Breakups are bad enough without the extra drama of being ghosted.
At least when a guy leaves and tells you it’s over you know what’s going on.
But when he just disappears without saying goodbye and never truly opens up about what went wrong it just feels so much worse.
Here’s how to decode and recover from this hurtful move.
11 reasons he left without saying goodbye (and what it means for you)
1) He’s weak
I’m going to cut straight to the chase here.
It’s easy to say things a thousand different ways but I want to be clear:
One of the most common reasons he left without saying goodbye is that he’s weak.
It’s really not more complicated than that.
Your guy may be a bodybuilder or a famed martial artist, but he’s as weak as they come if he left without saying goodbye.
Ghosting someone in a serious relationship is about as weak as it gets.
And fading out slowly while never fully breaking up and then just disappearing is the coward’s way out.
You may be in love and want to believe the best about this guy, but you need to realize that what he did is utter shit.
“If he had the courage to say hello to you, he should’ve had the courage to say goodbye as well. You don’t show courage by jumping off a cliff or driving a car at the maximum speed.
“You show courage by looking the person you promised love to straight in the eye and saying whatever it is that you have to say. You look the person in the eye and you say you’re leaving.”
Solution: Promise yourself never to be the kind of person who’s this weak. Leave this guy in the dust where he belongs. Develop your personal power.
2) He fell in love with another woman
Another one of the top reasons he left without saying goodbye is if he fell in love with another woman.
How would this relate to him ditching you without breaking up?
It’s related to the last point: cowardice.
This guy wants to have his cake and eat it, too. He wants the new girl but without the messiness of breaking up with you and talking about feelings and all that…
He knows that leaving without a goodbye makes him the bad guy, but he won’t have to deal with the fallout.
It’s like the type of scum who joke about hooking up with girls without protection and then say they don’t care about any consequences for the women after.
These people want to have their fun and good times, but they have zero willingness to face the consequences of their decisions or be open about what they’re really doing.
Good luck to the new girl, I guess.
Solution: Forget this guy. He’s scum. The least he could have done is tell you he fell for someone else.
3) You didn’t trigger his inner hero
Leaving without even saying a “goodbye” is mean. However, not every guy has the courage to face an uncomfortable conversation. And while there might be plenty of his personal traumas he deals with, the reason he acted this way may partly lay in some of your actions.
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
Click here to watch the free video.
Solution: Don’t blame yourself, we all learn as we live. Analyze your behavior for the sake of getting a better version of yourself (but not to get him back) and make sure you apply the “hero instinct” rule in your future relationships.
4) He has deep wounds from childhood
Another one of the biggest reasons he left without saying goodbye can be if he has deep wounds from childhood.
This in no way excuses him, but it does help explain a lot.
Many men who were abandoned in childhood or faced traumatic mistreatment, may be unable or unwilling to face the pain of the end of a relationship.
Rather than talk it out or tell you straight up that he’s leaving, this guy may have opted to hit the road and never look back, blocking you on social media and disappearing like a ghost.
It’s sad and it’s cowardly, but when he has deep wounds from childhood you can definitely see some of his motivations to not be honest with you.
Sidewalk Talk has an insightful article on this and observes that:
“My therapist self knows why people leave without saying goodbye. I know the inner landscape, the abandonment wounding, and the avoidance of intimacy in that.
“Heck, I have done it myself.”
Solution: Look at your own wounds from childhood that are also holding you back. Understanding them can help you grow in your next relationship.
5) He has deep wounds from past relationships
On a related note, another of the reasons he left without saying goodbye can be if he has deep wounds from past relationships.
Ironically, many of the men who end up committing the disgusting act of leaving without a goodbye are men who were themselves ghosted by a woman they loved.
That pain of being left with no goodbye or being discarded like nothing drags on them like a deadweight.
Then when there are issues in your relationship they take it off like a rain-soaked overcoat and throw it on the floor, disappearing down the street.
They take all the pain that was put on them and put it on you.
It’s depressing, awful and you don’t deserve to be treated that way!
Solution: Look at your own wounds from past relationships that are also holding you back. Understanding them can help you grow in your next relationship.
6) He had a life-changing crisis and didn’t want to drag you into it
This is unlikely, but it does happen and can be one of the reasons he left without saying goodbye.
Sometimes a man has a problem so bad, so intense and so depressing that he spares you the pain of knowing about it.
I’ve had women tell me that even in this case they just wanted to know and be involved.
It could be interpreted as a noble act to leave with no goodbye, but when you’re in love with someone that kind of action is going to leave a deep scar regardless of why it was done.
If a man has terminal cancer, is wanted by the law or has experienced an intense personal mental health breakdown, for example, he may just disappear, hoping that he can spare you the drama.
At the same time there’s always some element of self-interest in his hope that he won’t have to reveal all the messy details either.
It’s just such a sad thing to do.
Solution: Try to find out what happened if you can. Knowing might make you feel a tiny bit better and you can offer him positive vibes for whatever he’s going through that made him do such an awful thing to you.
7) He wants to hurt you
This is not something anyone wants to consider, but one of the possible reasons he left without saying goodbye can be that he intentionally wants to hurt you.
If you cheated on him or upset him in some way that he can’t process and deal with, he may have decided that ghosting you is his best option to stab you in the heart.
Everyone knows that leaving with no farewell is one of the worst things you can do.
It’s definitely possible that’s exactly why he did it.
“Because using indifference to send a message does one thing and one thing only: it hurts people.
“If that’s your purpose, if you want to hurt them, to make them wait, maybe you should face the mirror and ask yourself why are you playing with a goodbye you don’t want to deliver,” notes Ioana Holt in an article with advice for someone who’s tempted to leave without saying goodbye.
Solution: Key his car (I’m joking). Plus, how can you do that if he already took off..
8) You hurt him beyond his ability to forgive or communicate
I don’t know what happened in your relationship or right before he stopped being around.
Sometimes a man leaves without saying goodbye because you hurt him beyond his ability to forgive or communicate.
Even an action which may seem not bad to you somehow wounded him beyond repair.
He then slunk off into the smog like a coward, unable to face the feelings of betrayal, sadness and anger you brought up him.
Fair or unfair, it is possible this happened.
He still should have faced you and told you he was leaving, though.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to be open about his thoughts and plans and treat his lady with respect.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
Solution: Face up to what you did, but never blame yourself for his decision to leave without saying goodbye. Think of how to apply the “hero instinct” concept in your future relationships.
9) Future plans scared and intimidated him
Many men get scared off when talk of future plans gets too intense.
Even if he was quite in love with you, one of the top reasons he left without saying goodbye can be that you scared him by thinking too far ahead.
A man likes some freedom, and he likes to commit when you slowly let him choose to do so.
Making it into an obligation or a giant schedule can be a real turn off for a guy, it really can.
“You just started making plans for a joint future, everything was so clear and clear.
“But probably your boyfriend had other plans, so he left without saying goodbye.”
Solution: In your next relationship try to take it more day by day instead of planning the future ahead of time so much.
10) He was playing you the whole time
This is another one of the possible reasons he left without saying goodbye, but people often avoid it because it’s so hurtful.
You have to consider the chance that he was playing you the whole time.
What I mean by that is that this guy may never have been into you from the very start.
He may have been using you for sex, money, companionship or just for kicks.
Now he left without saying goodbye for the very simple reason that you literally mean nothing to him.
It’s brutal, but it definitely happens.
Dating expert Jane Garapick tackles this in her article “How Could He Just Leave Without Even Saying Goodbye?”
As she writes:
“Yes, he could have made it work, he could have worked around what you were up against… But he didn’t because he didn’t really want to. That’s why he got angry when you called him on that…
“There was a reason he was a charmer, there was a reason you were the one asking all the questions. He couldn’t hide who he was in the end. That’s what came out.
“Reality. The truth.
“And as hard as that was for you, it’s what you needed to know.”
Solution: Examine the kind of guys you’re attracted to and begin to notice the toxic patterns that are bad for you and how you can rewire yourself to notice and reject them.
11) He’d rather leave without a word than open up about how he feels
Some men really are blocks of stone. The idea of opening up about how they feel terrifies and disgusts them.
They’d rather just leave and be an awful person than be vulnerable and open up about their feelings.
If that sounds ridiculous, it’s because it is.
But it still happens way more than people – and guys – would like to admit.
As Exploring Your Mind puts it:
“I’m sorry, but I don’t understand.
“It’s impossible to close a door with no lock or key, and you were the one who opened it.
“The hardest part is that you don’t even consider the option of fixing things or at least talking about what went wrong.”
Solution: Help advocate and encourage a society where men aren’t ashamed to be vulnerable and where it’s OK to be sad, mad or bad instead of repressing and hiding it all the time.
What comes next after such a cold exit?
Recovering from heartbreak is never easy.
Understanding the sad reasons that he never said goodbye is not easy and many people are simply unable to face the pain and confusion.
Whether it was his own internal issues or problems he had with you, the end result is the same.
A cold exit of a person who used to warm your heart: a life ripped apart that you thought you were building together.
There’s no quick fix to pain like this, but never forget that you have the power within you to create and find the true love and intimacy that you deserve.
Remember that even if your heart is broken, it’s eventually up to you to be the braver person between you and your ex.
Be the one with enough courage to do what he was too scared to do.
“When a man is a coward, when he leaves without a single word, when he can’t give you what you need, be the bigger person than him.
“Instead of being afraid to move on, instead of following the path that coward, the one who left without a word, trumped for you, be the one to give the final closure to the story.
“Instead of being afraid to move on, instead of waiting, accept that the things between you two are over.
“Instead of running away from accepting the truth, be the brave one in this story and allow yourself to not wait anymore.”
By now you should have a better idea of why he left and didn’t give you a proper explanation.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out the video now.
Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
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