

While it might be difficult to contain yourself and put off having sex for the first bit of your relationship, when you finally do get together, you’ll find that your intimate knowledge of what you both like and don’t like will help a lot.

It gives you both time to let go of that awkwardness that is sure to plague the bedroom your first time around.

And that’s what your man wants to avoid.

Awkwardness in bed happens though when you don’t know your partner as well as you’d like.

When you know them, you’re comfortable with them and when you’re comfortable with them, you can relax and enjoy yourself.

3. You haven’t triggered his hero instinct yet

Have you heard of the hero instinct?

It’s a new concept in relationship psychology that goes to the heart of what men want from a relationship with women.

Basically, men have a biological drive to live a life full of meaning and to be there for the people they care about.

And this drive is amplified in their romantic relationships. 

Men want to step up to the plate for women and earn their love and respect in return. This is deeply rooted in their biology.

It’s not uncommon for men to delay sleeping with women until this instinct is triggered in them. Because they simply don’t know that you’re capable of giving them what they need from a relationship. 

Sure, some men will sleep with a woman at the first chance they get, but others are willing to hold off until they feel this connection.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer popularized the hero instinct concept. Watch his excellent free introduction video about it.

The best thing you can do is trigger the hero instinct in your man (it’s not actually that hard – you just have to know what to do). In this video, James will tell you step-by-step how to do it.

Here’s a link to the excellent free video again.

4. Waiting is the best part for him

As much as you might hate to admit it, you actually do love the chase and the thrill of wondering when it’s going to happen.

Guys are especially guilty of this, often enjoying the chase more than the conquest if that’s what you call this.

For girls, they love to be pursued and chased and they love having guys fall all over themselves to be with them.

So it’s a win-win even though it totally feels like you might lose your mind in the process.

5. Emotions run higher

Your man might have had quick flings before and he just didn’t find it emotionally satisfying at all.

But he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes again, particularly when he knows you two could form a strong loving bond together.

You see, sex is made so much better when two people are in love and if you’re been waiting to have sex until you both feel a deeper connection to one another, you’ll be so glad you waited.

There’s no doubt that when emotions are involved, the sex is out of this world.

You end up connecting with each other on a totally different plane and you might wonder where on earth this person came from.

It’s all part of what happens when you are with someone you care deeply about, who knows you and who you know so well.

6. Delayed gratification makes him happier in the long run

When you get something that you want so quickly, it’s just not as satisfying.

There are lots of studies that say when someone delays gratification for a long time, it makes them happier when they finally get what they want.

Maybe your man knows this.

While you don’t need to delay having sex forever, the longer you wait, the sweeter it will be for both of you.

It doesn’t mean deprive yourself forever or become a couple that only has sex once in a while, but for that first go around, give it time to simmer and then enjoy the heck out of yourselves.

By that point, you’ll have earned it.

7. He doesn’t want to regret it

Men tend to take their time getting to know new guys and sizing them up, so to speak. If he rushes into sleeping with you, he worries he’ll regret it.

Everything looks different in the light of day so he wants to make sure he’s making a good choice for him.

Even if he wants you, he’s going to make you wait to make sure he is ready for it.

The simple truth is most women don’t know what men are thinking and what they really want from women (spoiler alert: it’s not always sex).

And the reason is simple.

Male and female brains are biologically different.

One big way is that the limbic system (the part of the brain that regulates our emotions) is much larger in female brains and male ones.

I learnt about this from relationship expert Amy North.

In her fantastic new video, Amy North reveals exactly what to say to a man to make him want to commit to a relationship with you. These words work surprisingly well on even the coldest and most commitment-phobic men.

If you want to learn science-based techniques to attract men and get them to commit to you, check out her free video here.

8. Connection matters.

It’s no secret that men crave connection and communication, but a lot of guys think that can be achieved in the bedroom.

They think that sex equals connection and communication, and by default, all of that should be better if you’re sleeping together, right?


Some unique men want to know that you’re what you say you are and that you won’t hurt him.

While there’s no guarantee of that really, it’s a peace of mind thing more than anything. If he doesn’t feel like he has a connection with you, he’ll keep you at bay forever.

9. Worthiness

He wants to make sure you are worth giving it up for. Even if you’re not his first lover, he will be careful who he sleeps with for the rest of his life.

It’s not about you, it’s about him.

He wants to make sure that he is doing what’s good and right for him.

These are some deep-seated beliefs that men contend with and if you want to be with him,, you need to get on board and show him that you’re worth his time and energy.

10. Games are fun, aren’t they?

You might be itching to get into bed with him but then once it happens, the fun and games are all over.

Then you get into a routine of sleeping together pretty quickly and all the magic and wonder and nerves dry up and you’re just another married couple – whether you’re married or not.

It doesn’t take long for the mystery to get sucked out of a physical relationship so he’s probably making your wait because that’s what you like. Guys love the chase.

Whether you’ve been together two days or two months, when you finally get to be with him, it’ll have been worth the wait.

That’s what he wants you to think and that’s what you want to believe.

It’s all part of the weirdness that is relationships. If you’re upfront with him and tell him what you want, he’ll appreciate that, but it won’t make him move any faster. And you need to appreciate that about him.

The last thing you want to keep in mind is that some men are actually worried that girls are going to break their hearts.

If you sleep with him and then run off into the night, you’re just another notch on his belt and some men actually don’t want just another notch on their belts (despite the stereotypes).

We live in a society where a revolving door in the bedroom is not ideal for some men, whether he enjoys himself or not.

So even if he’s pretty liberal in his sex life, he won’t broadcast it to the world.

He might be worried you will.

Show him the respect he deserves and remember that it’s different for some sensitive guys.

Other (more negative) reasons he might be waiting to have sex with you

While all the above reasons are positive, it’s no secret that there might be more negative issues that are stopping him from having sex.

Don’t get down, though.

Most of these issues won’t negatively affect your blossoming relationship, but you may need to be more patient than usual.

11. He has performance anxiety

This is far more common than people realize. Performance anxiety means that a man is so anxious to perform well in the bedroom that his anxiety levels actually interfere with his performing.

This anxiety usually stems from the fact that he WANTS to do well for you.

The problem?

The more he wants it, the worse he performs.

Perhaps your man has had significant performance anxiety issues in the past, and because he likes you, he doesn’t want to lose you by performing badly.

So this is why he is holding off from bedroom action with you.

Of course, the longer you guys take to do the dirty in the bedroom, the more anxious he is going to get.

It’s a cycle that feeds on itself.

One common solution to this is a night out with alcohol and fun. Why? Because alcohol can decrease his anxiety, and it might enable him to get the deed over with quickly.

And usually once you’ve had sex with him a few times, his performance anxiety will decrease as you’ll become more comfortable together.

12. He’s suffering from mental health issues

When a man is suffering from significant mental health issues, it can seriously affect the inner workings of his biology.

For example, he may be depressed and unable to get physically excited about anything let alone sex.

Or perhaps his anxiety is out of control to the point that it’s starting to interfere with is blood and performance.

Stress is another factor that can affect a man in bed.

Does your man work or study until ungodly hours?

All of these things can interfere with a normal functioning libido.

13. He is waiting until marriage

While waiting until marriage isn’t as common as it used to be, it is still important to some people.

Perhaps this man only wants to sleep with one person for the rest of his life, so he is waiting until he finds the one.

While this means that he might not be experienced, it does mean that he will love you unconditionally and do whatever it takes to make you happy.

Another reason a man can make you wait is that his culture doesn’t believe in sex before marriage.

It may not be common, but there are certainly cultures and religions that believe that this is the best course of action.

If your man is quite religious, then it’s probably likely that this could be the case.

This also means that he is a virgin, and while he may not know what he is doing the first time around, you can feel quite special that he is waiting to do it with you.

Once he gets more experienced from doing it with you, he’ll also get better at it.

14. He might be gay

This is not what you wanted to hear, but men denying their sexuality is more common than you think.

However, the good news is, it’s not as common as it used to be.

But let’s be real:

There are plenty places in the world or even in America where being gay is seen as something shameful, wrong or broken.

So can you really blame him for trying to date you just to “fit in” with his culture?

However, this could be the reason he’s not interested, or even capable, of sleeping with you.

Of course, that has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.

To see if this is the case, have a look at what his family is like.

Are they ultra religious or conservative?

If they are, then it might not be possible for him to come out and embrace his true sexuality.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.

Did you like our article? Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed.