Is there a man in your life you just can’t get out of your mind?
No matter what you do, or where you steer your thoughts, he just crops back up time and time again.
You wake up in the morning and think about him as you go about your morning routine. You constantly see things around you that remind you of him.
You feel conflicted and torn about your feelings. Yet you don’t know what it means.
We are here to help you out. Here are 11 reasons this man is sending your mind into overdrive and exactly what it means for your relationship.
The Science Behind It
Without getting too technical, there could be a very simple explanation as to why you can’t stop thinking about him. And it’s a matter of science.
There is part of your brain called the ‘Reticular Activating System’ or RAS. This is a small bundle of nerves that sits at the entrance to the brain and makes sure only the important information makes its way in. For example, you see a pair of shoes you like, but leave them behind. Then, you start seeing them wherever you go.
Your thinking has been hijacked!
If you have told your mind this person is important to you. Then it makes sense that he would keep coming to mind. Your brain is programmed this way!
But, does it mean you have feelings for him? Read on and we can take a better look.
An Unhealthy Obsession
There is a fine line between a healthy focus on a crush and an obsession.
If you find that he keeps popping into your thoughts, this can be completely normal.
If you find that he is taking over your thoughts and stopping you from functioning day to day, then this is a problem.
Consider where your thoughts lie: are they healthy or not?
Take a look at these 11 reasons you might be thinking about them. If none of them apply to you, then it might be time to seek help from a professional to get to the bottom of why you can’t stop thinking about him.
That First Meeting
If there is a guy on your mind, day in and day out, then the first place to start is thinking back to that first meeting. Why? Because by going back to the beginning of the relationship, it will help you understand where you are at now.
Think: was there an instant connection? If you answered yes, then consider why you both didn’t pursue it.
Was he in a relationship?
Were you in a relationship?
Was there something else holding you back?
Is that obstacle still there now, as this will determine what you do about any feelings you may discover in this post.
Perhaps there was no connection at that first meeting. You may not have even uttered a single word to him. Yet, over time, feelings have developed and you don’t know what they mean.
No matter the scenario of your first meeting, keep this in mind as you read through these 11 reasons why you can’t stop thinking about him.
1) You’re In Love
It’s the easiest explanation. You’re in love with him!
Back to the science behind it. You love him and your brain has noted he is important to you.
Cue: thinking about him all the time.
There are three different scenarios you might be experiencing:
- You are both dating and you have fallen in love with him: just because it might be sooner than you expected, don’t dismiss the feeling. Love is love, and you don’t get to dictate it. It is a great reason to have your mind filled with this person.
- You love him but you can’t have him: think above to that first meeting. Is he unattainable? This, unfortunately, won’t stop your feelings from developing. Just because you can’t have him, doesn’t mean feelings won’t develop.
- You were in a relationship: likewise, breaking up with up with someone doesn’t make those feelings magically disappear. It can take time and healing for those feelings to fade. In the meantime, he may just pop into your mind more often than you would like.
2) You Are Using Him As A Distraction
Another reason this guy may not be leaving your mind is because you simply don’t want him to.
You may have no feelings for him whatsoever, and simply using him as a distraction for what is going on in your life.
Whether work is particularly stressful, or you have family or friend issues you are dealing with you may be looking for an escape. A guy you just met might be perfect for this.
Whenever your thoughts go towards work or another problem, you could be diverting them to this guy to take your mind off it. Thinking about what you might wear to that next date. Where you might go. What he likes.
It doesn’t mean you are in love with him. It simply means he is a welcome distraction from other things that are going on.
3) You’re Lonely
Whether you have been single for a while now, or just find yourself in a lonely place, this could be causing you to constantly be thinking about this one guy.
If you just met him and can’t stop thinking about him, it could be because you love the idea of him. If you haven’t been in a relationship for a while then this is completely normal.
You love the idea of being in a relationship. Having someone to talk to. Finding that special person for you.
It doesn’t mean he is that person. Or that you even have feelings for him. You are lonely and are fantasising about finding that one person.
4) He Hurt You
Not physically, but emotionally.
Don’t mistake those feelings to mean you are still in love with an ex. Instead, consider that he has hurt you emotionally and you are finding it difficult to move on.
All relationships tend to leave their own scars. If you are wondering whether you have been affected, then ask yourself these questions:
- Do I feel like a worse person now than I did going into the relationship?
- Do I blame myself for the negative ways he treated me?
- Has this relationship changed my entire outlook on men?
- Do I now believe that love doesn’t exist?
If you answered yes to a couple of these, then it’s likely you have emotional scars. It can help to talk to someone about it, so you come to terms with the relationship and how it affected you.
As always, time is the greatest healer of all wounds. If he is constantly on your mind, give it time.
Acknowledge the thoughts of him for what they are – your mind dealing with the past.
In time, it will hurt less and you will think about him less.
5) You Look Up To Him
Sometimes, it’s not about love at all. Instead, it’s about respect.
You respect that person and value their opinion. You want to consult them on different topics that come up in your day. This is why you can’t get them out of your head.
They follow you everywhere.
Of course, there is a fine line between respecting someone and that respect turning into feelings.
So how do you know the difference?
Consider how you feel about them as a person. Ask yourself these questions:
- Am I attracted to him?
- Do I want to kiss him?
- Do I think what it would be like to date him?
If you answered no to these questions, then it is safe to say, you probably just respect the guy and his opinion. Nothing more.
6) He Is Full Of Influence
Perhaps you can’t stop thinking about him, because no one can.
Some guys just have a certain charisma about them that seems to attract all the women.
Everyone – guys and girls – like him and wants to be around him.
Seeing how much everyone else loves him can conjure up those same feelings for you as well. This is completely normal!
The same way all the girls want to be with the popular guy at school. Dating him automatically makes you popular.
Whether you are seeking out this influence for yourself, or really do like him, only you know.
Have a think about your feelings toward him and consider whether you would feel the same if he didn’t have the respect of so many people. Think about what he might be like on a one-on-one date. Consider whether you like him for him, or simply the idea of him and what he has to offer.
7) He Exudes Confidence
Just like the influence point above, a man who exudes confidence is equally (maybe even more) attractive.
Research shows that women are typically drawn to confident men. As Gottman says, “Women are attracted to men who are the CEO and President…of themselves.”
We are pretty good at picking out the confident guy from a crowd. His body language and gestures tell us everything.
The hardest part? Forgetting about this guy.
We are naturally drawn to them. Making them hard to shake from our minds.
It could be just a fleeting attraction, or it could be much more.
In this instance, you need to give it time and see whether you forget about him, or he stays in your thoughts.
8) Your Hormones Are Running Wild
It may be a simple matter of your hormones going into overdrive.
Our body contains a certain number of hormones that can cause attraction:
These hormones all peak at certain times of the month – such as when your period is due. Think about your feelings towards this guy. Do they seem stronger at certain times of the month?
This could be a good indication that your hormones are playing up and fuelling the attraction.
That’s not to say you don’t genuinely like him! Just that there is more going on behind those hormones.
9) It’s All About Sex
There’s a chance you aren’t even interested in a relationship: it’s a purely physical attraction.
You simply want him for sex.
You want to know what he feels like. You want to know what it would be like to be with him intimately. Nothing more.
There is one way to get him out of your thoughts – and that’s to get him into bed.
Of course, this could lead to bigger problems if he starts to develop feelings for you. Or it may lead to you developing the feelings.
Either way, think it through before jumping into bed with him. Who knows where this could lead.
10) You’re Ready For The Future
If you are already dating this guy and you can’t stop thinking about him, it may because you are ready for the next step.
You have envisioned a future together and now you can get it out of your mind.
While this is completely normal, it is important to bring things back to the moment. You may well be destined to be with each other and grow old together, but obsessing on this outcome will likely damage the moment.
Instead, stay in the moment.
Follow the relationship’s lead and don’t try and push it in the direction you want it to take. This could end up damaging the relationship instead of helping it.
Over time, if you are meant to grow old together, it will happen.
Just live in the now and now in the future.
11) You’re Confused By His Signs
If there was ever a reason to obsess about a guy – this is it.
When he sends you those mixed signals and you can’t work out what they mean.
- Does he like you?
- Are you just friends?
- Did that wink mean anything?
- Was the way he touched me conveying something more?
If you find yourself asking these questions and more every time you see the guy, it’s likely you are thinking about him so much as you are trying to work him out.
You’re spending all your time trying to read his body language and figure out exactly what it is he is thinking.
Simple solution: ask him. Or move on and start dating another guy. It’s the best way to get him out of your head.
Work Out Your Feelings
Now you know WHY you are thinking about him: what next?
Determine which reasons apply to you and work out exactly what they mean. Are you in love with him, or are you using him as a distraction? Are you in a relationship and wanting to move too fast, or is he an ex who is lingering in your thoughts?
If you are in love with him, then it’s time to explore those feelings (if you haven’t already):
- Approach him and see if he shares the same feelings.
- If you are in a different relationship, it may be time to consider you are with the wrong man. Ask yourself whether you are willing to break up with your current partner for this man.
- If he is in a relationship, there’s not much you can do. You can drop hints of your interest, but know that this could damage your friendship. It could turn you into a threat. It’s often better to just let his current relationship play out.
If you want to stop thinking about him, here are some tips to help you out.
How To Stop Thinking About Him
1) Stop Trying
The more you try to stop thinking about him, the more your brain will think about him. Think back up to that science lesson at the beginning of this post. You are telling your brain he is important by always bringing him up. So your brain keeps him on your mind. Instead, just push him away and get on with what you were doing.
2) Don’t Talk About Him
When you meet up with the girls or in a group, avoid bringing his name up in conversation. The more you talk about him, the more you will think about him. If your friends bring him up, then change the conversation and let them know you aren’t interested in talking about him anymore.
3) Create New Memories
If you were in a relationship with him, then the best way to move on is to get out there and start creating some new memories instead. The reason your mind keeps going back to him is because you are thinking about everything you used to do together. Until you have fresh memories to focus on, these old ones will keep coming up time and again.
4) Focus On His Faults
This doesn’t seem like a positive thing to do, but it will help you stop fixating this guy in your thoughts. Normally when we think about someone, it’s because we like them and they are special to us.
If this guy has been in your thoughts for a while, there is a good chance you are idolizing him and making him out to be far better than he actually is. It’s time to dig a little deeper and work out his faults – we all have them. Use these faults to help you move on and realize he isn’t as perfect as your brain seems to think.
5) Find A Hobby
Perhaps you simply have a bit too much free time on your hand, which is why you are finding your brain keeps wandering. Time to fill up that time with distractions to help you stop thinking about this guy.
Take up a sport, a craft, or something else completely left-field like pole dancing. There are so many more benefits to having a hobby than just forgetting about that guy. It’s worth a try!
6) Pull Out The Unhealthy Foods
Food. What does food have to do with getting over a guy?
Quite a lot, actually.
All those movies where we see the girl digging into an entire tub of ice cream – there’s a reason for that.
When you are infatuated with a person, your brain chemicals are a little out of whack. In this state, it turns out our serotonin levels are at their lowest.
A natural way to do this? Sugar! But, more specifically, carbs.
Maybe don’t go for that whole tub of ice cream. Instead, reach for some sweet potato, rice, and lentils to give yourself the boost you need.
7) Date Him
Of course, if you really are in love with him – and are lucky enough that he shares those feelings – then it might be time to jump into dating.
What’s the harm?
Give it a try, see if it works out. If not, at least you can push him as far out of your mind as possible now.
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